More Pets

[CandiCame]

So I saw adorable ferrets and cats and whatnot earlier, and I would like more of that.

Also, here's an early morning tale of how my dog is stupid.

I broke my bed and the wood slats snapped and I haven't gotten anymore, so I just kind of put the matrass/box springs in the middle of the bedframe until I think of it. As such, Sparks just walks on it instead of having to jump up there. I know for a fact he understands English, because he barks, and dogs that bark understand humans according to the Google. Anyway, I give him half my fucking food because he's a spoiled bitch, so this morning I gave him bites of eggs and bacon, and made an extra piece of toast for him- with butter and jelly and everything.

I gave it to him and he couldn't eat it because he was so stupid to bite into it, so I was like, "No, dude, bite into it."

So he licked it. And looked at me like, "WTF is this shit? It smells like buttery, fruity goodness, yet it is unobtainable."

Me: No, dude. You have to bite into it. Like this. *bites into mine*
Sparks: *looks at me and whimpers*

So I finally picked it up and fucking handed it to him. He took it in his mouth and ran. So I was like, "You better not take that on the bed. You had /better not/ take that on the bed. There better not be jelly all over my bed!"

He instantly came back all, "So I dumped that jelly-side down on the bed come feed it to me again."

So now I have to wash my blankets and shit.

I am stalling hardcore with these dog based posts because I really don't want to go to a wedding. But he's so fucking dumb you can't get mad at him. He's adorable even when he does something bad.

 

[dolf]

oh dear... all he heard was;

''mumblemumblemumble BED mumblemumblemumble''

 

[dolf]

i am an adorable pet.

i also get crumbs in the bed, but i never crap on the carpet.
and the enthusiastic licking is a bit more body part specific.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

i am an adorable pet.

i also get crumbs in the bed, but i never crap on the carpet.
and the enthusiastic licking is a bit more body part specific.

This is all so very true.

I will never kick you out of the bed...

 

[kbate]

i am an adorable pet.

i also get crumbs in the bed, but i never crap on the carpet.
and the enthusiastic licking is a bit more body part specific.

Good thing you don't crap on carpets, he'd probably put the wing-tip into your ribcage just as fast as a dogs.

 

[CandiCame]

oh dear... all he heard was;

''mumblemumblemumble BED mumblemumblemumble''

I'm pretty sure "Don't" is a keyword.

If it isn't, it should be.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Don't is a suggestion to a dog...

 

[dolf]

don't is too complex a concept.

 

[dolf]

like... don't hide plastic bugs under my pillow.

 

[Beco]

We need more dogs shitting on my grass.........

 

[dolf]

kinky.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

The only problem with dachshunds and dolfs is the submission pee...

 

[blackleggings]

I like where this thread is going.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Dachshunds and dolf will ignore the stern 'Don't' but they will always respond to a well-timed swat on the ass...

 

[CandiCame]

I'm just not gonna go. I hate weddings so goddamn much...

Plus, I'm apparently getting some kind of rodent to rehabilitate today. Nobody ever takes the rodent so I'll probably have it for the rest of its short lifespan.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Do you shave your heads for weddings?

 

[CandiCame]

Do you shave your heads for weddings?

No? Why? Is that a thing?

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

No? Why? Is that a thing?

Apparently cutting your hair for a funeral is...


So...


Wigs? Maybe the big, white-powdered kind? Aunt Georgia Washington?

 

[CandiCame]

Apparently cutting your hair for a funeral is...


So...


Wigs? Maybe the big, white-powdered kind? Aunt Georgia Washington?

I get that you don't know you're being racist, but if you must know, the hair cutting for mourning is an Indian thing, not a random, 'just my crazy family' thing. Traditionally you're only supposed to cut your hair as a sign of mourning. My grandma was kidnapped as a small child and had her culture stripped from her via psychological torture and physical punishment, so when she reclaimed it, it was important to her. And she was important to me. So I did what she would have wanted me to do.

And it's actually a really big thing. There are a lot of artists who have touched on the subject, but I'll leave you with a poem by Rayna Green, the director of Native American studies at the Smithstonian that was a similar experience when her grandma died.

WHEN I CUT MY HAIR

when I cut my hair
at thirty-five
Grandma said she'd forgive me
for cutting it
without her permission

but I cried out everytime
I touched my head
years from then
and Grandma dead
it came back to me last night when
you said you wanted it all
your rich body grounding me safe
the touch of your hair
took me out
I saw pigeon feathers
red wool
and fur

and it wrapped me
with the startled past
so sudden
your hair falling all around us

I touched center
and forgave myself

by Rayna Green

So yeah, not for nothing, I know I usually come right back with flirty quips and everything, but if we could refrain from making fun of my grandma's funeral, I'd really appreciate it. That woman went through hell during her life and was always an angel to me.

This kind of explains it better

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

I'm just not gonna go. I hate weddings so goddamn much...

Plus, I'm apparently getting some kind of rodent to rehabilitate today. Nobody ever takes the rodent so I'll probably have it for the rest of its short lifespan.

Why do you hate weddings?

 

[CandiCame]

Why do you hate weddings?

Because they're boring. They're all cookie-cutter copies of the same basic ceremony. I have a big family so I've been to SO MANY. Would it kill somebody to do SOMETHING different. And they last for fuck all ever. Then you have to go to the reception and talk to people you hate while pretending not to hate them. It's just blah.

 

[CandiCame]

It was a hampster, by the way. I have a hampster that was found in an abandoned house. I have no idea how to rehabilitate a hampster. They're so... tiny and short lived.

It does fear humans real bad though. Already bit the shit out of me. It's teeth and hair are so long.

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

Fair enough. Hubby and I go along to his families weddings for the free food and drink and to pay out on what people wear, especially the bride. We always get seated with the other black sheep so it cam be fun.
I don't see how people can consider rodents pets.