Mmmm
- Thread starter Simply Me
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Mr. Bootie
Da Bootieman is back!!
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2001
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- 3,330
Hello Everyone Good Morning to All
kgboot
kgboot
Taking advantage of my thread today. Some jokes for the gang in here.
.Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up house in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't fucking think so."
.Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up house in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't fucking think so."
And we thought our laws were strange..
...
Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh." (Umm OK, I'm sure the lamb appreciates that one)
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (OK, like THAT makes sense... )
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Ouch!)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (...a brick?)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Now let's just think for a minute..is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (Of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (I shudder at the thought. How many of us would be virgins today?)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman & her daughter at the same time. (...We have to presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law...)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (is this a great country
...
Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh." (Umm OK, I'm sure the lamb appreciates that one)
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (OK, like THAT makes sense... )
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Ouch!)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (...a brick?)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Now let's just think for a minute..is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (Of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (I shudder at the thought. How many of us would be virgins today?)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman & her daughter at the same time. (...We have to presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law...)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (is this a great country
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce....
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce and Mickey retains a lawyer to speak for him in court. The big day arrives and Mickey's lawyer rises to address the Judge: "Your honour, Mr Mouse is seeking a divorce from his wife Minnie on the grounds that she is a very stupid mouse ..." Whereupon Mickey jumps up and shouts out: "Your honour I seek leave to confer with my counsel!" The lawyer comes over to Mickey, very angry. He whispers: "What's wrong, I only just started?" Mickey whispers back to him: "I didn't tell you she was very stupid, I told you she was fucking Goofy..."
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce and Mickey retains a lawyer to speak for him in court. The big day arrives and Mickey's lawyer rises to address the Judge: "Your honour, Mr Mouse is seeking a divorce from his wife Minnie on the grounds that she is a very stupid mouse ..." Whereupon Mickey jumps up and shouts out: "Your honour I seek leave to confer with my counsel!" The lawyer comes over to Mickey, very angry. He whispers: "What's wrong, I only just started?" Mickey whispers back to him: "I didn't tell you she was very stupid, I told you she was fucking Goofy..."
Pokerman
Lady's Man
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2001
- Posts
- 3,455
Did you hear about the professional boxer who changed his name to Goofi? I think he took too many shots to the head.....
I'm in a goofy mood today..
Mr. Bootie
Da Bootieman is back!!
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2001
- Posts
- 3,330
Hello Everyone!!!
Top of the morning to all.
kgboot
Top of the morning to all.
kgboot
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