Mental Illness

[Keroin]

He talks about his own bipolar (which he'd had all his life but which was only diagnosed when he was 37, after an extremely depressed episode where he disappeared and people thought he was dead). He talks to celebrities and others who are bipolar. He and others describe in detail the experience of being bipolar - the the mania, the depression - the pros of being bipolar and the cons.

The series was a huge thing in the UK - it vastly increased public understanding of the condition, and vastly destigmatised it. It was also fascinating and very well put together. And Stephen Fry is just so darned likeable and watchable.

Edited to add: Just found another link, with a short written summary -

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/stephen-fry-the-secret-life-of-the-manic-depressive/

I have two people in my life, whom I interact with a great deal, who are bipolar. When each of them shared that "secret" with me, it was such a relief to finally understand the more frustrating aspects of their behaviors. I'm sure they kept it to themselves because of the whole social stigma thing but man I wish they'd both told me earlier. Now I recognize when they're at one end of the spectrum or the other and adjust my reactions/expectations accordingly. Life is easier for them and for me.

 

[graceanne]

Whoever starts a religion thread will be on my iggy list toot sweet, just saying.

Ditto. My point was mainly that that's not a discussion for this thread - if she wants to talk about it she should take it to another thread.

I'll say it again:

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=41211255&postcount=39510

Bunny and I were talking about this, and it's like we're missing a piece of the conversation, and we're starting to wonder if she's the only one who's had the conversation piece that we're missing. I think that whoever it was that said she needs to have her meds checked was right on. Either way, she's about to go on my ignore list.

 

[box13]

Bpd

Control.
Rage.

This doesn't seem like a safe thread to be in. But I wonder if anyone is, or thinks they are, dealing with a BPD person in their life.

I was going to buy a book. Maybe someone else has some ideas too.

If the subject is appropriate to the thread, then I could go on...otherwise, please accept my apologies for intruding.

 

[FurryFury]

BPD as in Borderline Personality Disorder? I think that's a mental illness. And it's HELL to deal with people who have it as well. I'm sure it's HELL to have too.

I find books often help me. Sometimes support groups do as well. Also researching on the internet and just sharing feelings, knowing I'm not alone in dealing with people with serious issues.

My mother probably has this. It's hard to tell because she has been diagnosed as most things at one time or another and had every therapy and drug there is. So it seems to me.

At one time she threatened to disown me, something I knew was coming someday because her mother did it to her, but also something I was dreading. She said our relationship was "shit" and if I didn't go into counseling with her she would cut me out of her life because it was so hurtful.

I thought about that. For a long while I contemplated that and I found that if she did cut me off, that would actually be very painful but healthy for me. It made me think I should cut her off in order to be pro-active and healthy for me. At the same time, I felt that isn't the kind of person I want to be, someone who gives up on a loved one, even when hurt time and time again.

I considered what counseling with her would be like. Oh, how I'd love to allow her to understand what I feel and why, in a safe (to her) way that would allow her to grow more healthy.

Still going to that would be something I'd dread. Then there was her track record to consider and that of counselors so far in her life. My mother has an amazing ability to manipulate people to do and think what she wants. It's scary. Plus, she'd have to pay for it because I can't. So, she is the sickest one of the two of us, the most manipulative and paying. I didn't like my chances.

I figured it would work out best for me to turn this ultimatum down. Otherwise I'd be stuck doing something I hated, opening myself for "therapeutic" abuse and manipulation, not to mention her getting new weapons to use against me and blame me for.

Ultimate decision?

Yeah. Hate me now for who and what I am. Cut me off if you wish. I'll continue to love you and spend time with you if allowed, but only in ways I consider useful or healthy.

Oh and she pretended that ultimatum never happened later. LOL So, perhaps sadly, I didn't get cut out after all.

 

[box13]

The anger, manipulation and the "I never said that" part I understand. And trust seems to be nonexistent. She (the person I'm referring to) actually has a similar relationship as you describe with her own mother. Which I think is where the trauma comes from, and from what little I've read, emotional trauma seems to be a factor in BPD.

I have a Google degree in diagnosing BPD, which probably sounds pretty stupid. So if you feel the need to call me a dumbshit, I completely understand.

Oddly enough, I've sort of ended up dealing with it the same way as you I think...if I understand you correctly...emotionally separate, I no longer have "needs" from that person that I ask for or expect. But sort of understanding it now, I feel better, and again oddly enough, the emotional distance and the final talks of "I don't need the argument anymore" have sort of put things in a more peaceful standoff. For now.

I've thought of looking "outside" some to find the emotional intimacy that I sort of wish I had, but I find the feelings of "sex" and "I hate you" sort of confusingly placed in the same box. With the lid closed. I'm not quite sure what I'll find if I try to open it. And I don't have to open the box anymore to be happy. Not any more.

Not sure if the metaphor makes any sense.

I was going to buy 2 books:

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance

....any other advice or even a "vent" would be welcome. I can listen to your anger. It won't hurt me.

