Mental Illness

[MaryanneB]

If only it were possible to keep them flowing constantly without killing someone.

Ben Wah balls....good things

 

[Terranim]

I think...no, I KNOW that a reasonable "dosage" is eminently possible. Timing (and availability) is everything!

Reasonably dosage and a lot of fluids!

Ben Wah balls....good things

As long as they're made right!

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Reasonably dosage and a lot of fluids!



As long as they're made right!

Ummmm... made right?
I'll bite.
How can they be made not right?

 

[desertslave]

Ummmm... made right?
I'll bite.
How can they be made not right?

Helpful hints:
Make sure they are stainless steel.
Avoid the ones with gold plating.

 

[Setanta84]

The woman I mentioned earlier in the thread called me last week.

On the upside: it was a weird enough call to confirm, yeah, she is definitely mentally ill--probably a cluster B personality disorderly, very likely NPD--and not just a lying, cheating, manipulative asshole.

Downside: while I kept a strong front on the call itself and kept bringing the conversation toward what she did to me and away from the offer of reconciliation she was dangling, she did manage to get inside my head. (She reasserted her "love" for me.) And I was awkward as fuck on a date that week as a result. It turned out to be a bad but this chicken-and-egged it. Was it bad because I was just having shitty luck that week or because I was so damn awkward?

 

[FurryFury]

Manipulative people need to be cut out of your head and life entirely. *HUGS*

The woman I mentioned earlier in the thread called me last week.

On the upside: it was a weird enough call to confirm, yeah, she is definitely mentally ill--probably a cluster B personality disorderly, very likely NPD--and not just a lying, cheating, manipulative asshole.

Downside: while I kept a strong front on the call itself and kept bringing the conversation toward what she did to me and away from the offer of reconciliation she was dangling, she did manage to get inside my head. (She reasserted her "love" for me.) And I was awkward as fuck on a date that week as a result. It turned out to be a bad but this chicken-and-egged it. Was it bad because I was just having shitty luck that week or because I was so damn awkward?

 

[LallyH]

I hope I'm not treading on toes here, but I would appreciate some advice please

I have a customer who is a priest, in his 60's now, who spent most of his life working in some of the most impoverished areas of South America. It broke his health eventually and he had to return to the UK about 10 years ago. This caused his first bout of depression, apparently (it was before I had met him) but he had received treatment and had recovered. I've always known him as a robust, solidly built man, albeit with heart and mobility problems.

A couple of years ago, his heart became so bad that he had to accept that he could not continue his bi annual visits back to his South American parishes, and in fact he was never going to be able to travel so far again. This triggered another serious bout of depression, and the last time I saw him a year ago, he had just returned from hospital following treatment.

Since then, he has refused any offers to call in to say hello from me and from other people I know who have tried.

Today, I called in to see his neighbour with the intention of also knocking on his door as well in case he felt up to a quick visit. When I arrived, he was actually sitting with his neighbour but I must have been visibly shocked at his appearance. He's a skeleton, basically - his head is covered in what looks like a very itchy red scabby rash, and his teeth have gone rotten.

When he spoke, it was almost a whisper, he was on the point of tears the whole time, a shadow of the man I knew him as. I've never seen someone physically ill as the result of depression before, and I am still shocked.

My question is this. I mentioned a mutual acquaintance who had contacted him but the response had been that the priest did not want to be bothered with visitors, but today he made a comment about the acquaintance 'not following it up' - as though no one was trying hard enough to spend time with him. But when I offered to call in next time I was in the area, he seemed adamant that he wasn't up to visitors, the same reaction the acquaintance had got.

So do I persist, in as gentle and unobtrusive a manner as I can? Would company and the chance to talk to someone with no holds barred (in that he can take his 'priest' hat off with me) help him? Or should I take the no visit statement as his true feeling and leave him alone?

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Lally - is it possible to talk to the neighbour alone and get their take on things? It seems they might be the closest person to him right now...?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I've said it before, when we speak with others we're always speaking to two people, and they often are of two minds about most things. Their problems are usually the result of their incongruence and ambivalence.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Lally,

If I were in that situation, I would find gestures that say "I see you and you are not alone", that also honor his wishes. Maybe drop off home made food or a new book to read. Something I see in the severely or terminally ill is that they start to be seen only as their illness and current state of being instead of a human being with a rich life story. Instead of going to see him because he is unwell, go to connect with the rest of him.

