moderator responsibilities

[cymbidia]

Hello. I've been offline celebrating our 4th of July holiday with my children in a uniquely American way: we spent a few days at Great America. (For you who are elsewhere, Great America is a Disneylandish place. We had *fun*!)



Unfortunately, it seems as though some of you here didn't have much fun here while i was away. I just cruised through a very few threads and am alarmed at the level of misunderstanding regarding the responsibilities of the moderators on this forum. Please, i beg, you allow me a moment to clear up the muddy waters.

1. The moderators on this forum uphold standards that the community has decided are best for the community as a whole.

2. The moderators on this forum do not delete anything capriciously.

3. The moderators on this forum obey the rules here, just as we all do.


Personally, i think anyone who doesn't like things as they are should go away. Fly away, fly away, fly away to a new home! Go find yourself a place that you like better.

We like the BDSM Forum as it is.

We like the slow easy pace of its evolution.

We like the lack of flaming, the lack of trouble, and the lack of smartasses running off at the mouth. We don't want meaningless bullshit smoochy convo here. We like our in-depth and slow discussions. We like feeling at peace and accepted here, with ourselves, among others somethinglike us, about the concerns and needs that tickle at our souls. We find contentment and pleasure and meaning in our existence as an informationally-based question-and-answer forum.

If you flame this forum, the mods will delete your post(s). If you approach us with respect, even if you hold to a wildly differing opinion view of what we do in the privacy of our intimate relationships with our consenting partners, then we'll answer you with respect.

If you want to rant about such a model being counterindiciative of freedom of speech, go right ahead. In my opinion, though, you'd be wrong for us, here, in this forum, as it is, now.

Bullshit ranting flaming posts do not belong here.

They will be removed.

If you don't like it, vote Risia, WD, and me out and elect yourselves some new mods.

We are not inhibiting anyone's right to speak freely within the few limitations imposed by rules for this forum.

And, btw, just in case i need this validation, Laurel and i have discussed the rules for this forum on a few occasions and she has no problem with them, nor does she have a problem with our protecting this forum by upholding the rules we've arrived at as a community. Laurel understands the value, validity, and unique nature of what we've built here.

Any questions?

 

[Cirrus]

Nope, I got it. This is my personal Lit safe haven, away from all the (((hugs))) and popularity contests. I think the guidelines are perfectly reasonable and well thought out. Gods, I hope I don't sound like too big of a butt kisser.

Agreed...anyone that doesn't like it? Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Unless you like the pain...then come on back in.

 

[monster666]

Nice try. You created this beast - it's yours! Besides, I like your work, no complaints here.

If you don't like it, vote Risia, WD, and me out and elect yourselves some new mods.

 

[MotorCitySam]

I am behind you 100%.

 

[CarolineOh]

It can't be an easy job, moderating a forum like this, particularly if one has strong opinions of their own. But I have faith in our moderators and their committment to the greater good here.
I suspect they are going to screw up now and then. But I am pretty sure that if they do, we will all survive.

 

[Sandia]

Any questions?

-Raises hand politely, and leans forward in his seat-
A few:

What standards has the community decided are best for the community as a whole?

Who is in the community? Who is not?

How satisfied do you have to be before you're allowed to stay? Can you be just a teensy bit dissatisfied with "the way things are?"

What are these elections you mentioned? When are they held?


[SMILE] See, I'd like this forum to be the kinda place where these kinda questions can be asked, and taken seriously. (Well, not the last, I know there's not really any elections - I was just teasin about that.)

But I don't know if "the community" wants it to be that kind of place or not. This is an important question to me.

I'm also not sure if the community wants to be a welcoming place, or the kind of place that tries to keep outsiders out (which for a public forum seems like a disaster to me).

And I'd like to know whether BDSM is the kind of place where dissention is handled calmly and thoughtfully, or the kind of place where dissenters are crushed.

Thank you for your patience,
Sandia.

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Re: moderator responsibilities

-Raises hand politely, and leans forward in his seat-
A few:

Excellent! I love questions. Even - especially? - hard ones.

What standards has the community decided are best for the community as a whole?

