Mentors

[Keroin]

I was reading a book this morning, "Yes Sister, No Sister", which recounts the life of a trainee nurse in 1950's Yorkshire, and it got me to thinking about mentors.

I've been fortunate enough to have had two people in my life who I consider mentors, people who gave me guidance and direction when I needed it most. Sometimes guidance in the form of wise words and sometimes in the form of a kick in the pants, but guidance nonetheless.

Have you had a mentor in your life? Who were they and how did they help you? Have you been a mentor to someone else? If so, why, and what was the experience like?

 

[Maidinusa]

My friend Kim has done alot for me. Even though she's a couple years younger she's been a big help getting, and keeping me on track

 

[where]

yeah. my undergrad dissertation supervisor. she has been a perfect guiding influence through my academic career. I would have loved to have her as my masters and/or PhD supervisor but politics and funding fucks it. Still though she gives me guidance and support and is a true critical friend.

 

[Keroin]

yeah. my undergrad dissertation supervisor. she has been a perfect guiding influence through my academic career. I would have loved to have her as my masters and/or PhD supervisor but politics and funding fucks it. Still though she gives me guidance and support and is a true critical friend.

The part in bold is what jumped out at me. To me, the difference between a mentor and a friend is that a mentor is not afraid to 'not' be your friend. In other words, their focus is on helping you to be better even if, in the moment, you might not like them very much for it. Both of the mentors I mentioned in the OP were honest to the point of painful with me, which didn't feel so great at times but sure helped me move forward.

 

[where]

The part in bold is what jumped out at me. To me, the difference between a mentor and a friend is that a mentor is not afraid to 'not' be your friend. In other words, their focus is on helping you to be better even if, in the moment, you might not like them very much for it. Both of the mentors I mentioned in the OP were honest to the point of painful with me, which didn't feel so great at times but sure helped me move forward.

yeah. she gives me hard fucking truths but is also really supportive. she gives me direction but also gets excited about new avenues I explore. I actually really love her. not romantically but in a very deep and real way.

 

[KoPilot]

I have two. One would be my aunt, who has lived an incredibly full and exciting life, gone and done things no one in the family has dared to do, and finds company with some of the country's brightest folks. She's levelheaded, but understands the importance of risk, and those are two things that I'm realizing are surprisingly difficult to find in other family members these days.

And the other, well... we're dating now. :]

 

[Keroin]

yeah. she gives me hard fucking truths but is also really supportive. she gives me direction but also gets excited about new avenues I explore. I actually really love her. not romantically but in a very deep and real way.

No, I totally get that kind of love. It's a special variety. Glad to hear you have someone like that in your life!

I have two. One would be my aunt, who has lived an incredibly full and exciting life, gone and done things no one in the family has dared to do, and finds company with some of the country's brightest folks. She's levelheaded, but understands the importance of risk, and those are two things that I'm realizing are surprisingly difficult to find in other family members these days.

And the other, well... we're dating now. :]

You aunt sounds like someone I'd love to meet. I hope that's the kind of aunt I will be to my nephews. At the very least, I'd like them to have someone they can look to in the family who is "different" so they know it's OK to be different.

You're dating your mentor #2, eh? Interesting.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

He's not a "mentor" so to speak, but whenever classes just feel too rough, I go back and read James Herriot to get myself motivated again.

 

[DVS]

My dad taught me electricity, plumbing, carpentry, and just about anything else I needed to know to fix something around the house. My parents taught me how to be a good person and to treat others as equals. But I found out a lot about life, in the big picture, on my own.

I was a very independent kid and I lived in a very small town. And I was considered the black sheep of the family, because I didn't conform to my parent's wishes about school, etc. It didn't help any that my two older sisters had been perfect daughters, in that respect.

I wanted a music career, and that was totally unheard of. You just didn't do that and I was considered to be totally wasting my time. Consequently, I got no help and no support from my family. All I got from my parents was "get it out of your system but don't expect any help from us" as if it was just a passing fad.

Being independent and also a bit stubborn, their lack of support actually drove me to work that much harder for it, just to prove them wrong. But, without the basic knowledge of how to go about it (because nobody had done it before), and with no money or family support to fall back on, I was confronted by failure at most every turn. Only when I got out on my own was I able to make any headway, but by then, I was years behind the curve and I never caught up.

It was the same thing in my sex life. Sex wasn't talked about, when I was a kid. I never had that talk about the birds and the bees with my dad, or even a friend. I found out about sex in a magazine and I also learned that I wasn't alone in my BDSM thoughts, from a magazine. That's what there was, before the Internet came around. They were in the sleazy stores I went to the big city to buy. You couldn't get them in the wholesome environment I lived in.

