Morbidity

[shy slave]

Some BDSM activities carry risks.

Just curious.

Has anyone written, or re-written, their will as a direct result of their interest in certain risk-taking BDSM activities?

 

[graceanne]

Some BDSM activities carry risks.

Just curious.

Has anyone written, or re-written, their will as a direct result of their interest in certain risk-taking BDSM activities?

I don't know about a will, but I do have a written piece of paper in a safe spot stating that I like and enjoy breath play. On the off chance that something bad happens - so that K doesn't go to jail for murder.

 

[Netzach]

you are at least looking at manslaughter and that itself might be dubious to a jury no matter how many times you say you are into it - people see monstrosity wherever they see deviance.

I haven't thought about my will. I just wonder who's going to get all my toys and what they'll do with them. I think my shade will linger around just to see what happens.

 

[graceanne]

you are at least looking at manslaughter and that itself might be dubious to a jury no matter how many times you say you are into it - people see monstrosity wherever they see deviance.

I haven't thought about my will. I just wonder who's going to get all my toys and what they'll do with them. I think my shade will linger around just to see what happens.

LOL I can totally see you haunting people. The question is . . . . will you haunt your mother, too? Just for fun?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Had a will prior to getting into BDSM and then made a new one once we married but have no idea if they are valid now I live here, and he has not made one as he feels it is covered through his insurances, our legal documents such as mortgage and his pension funds, and normal procedures. In his case it likely is, in mine it is a lot more com,plicated as there are certain times etc., which my children should have so it is on the to-do list but more as a normal precaution than a BDSM related one.

Catalina

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I don't know about a will, but I do have a written piece of paper in a safe spot stating that I like and enjoy breath play. On the off chance that something bad happens - so that K doesn't go to jail for murder.

Not sure thats going to to assist Grace . As I have learned from the Thread in regards to the men whom were surgically removing testicles without a Medical License even if the 'victim' shows prior consent to a illegal activity (hypothetically in this case death as a result of breath play ) does not absolve the person administering (once again hypothetically murdering 1st degree/ 2nd whatever ) from the law.

And that case was just a few old testicles gone not death

Me bad I know it

 

[graceanne]

Not sure thats going to to assist Grace . As I have learned from the Thread in regards to the men whom were surgically removing testicles without a Medical License even if the 'victim' shows prior consent to a illegal activity (hypothetically in this case death as a result of breath play ) does not absolve the person administering (once again hypothetically murdering 1st degree/ 2nd whatever ) from the law.

And that case was just a few old testicles gone not death

Me bad I know it

It's the most I can do. I've also got a few friends who'd testifythat I like it. Frankly I don't see it being an issue. He doesn't choke me into unconsiousness, and if I start snapping he stops.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It's the most I can do. I've also got a few friends who'd testifythat I like it. Frankly I don't see it being an issue. He doesn't choke me into unconsiousness, and if I start snapping he stops.

Grace, read the links I put up today from Jay Wiseman...as he points out, often there is no warning such as unconsciousness where asphyxiation is involved. It is fine to choose to take the risk, but be aware of the facts and realities on which to base those decisions.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

I was hoping not to go down the legality issues of BDSM activities, but more into the have you thought about what may happen and have you gone as far as making provision 'just in case?'

What about people who are in online BDSM relationships but have vanilla parteners, if something happened to you, does anyone know about the online relationship so you BDSM SO can be told of your death; and have you made your wishes known with regard to their presence at your funeral, should they wish to go?

You may think its morbid stuff, but these things happen.

Play does go wrong, unexpected things happen. I have a friend who has a heart murmer, she avoids violet wands like the plague. But she still goes to parties, what if she was accidently touched by a wand and the user was not aware of her condition? Not everything is pre-meditated and accidents do happen.

I have a will which leaves everything to my kids. Divorce will make this will null and void so once thats through I will re-make it leaving everything to my son. My GP is aware of the D/s side of my life, nothing can protect people if accidents occur, but peoples awareness of your consent may help if there is an inquest.

 

[Hester]

i'm not sure i understand the question. what would be different in a will because of bdsm activities?

 

[graceanne]

Grace, read the links I put up today from Jay Wiseman...as he points out, often there is no warning such as unconsciousness where asphyxiation is involved. It is fine to choose to take the risk, but be aware of the facts and realities on which to base those decisions.

Catalina

I've actually read about it, and so has K. We don't like to do anything without learning about it a bit. The few seconds at a time the he presses on my neck won't make a person pass out or cause brain damage. It's like press for a second or two, then let up.

 

[shy slave]

i'm not sure i understand the question. what would be different in a will because of bdsm activities?

Sorry hester will try and re-word it

Many people think about making a will but don't.

It appears that some BDSM activities have a higher risk of death than every day activities.

Has anyone made a decision to make a will because they indulge in risk activities.

(I know you can say skiing, snowboarding, driving etc etc are risk activities).
My thoughts have wandered here because of the way SSC and RACK are used to ensure we are aware of the risks.
So, knowing there are risks, and because of those risks, have you made any provision should something happen which results in your death?