The rules spell most of it out. Beyond those, there are casual standards which have come to be "the norm" here, things like not using chat room W/we conventions, for example. I think every place, online or not, has a similar set of defined/casual kinds of rules and customs.

Who is in the community? Who is not?

This has been asked and answered many times in many different ways on the GB. It's not been asked or answered here, that i know of. To me, in my eyes and heart, you are a part of this community if you feel you belong here. If you don't feel a part of this place and the people who breathe life into each day, then you are not. Each of us makes that call for his/herself.

How satisfied do you have to be before you're allowed to stay? Can you be just a teensy bit dissatisfied with "the way things are?"

"Allowed to stay"?

I'm not sure i know what you mean by "allowed to stay". Have you ever seen anyone get kicked out of here? Has anyone ever threatened anyone else with getting kicked out?

One stays if one decides to stay just as one goes if one decides that.

All of us are at least a 'teensy bit dissatisfied with "the way things are?" ' on occasion around here. We go away to cool off for a few days or we post in the heat of anger or we take it to PM's or we swallow it knowing that this, too, shall pass or we do something else. If one is never just a "teensy bit dissatisfied" then one is either lucky or almost unnaturally placid or, perhaps, hasn't put enough of themselves into this place to feel so. (I'm certain there are other reasons that one might feel just a "teensy bit dissatisfied" here on occasion, but my brain is still sunburned and i can't think of them right now.)

What are these elections you mentioned? When are they held?

Second Thursday in November, of course, along with the rest of the important elections.

[SMILE] See, I'd like this forum to be the kinda place where these kinda questions can be asked, and taken seriously. (Well, not the last, I know there's not really any elections - I was just teasin about that.)

It is, Sandia. It always has been the kind of place where such questions can be asked and answered peacefully, easily, seriously. We've never been a place of squelched voices and community members who do not dare post the truth of their feelings. Why would anyone stay in such a place?

But I don't know if "the community" wants it to be that kind of place or not. This is an important question to me.

Perhaps your version of a place where these kind of questions can be asked freely and answered with the truth they deserve is different than mine.

I'm only speaking for myself in this post, as just another community member: in truth, this has always been a place where anyone could ask any question they wanted, make any comment, recount any experience, shout out any joy or horror or tidings at all. If it was posted with respect, it would be replied to in the same manner.

It's still like that.

I'm also not sure if the community wants to be a welcoming place, or the kind of place that tries to keep outsiders out (which for a public forum seems like a disaster to me).

Funnysad. We go out of our way here to be welcoming to those who are new to us, Sandia. We offer them warm smiles and a helping hand with whatever they come looking for, if we can possibly offer what they need. We've never ever been a place that would think of trying to keep "outsiders" out.

It's so odd to me that you would see this warm wonderful eminently supportive and wise community in such a coldly unwelcoming light. I don't understand your perception in this matter at all.

And I'd like to know whether BDSM is the kind of place where dissention is handled calmly and thoughtfully, or the kind of place where dissenters are crushed.

This is the kind of place where dissention is handled calmly, thoughfully, carefully, in a way that insures everyone gets a say, in an atmosphere of tolerance and open-hearted listening to the needs and wants of the many.

I think.

We haven't had much dissention, to be honest, for all that we've been up and running as a small insular community for a year now, with only the last few months of that time in its present forum format.

However, i don't think many of us would be willing to sacrifice our peaceful discussions, our focus on real world BDSM, or our questions and answers about being a whole person within a consensual BDSM love relationship for anyone else's right to be a dissenting asshole.

~~~~~
cym the moderator steps in to speak for a moment:
If you flame, your ass is getting bounced out of here. If you talk to us like we're all in a BDSM chat room together, we'll frown and point out that we're not and we don't want to be. If you post spam or personals ads or your email addy in your posts, your stuff is going to the trash cans out back. Treat us with respect and we'll offer it right back at you, in spades.
...and then returns to her seat...
~~~~~

This is an easy, sweet, supportive, friendly, kindly place to settle in - if it's a good fit, you and us. If not, there are a gazillion other online BDSM places. Go find one that fits better.





edited because, really, i'm too tired to be posting this and left out important words. Now i'm just hoping it actually makes a little bit o' sense.