Because I lived in such a small town, where everybody literally knew everybody else, it wasn't possible to be different without the rest of the town knowing. So, my fetish life was very limited. I knew at a very early age about my kinky thoughts but I couldn't act on them.

There were a couple girls that had similar thoughts as I did and I was lucky to find them. The little bit of exploring we did back then was major fuel for my sanity. Who knows...maybe the fact that my sex life was so stagnant early on has been a factor in my somewhat over the top kinky behavior in my adult life. So, there was some benefit to growing up in a small town...sexually speaking.

But because I didn't have much mentoring in my life, and because I learned most everything by trial and error, I've developed an understanding for other people I see in situations where they seem lost or need a little direction in life. I don't consider myself a mentor, but I will sometimes give advice to those who ask, if I've got the necessary knowledge.

It might be part of the reason I enjoy newbie submissive women so much. Oh, I know it's only partially the reason, because I think any Dom enjoys dominating someone who has no idea what to expect. It's kind of like I'm the teacher as well as a trainer. I love it when they experience something for the first time and then hunger for it.

But there is something I enjoy in showing someone what I consider the correct way to learn things, helping them understand why they feel the way they do and allowing them to explore their own kinky mind at the pace they feel comfortable with.

Was this a bi-product that came out of my trial and error days? Who knows. I do enjoy teaching and almost became a teacher, at one point. But I know there's a part of me deep down inside that understands that feeling, where you sometimes need a little help and there's none to be found.

Sorry, this turned into more of a rant than a post.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I worked full-time for 8 years before taking 3 years off when my children were born. When I went back to work, just weekends, I was very nervous. I'm a pharmacist and so much changes so quickly. I had tried to keep up reading journals, keeping in touch with friends who were still working but there is no substitute to actually doing the job.

Brian was my primary co-worker during those weekends. He was about 15 years older than me and I will be forever grateful to him. He not only was patient with me when something came up that I didn't know, he also would print out articles about practices he thought may be different then when I had last worked. I worked with him for two years before I had to move to another state. My return to the profession would have been significantly more difficult if not for him.

 

[graceanne]

No, not really. My church has a mentorship program, cause the bible says that older women should mentor younger women, but I've never had any luck with that. What with K going into Ministry, I've looked into possibly getting a mentor that is a pastors wife. If he's going to spend four years preparing for ministry, I think I should to. It's very frustrating.

That said, I have grilled a few pastors wives, and I guess there's some awesome stuff for the spouses of the people going through Seminary to help them prepare for their future role. I really hope so, I feel so unprepared and not ready for this.

 

[Homburg]

Always been the mentor, never the mentee. Folks that have had the experience and ability to be worthwhile as mentors have always treated me as a peer regardless of my actual ability. People just assume that I'm competent at whatever it is, and are generally surprised when I say that I'm new at whatever is being discussed.

Apparently I reek of competence or something. It gets extremely annoying when I'm actively trying to learn something.

 

[~hellbaby~]

I never did but for years one of my son's teachers has mentored him. At first I thought it was freaky an older man taking such an interest in a teenager but as I got to know him it was clear he missed his sons who were grown or at college. He has been a good friend to my kid who does not see his dad and has helped us out getting him through school. Sometimes he is annoying to me, calling all the time and my friends say he is nice to my son because he wants to fuck me and maybe he does but I chose to think he genuinelly cares about my son and wants to see him succeed,( afterall what man doesnt make a move in 3 years)
In any case, we are blessed by his caring. It is not often a teacher goes to extremes to help a troubled kid, usually they send a letter or call complaining about them instead of taking the time to know where they are coming from.

 

[Cattypuss]

Sadly I've never had a mentor. For some reason people tend to treat me as the one who should be mentoring, which actually can piss me off quite a lot. I would like sometimes to be the one who is allowed to be guided and is allowed to show weakness. I don't feel to me like a natural leader/guider but it seems I do appear that way to other people.

Didn't actually realise just how much this pisses me off, just how much I feel I've missed out, until I started writing this!

(goes off to bash something)

 

[Ravenwind]

I have been both the mentor and the mentored... forever willing to learn, and forever willing to share what I've learned.

Those whom I look up to include a certain old-school hacker, ironically named Mentor, whose manifesto guided my life from a young age- not truly a mentor in the strictest sense, but when a couple hundred words is profound enough to change the direction of a life, I think it's close enough... as far as gaming goes, none have given me more inspiration than "c", and while I have had many mentors in the past who "showed me how to play", "c" showed me how to *think*- a far more dangerous tool than any walkthrough or guide. In the arts, I have to hand it to my jr. high music teacher, who pushed me on through high school and even college- he saw something in me that few others have seen, and helped me to realize my full potential... and then some.

Overall, though, I'd have to say my biggest mentor is my Husband... he taught me the life skills I had never gotten from my family (who had spoiled me). He taught me, to be me.