Thanks.

 

[Marquis]

Did Stephen Fry's gobsmackingly excellent serious documentary about bipolar ever make it across the Atlantic?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3EacQ4GfiU

(That is Part 1 - the other Parts are also on Youtube)

I just finished watching part 1 and this is making me SO SAD!

 

[graceanne]

BPD as in Borderline Personality Disorder? I think that's a mental illness. And it's HELL to deal with people who have it as well. I'm sure it's HELL to have too.

My best friend in high school had this. Well, I'm sure she still has it, but we went our separate ways. I know she routinely upset me, but I think it was harder on her.

 

[CutieMouse]

One of my mother's diagnoses is BPD [also bi-polar & delusional].

I cut her out of my life 14 years ago - 10 years post-diagnosis. The woman had (and I'm sure still has) no concept of healthy boundaries.

 

[desertslave]

My best friend in high school had this. Well, I'm sure she still has it, but we went our separate ways. I know she routinely upset me, but I think it was harder on her.

I had a good friend in high school who was bipolar, though I didn't learn that until later. She was mostly manic, and she fascinated me because she was so bold and uninhibited. She did the things that I longed to do but was too shy or socially inept to pull off. And she kissed good.

She would take off for long weekends (that weren't on the school calendar), usually hitching someplace on a whim, and come back with these stories that blew us all away. She took off soon after graduation and I lost track of her. Thanks to her, though, I got up the nerve to move from central PA to NYC. We had these long involved conversations where she would dare me to do something like that. My approach was a lot less impulsive than hers, but I still did it (and was stupidly proud).

A few years later I learned that she had been murdered. Apparently she was hitching somewhere in VA and got a ride from the wrong person. I was terribly sad but not all that surprised.

I learned after the fact that her rare quite, introspective phases were the ones when she had managed to get her meds balanced for a while. Did I mention they were rare? Damn brain chemistry anyway.

Miss you, Charlotte.

 

[FurryFury]

Those books sound good. Buy them.

One thing a cognitive therapist told me that was interesting was that I had to learn to act not re-act.

I didn't like that much.

The anger, manipulation and the "I never said that" part I understand. And trust seems to be nonexistent. She (the person I'm referring to) actually has a similar relationship as you describe with her own mother. Which I think is where the trauma comes from, and from what little I've read, emotional trauma seems to be a factor in BPD.

I have a Google degree in diagnosing BPD, which probably sounds pretty stupid. So if you feel the need to call me a dumbshit, I completely understand.

Oddly enough, I've sort of ended up dealing with it the same way as you I think...if I understand you correctly...emotionally separate, I no longer have "needs" from that person that I ask for or expect. But sort of understanding it now, I feel better, and again oddly enough, the emotional distance and the final talks of "I don't need the argument anymore" have sort of put things in a more peaceful standoff. For now.

I've thought of looking "outside" some to find the emotional intimacy that I sort of wish I had, but I find the feelings of "sex" and "I hate you" sort of confusingly placed in the same box. With the lid closed. I'm not quite sure what I'll find if I try to open it. And I don't have to open the box anymore to be happy. Not any more.

Not sure if the metaphor makes any sense.

I was going to buy 2 books:

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living with BPD

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance

....any other advice or even a "vent" would be welcome. I can listen to your anger. It won't hurt me.

Thanks.

 

[FurryFury]

*hugs and hugs*

I had a good friend in high school who was bipolar, though I didn't learn that until later. She was mostly manic, and she fascinated me because she was so bold and uninhibited. She did the things that I longed to do but was too shy or socially inept to pull off. And she kissed good.

She would take off for long weekends (that weren't on the school calendar), usually hitching someplace on a whim, and come back with these stories that blew us all away. She took off soon after graduation and I lost track of her. Thanks to her, though, I got up the nerve to move from central PA to NYC. We had these long involved conversations where she would dare me to do something like that. My approach was a lot less impulsive than hers, but I still did it (and was stupidly proud).

A few years later I learned that she had been murdered. Apparently she was hitching somewhere in VA and got a ride from the wrong person. I was terribly sad but not all that surprised.

I learned after the fact that her rare quite, introspective phases were the ones when she had managed to get her meds balanced for a while. Did I mention they were rare? Damn brain chemistry anyway.

Miss you, Charlotte.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm so sorry. *HUGS* Yes. Boundaries are VERY important. Something I've had to hold strongly with my Mom and Grandmother. They had/have no concept that others had them.

One of my mother's diagnoses is BPD [also bi-polar & delusional].

I cut her out of my life 14 years ago - 10 years post-diagnosis. The woman had (and I'm sure still has) no concept of healthy boundaries.

 

[FurryFury]

Mostly likely it was harder on them but lord it can be so hard on the rest of us. We don't live in a vacuum. We affect those around us.

My best friend in high school had this. Well, I'm sure she still has it, but we went our separate ways. I know she routinely upset me, but I think it was harder on her.