 

[Sandia]

Wow. I have to say that's an impressive post. (I mean that seriously, cym, I'm impressed.)

I was all about to put down my hand, and sink back into my seat, except when I got to the part about not understanding where I'm coming from on the "welcoming" thing.

I'm not here to argue, and I don't wanna argue anyway. Well, ok, I do want to argue, but I'm resisting. I'll just say that it is my feeling that BDSM (the forum) can be less than welcoming sometimes. I guess I feel like arguing over that point would be, well, pointless.

It's so odd to me that you would see this warm wonderful eminently supportive and wise community in such a coldly unwelcoming light. I don't understand your perception in this matter at all.

I do like this forum. In fact I love it. I love the fact that people talk here openly and seriously about serious issues. Maybe it's because so many of us lay ourselves bare here that we're as sensitive as we are.

But I don't see how you can read some of the threads and some of the posts that have come through here, even in the last few days and not see at least a little of where I'm coming from here.

This is the kind of place where dissention is handled calmly, thoughfully, carefully, in a way that insures everyone gets a say, in an atmosphere of tolerance and open-hearted listening to the needs and wants of the many.

Not always. But I agree that that should be the case.

(sigh) But it is late. In fact, it's much later now than it was before. (smile).

Have a good night.
Sandia.

 

[cellis]

Being a forum moderator is not an easy job.

As a community we set a standard for this discussion board when it was still the mother thread. As a group we have never erred from that too terribly much.

If I want light fluffy conversation, I go to the General Board. If I want to discuss BDSM, I come here. There is a different tone/flavor here than on the GB. Those of us who have been coming here for a long time know this and accept it because it is the way we want it to be.

I think for new people coming here, it is a common mistake to think that this forum is like other BDSM chats. It is not. That is why new people are encouraged to introduce themselves, so that we can recognize them and welcome them. And also so that we can point out that while all are welcome, this may not be what everyone is looking for.

I would hate to think that someone did not feel welcome and safe here. It is the one place on the net that I can go that I know I will be welcomed and that I don't really have to explain myself.

 

[monster666]

Re: Re: moderator responsibilities

Sandia,

The standards are outlined in the sticky at the very top of the forum. One of the rules is no spam.

I have never seen a serious question disallowed. I have seen questions and threads that were disingenious disallowed. They could be removed under the "no spam" rule which is admittedly subjective, and up to the mods to decide. I have yet to see a person disallowed, although almost everyone probably has someone they like to see go away.

So the community is anyone with a real interest in things BDSM, even if it just a piqued curiosity, who decides to stay a while.

However, satisfaction is not guarranteed. Dissatisfaction is not a factor in who is allowed to come and go, but I think most of us who frequent this place would prefer that if someone really doesn't like the way things are that they would just go away. If I don't like susi, I stay out of susi bars. I don't go in screaming for a "fucking hamburger". It's not reasonable. It's just spam.

That said, we frequently disagree on a variety of issues here. That's okay. It's all part of normal, healthy dialog. But there is no fine line between reasonable discussion of serious questions and someone deliberately making trouble. Again, the mods use discretion (and for the most part, a lot of lattitude) and while they are not likely to be perfect, most of us trust them to do a pretty good job.

-Raises hand politely, and leans forward in his seat-
A few:

What standards has the community decided are best for the community as a whole?

Who is in the community? Who is not?

How satisfied do you have to be before you're allowed to stay? Can you be just a teensy bit dissatisfied with "the way things are?"

What are these elections you mentioned? When are they held?


[SMILE] See, I'd like this forum to be the kinda place where these kinda questions can be asked, and taken seriously. (Well, not the last, I know there's not really any elections - I was just teasin about that.)

But I don't know if "the community" wants it to be that kind of place or not. This is an important question to me.

I'm also not sure if the community wants to be a welcoming place, or the kind of place that tries to keep outsiders out (which for a public forum seems like a disaster to me).

And I'd like to know whether BDSM is the kind of place where dissention is handled calmly and thoughtfully, or the kind of place where dissenters are crushed.

Thank you for your patience,
Sandia.

