Microsoft word question

[OldnotDead]

Re: BEWARE! Minor Thread Jacking

Sorry, on a thread about WORD I just couldn't resist!

Abbot & Costello Updated to 21st Century

. . .
ABBOT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOT: Why not, they own it.

Lucky E,

LMAO - We've got quite an A&C collection here and I would love to see this one on video. . . Well done!!!

 

[tolyk]

I also shut the annoying thing off.. Who needs help in MS Word? MS Access I can see... MS Word?? heh heh..

 

[Svenskaflicka]

It's not there to help, it's there to keep you company! To cheer up your screen. To purrrrrrrrrr...

 

[SlickTony]

I see, Svenskaflicka, that you and I both like Links, for much the same reason. I do not take seriously what the cat claims to know about grammar, any more than I take seriously what Ziba and Doc tell me.

 

[pop_54]

This is cool So far I have learned that Svenskaflicka and myself are either the only ones willing to admit we use the assistant and like it or she was just trying to make me feel good.

Pop admits to watching the pussy fall asleep but then turns it off or on like it was a light switch.

Sub Joe is so desperate for a life he is interested if Pop is on or off. (don't ask me I am just saying what I see)

Liar don't even know if there was other options, that is if that's the truth?

Of course the leading ladies don't need the little fella even for company.

The_old_man I am wondering either he has a virus or thinks the assistant is a pop-up. Either way I will humor him and think he might be ahead of all of us by not utilizing word.

Box was great, he came on like he knew better than the assistant, but then let us down easy with even he can make a mistake. So unofficial Box is a clipper man.

Then of course Lucky E leven I mean what can I say? I loved Abbot and Costello, so I guess Lucky just has far too much time on hand If you wrote it it was funny. If you found it man you need to get a life off the internet, but it was still funny.

Refer back to Joe and Pop for directions on finding a life.

Phildo

It's off at the moment mate I am about to find a life, well about to practice the art of creating life, (it won't work cos she's been doctored)

 

[Liar]

It's not there to help, it's there to keep you company! To cheer up your screen. To purrrrrrrrrr...

I thought that was our job.

#L

 

[KenJames]

I shut the annoying little wanker off. Seriously, he is!

I don't need his "whooshing" and popping up, to help me. The little tosser does my head in.

Lou

I love the way you put that.

I use Word 97 and turned the paperclip (which looks like Bill Gates to me) off. It only appears on the rare occasions when I summon it. I've seen the other wizards, although they're more like "sorcerer's apprentices" to me, but those would have cost extra. I'll be damned if I'll pay to be annoyed.

 

[KenJames]

Re: Wordstar 2000+

I use an ancient wordprocessor called Wordstar 2000+ when I want my writing to flow fast.

I have been using it since the late 1980s. It will run on a single floppy 360k on an IBM XT but is better with at least 10mb (not gb) hard drive.

It produces plain ASCII files that I can upload into anything and take up very little space. Almost everything I have ever written will fit on a couple of 3.5 inch floppies.

I can use it on any of my ancient computers. I know the keystrokes instinctively and I do not get blue screens of death or annoying Windows error messages. I can even run it with Windows ME.

It doesn't have pop-up assistants; doesn't ask silly questions except "Are you sure you want to delete this file?"; and it does what it is supposed to do - every time.

Og

I'm surprised it still runs. I guess you're using DOS, which Microsoft keeps claiming to have eliminated.

 

[lewdandlicentious]

Yes, but if you knew ME Perdy, you wouldn't need Batteries!!

