Mentoring

[ladycrow]

Has anyone here mentored or been mentored? Share your experiences?

If you're currently looking for someone to develop a mentoring relationship, share as well.

 

[zozok]

Hey sexy

How are you?I have been mentored 12 years ago when 14,by a much older neighbor.It was a really fun experience that helped me out very much in my future sex life

 

[rosco rathbone]

How are you?I have been mentored 12 years ago when 14,by a much older neighbor.It was a really fun experience that helped me out very much in my future sex life

It's talking about BDSM mentoring, jegoff.

 

[intothewoods]

I know there are people here who've had positive mentoring experiences, but I didn't. I was an idiot, and didn't question the motives of the person or how experienced they really were.

EG had a great post about mentoring.

ETA: It's quoted here: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=26653420&postcount=101

and here is the text:

Re: Mentoring...(rules???)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I posted this to T3's discussion list a few weeks ago... No need to re-invent the wheel.


Rule #1 - If they want to have sex with you, THEY ARE NOT A MENTOR.
Rule #1a - If you want to have sex with them, YOU AREN'T LOOKING FOR
A MENTOR.

Rule #2 - If they want to play with you, THEY ARE NOT A MENTOR.
Rule #2a - If you want them to play with you, YOU ARE NOT LOOKING
FOR A MENTOR.

Rule #3 - If they try to run your life or deny you access to other
people or sources of information for your BDSM education, THEY ARE
NOT A MENTOR.
Rule #3a - If you are looking for them to run your life, make
decisions for you, tell you who you can see, or what you can read,
or who you can talk to to learn about this lifestyle, YOU ARE NOT
LOOKING FOR A MENTOR.

Rule #4 - YOU, and only YOU, are responsible for wisely choosing a
mentor. DO YOUR EFFING HOMEWORK before asking someone to be a
mentor for you.

A mentor is a teacher, a guide, a sounding board, a friend.
According to Webster's - a mentor is a trusted counselor or guide.
A mentor is there to answer your questions, offer advice, point you
in the direction to find the answers you need. They are there to
warn you when you are about to screw up... but they are not there to
save you from your own hormones or stupidity. A mentor needs the
ethics of a saint, and the patience of Job, the flexibility of a
snake and a spine of steel sometimes.

A mentor isn't a fuck-buddy, a friend with benefits, a play partner,
or control freak for _your_ life. Do not let a predator in mentor's
clothing attempt to use you.

Nuff said.

 

[SweetGigi]

I couldn't agree more with EG and ITW. I have had a few mentors in my past, but each was not exactly what he should have been. Either they thwarted efforts to grow and learn for their own needs or they fostered feelings for me that were not in a healthy mentoring light. Anyone who claims to be 'taking you under their wing to educate you in the lifestyle' should never want or try to get into your pants, and you should never want to get into theirs. If you blur those lines, things get complicated and the growth and learning stop. (on the basic level it was intended at least- then another sort of more painful but equally educational lesson starts at this point)

You have to see and look at it as a professional exchange of knowledge. If emotions or sex become involved it just makes things messy.

 

[kinkyTNcouple]

When I first got into the lifestyle I had a long time Domme that mentored me. She was a good friend, and taught me a lot. I think when the intentions are to teach and to learn that it can be a great thing.

 

[ladycrow]

intothewoods - some very good points being made there. unfortunately, it does point out that sometimes need to have common sense illustrated to them. =\



I have.. from time to time.. considered seeing what a mentor might offer me but have either not been committed enough or just didn't find the right person. A mentoring relationship can be a lot of responsibility.

 

[BiYeti]

Never had a mentor, so I ended up learning things as I went along. The main thing I'd have liked to have been taught, mostly for embaressment's sake, is what's reality and what's fantasy about the lifestyle.

Sure, I know these things NOW but an 18 year old kid with nothing more than a few thousand stories and a cub scout's knowledge of knots under his belt setting off into the dark, dank, leather clad world isn't nearly as prepared as he believes he is.

 

[intothewoods]

Never had a mentor, so I ended up learning things as I went along. The main thing I'd have liked to have been taught, mostly for embaressment's sake, is what's reality and what's fantasy about the lifestyle.

Sure, I know these things NOW but an 18 year old kid with nothing more than a few thousand stories and a cub scout's knowledge of knots under his belt setting off into the dark, dank, leather clad world isn't nearly as prepared as he believes he is.

I would have loved to have that knowledge imparted to me as well (not sure if it's possible to teach someone that though), and I was, ahem, just a bit older.

Back to the OP....

On a positive note, there definitely are PYLs who are interested in teaching, because they care about the community and just generally enjoy showing other people the ropes. I discovered those people by talking to people I trusted (getting a reference, basically), trusting my own instincts, and taking my time. Someone who just wants to get in your pants won't stick around for all that long.

I've also made friends (not really mentors per se, but people whose opinions I trust) with people who identify on the same side of the coin as me. Switches also work well. I strongly recommend making friends like this so that when you consider a new relationship, you have friends who are there to give you a gut check. Lots and lots of people in this lifestyle get caught up in all the wonderful emotions of a new thing, without taking time to use their heads first. Not every friend is good for this, but it's good to have some level-headed folks in your life. Someone who's there to put your head on right, and not blow smoke up your ass.