 

[DRxBlue]

Nice to meet you Sandia

i know what you mean about BDSM communities sometimes being hard to fit into. i've seen that in other forums and online clubs i've explored. It's common to find a "clique" ridden almost inbred sort of clamming up against people who haven't been introduced by a member.

Don't forget that BDSM practices are prosecuted in quite a few communities. Not so much to put people in jail as to harrass them into "getting back in the closet", or even "out of our fair city".

That has happened recently up here in Minnesota and in upstate New York. i believe you're well aware of the laws, having put up a very good post on the subject recently. That sort of thing does have a chilling effect on a community, as you might expect.

i think that when you've been around here for a while, after perusing the "mother thread" some and getting used to "normal life" <lol> around here, you'll see that the past few weeks have been unusually active as far as intellectual altercations go.

When you've read through a lot of the threads, (and you no doubt will, if you're curious about BDSM) you'll see that this group is incredibly open, welcoming and helpful to newbies.

i was lucky enough to have this forum be the place where i was first exposed to the ideas, practices and philosophy of BDSM, just the middle of this past March.

i've read so much i'll have to blink constantly for the next 6 months just to get caught up. i've been so fascinated i just went on a binge, and there's a helluva feast laid out here.

You'll find little dissension about BDSM actually, occasional debates about the importance of this or that aspect, but rarely the type of clash where one group is saying "our kink is better than your kink" or "you're not really into BDSM unless you..."

Those kinds of differences are there, to be sure, but that's not the point of the forum. Different point of view aren't really suppressed, just put to the side to further the good that this group can do.

It's more to inform, to get the truth to the curious, to help them be Safe, Sane and Consensual in what they do and help warn them about the dangers they might be lured into.

For those practicing the lifestyle, there's the chance to express their questions about how to enrich their own lives, and to share things that really work well for them personally.

It's more of a library with an attached coffee house than a political type forum. It's filled with the sharing of joys, sorrows and ideas. Oh yeah, and humor--LOTS of that.

It sometimes feels as if i never really laughed until i discovered these nuts. If you're looking for friends or laughs, they're easy to find around here.

That's my view of this place, and just my opinion. See if you find things the way i do. Only one way to do that, come on and hang out here, often.

Past member of the Lollipop Guild,
Still a Big Sucker,
Doctor Blue

(Edited to add)
Is there REALLY an election the 2nd week of November?? !!

 

[monster666]

Footnote (for Sandia and others)

After reading Dr Blue's response, I realized my response lacked a little something. Warmth.

I get so wrapped up in issues I often don't even realize who I am replying to, and that's kind of impersonal. I can see how it can be construed as cold. It's not meant to be. I am sure there are others here who do the same thing at times.

Welcome, Sandia.

 

[DRxBlue]

Yaaa...Gee Monster666

It DOES seem as if you've lost a lot of your warmth lately. Maybe it has to do with these obscure runes your using as an av.

You were always such a friendly guy when you had the big green naked monster av. <jk>

i think it's the stupid troll! he's got us all a little jumpy...'cept for me. The fool can't even spell. Then again...perhaps he's disguising his intelligence so we won't recognize him.

Good disguise! You can't tell there's even a TRACE of intellect in that cranium.

Don't worry old man, you're still very lovable-- for an anti-christ monster. LOL

 

[monster666]

Re: Yaaa...Gee Monster666

ya just can't win. People either loved or hated that green monster AV. And a thing is only obscure unless you find its meaning.

Actually, the arrival of troll itself didn't bother me as much as the chain of events that were set off later. I miss Killermuffin's bigger-than-life personality around here. Perhaps she'll be back soon.

It DOES seem as if you've lost a lot of your warmth lately. Maybe it has to do with these obscure runes your using as an av.

You were always such a friendly guy when you had the big green naked monster av. <jk>

i think it's the stupid troll! he's got us all a little jumpy...'cept for me. The fool can't even spell. Then again...perhaps he's disguising his intelligence so we won't recognize him.

Good disguise! You can't tell there's even a TRACE of intellect in that cranium.