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Svenskaflicka'
Exactly I use it because it keeps me company. God knows I don't want some one looking over my shoulder. So I am alone when I write.
~~~~~

Hi Dampy!
You disappointed me. I thought for sure you would have a little desk top friend.
~~~~~

Perdi,
Unless it was on how to configure a DLL. file and then I would not be in this forum. There are more important questions than proper use of Ms Word. You ought to know better by now!
~~~~~

Pop.
Practice makes perfect! If you ever feel you need help let me know! I know what you mean 'doctored' but it is still good to practice often.
~~~~~

KenJames,
I thought the same thing the clip does resemble Bill. As far as Dos goes Ms can't eliminate it they just rename it and wish to make it more and more difficult to learn how to use.
My old Lemmings game still runs on Dos it is the best waste of time there is.
~~~~~~

oggbashan,

I am going to guess you don't have a CDRW drive. I thought 512 was still too slow. I won't be going back to the 80s when I thought 8G was a big deal. Today anything under 140G is small of course my games take more space than anything else.

As far as the blue screen of death. That has to be the most outrageous thing there is. No better feeling in the world to write and loose it all in the flash of a keystroke.
~~~~~~

BT,
Keep it up! No really keep it up! That's a good girl.

What other excuse do I have to get a pretty girl to read my perverted thoughts?

 

[Guest]

I love the way you put that.

I use Word 97 and turned the paperclip (which looks like Bill Gates to me) off. It only appears on the rare occasions when I summon it. I've seen the other wizards, although they're more like "sorcerer's apprentices" to me, but those would have cost extra. I'll be damned if I'll pay to be annoyed.

Hehehe! Thanks, Ken.

We all know it's true.

Lou

 

[oggbashan]

Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

I'm surprised it still runs. I guess you're using DOS, which Microsoft keeps claiming to have eliminated.

I just keep loading it into each newer computer and Windows seems to accept it - so far. I've run it with Windows 3.1, 95, 98, 98SE and ME. I have an icon for it on my desktop and it works seamlessly. I even acquired DOS for ME but didn't need it.

I use Word97 for my more modern friends. I do have a CD writer but why bother if I can put a dozen of my stories on one floppy. My stories aren't usually short. I use the CD writer for photos.

For me, DOS is modern. I started on an IBM 1401 mainframe writing machine code.

Og

 

[Guest]

Perdi, Unless it was on how to configure a DLL. file and then I would not be in this forum. There are more important questions than proper use of Ms Word. You ought to know better by now!

Phil, I have no idea what you mean. Don't explain though, just being polite by responding.

Perdita

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Perdi that "DLL file" is the little bastard file that windows loves to watch you as a human delte in another program that shares with other files and programs. So then when you click on a program to open you just get a thundering ring then a message box explaining that 'DLL file is not available so the program won't run.

This was a bigger problem with win 95 and 98

My biggest dilema to day is to decide what color screen I am going to use and then if I like rounded corners or sharp edges.

By the time i am done with all that it is lunch time for me and my mini assistant. Maybe after lunch we can get some stories rolling.

 

[KenJames]

Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

I just keep loading it into each newer computer and Windows seems to accept it - so far. I've run it with Windows 3.1, 95, 98, 98SE and ME. I have an icon for it on my desktop and it works seamlessly. I even acquired DOS for ME but didn't need it.

I use Word97 for my more modern friends. I do have a CD writer but why bother if I can put a dozen of my stories on one floppy. My stories aren't usually short. I use the CD writer for photos.

For me, DOS is modern. I started on an IBM 1401 mainframe writing machine code.

Og

I started with FORTRAN on a Philco 2000 mainframe, did assembley language on a Xerox Data Systems Sigma 7 and finally graduated to COBOL and assembler on an IBM 360. Being able to buy my own computer was so great!

I eventually archive my stories and musical compositions to CD, as well as my photos, because I've had too many floppys go bad. Mostly I mirror my writing and music files to another hard disk. I am paranoid about losing work.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

I started with FORTRAN on a Philco 2000 mainframe,

Does any one know is that like a Phildo 2000 main lame brain? Because those suckers really humm.

 

[snooper]

Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

...For me, DOS is modern. I started on an IBM 1401 mainframe writing machine code...

,007014,021028 and all that? It was a great improvement on SOAP on the 650.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Weeee, Links is the most popular of all the assistants-that-hasn't-been-turned-off!
This calls for a nana.

 

[KenJames]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

Does any one know is that like a Phildo 2000 main lame brain? Because those suckers really humm.