Crack a joke or bring donuts or fresh baked bread. Help him to be reminded that he is and is seen as more than his current state of being. A momentary reminder of how he is same with everyone else. It's these "same" reminders that help to remind us we are part of a much larger group. Maybe there is a way he would be able to create pen pal connections to his old work.

Another thought, if he lived a life of service that was his life passion, not having a way to serve might be what hurts most. Maybe find something that he can help you with? Maybe being useful is what makes him feel alive. Asking him to do more than just sit and be ill and stared at night help? Maybe there is a priest type role he can still play for people. Online? Over the phone? Something.

My best wishes to him for comfort and purpose that helps carry him through this chapter and thank you to you, Lally for caring for him. Good human stuff.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Lally,

If I were in that situation, I would find gestures that say "I see you and you are not alone", that also honor his wishes. Maybe drop off home made food or a new book to read. Something I see in the severely or terminally ill is that they start to be seen only as their illness and current state of being instead of a human being with a rich life story. Instead of going to see him because he is unwell, go to connect with the rest of him.

Crack a joke or bring donuts or fresh baked bread. Help him to be reminded that he is and is seen as more than his current state of being. A momentary reminder of how he is same with everyone else. It's these "same" reminders that help to remind us we are part of a much larger group. Maybe there is a way he would be able to create pen pal connections to his old work.

Another thought, if he lived a life of service that was his life passion, not having a way to serve might be what hurts most. Maybe find something that he can help you with? Maybe being useful is what makes him feel alive. Asking him to do more than just sit and be ill and stared at night help? Maybe there is a priest type role he can still play for people. Online? Over the phone? Something.

My best wishes to him for comfort and purpose that helps carry him through this chapter and thank you to you, Lally for caring for him. Good human stuff.

THIS IS THE REAL YOU

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Put it on flash cards to read to people. And be reflective!

 

[Beth87]

I think it's a hard line to balance. But they're giving indicatiors that they want contact. Passive aggressively but indicators nonetheless.

I'm not sure about depressed people as a collective but I know that when people have depression and attachment stuff going on they will push away and sometimes they will push hard because they're waiting for the moment you leave and it proves everything they think of themselves and their worth.

Sometimes not leaving helps slow this down and sometimes it creates worsening behaviour that becomes unacceptable to live with. It's sad but they do end up reinforcing their beliefs.

I'd say tread carefully. Some people like being "mothered" where you basically decide for them and this becomes how you show care. You probably know people that do this. They will come around when you've said you're not in the mood or they "force" their food upon you. Etc

 

[desertslave]

I don't know if I've posted this here before or not (because depression brain is a sieve) but I think it's incredibly useful information for anyone affected by depression.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...-stupid-destructive-lies-depression-tells-you

AND

http://blog.brainfacts.org/2013/12/depression-lies/

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

For all intents and purposes I'm blind. One eye seems like it was scoured with sandpaper, the other seems like its coated with Vaseline. That's my reality. If I wanna read I sit outside in the Sun to do it. I don't go on tv and whine for $19 a month from you.

I believe most people use their depression etc as rackets for outcomes they cant get honestly.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Beth87]

Randomly wanted to interject this. I have PTSD so with it being awareness month just wanted to highlight it. Also to put a pic up that wasn't vet specific

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Until the government usurped PTSD to use for addicts unfit for military service it was for real victims of catastrophies like storms, shipwrecks, tsunamis, earth quakes, and horrendous violence.

Its now a general excuse for losers.

 

[desertslave]

For all intents and purposes I'm blind. One eye seems like it was scoured with sandpaper, the other seems like its coated with Vaseline. That's my reality. If I wanna read I sit outside in the Sun to do it. I don't go on tv and whine for $19 a month from you.

I believe most people use their depression etc as rackets for outcomes they cant get honestly.

