Miscarriage?

[Luna_Bella]

The question is directed to the ones who have had miscarriages or the ones whose SO have had miscarriage.

Last week I started spotting , so went to the doctor to have it investigated. everything according to him was normal but to come back if the bleeding became heavy or was accompanied by cramping.

In short, I had to go back this week after I had a sharp pain in my right side and my bleeding became red instead of brownish has it had been before, they did an array of tests from blood tests to ultrasound (on which they couldn't see anything). because they feared an ectopic pregnancy. they couldnt find anything wrong except for the fact that my hormone levels were not up to par (they hadn't rose as much as they should have) and the sharp pain I had experienced but no longer had. they sent me home and told me to go back this coming friday to re-do all the tests and see if anything had changed , and if nothing had , they would give me Methotrexate (a chemotherapy type drug to abort the pregnancy since in their opinion, it was not healthy)

unfortunatly (maybe fortunatly) I lost the baby yesterday. I was 6 weeks pregnant. In a way I am relieved as I really did not want to abort the pregnancy because the doctor felt It was the thing to do. In an other way I am grieving as this was a planned pregnancy and both me and hubby really wanted this baby.

Now my question is how long should I expect to be bleeding once the baby,membranes and placenta is expelled? how long should the cramping last? not that it is strong cramping only very mild Milder than menstrual cramps.

How do you cope?

The doctors were telling us (before I miscarried) that once the abortion was complete we could try to conceive again after one complete menstrual cycle, because of the effects of the drugs) now since the miscarriage was natural do we still have to wait? Being pregnant and going through this again scares me to death. even though the doctor tells me there is no reason why it would happen again.

sorry for the novel, I would just like to hear about your personal experiences, if it isn't too personal or hurtful.

Luna~

 

[SweetErika]

I'm so sorry for your loss, LB.

I've had several miscarriages, and the bleeding was different with each one. Sometimes it was a week or two; once I bled on and off (like a week on and a day off) for like two months.

My specialist said we should wait at least three cycles after the bleeding stopped to try again because getting pregnant again too soon would very likely result in another miscarriage or unhealthy pregnancy. Our bodies need time to heal and reset themselves, and it can take quite awhile for everything to return to normal. I feel like this is good advice, too, because it gives us time to heal emotionally. I don't know about you, but more than one miscarriage in, say, 6 months is probably more than I can deal with.

On the coping front, it's best for me to recognize that I didn't lose a healthy baby, I avoided having a very unhealthy baby. Miscarriages happen because there's something wrong with the fetus (yes, it helps me to use that term because it's not really a baby until it can survive outside the womb, IMO) and/or our bodies, so I really don't want the pregnancy that should have resulted in a miscarriage in the first place. I know that doesn't provide much comfort when our emotions are running high, but it's the main thing that helped me get through the awfulness and keep trying.

It'll happen for you the way it's supposed to. The great news is that you can get pregnant and make it through the first 6 weeks. That's a huge part of the battle! I finally got pregnant for good under totally weird circumstances when we had almost given up, and now we have a beautiful, absolutely healthy seven-month-old son. He was meant to be; clearly the aborted pregnancies were not, and I think any future miscarriages will be a little bit easier now that I know it all works out like it's supposed to in the end.

I'll also add that another one of my coping strategies is to not test early on. This may not work for others, but for me, waiting until I've missed two periods allows me to avoid the pain of very early miscarriages. I can always write off a missed period and bleeding in the interim as stress or whatever.

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss, and hope you can find some peace and hope in the situation. You'll get through this, even if it feels like you may not.

 

[Luna_Bella]

Thanks for your reply Erika,
I agree with the fact that obviously the pregnancy was not healthy. the only thing that slightly helps me right now is the fact that at 6 weeks the embryo's heart had not started to beat; In my mind if it has a heart beat, it is alive and it is a baby and since its heart never even started to beat, it was never actually alive, therefore something was very wrong and it never developed the way it should have.

I don't think I am grieving the baby at this point more than the pregnancy, I was ecstatic for our first pre-natal appointement, the first kick etc. I don't know if this makes any sense to you.

I am not one of these people who cannot test early, I know only a few days after conception that I am pregnant, and I have very obvious symptoms very early on. My cycles are also short so for me missing 2 periods would bring me only to about 7 weeks ,a little less, Technically I wouldn't have even missed my second period at this point I wonder if my hormones are going to kick in in the next few days!)

I also had a suspiscion (call it intuition)that something was wrong from the start and had told my husband about it, but I wanted it so much that I disregarded it and hoped and prayed I was wrong and that everything would be fine.

I am not sure If we are going to try to conceive again, It has traumatized us both and I believe maybe we should just be happy to be blessed with the 2 beautiful healthy children we already have.

I believe you are very courageous to have kept trying after several miscarriages, and I hope that if you decide to conceive again you will not have to go through any off it ever again and that you will have another beautiful healthy baby.

thanks again

Luna~

 

[SweetErika]

I'm thinking what we're going to do is just not use any birth control and leave Kiddo #2 up to fate. We probably won't try hard to get pregnant, but we won't try not to, either, at least for a few years (he's getting snipped at that point, whether we have a second or not). If it never happens for us, we'll likely become foster parents because there are already tons of kids out there who need good homes, you know?

