Mental Illness

[desertslave]

Three people are alive thanks to me. Youre not stupid so stop pretenduing to be a moron. Some people need their asses kissed, and most need their asses kicked.

And I want you to do something with that story you wrote. Its damn good and begs for more.

Over and out.

<blink> My story? <blink>

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

<blink> My story? <blink>

Read your story comments some time.

Its GIRL TALK

 

[desertslave]

Read your story comments some time.

Its GIRL TALK

Considering I haven't posted anything in 3 years, it's sort of a non-event these days. And LOL, that story was a one-off kind of thing, but thank you!

I've been mulling over those three people you say you saved. Imagine how many more you might have helped with a little compassion.

 

[FurryFury]

Agreed. Since this troll continues to be hateful and harassing, and since I can't ban him from my thread I highly recommend we all put him on ignore so we can enjoy this thread as it was meant to be without such harsh B.S.

This will make only the second time in all my years here that I have felt it was the best plan to put someone on ignore.

Thank all the gods that people like you are retired and 'outta the way!!!'

 

[desertslave]

Agreed. Since this troll continues to be hateful and harassing, and since I can't ban him from my thread I highly recommend we all put him on ignore so we can enjoy this thread as it was meant to be without such harsh B.S.

This will make only the second time in all my years here that I have felt it was the best plan to put someone on ignore.

My apologies for engaging. I knew better but I was a twit for a few days. He's back on ignore, when he belongs

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Wont happen, wont happen cuz our resident PA's might miss something. All they ever get from the num nutz is YES DEAR.

 

[FurryFury]

No worries. I did the same.

My apologies for engaging. I knew better but I was a twit for a few days. He's back on ignore, when he belongs

 

[desertslave]

Meanwhile....I'm now completely done with any psych meds. Still having an occasional 'brain shiver' from the Effexor but I'm happy with the drop-off. Emotionally I'm still pretty wobbly. Master has been sweetly supportive through all of this, and giving me hope that we really will get beyond it. I'm looking forward to Wednesday, when I finally meet with my therapist.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[FurryFury]

Hope it's a good fit. Let us know how it goes.

*hugs*

Meanwhile....I'm now completely done with any psych meds. Still having an occasional 'brain shiver' from the Effexor but I'm happy with the drop-off. Emotionally I'm still pretty wobbly. Master has been sweetly supportive through all of this, and giving me hope that we really will get beyond it. I'm looking forward to Wednesday, when I finally meet with my therapist.

 

[desertslave]

Turns out this therapist is mostly just an intermediary for a psychiatrist, in that she can make evaluations and prescribe meds. She declared me NOT bipolar, just very depressed, and felt that i had very good reasons for sliding into the rabbit hole. That was a relief to hear! I'm back on the med I've been on for the past six years, that had helped me well enough for so long, tapering up to my previous dose as needed.

She gave me the names of several counselors for help in tackling some of these issues. I will need Master's support and cooperation, and that's where it might get tricky. She gave me a little bit of 'homework'--a small thing to talk with Master about, and I'm scared to even try. So, SNAFU still exists in spades.

 

[FurryFury]

You know your master wants to help. So I call this progress. *HUGS*

Turns out this therapist is mostly just an intermediary for a psychiatrist, in that she can make evaluations and prescribe meds. She declared me NOT bipolar, just very depressed, and felt that i had very good reasons for sliding into the rabbit hole. That was a relief to hear! I'm back on the med I've been on for the past six years, that had helped me well enough for so long, tapering up to my previous dose as needed.

She gave me the names of several counselors for help in tackling some of these issues. I will need Master's support and cooperation, and that's where it might get tricky. She gave me a little bit of 'homework'--a small thing to talk with Master about, and I'm scared to even try. So, SNAFU still exists in spades.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[desertslave]

I envy her coping skills! Thank you so much for that.

Roses here have to be tough. The work so hard to grow, making the most of every drop of rain (the one blessing is that we rarely have to deal with mildew or black spot), doggedly make their beautiful blooms, only to emerge and get roasted by the sun. They have learned, many of them, and bloom as early as April, and go dormant in the summer heat. (Most residents wish they could do so, as well. LOL)

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I love that 2nd shot - very beautiful!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[desertslave]

A little progress report.

Today is my 7th day back on my former antidepressant, Effexor, at the lowest dose. Tomorrow I start a double dose, and I'm looking forward to it. I haven't had nearly as many "way down there" moments in the last day or so, and feel like I'm more even than I have been in months, but I still don't quite feel comfortable in my own skin.

I'm in counseling limbo, playing a bit of phone tag with a promising kink-aware therapist who also does couples counseling. Master has said he's willing to try, which gives me an extra boost of hopefulness. I hope we can put all the past few years' crazies behind us. I'm trying to compartmentalize the stuff that I can't really do much about and just be a leaf in the wind for those things. (Extra hugs for anyone who gets that reference.)

 

[FurryFury]

This is great news, desertslave! Yay! *HUGS*

 

[desertslave]

We have an appointment for counseling next week. The sooner the better.

I'm so frustrated. I feel somewhat better at times but then, for no sensible reason that I can find, I mentally slip and fall. I feel so very alone lately. I know that I should reach out more often, to more people, but I just feel like I'm in quicksand.

I think I've had some reassurance about one issue, but maybe not?

I hate this uncertainty about every damn thing.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[desertslave]

I thought Monday would never get here. Our weekend was full of ups and downs, but I am feeling lighter today than I have in weeks. I'm really looking forward to counseling today to help us find our way further along our path together. Master has been very kind to me, we've had fun in the kitchen together like we used to, and that anchors me in important ways.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I've had to have an ongoing email discussion with the attorney I'm working with to try to get Mom's estate settled (still/more/again) and it's been exasperating. I'm quite ready to just say fuck it all, and write myself out of the whole thing. We are financially snug-but-comfortable just the way we are, anyway. It would be one less stress pulling at me, that's for sure! I'd much rather be on the road for fun than because I have to go to a hearing.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[desertslave]

Good luck today. I hope that the therapist is great and that they help you ( both) to find the way forward.

Road to fun does sound good. I want that too! Which way is it?

I think it's just a circle at this point, or an unending spiral. I'm so tired of all of the uncertainty. My ragged edge never seems to stop crumbling away, and I'm honestly not sure the struggle is really worth it, more often than not.

The therapist was really nice. I think we can work well with her, if that's what M decides we are doing. He didn't want to talk about it yesterday, so I'm in limbo about just about everything involving us. I know I need my own therapist to tackle the depression, too, but that's like finding a hair in a haystack.

I feel like what I most need is a trip to the beach...some calm quiet time, just us and a few seagulls and the water. Just being not here; without all of the extraneous nonsense. And if it all turns sour I can just start swimming away.

 

[FurryFury]

*hugs* Beach! I second that motion.

I think it's just a circle at this point, or an unending spiral. I'm so tired of all of the uncertainty. My ragged edge never seems to stop crumbling away, and I'm honestly not sure the struggle is really worth it, more often than not.

The therapist was really nice. I think we can work well with her, if that's what M decides we are doing. He didn't want to talk about it yesterday, so I'm in limbo about just about everything involving us. I know I need my own therapist to tackle the depression, too, but that's like finding a hair in a haystack.

I feel like what I most need is a trip to the beach...some calm quiet time, just us and a few seagulls and the water. Just being not here; without all of the extraneous nonsense. And if it all turns sour I can just start swimming away.