 

[FurryFury]

Why exactly is it making you sad?

And *HUGS*

FF

I just finished watching part 1 and this is making me SO SAD!

 

[Marquis]

Why exactly is it making you sad?

And *HUGS*

FF

Seeing the suffering these people have gone through and realizing their story is my story. This is such a taboo issue to discuss, it's easy to convince yourself that it's all made up bullshit. When I hear people talking about this and describing experiences that so easily match up with mine, I can't help but be brought back to a cold reality.

 

[BiBunny]

Did Stephen Fry's gobsmackingly excellent serious documentary about bipolar ever make it across the Atlantic?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3EacQ4GfiU

(That is Part 1 - the other Parts are also on Youtube)

Jesus Christ.

I've never seen this before.

Thank you, Cattypuss. Thank you so much.

I can't even say anything else right now.

Seeing the suffering these people have gone through and realizing their story is my story. This is such a taboo issue to discuss, it's easy to convince yourself that it's all made up bullshit. When I hear people talking about this and describing experiences that so easily match up with mine, I can't help but be brought back to a cold reality.

Ditto.

I am better, by leaps and bounds.

But I will never be well. Not like everyone else around me.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Cattypuss]

I just finished watching part 1 and this is making me SO SAD!

The rest is worth a watch too - and there are smiles in amongst the sadness

 

[Cattypuss]

Jesus Christ.

I've never seen this before.

Thank you, Cattypuss. Thank you so much.

I can't even say anything else right now.

You're welcome, Bunny

It's powerful stuff, isn't it? They way he and the people he talks to are so honest?

 

[BiBunny]

You're welcome, Bunny

It's powerful stuff, isn't it? They way he and the people he talks to are so honest?

God, yes.

That poor lady at the end of Part 1....I've been there. It was what forced me to concede that there was something wrong with me, what forced me to seek treatment. You can't live like that. You either get it fixed, or you die. There are no other options.

Would I press the button to rid myself of it and never have it again? Hell, yes. Without question.

But then, my manias have never been euphoric, either--they were just as horrible as my depression--so perhaps that has something to do with it.

 

[graceanne]

Mostly likely it was harder on them but lord it can be so hard on the rest of us. We don't live in a vacuum. We affect those around us.

Oh, definately. I'm not saying any differently. I live in a world where my stepmom has paranoid schizophrenia, I have one sister who was diagnosed as bipolar (although, they're beginning to realize she's just diabetic), another I think should be diagnosed as bipolar. My mom has what they call 'clinical depression', but her psychiatrist said that she's borderline bipolar, and until I was a teen she had split personalities. My other sister is an alcoholic ..... the list goes on.

My point isn't to belittle what the people affected by people with mental illnesses go through, because it sucks all around. But, for instance, in the case of my best friend in high school. To say that her childhood sucked is the biggest understatement I can come up with. I won't go into the whole story, but suffice it to say when she was 8 she set her fathers bed on fire WITH HIM IN IT. The last time I talked to her, he'd gotten sober and was trying to convince her that it wasn't his fault, it was the booze and her exact words were 'no. just no. you don't get to blame fucking up my ENTIRE LIFE on booze. you don't.' BPD was the big diagnosis, she's also anorexic (or bulemic if she's being watched), and most likely had PTSD. She wanted to so badly to have a normal life, to be able to have friends and a family and things, but when she was in her mean stages she'd run people off, and it wasn't anything she seemed to be able to control. Of course, she was 17 at that time, I hope that things have improved for her.

I much prefer to be on the dealing with the person with issues side, because I would not want to live in their little hells.

 

[Cattypuss]

Mostly likely it was harder on them but lord it can be so hard on the rest of us. We don't live in a vacuum. We affect those around us.

As someone who has both suffered with severe mental illness and lived with a father who was severely mentally ill, I know very well that having someone close to you who is mentally ill is hell. But I can assure you that (in my experience) BEING mentally ill makes it look like a walk in the park.

Crucial difference - you can get time away from it when it is the illness of someone close to you (even if that's five minutes once a week, during which you still worry and are hurt and stressed). When the illness is your own there is NO escape. Not for five minutes. Not for five seconds. It's right there inside your head, every waking minute, and there's no hiding place.

 

[FurryFury]

Sorry it affected you that way. Is there no comfort in knowing you are not alone though?

Seeing the suffering these people have gone through and realizing their story is my story. This is such a taboo issue to discuss, it's easy to convince yourself that it's all made up bullshit. When I hear people talking about this and describing experiences that so easily match up with mine, I can't help but be brought back to a cold reality.

 

[FurryFury]

Yes. I agree. It must be harder to deal with when you have it. I think this is why so many, like my mother, seem to just give up.

 

[Marquis]

Sorry it affected you that way. Is there no comfort in knowing you are not alone though?

Yes, huge comfort.

 

[Edith_UK]

Learnt loads reading this thread, and gonna watch that Stephen Fry documentary tonight.

Cheers xx