 

[Tony_Stark]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[Luna_Bella]

I'm thinking what we're going to do is just not use any birth control and leave Kiddo #2 up to fate. We probably won't try hard to get pregnant, but we won't try not to, either, at least for a few years (he's getting snipped at that point, whether we have a second or not). If it never happens for us, we'll likely become foster parents because there are already tons of kids out there who need good homes, you know?

I know exactly what you mean! We have talked before about adopting from the mixed bank , as I don't think I could be just a foster parent, I become too attached too quickly and it would continually break my heart to see the children go.

 

[sereneone4u]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I have miscarried a couple of times and one of my daughter's died shortly after birth. Like Erica said, each time was different.

A gentle hug

 

[Luna_Bella]

thank you serene and tony stark.

 

[favoritesgoddess]

I had an early miscarriage with my first pregnancy too. And as my doc told me, there was nothing you did to cause it and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

I got pregnant a month later with our oldest, who's now 10. I was only about as far along as you maybe and the bleeding lasted about the same as a long period.

I'm sorry for your loss. Give yourself as much time to grieve as you need to. Here's a kitty to pat...

 

[swtrthnhoney]

Sorry for your loss. Miscarriages are not fun whether the pregnancy is planned or not. I had one when I thought I was pregnant but wasn't really sure at the time (we weren't trying to conceive). Didn't realize I had miscarried (thought is was a weird menstrual cycle due to stress or something) until I went to the doctor and talked to her. She did the test and said you miscarried because were definitely pregnant. I was upset (and a little relieved because we weren't ready for kids at that time).
I never had another pregnancy though I would have liked to have had children.
Give your body time to heal and rest...then try again.

 

[SweetErika]

I know exactly what you mean! We have talked before about adopting from the mixed bank , as I don't think I could be just a foster parent, I become too attached too quickly and it would continually break my heart to see the children go.

Yeah, I think about the attachment factor too, but I also think it's worth a try for us. We can always adopt if we really want a certain foster child or stop fostering if it's not working out.

It's not the same, but we've fostered many Humane Society dogs, and while I definitely get deeply attached, I'm mainly happy to give them a good home for however long they're with us and see them go to good forever families. With kids, I'd be thrilled to provide them with a great environment vs. having them in a group home or with foster parents who aren't up to par (there are A LOT of those). It makes a lot of sense financially, too: the state provides enough to offset most of the costs as well as comprehensive health and supportive care, and adoption is fucking expensive unless a church or the state pays for it!

Anyway, it's definitely not for everyone, but that's our rationale. I figure it might be a good way to see if we really want a second child, too. I think we do, but there are a lot of benefits to sticking with one, and it could be that I just really love nurturing babies.

 

[an_angels_wings]

Just popping in to say that I am so, so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

 

[Hiliburn]

I read your post and wanted to express my empathy as well and wish you healing and health.
I lost a little one at 6 weeks as well, planned and full of excitment, but a huge wave of exhaustion hit, bleeding, and cramping and I just knew it was not normal. Luckily we had a wonderful and caring ER doctor, but he could not diagnosis it for certain at the time and called it a 'threatened miscarriage'. After the ER visit I knew, but unfortunately my hubby held out hope. I started the greiving process, but he didn't for another week. I think it actually effected him more. Every baby and every woman is different for sure as other posters said. I was on 'pelvic rest' on the couch for a week, and after that I was fine, but advised not to try again for 3 months. My Sister in law bleed and cramped for 6 weeks, but she was closer to 10 weeks. So everyone is different. I think the body needs to heal first before your brain can really start to heal. All my love to you and yours.
Hili

 

[sbelle79]

My deepest sympathies as well. Been there also.

we had tried for over 5 years for a new baby, and just when we stopped trying and gave up it happened. i was 9 weeks when I lost our baby, and next week will be the 2 year anniversary. Alot of women DONT experience pain with a miscarraige. I did, and alot of it. Spent the weekend in the ER and then the following monday in surgery to have the DNC. Fortunatly my doctor was compassionate enough NOT to make me pass the fetus on my own. becuase of that i had very minimal or almost NO bleeding after. We were told to wait til my second cycle (not sure if that had anything to do with the fact that i had surgery or not tho...) and that i'd be extremely fertile for a little while and I'd most likely get prgenant right away. We again tried and tried, and no luck. Just wasnt meant to be I suppose, but the marriage kinda went to crap after that.....so all in all, Im at peace with what happened. And like you, i still had not heard the heartbeat, which would have made it more devastating to me, and the day i had surgery, was the first day i would have seen my OB to hear that heartbeat.......I believe all things happen for a reason. Not all are good, but regardless.....there is still a reason.

Hugs!!