Don't worry old man, you're still very lovable-- for an anti-christ monster. LOL

 

[SpectreT]

Re: Footnote (for Sandia and others)

After reading Dr Blue's response, I realized my response lacked a little something. Warmth.

I get so wrapped up in issues I often don't even realize who I am replying to, and that's kind of impersonal. I can see how it can be construed as cold. It's not meant to be. I am sure there are others here who do the same thing at times.

Welcome, Sandia.

Heh. My own personality, in real life, has been described in terms of Star Trek. In my normal mode, I'm Spock. Cold as ice, and personal as Voice Mail. When I'm pissed, I make a Klingon Warrior look sedate. When I'm happy and comforable with someone, I'm Spock on a double handfull of Methamphetamines; the whole damn world and everything in it's "fascinating", and I've just got to talk to someone about it.

But it's tough, sometimes, to let folks in. And sometimes, the issue does take over, and it's not like replying to a person but to the idea that they've brought forward. That, I'm sure, lends something to the perception of us as being too cold, and too serious. Add to that the natural way people react when ridicule as aimed at them, and I'm sure we're really earning a rep as way too serious. Somone, (can't remember who) said something about trying to be a "court jester" and hold a "mirror" up to us to "keep us honest", and "help us laugh at ourselves". We reacted pretty badly (in general) to those barbs. We can and often do laugh at ourselves, but others laughing at us is a bit much.

There's a reason the court Jester was often the food taster as well.

That said, I kind of think of this place as my living room, where I can visit with a few friends, entertain guests, and exchange ideas and information. A Forum in the old Roman sense. And certain types of remarks are best left in another Forum. We've got a purpose here.

 

[Sandia]

i believe you're well aware of the laws, having put up a very good post on the subject recently.

Thank you so much! Dr. I was afraid nobody had seen that post! (smile)

I appreciate everything y'all have had to say. And I apologize if I was over-sensitive last night.

Sandia.

 

[Sandia]

I will try to make my posts with respect and good-will, and to make it clear when I am joking(!)

--Sandia.

cym: 4.2%!

 

[WillowPuss]

Warning: Possibly a long, rambling lot of drivel about to be typed!

This is addressed to nobody in particular and to everyone in general.

I am fairly new to the lifestyle. I am also new to this forum.

As I said in the very first thread I started ... this is a wonderful place to be.
I have found you all very warm and welcoming.

Monster - I have never found you cold.
T - Spock? Cold as ice? Not to me.
You have both had me laughing aloud at your humourous way of getting a point across.

DrBlue - I really enjoy reading what you have to say.

Cym ... you are doing a really tough job extremely well! Please, pretty please with sugar on top, don't even consider stepping down!

Hmmmmmmmm whom (who? ... darn - brain dead here) have I missed?

Well, Caroline and MissT and cellis and and Cirrus (I have trouble sometimes mixing these two names, forgive me) - you have taught me so much.


Sandia ... I know you don't feel inclined to read through the M thread ... but you are missing so much by not dipping into it!



Now ... this forum v others.
I went and had a little look at the General forum this last week. I fled! Maybe it is because it is so big? Or maybe everyone seems so much youger than me? Or ...? I dunno. My post count will only click over slowly - cos, quite honestly ... this is the place for me!

 

[DRxBlue]

WillowPuss i'm so GLAD you've joined us!

i was really only teasing the Monster. He and Spectre T are both way up to the top of posts i'll pick out to read first when scanning a thread.

They're both very good at making sense out of chaos (when possible), and include liberal doses of gut-busting guffaws in expressing their points. i'm really impressed with your defense and analysis of them.

That pretty Willow tree has already become one of the avs i gravitate to as well. You are a delight.

i'm not saying you're a twisted freak, but you belong here. <tongue is deep in the cheek>

Do count me as a friend,

 

[Sandia]

Sandia ... I know you don't feel inclined to read through the M thread ... but you are missing so much by not dipping into it!

Sorry. I already got a pass from WD. I carry it around with me.

However, you did stomp your foot for me, so I admit I find it difficult to resist anything you suggest.


Sandia.