I can't come up with a funny answer to that, so I'll play straight man.

Philco's main claim to fame was making car radios for Ford. The Philco 2000 was obsolete when I started programming it in 1969. The University of Wyoming bought it as junk and one of our engineering professors reassembled it.

It had considerably less computing power than the first PCs but looked impressive as hell; towering cabinets covered with flashing lights, a console that looked like it belonged to a pipe organ, and dozens of tape drives with madly shuttling reels. It looked like the computers in the science fiction movies of the era.

To program it, I had to punch cards, turn them in to an operator and wait. With luck and careful timing, I could get four runs a day. Og probably had the same experiences. I'm glad I went through that so I can appreciate modern computers, but I don't miss the old technology a bit.

 

[Black Tulip]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

Does any one know is that like a Phildo 2000 main lame brain?

Well, you said I should keep it up.

Because those suckers really humm.

This should of course be: Because those really hum when sucked.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

I can't come up with a funny answer to that, so I'll play straight man.

Philco's main claim to fame was making car radios for Ford. The Philco 2000 was obsolete when I started programming it in 1969. The University of Wyoming bought it as junk and one of our engineering professors reassembled it.

It had considerably less computing power than the first PCs but looked impressive as hell; towering cabinets covered with flashing lights, a console that looked like it belonged to a pipe organ, and dozens of tape drives with madly shuttling reels. It looked like the computers in the science fiction movies of the era.

To program it, I had to punch cards, turn them in to an operator and wait. With luck and careful timing, I could get four runs a day. Og probably had the same experiences. I'm glad I went through that so I can appreciate modern computers, but I don't miss the old technology a bit.

Ken,

Believe it or not I find this stuff really facinating. It may not directly be affecting the kind fo stories I write, but certainly is giving me a different way to look at computers.

I was not always on a modern computer. I did start back when all it was was a Dos set up and I can remember placing a whole bunch of //Tree, and other comands to make a picture or what have you.

I was young at the time and it really did not make too much sense to me. Windows came about shortly after and Dos was still used but mainly for installing programs.

Really I don't think I could go back to the old stuff with out relearning most of it again. I can still recall the day my dad had the first computer installed in our home. No one had one at the time and to have 8G of hard drive and a few programs was about $8,000. That was a lot of money back then to have an overgrown calculator that played Lemings and could chat with my uncles in other states.

I remember it did have a few business programs we were not allowed to touch. The thing is if today a computer crashed as often as they did back then no one would own one.

Not to mention the printers of the time had that hole punch paper that you peeled off the sides. The assortment of colors was balck and light black.

We were not complaining it was a great step up from pong and atari games.

The Philco sounds like it was more paper work than pixel work. I still get a kick out of that today. We use a computer to keep all the file on to conserve on paper and make access easier. Then you print a copy just to have on file incase the PC crashes. More so now we do back-up on disk but still the paper persists in being the leading document secure file.

~~~~~~~
Snooper I am not sure I understand "It was a great improvement on SOAP on the 650." What was SOAP? Maybe it is way over my head. Thought I would ask any way.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

Well, you said I should keep it up.





This should of course be: Because those really hum when sucked.

I'll give you a Hummer my dear and then you will see it is all about keeping it up! Like Lew said no batteries needed. Your too funny! I am most likely still wrong But I meant like "Hum" as in vibrate really fast. You know that humming sound when it is pulled out in creases in tone. More speed they would "Hum" right along!
I still like it when your right.

~~~~~~~~~~

Svenskaflicka,
Darling don't be too excited! You can Nana me but I have to think you are pleased buecause Links is the favored of those who will admit to utilizing a character. Did you consider who it was that was supporting links and why?

The little pussy cat isn't so innocent you know! I think there might be different motives for the men to want a ....Nevermind I am not going down that road. You are right you're a head.

 

[oggbashan]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

The Philco 2000 was obsolete when I started programming it in 1969. The University of Wyoming bought it as junk and one of our engineering professors reassembled it.