I don't mean a letter saying its ok I like being flogged/whipped/violet wands, but a will outlining your wishes when you die?

 

[Netzach]

LOL I can totally see you haunting people. The question is . . . . will you haunt your mother, too? Just for fun?

My grandmother is going to outlast us all, is all I know.

 

[Hester]

thanks, shy

i got a will when i had something to bequeath. has nothing to do with activities but with my desire not to have the state determine the dispensation of my worldly goods.

 

[Netzach]

*chuckle*

actually, does anyone here want my debts?

heheheh

I think I will probably leave some debt, some garbage and some hot outfits. Some worthless garage sale paintings. Or maybe they'll be 2 mil in 200 more years.

 

[bronntanas]

i'm not sure i understand the question. what would be different in a will because of bdsm activities?

Because if one of your beneficiaries in your will is implicated somehow in your demise, the will can be challenged and divided amongst your relatives, whether you want it to or not.

Pretend I had a Domme/Spouse. (It's easy, I do it ALL the time.) We were indulging in a risky activity and I died. I'm gonna use Gracie's example. Say I enjoy breath play, and numerous people know that and are willing to go to court. I also have an affidavit in a safe place showing all this is consensual and desired. But something goes wrong and I die. So Officer Obie looks at all the fuck me boots, restraints and black leather and arrests Her on murder charges. My will has been invalidated (because my primary beneficiary is now arrested for my "murder".) Even if the charges are dropped, or changed to manslaughter, legally, my family can now challenge my will through probate and my wishes are ignored. Also, in some jurisdictions, since a convicted felon is not allowed to profit from their crimes, even if the family does not challenge my will, it can still be invalidated during the penalty phrase of the trial.

Since I don't have a Dom/me, I haven't adjusted my will to allow for accidents. But I do have documention, as Grace does, that I engage in RACK activities and I enjoy them with full acknowledgment of the risks involved. I am thinking of willing "when someone you know is kinky" to my parents though.

 

[graceanne]

My grandmother is going to outlast us all, is all I know.

I'm beginning to suspect that about my grandma. lol

 

[Hester]

Because if one of your beneficiaries in your will is implicated somehow in your demise, the will can be challenged and divided amongst your relatives, whether you want it to or not.

not my case, but good to know in the unlikely event things ever change.

although i doubt my beneficiaries would challenge on these grounds.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Sorry hester will try and re-word it

Many people think about making a will but don't.

It appears that some BDSM activities have a higher risk of death than every day activities.

Has anyone made a decision to make a will because they indulge in risk activities.

(I know you can say skiing, snowboarding, driving etc etc are risk activities).
My thoughts have wandered here because of the way SSC and RACK are used to ensure we are aware of the risks.
So, knowing there are risks, and because of those risks, have you made any provision should something happen which results in your death?

I don't mean a letter saying its ok I like being flogged/whipped/violet wands, but a will outlining your wishes when you die?

No Miss Shy I haven't. My first will was made to see that if anything happened to me, my son was cared for by whom I chose and had his best interests at heart. The revised will was when I owned property outright , this time making sure he was the beneficiary of the value.

Considering I have lived my adult life as a submissive it still amazes me that I participate so little in potentially high risk BDSM activities.Keeping in mind I don't 'play' so that tends to put me in a safer zone in regards to this topic . Only part of that is I feel a huge responsibility in having a dependent child . Fortunate for me much of the intensity I thrive on as a submissive can also be articulated intellectually and emotionally. Also areas I need to preserve when it comes to consideration as to the choices I make .

If I was to review my will again in the context you have expressed ( ie BDSM related ) it would be to see a long term partner was 'recognized'. Always saddens me to hear stories and witness the outcomes of partners in alternate lifestyles pushed aside by conventionally recognized family members when it comes to law.

Really all I can add to this topic Miss Shy......

 

[babiesmiles]

What about people who are in online BDSM relationships but have vanilla parteners, if something happened to you, does anyone know about the online relationship so you BDSM SO can be told of your death; and have you made your wishes known with regard to their presence at your funeral, should they wish to go?

.

I don't have or never had any relationship which is or was "only online" , but some friends I talked in first instance online then met offline and with whom the"online" is only a way of communication because I consider an IM talk like a phonecall or a letter ...( but that is my personal point of view about the whole "internet thing " as I said elsewere, and it's completely another story!! ).

However back on topic , my closest "online" friends ( not talking just of SO but about every kind of friendly long distance relation ) have my mobile number, and address, so I suppose if I should suddenly disappear they would call or write and I am truly confident someone taking over of my phone would give them the sad new .

Then there are the good acquaitances ( like the people I like and I care about on the several boards I write on ) , in that case I am likewise confident that some of the above mentioned friends of mine would be so kind to post a nice obituary on those places ! ( some embellished lie about me and my credits would be truly appreciated )

However notwithsatnding I haven't made a proper will, to be more sure , somewhere hidden in the mess of my papers there is an envelope addressed to a my collegue lawyer where there are some names of people with their e- mail addresses that I would like could receive a private word if something bad should happen .

