Moral question

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: Re: Re: Moral question

I'm sure that it DOES get to where the other relationship is threatened. That is always a concern.
But if she went to you first and talked to you about it, you wouldn't think that it was cheating, right?

Not if we both had agreed that it was okay. If we didn't agree and she did it anyway, then yes, that would be "cheating" as she would be breaking the mutually agreed upon rules - and that is the very definition of cheating; breaking the rules of the relationship.

How about if your wife and a gf were just hanging out and something happened...but she came and told you about it. Cheating, or no?

She broke the rules, impromptu or not. Wouldn't most women consider it cheating if a man had sex with a woman, without their partner's consent, impromptu or not. The later explanation would be a mitigation, but the infraction is still cheating, same sex or not, impromptu or not. The circumstances are possibly mitigation, but possibly not - it depends on the agreed upon rules and the relationship, which would be highly dynamic. In short, it would depend on the two people - hypotheticals don't fly to well here. With one person I would be highly threatened and hurt, with another it might be something else altogether.

Regardless of who was involved, and what happened, I would at least be deeply dissapointed and probably hurt, if my spouse did not talk about it with me beforehand. Relationships are about trust and thinking of other people's feelings and needs, and sometimes putting their needs and feelings before your own. There was a time when I was much less mature and I thought only of myself, but now I would not dare hurt a loved one's feelings in this manner.

 

[penguindance]

 

[sexy-girl]

i think gender doesnt make any difference ... its cheating if one partner is being dishonest ... it all depends on the type of relationship and what been agreed if its honest or dishonest only the two people in the relationship can know

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Shy....that makes sense.

How about if the husband and wife had talked about it before, and he knew she was interested in women? I mean...he has given her the go ahead to maybe look for someone, but not the go ahead at this particular moment...

That would be a grey area, and like I said it would just depend on the people and the dynamics. I couldn't really say without really being a relationship with someone (which I am not *sigh* ), but I think that being as anal retentive as I am, I would have explored all the possibilities with her before hand and we would both be clear about what the rules were.

Would I, or rather could I, agree that she could go ahead and have an imprompu sexual liason with another woman, without my being there, or having to let me know it was actually going to happen? I suppose I could if I was very secure in our relationship, but I would prefer that it not be something totally unexpected. I would rather that she plan it out a little; such as she has as friend that she wants to seduce, and she doesn't know exactly when or how, but she knows she wants it to happen and is actively looking for a chance to make it happen. Or vice versa, she has a friend she knows is wanting to seduce her, she wants to be seduced, but she doesn't know exactly when or where it will happen. Spontaneity is great, and I could agree to that, but not when it endangers a relationship.

If they got into a deep relationship, then either I would need to share in that relationship, or I would feel threatened by it. I don't think many people could carry on two totally separate relationships successfully without one or the other suffering.

Even if it was a triangle where all three shared each other, I think that it would be very difficult and rare - it is hard enough with just two people to make it work.

Swinging, or just casual sex where there is no deep relationship, that is something else, and I could probably handle it if it was with another woman - another man I would feel threatened by - that is just the way I am wired.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

i think gender doesnt make any difference ... its cheating if one partner is being dishonest ... it all depends on the type of relationship and what been agreed if its honest or dishonest only the two people in the relationship can know

Agreed, but the gender would be a mitigation for most men if it was another women. We just are not that threatened by other women as we are by men, it is in our genetic makeup - plus we naturally want to join in on the fun.

 

[penguindance]

 

[sexy-girl]

Agreed, but the gender would be a mitigation for most men if it was another women. We just are not that threatened by other women as we are by men, it is in our genetic makeup - plus we naturally want to join in on the fun.

that maybe true but its still all about honestly and what is agreed ... that is what i meant that it doesn't matter about gender ... some guys might find it harder knowing there girlfriends are sleeping with women (a lesbian is more likely to be able to steal them away )


so the dicussion and honestly on what is agreed is whats important

 

[Weird Harold]

Hmmm...is that a catholic thing? Mine was worded differently, but I have a headache, and I can't think of it right now.

As I remember it, the standard Catholic vows are very close to the "standard" protestant vows from the Book Of Common Prayer.

Which are:

from: http://www.his.com/~rfritts/intent.htm

Protestant
The Celebrant says to the woman

__________, will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?

The Woman answers

I will.

The Celebrant says to the man

__________, will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

The Man answers

I will.

The Celebrant then addresses the congregation, saying

Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?

People

We will.

Book of Common Prayer

There are several other commonly used marriage vows listed onthe page (although the Catholic and Jewish vows are apparently copyrighted and permission was not given to post them?!)

Most of them include the phrase "Forsaking all others" or some other phrase with the same intent.


My personal opinion is that whether it's "Cheating" or not depends on whether the husband gets to watch.

 

[truegentleman]

I think that unless the partner knows that she is with another woman it is cheating. The fact that it is with someone of the same sex doesn't matter. It's called cheating because it is done behind the other person's back.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

It's called cheating because it is done behind the other person's back.

Whether the husband knows about it or not doesn't make it cheating. If I break the rules in an agreement with you, I can't claim it isn't cheating just because you knew I was cheating. Unless we agreed both agree that what I do is within the rules of our agreement then I am violating the rules and therefore cheating.

 

[Shaq]

Depends on if the husband knows and cares. Also depends on what vows were said at the wedding. Like at ours we never said that we would never have sex with another person.

Agrees with this one....it depends on the nature of your relationship and view of marrage...

 

[SailorC272002]

Just wondering what you guys think on this one. (Don't take it too seriously!)

If a woman has sex with another woman while she is married, is it cheating?

It depends, Is he watching?