 

[beebee7088]

yes, i too had one, December 12 of 2008. My hubby and I were having a hard time already. As women do, I was starting to suspect something was different with my period, even though i had slight monthly spotting, so I had gone to the dr. the Friday before. (It certainly wasn't planned.) She said yes i was, but that I was probably miscarrying already. On Tuesday of the following week, it started, although very slight. I thought, ok this isn't as bad as they said it would be.....

Then, on Thursday, it became the worst imaginable experience i had/have ever been through. The pain, the bleeding, etc. That morning, I called hubby to take me to the hospital or doctor or something. He took me to the dr. She said that obviously yes i was miscarrying. But she sent us on our way--home, in other words! well, as i was walking out the door, i became unconscious, i fell and hit my head. I was out cold. i had a concussion, broken bones, extreme blood loss.... i awoke in the doctor's office again, getting stitches in my head. THEN they took me to the hospital, where i stayed for FOUR more days. Yes, it was awful. I didn't even know it, but I was 10 weeks along!

But you know what? Through it all, my husband and i worked out our problems, from our grief and pain. The miscarriage wasn't a good thing of course, but in the grand scheme of things, it was a catalyst for good.... does that make sense? I will never forget it... any of it. But our life has gotten better in some ways because of what happened. (Would i have kept it? yes!)

We grew immensely stronger. THAT baby brought us closer together.

 

[JuanVato]

I am so sorry Luna Bella.

T&P for you.

 

[Luna_Bella]

thanks to everyone for the comforting words.

I was finally diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy , and some conception product were obviously not expelled with the baby as my hormone levels were not dropping, I received a Methotrexate shot on Friday to help my body expel whatever was left from the pregnancy, I had the choice of the medication or a surgery to have my tube removed(because the pregnancy was still at an early stage they wouldn't be able to differenciate whats is pregnancy and what is tube) and lose 50% of my fertility, needless to say I chose to try the shot, which so far seems to be working well, my hormone levels have dropped by half since last friday.

I have never spent so much time in the hospital. and can't wait 'til its all over so I can begin to heal and get on with my life.

 

[sbelle79]

thanks to everyone for the comforting words.

I was finally diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy , and some conception product were obviously not expelled with the baby as my hormone levels were not dropping, I received a Methotrexate shot on Friday to help my body expel whatever was left from the pregnancy, I had the choice of the medication or a surgery to have my tube removed(because the pregnancy was still at an early stage they wouldn't be able to differenciate whats is pregnancy and what is tube) and lose 50% of my fertility, needless to say I chose to try the shot, which so far seems to be working well, my hormone levels have dropped by half since last friday.

I have never spent so much time in the hospital. and can't wait 'til its all over so I can begin to heal and get on with my life.

Hugs to you Luna Bella! Hope all continues to heal fast!

 

[Robj76]

Just have to say..

Hello all, and hello Luna. I never post, but I was too moved by this thread not too. I wish every one of you the best. I have been through several with my wife, each one crushing her. It seems now as if we are veterans. There is a scene in the movie "Away We Go" that deals with this subject. Each time it hits home.

I am grateful for the one we have, eternally grateful. I am grateful to see the deep empathy and humanity displayed on this thread. I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to say, but that I feel sympathy and empathy for everyone here having experienced this and I wish you the very best.

 

[IrisAlthea]

thanks to everyone for the comforting words.

I was finally diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy , and some conception product were obviously not expelled with the baby as my hormone levels were not dropping, I received a Methotrexate shot on Friday to help my body expel whatever was left from the pregnancy, I had the choice of the medication or a surgery to have my tube removed(because the pregnancy was still at an early stage they wouldn't be able to differenciate whats is pregnancy and what is tube) and lose 50% of my fertility, needless to say I chose to try the shot, which so far seems to be working well, my hormone levels have dropped by half since last friday.

I have never spent so much time in the hospital. and can't wait 'til its all over so I can begin to heal and get on with my life.

I´m sorry for your loss.
I had an ectopic pregnancy before I had my daughters. We had been trying for a long time to get pregnant and had more or less given up, so I didn´t realize that I was pregnant. I blamed every symptom on workrelated stress and the tube ruptured. I was lucky that I didn´t faint and that I live so near the hospital.
We were told to use birthcontrol for att least 3 months, to take time to heal. We did wait the three months, but not a day longer because we thought it might take long time before it would work out for us again, if at all.
It did work out and right away too. I had some pain during that pregnancy due to the scarring and I was very scared that I would miscarry, the whole time. Perhaps I would have had an easier time, if we had waited a little longer, to be able to heal a bit more both physically and mentally but on the other hand it vas a difficult high risk pregnancy and I might have had just as hard time anyway.
The end result was a healthy daughter and we are eternally grateful for that.
I hope everything works out as well as possible for you!

 

[brian26]

miscarriage

My wide has the same scenerio occur. She had to have a second shot because her counts would not drop enough. She continued to bleed for approximately 2 weeks. This is second time this happened in a year. I guess it's contributed to progesterone

She takes fertility shots. Coping is day by day. We just try and be positive for the next attempt. It just gets difficult with all the set backs. Keep your head up high you have not done anything wrong and good luck