It had considerably less computing power than the first PCs but looked impressive as hell; towering cabinets covered with flashing lights, a console that looked like it belonged to a pipe organ, and dozens of tape drives with madly shuttling reels. It looked like the computers in the science fiction movies of the era.

To program it, I had to punch cards, turn them in to an operator and wait. With luck and careful timing, I could get four runs a day. Og probably had the same experiences. I'm glad I went through that so I can appreciate modern computers, but I don't miss the old technology a bit.

I was the System Manager for our IBM 1401. I had 20 staff inputting data on punch cards and 5 dealing with the output. The noise of the card punch machines was terrible but the line printer was worse. It had 144 columns with the type faces on vertical bars that flashed up and down. A whole line was printed in one impact. When the printer decided to malfunction it would eject continuous paper at 4m.p.h. - sounds slow? You try stopping it before 4000 sheets of paper are in a large heap.

If the card reader wrecked the cards I had to reconstruct them with a hand operated card punch. If desperate - and I had to be - I could input a program by using 8 switches on the side of the CPU to set up each byte, bit by bit.

In the lunchtime we updated the PERT diagram for the rebuild of an aircraft carrier. The System Manager had to be present so I didn't get lunch except by rushing around chomping a sandwich. I had a stomach ulcer - at age 21. (And grey streaks in my hair).

There was a dire IBM warning on the emergency off switch on the main CPU labelled "If case of fire pull hard".

IF you pulled that switch you would rip out all the hardwired connections to the busbar destroying the RAM. Rebuild would take at least two months IF possible.

We had a fire in the next office. I evacuated my staff and stood with my hand on the off switch mumbling "The boy stood on the burning deck" under my breath as the smoke billowed around me.

My colleague (and friend) rushed in "Fire's Out!" he yelled. "It's just smoke now". I took my hand off the switch.

Later we found out that IBM had never had that switch pulled on any computer. If I had pulled it we would have needed a new mainframe.

I didn't need to pull it anyway. I had turned the mains power to the whole complex off first so the system was electrically dead.

The card punch machine would overheat daily so we sprayed it with short bursts from the CO2 extinguisher. We had CO2 extinguishers for "real" fires and CO2 extinguishers to cool the card punch. Could we spray CO2 around daily in an office today? I doubt it.

I still have my IBM programming notes.

Og

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wordstar 2000+

Svenskaflicka,
Darling don't be too excited! You can Nana me but I have to think you are pleased buecause Links is the favored of those who will admit to utilizing a character. Did you consider who it was that was supporting links and why?

The little pussy cat isn't so innocent you know! I think there might be different motives for the men to want a ....Nevermind I am not going down that road. You are right you're a head.

Cats ALWAYS have an ulterior motive. And that's one of their nicer characteristics!

 

[SlickTony]

Not to mention the printers of the time had that hole punch paper that you peeled off the sides. The assortment of colors was balck and light black.

I wouldn't go back to the old days for anything. AAMOF, I still have one of those printers--it's on the top shelf of my son's closet and I don't know why I haven't gotten around to throwing it out. It was nothing but trouble when I had it. It was always jamming. I had an arsenal of small tools, ranging from metal steak skewers to needles to small screwdrivers to tweezers that I kept on hand for unjamming the thing. However, it usually chose the time to jam when I would be just about to go out the door for a job interview and would decide to print out a copy of my resume.

I had almost a quire of the fanfold paper with the sprocket holes on the sides until just a couple of weeks ago. I gave it away to the children's ministry leader at the church--I think they still have a dot matrix computer themselves, and at any rate, they could use the paper.

The first place I ever worked at in the US had a mainframe with a non-QWERTY keyboard. It gave me fits and they decided i wasn't cut out to have anything to do with the mainframe. I dare say there are a few old codgers who swear by the non-QWERTY keyboard but if it was that great you'd still see it around and you don't.

How well you like the Clippy office assistant depends on how well you like Groucho Marx--I always thought it looked like him. But as much as I like the Marx Bros., who wouldn't prefer a cute kitty that purrs and falls asleep on your screen?