Monstrous matchmaking

[Brandnewbuddy]

Had a memory of this group of people who have tried to play matchmaker to me and how it went terrible every time (highlight example #1 “she thinks you’re cute.” “Okay!” “Also she only speaks Haitian Creole…but you know some Spanish so you’ll be fine…” )

So it got me to thinking about story ideas where someone is set up on a date and things go awry.

For example:
“You love true crime! She’s a huge serial killer buff!”

“No, I’m a cereal collector! …but fine, I’ll give her a shot.”

Five hours later:
“Hey did you hear they caught the lonely hearts knitter? They haven’t named her but apparently she would convince people to play matchmaker for her and then she would:

“Take them home, sleep with them and then lock them in a cage while she knitted? Yes…I am now intimately familiar with her.”

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

And of course monstrous could mean they’re trying to hook up monsters.

“Yeah, Janet we know you like big guys.”

“That’s a Frankenstein”

“No, his name is Phil. Not much of a talker but he gives amazing neck massages”

 

[liliput1]

You always complain about how cold you are. Eh? Eh?

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

“Hey Julie, you love Scat, right?”

“…please tell me you mean singing”

Though I guess for a fuller idea loosely based on the group I told you about:

These matchmakers feels everybody needs to be in a relationship so they set people up more out of a belief people HAVE to be in a relationship and MC is both not that interested in a relationship but also is lonely. Conversely, each time one of the matchmakers will butter them up and MC has a crush on said matchmaker.

So MC has MM come up to him and talking about how she thinks he’s really cool and she’d like him to go to a party that night with her. MC goes and she instead pushes him into the class witch.

MC tries to take it in stride and witch seems…not nice but she is very physical and they are soon fucking in a locked bedroom…but post coitus she takes some blood from him and puts it on a circle, trying to summon a demon. MC winds up having to fight both the witch and a demon from hell.

Next week: “Ooooh, I’m so sorry things didn’t work out MC. But you just gotta keep putting yourself out there…look, why don’t you come with me to my parents’ lodge tonight. I think you’ll have a really good time.

Next week: well hey, how was I supposed to know it was the full moon? Besides she’s only that way about 3 days a month. Otherwise she’s a total sweetie

 

[liliput1]

“Hey Julie, you love Scat, right?”

“…please tell me you mean singing”

I don't think I've ever made a plosive like that, ever.

What if the matchmaker is in a support group for monsters but they're all code switched and she doesn't pick up on the euphemisms. Or only later after she's invested in them. Making connections with others being one of the Steps in the Program. Hey, Steve is single... I bet Janice would get along great with him, as long as it's not a full moon.

(In The Magicians, lycanthropy can be spread as an STI, not just from biting, so wear a condom Steve)