More lessons in what NOT to do.

DRxBlue

Literotica Guru
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Jan 31, 2002
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891
i came across this article quoted in, of all places, a porn links site. i'm sure the volunteer editors have come across some things this bad before, but the entertainment value is my reason for posting the article.
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And finally.. top 5 winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest run by the Washington Post:

"She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."

"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

"From the attic came an unearthly howl. the whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy" comes on at 7pm instead of 7:30."

"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

the rest of the worst analogies...ever.

"Bob was perplexed as a hacker who means to access >>T:flw.quid55328.com/aaakk/ch@ung but gets T\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake"

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

"Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man'."

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left cleveland at 6:30 pm travelling at 55mph, the other from topeka at 4:19pm at 35mph."

"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."

Have fun with these, and Let That Be A Lesson To You!

Still Learning,
 
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This is very funny. Makes you wonder about the frying maggots though :rolleyes:

Ray
 
A little bit of lard in the pan...

...some roasted garlic. Set the burner on high.

Of course, it is SO uncivilized to eat maggots raw.

What sort of wine, goes best with maggots? Anyone know?
 
is it me?

WOW

these are GREAT analogies! i can picture exactly the visual the authors wanted. not too sure i wanted the nose hair pic though.

what wine.... hmmm well dare i suggest that maggots would be a white meat therefore the wine to suit would be a Nobilo White Cloud.
 
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Maggots--The Other White Meat

I think a beaujoalis nouveau would be alright. It goes with pork and turkey, so why not?
 
Wine?

Damn, I didn't think Morgan David made wines with weird names. I thought it was just MD20/20 Cherry or MD20/20 White.

Or are there other kinds of wine out there :confused:


Personally I would have to have two fifths of Everclear before I could eat a maggot: fried, sautéed, or baked.

Ray
 
Everclear?

After one fifth of Everclear, you might think you are a maggot.

And Ray, that ooompa looompa is freakin' me out, man. The little fucker looks like he's up to something, and it ain't good. How about 86ing his little ass?
 
whew

i sure am glad it wasn't me that said such a nasty thing about your Av ray... but Axel does have a point... not only is your looompaa having a bad hair day he's also having a ......

*down wild*
 
Axel

I'll get rid of the ooompa looompa if you'll find me an avatar that fit's my personality just as well. A munchkin from the original "Wizard of Oz" comes to mind :p

Or maybe one of the "Beetles" vultures from "Jungle Book"

Or Marty Feldman as "Igor" in "Young Frankenstein"

Yeah, I'll see if I can't find a good pic of Igor.

Ray
 
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This is...

...one of the more surreal threads I've had the opportunity to read thus far.

Those analogies were so neat! I can see satire just materializing around any of them. Of course, if they were written in seriousness, God help us all.

I must save this thread for later perusal. Funny.
 
Lol. I especially liked the one about the "pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors" which caught your eyes. Are American children losing eyes to hook latches? Were they meant seriously?

The Earl
 
gotta disagree.

I might be alone here, but I think that this is a great line. Haven't you ever felt just this way about someone? I mean, maybe the delivery could be tightened up a bit, but I really like the concept.

"Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man'."

Call me crazy. Or not. Actually, I'll answer to almost anything....

--Freya (also an avid collector of awful descriptive phrases)
 
interesting but stupid

well knock me sideways and call me a cyclist, they were so funny I thought a little down under type recipe was called for;

Take one axe find good rotten tree an fell with axe, remove all Huhu grubs you can find (they look like maggots but are 2 inchs long) If these are not availble in your local superstore any good sized tree beetle grub will do.

1. Heat about one tablespoon of a good olive oil in a large frying.
2. Add fresh crushed garlic, salt and pepper and a dash of Worcester sause and soy sause.

3. Wash grubs in cold water (but do not immerse they will drown!)
4. When oil starts to give of blue haze. Toss grubes into pan and after turning the heat down to half cook until just turning light brown, stir continualy whilst cooking. (and you would jump to if someone dropped you in smoking oil, put any escapees back in, the pan as quickly as possible other wise they feel left out.)

They are really good served on a bed of fresh salad and a crisp white wine such as White Cloud, goes down a treat:D
 
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This thread brought back an old memory so I went searching and finally found this line, in a story entitled "Mack Davis Saves Saturn" It was in an old magazine of SF stories published years ago.

"The bogies were on my ass like an inflamed hemorrhoid so I punched up the afterburners..."

The rest of the story was much better, which just made this one line really stand out and I have never forgotten it.

Ray
 
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