Have you ever tried a Kindle or other tablet for reading? Master has macular degeneration, only has peripheral vision in one eye and the other is warp-ish. He used to be an avid reader but quit because it got way too hard. I suggested he try the original Kindle, just so he could enlarge the font size. A few months ago he got the new Fire 7" as an upgrade and LOVES it. He can turn up the brightness AND adjust the font size, and reads every day, again.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Have you ever tried a Kindle or other tablet for reading? Master has macular degeneration, only has peripheral vision in one eye and the other is warp-ish. He used to be an avid reader but quit because it got way too hard. I suggested he try the original Kindle, just so he could enlarge the font size. A few months ago he got the new Fire 7" as an upgrade and LOVES it. He can turn up the brightness AND adjust the font size, and reads every day, again.

I own a Kindle but I need to get one with the backlite. The font size adjustment is dandy but the contrast is awful unless a bright light shines on it.

My issue was blood pressure destroying my eyes. The optometrist shit when he tested my BP...it was 250/? Now 135/85

 

[Beth87]

Seriously, your response to me sharing that I have PTSD is that it's an excuse for losers?

Very supportive. PTSD affects all kinds of trauma including combat - I only stayed away from that type of photo because there is still a massive misconception about non-vet PTSD. Its not in any way to reduce their experiences.

I'm not quite sure where your opinion has come from but sounds like you need awareness month to help with your knowledge

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Seriously, your response to me sharing that I have PTSD is that it's an excuse for losers?

Very supportive. PTSD affects all kinds of trauma including combat - I only stayed away from that type of photo because there is still a massive misconception about non-vet PTSD. Its not in any way to reduce their experiences.

I'm not quite sure where your opinion has come from but sounds like you need awareness month to help with your knowledge

I was in the Vietnam War and lost most of my teeth. I saw zero PTSD while I was there. I saw bazillions of drunks. I'm a retired psychologist who examined many PTSD patients. All who claimed to be vets never served in the military. All were drunks and drug addicts. PTSD was for real victims of disasters and horrendous fortune, not an excuse for cant hack life losers. Spare me your loser insults.

My son has a PTSD disability from the military, because...get this...he served in the military. Awww. Poor baby. I laugh at him.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Aaaaaand he's back.

 

[Beth87]

I was in the Vietnam War and lost most of my teeth. I saw zero PTSD while I was there. I saw bazillions of drunks. I'm a retired psychologist who examined many PTSD patients. All who claimed to be vets never served in the military. All were drunks and drug addicts. PTSD was for real victims of disasters and horrendous fortune, not an excuse for cant hack life losers. Spare me your loser insults.

My son has a PTSD disability from the military, because...get this...he served in the military. Awww. Poor baby. I laugh at him.

I didn't actually call you any names - I requoted your comment. Your levels of understanding and compassion make me glad you're retired.

 

[Setanta84]

I didn't actually call you any names - I requoted your comment. Your levels of understanding and compassion make me glad you're retired.

He also doesn't seem to get that substance abuse is a clear indicator of PTSD--so he's basically giving a concrete example of being epically imperceptive.

And how, exactly, is being in an urban warzone where most people being killed are civilian non-combatants AND being kept there more or less indefinitely as a sort of backdoor draft NOT a traumatic experience.

As bad as Vietnam was, they didn't have "stop loss" procedures because, you know, there was a fucking draft. If you got called up for a tour and survived, you either got a long paid vacation as a sign-up bonus for another tour or got to go home. Vets of the recent wars didn't have those options.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

He also doesn't seem to get that substance abuse is a clear indicator of PTSD--so he's basically giving a concrete example of being epically imperceptive.

And how, exactly, is being in an urban warzone where most people being killed are civilian non-combatants AND being kept there more or less indefinitely as a sort of backdoor draft NOT a traumatic experience.

As bad as Vietnam was, they didn't have "stop loss" procedures because, you know, there was a fucking draft. If you got called up for a tour and survived, you either got a long paid vacation as a sign-up bonus for another tour or got to go home. Vets of the recent wars didn't have those options.

The same flame that melts butter always tempers steel, its always true about any experience. My old man fought in the Pacific war when he was a teen, and was 15 years old when the war ended. I knew a man who sank with the USS INDIANAPOLIS and floated around for a week watching his comrades devoured by sharks. There are always fragile pussies and men of steel. Few of the present generation impress me with their grit. Its a Bruce Jenner army.