The last one is really morbid but my late bike accident made me think a lot !

Shy I hope my answer was not off topic !

 

[shy slave]

Netzach you can keep your debts thanks, I am have plenty of my own . Now if you called them 'cookies' Grace would be on your doorstep before you finished saying the whole word lol

Grace and Bronntanas, A letter is great with regard to the BDSM stuff, I think in the UK that would be taken into consideration, but it is not a legal document. So if you have a particular way you would want your possessions disposed of you need to specify what and how with a witness signature (in the UK, anyway)

Hester I agree with you, I would not want the state or people I may not like (but are related to me) making decisions about things once I have gone.

Rebecca as you say you participate very little do you think that makes a difference? I know it lowers the odds but risk taking is still a risk? I agree whatever life you lead if you have children then you need a will to ensure they are provided for as you would wish them to be.

Babiesmiles it was not off topic lol But your a lawyer!! *shakes head*

Years ago when I became a single parent my children were both under 5 years old. I was desperate for money, I did not smoke or drink and never had an evening out, but still I could not make ends meet.
I decided to go to the local city and sell my body. I found a babysitter, dressed up and went to the train station, threw up and went back home, unsold.
Before I went I wrote two letters to each of my boys, explaining that I loved them and telling them small things about their lives so far.
I could not write a will, I could not afford it.
There were many reasons for writing those letters if I died as a result of earning some money I wanted them to know I was not who the papers would report I was. I knew I was taking a huge risk so I made provision in case I was injured or died that evening.

A few years later when we were moving house my ex found those letters and it amused him that I had done this, so I threw them out feeling slightly stupid for having written them. Now I just feel very sad that I bowed to his thoughts. I should have kept them.

It does slightly amuse me that people jump up with SSC & RACK to newbies (remember the thread where the guy wanted ideas on humiliation & where to fuck his g/f and everyone said he was taking unreasonable risks??), and there seems to be an opinion that BDSM carries risks, but people have not made provision for the risks they take.

It's easy to say 'play safe' to other people, but fail to ensure the closest people are 'safe' should you end up dead.

I have a will now, but it was not written with BDSM or any other risk taking activity in mind. It was, like Rebeccas, written with my sons welfare in mind

I am not picking on anyone.
I am just curious about the whole issue
These are my thoughts aimed at debate, not finger pointing

 

[Andante]

Netzach you can keep your debts thanks, I am have plenty of my own . Now if you called them 'cookies' .......

Oh, look who just used the 'c' word!

 

[shy slave]

Og, look who just used the 'c' word!

Oh FUCK

And you hijacked my thread

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Rebecca as you say you participate very little do you think that makes a difference? I know it lowers the odds but risk taking is still a risk? I agree whatever life you lead if you have children then you need a will to ensure they are provided for as you would wish them to be.

Ummmmn ( sound of me thinking outloud )....... yes and no . As you say Miss Shy the 'odds' are lowered just out of sheer numbers. IE less opportunity. However keeping that in mind I am fully aware it only takes one event/person or mistake to undo the probability scenario.

I am not a bottom . I wasn't drawn to my first Dominant or he to me because I understood or desired a range of fetish pursuits . It was something else , just felt magnetic . So my relationships with Dominants are a slow journey of building trust , testing water , negotiating on both parts, painfully slow sometimes . This works for me. Which also in more recent times covers my first current priority, the welfare of my child.

As far as my 'interests' are concerned I am much the same as most .Its a journey reconciling your core desires and whats really attainable for a multiplicity of reasons.

Wonder what the real statistics are. Say for example domestic homicide vs random.

I haven't expressed this to well Miss Shy. Not really myself today. I wish to come back to this Thread to discuss much more that you wrote about in your post. I am waaaaaaaay to muddled today.......smiles

 

[Andante]

Slightly off-topic

This may be slightly off-topic, but it does refer to something said earlier in this thread.

When my wife died, her - quite vanilla - lover was one of the many people I called within a few hours. He and I were not close in any way, but we were on friendly terms. Their relationship lasted for two or three years, and for her it functioned as small 1, 2 or 3-night breaks from daily routine, maybe once a month or so. Something we all gained from, in my opinion.

He is married too, and his wife knows absolutely nothing. So imagine the distress when I called him on a sunday morning to tell him his close friend and lover had passed away. He had no-one to turn to, to talk about it. We both know that his and my loss are not comparable by any means, but still; I had all the people I wanted around me, and some more...
We discussed this recently, when we met up for lunch, to talk about how we both managed.
Sorry, I'm drifting here. What I meant to say was, that it was important to me to let him know directly from me. And it was equally important to let him know that he was welcome at the funeral. Hell, we even brewed up a 'cover-story' for him together, in case someone should ask about his connection with her. Equally, I am absolutely fine about the fact that he visits her grave now and then.

I am aware that on his part, he had told one female collegue about his relationship with my wife, and this woman had a phone number so at least my wife would have been told if the opposite had happened.

I know this is not about wills, but I still think it's something that should be considered if you associate with people outside your 'normal' life.

I wonder if I made any sense at all