 

[sexy-girl]

i have the up most respect for laurel and how she deals with moderation on the general board


i can understand why most people would expect this area of literotica to work the same ... but it doesn't and wouldn't ... it needs a different type of moderation and i can understand why this is especially hard on the people that mod this board


you have to remember the moderators here are normal members of literotica they've took it on themselves to do this and to put themselves in the firing line for any flak they might suffer


i think for that the mods of this area of literotica deserve our respect too

 

[monster666]

thanks..

for the kind words, Willow and Dr Blue. It's hard to respond to stuff like that. I'd cry if I wasn't such a cold heart.

 

[SpectreT]

Jeeze, WillowPuss, Doc.....

Man, a guy thinks he knows himself........

Me, Funny? Nah. You're the humorous one around here, Doc. Can't count the gallons of Pepsi sprayed around after reading your posts. I still chuckle when I think of the "Drop a house on you" line...

Warm? Only according to a thermometer. I had a bubble around me a mile thick most of my life. Thanks to this place, and these people, I've been chipping that bubble away. I'm a hell of a lot more comfortable in my own life now than I was a couple of years ago.

 

[RisiaSkye]

*sigh*

The fact that this still needs explained makes me tired.

cym--are you ready to let me quit moderating now?

Okay, in all seriousness, I'm a bit at a loss for what to do with all of the chaos which resulted from moving two troll posts.

I undertook the removals (technically, they were moved, not deleted) in good faith, within 5 minutes of their arrival, as I happened to be here at the time.

I had NO idea that anyone would object to their removal. I almost never remove anything, prefering to foster an open conversation. If I hadn't been so certain, I would never have removed them. Those two removals account for a full 50% of my (apparently) imperious use of moderator status.

The troll didn't appreciate being removed. (Surprise, surprise.) KillerMuffin, a moderator on another forum and thus one of the few people who could have ever seen the removed posts, decided she was angry about their removal and that the best course to take was to bitch publicly and inaccurately about it.

I got annoyed with the factual error and accusatory tone of Muff's post, and responded defensively and somewhat childishly, in a manner unbefitting my typically diplomatic self.

I then went out of town for a few days, fully expecting the whole thing to drop. I came home today, and this is all still going on.

What to do now?

Here's what I know:
1. I'm sorry I was defensive, and I apologize if I offended KM or anyone else.
2. I no longer know what actions I'm "allowed" to take without generating significant complaint about it.
3. I don't have the time, energy, or enthusiasm to continually defend even the simplest of moderator responsibilities when I enact them.
4. I do not know what the consensus is on whether or not I did anything wrong. In my opinion, I did not.
5. I will uncomplainingly remove myself from the Mod pool is that's the will of the court of public opinion.

Chime in, please. I need a little guidance here.

 

[WillowPuss]

Here's what I know:
1. I'm sorry I was defensive, and I apologize if I offended KM or anyone else.
2. I no longer know what actions I'm "allowed" to take without generating significant complaint about it.
3. I don't have the time, energy, or enthusiasm to continually defend even the simplest of moderator responsibilities when I enact them.
4. I do not know what the consensus is on whether or not I did anything wrong. In my opinion, I did not.
5. I will uncomplainingly remove myself from the Mod pool is that's the will of the court of public opinion.

Chime in, please. I need a little guidance here.

Risia ... to relpy to you in the order you typed the above.

1. I don't think you were defensive ... and so have no need to apologise. However, if you were - you are only human, and it was a human reaction. You have apologised, which is more than some have for their actions.

2. Can't help you with that one.

3. You should not have to defend any action you take as a moderator. It is often a no win type situation anyway. You are dammed if you do and dammed in you don't.

4. I, for one, am extremely grateful that you removed the post you described. I come to this forum for its peace and understanding. If I want to go and play games and wade through tons of flames or other irrelevancies then I can visit any number of other forums and sites.

5. Personally, I want you to stay.


Please let me stress that these are just my views on the matter (although Robuck is here with me and is chiming in as he sees fit).

When such occasions arrise, you, as a moderator, can do no more than follow your instincts.

After all is said and done ... the three of you were asked to act as moderators for a reason. I haven't been here that long, but from what I've seen, you all do a darn fine job ... and long may you continue to do so.