Mixed metaphors and other erotic follies

[MattWolf]

I'm looking for a linguistically agile woman to help me float my boat and tickle our fancies as we lead each other down the garden path. I'm interested in verbal sparring and ambidextrous banter that combines delights in the tortured innuendo, the quasi intellectual and – when appropriate – the downright crude.

I’m looking for a lady who is able to drop both alluring references and well read knickers.

I’m looking for a woman who knows that playing is serious business and that there is nothing more frivolous than business.

I’m looking for a partner in the crime of time wasting at work, the setting of dares, the exchanging of emails, the building of tension.

I am 37. Both shy and over confident. Slim but not as skinny as I was before I could afford good food.

 

[plenty_of_curvs]

I mostly lean toward the downright crude but I think you could inspire me.

 

[MattWolf]

Maybe I need some inspiring towards the downright crude...

 

[MattWolf]

Bump... Bump... Bump...Bump...Bump...

 

[SexyKitten1974]

Matt...

Not sure I'm up to your standard of verbal sparring (perhaps a parry?) but I would love to see what we can come up with. PM me.

 

[1kiwigirl]

Bumpity bumping

A friendly bump for a slightly arousing and perhaps amusing guy, with reasonable eyes. Bonus selling point: He can also type in a straight line!

 

[MattWolf]

Matt...

Not sure I'm up to your standard of verbal sparring (perhaps a parry?) but I would love to see what we can come up with. PM me.

The invitation to parry has been accepted!

 

[MattWolf]

A friendly bump for a slightly arousing and perhaps amusing guy, with reasonable eyes. Bonus selling point: He can also type in a straight line!

Thank you for what might, perhaps, have been meant as a slight compliment. Possibly. At least I'm reasonable sure it was. Could be. Couldn't say for sure.

I can type in a straight lines, but like to think in kinks.

 

[SexyKitten1974]

I can type in a straight lines, but like to think in kinks.

Cute!

 

[SexyKitten1974]

Interestingly, my 2nd choice for username was KiwiGrrl. I live in the US now but grew up Kiwi.

 

[MattWolf]

Interestingly, my 2nd choice for username was KiwiGrrl. I live in the US now but grew up Kiwi.

Am I particularly particularly attractive to Kiwi girls for some reason? Interesting, and I wouldn't want to put them off, but I am open to all nationalities.

Oh, and somebody said my ad sounded a little like the start of an interview process. It really isn't meant to... unless it was the kind of interview that took place in the office of my highly fevered imagination.

 

[SexyKitten1974]

Hmmm...would that interview involve an oral exam?

 

[MattWolf]

Most likely some tongue twisters... she sells seashells on the seashore...

 

[1kiwigirl]

Interestingly, my 2nd choice for username was KiwiGrrl. I live in the US now but grew up Kiwi.

The real question here is.. Why would you leave?

Am I particularly particularly attractive to Kiwi girls for some reason? Interesting, and I wouldn't want to put them off, but I am open to all .

Maybe it is just that you find kiwi girls particularly attractive?

Most likely some tongue twisters... she sells seashells on the seashore...

Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?

 

[MattWolf]

Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?[/QUOTE]

Or try saying this one quickly:

I am not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son.
I am only plucking pheasants 'till the pheasant plucker comes.

 

[MattWolf]

Good morning, afternoon, evening and night to all on this round earth.

 

[yellow_rose71]

After an unusually heavy conversation last week, I was left with a dangling modifier. My nouns were also giving me some pain. It appears I had damage from a past participle. My vocal coach advises me to not have a three way conversation for three to six weeks. I only mention this to show that words can hurt.

 

[kyrie1595]

~a little hip bump~

What's wrong with an interview taking place within a highly fevered imagination?

In my humble opinion, that would be the best kind. ~stormy eyes glittering with the thought~

Oh, and somebody said my ad sounded a little like the stark of an interview process. It really isn't meant to... unless it was the kind of interview that took place in the office of my highly fevered imagination.

 

[MattWolf]

Amusingly put, a dangling modifier does sound painful - although perhaps not as bad as a glottal stop.

There is that saying isn't there: sticks and stones will break my bones but words can never hurt me. I guess we are told that as children to resist the nasty things kids say to each other, but in fact long after a bruise fades or even a broken bone mends the pain from a hurtful word can live on.

After an unusually heavy conversation last week, I was left with a dangling modifier. My nouns were also giving me some pain. It appears I had damage from a past participle. My vocal coach advises me to not have a three way conversation for three to six weeks. I only mention this to show that words can hurt.

 

[MattWolf]

What's wrong with an interview taking place within a highly fevered imagination?

In my humble opinion, that would be the best kind. ~stormy eyes glittering with the thought~

Put like that I couldn't agree more. Interviews in the mundane real world aren't much fun; the interviews of the highly fevered imagination on the other hand ... well the browse glistens and the loins stir just at the very thought.

 

[kyrie1595]

In my experience a highly fevered imagination tends to bring out the truth of people better than one without. ~little shrug of creamy shoulders~

Again, this is simply my own opinion and shouldn’t reflect on the ideas of others with much more experience in worldly things.

Put like that I couldn't agree more. Interviews in the mundane real world aren't much fun; the interviews of the highly fevered imagination on the other hand ... well the browse glistens and the loins stir just at the very thought.

 

[MattWolf]

I suspect the shrug of your creamy shoulders belies a sophisticated sense of the tension between the real and the imagination, between the truth of people and the worldly faces we put on when we go out in public.

 

[kyrie1595]

Sir, I expect nothing, hence the shrug. People are people and will behave accordingly. It’s human nature. In the ones and zeros, truth is a hard discovery. Though, as I mentioned, a fevered imagination tends to lay out the more truthful. The desires and kinks one imagines is more truthful than the faces displayed for public mass consumption.

Of course, I could be wrong. I am far from perfect though I do make it a personal rule to be as truthful as I can be, especially within the confines of the ones and zeros.

I suspect the shrug of your creamy shoulders belies a sophisticated sense of the tension between the real and the imagination, between the truth of people and the worldly faces we put on when we go out in public.

 

[MattWolf]

Sir, I expect nothing, hence the shrug. People are people and will behave accordingly. It’s human nature. In the ones and zeros, truth is a hard discovery. Though, as I mentioned, a fevered imagination tends to lay out the more truthful. The desires and kinks one imagines is more truthful than the faces displayed for public mass consumption.

Of course, I could be wrong. I am far from perfect though I do make it a personal rule to be as truthful as I can be, especially within the confines of the ones and zeros.

And I only meant to admire the elegance of your creamy shoulders, shrug and all.

 

[kyrie1595]

~almost blushes...~

Thank You, Sir. ~smiles softly~

And I only meant to admire the elegance of your creamy shoulders, shrug and all.