Mental Illness

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[leashedbottom]

'nuff said

i'm a ginger

 

[mrdiscreetshh]

Sending lots of love to people that are hurting or watching their loved ones hurting.
Life is already hard as it is and mental illness just makes it unbearable for the person suffering and their loved ones. Stay strong and don't give up.
Anyone is welcome to PM me for anything

 

[desertslave]

Master's hospital visit has left me struggling, HARD. I'm frightened for him and this heart stuff. I know too much, and I hate it. I want to hold him and protect him and he is pushing me away. I'm hurt and bewildered and fucking scared. I just want to give him happy and share it with him. I'm caught up in variables that I don't want to happen.

I want to run away and hide.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[FurryFury]

Totally get the run away and hide impulse. Agree that time in the hospital with a sick loved one will bring about terrible thoughts. Yet is needed. *HUGS*

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I am looking for some advice for my interactions with my BP friend. As you may have guessed by my last post about her - and no disrespect intended here, this is just the easiest way to say it - she is slightly crazy as well. She gets so caught up in the overwhelming emotions that accompany each phase that she cannot imagine what the other is like, or that it will ever happen again.

So here is my question. As I see her spiraling down and heading for the next depressive episode, she does not herself believe it will happen. She thinks she is well now, all is well, and it will stay that way. As I said, she doesn't take her meds, but also she gets rid of things that helped her in the last depressive episode, such as calendar/bill organizers (Well I won't need that anymore, because I pay all my bills immediately now!) and I want to stop her, but I hesitate to say... you are going to need that, and soon.

Any opinions on this? Should I help her prepare for her next down slide, or just let her go? Will forcing her to come to grips with the fact that it will happen again usher it in sooner? I'm never sure what would best help support her.

 

[wicked woman]

I am looking for some advice for my interactions with my BP friend. As you may have guessed by my last post about her - and no disrespect intended here, this is just the easiest way to say it - she is slightly crazy as well. She gets so caught up in the overwhelming emotions that accompany each phase that she cannot imagine what the other is like, or that it will ever happen again.

<snip>

Any opinions on this? Should I help her prepare for her next down slide, or just let her go? Will forcing her to come to grips with the fact that it will happen again usher it in sooner? I'm never sure what would best help support her.

I understand and hear how difficult it must be to watch, but helping would be enabling her. Unfortunately she has to come to the realization of what her diagnosis/life is and what she needs to do to improve it herself. Without that there's no motivation to change. Making things easier will only delay the time it will take her to come to that realization. Again I suggest loving detachment. Love her. Applaud her when she does what's needed to help herself, but do not take over what she needs to learn for herself.

Never nice watching while someone is on their way to hitting bottom, but it's necessary for her to reach bottom. Only she can decide when that is.

Be strong for her and yourself.

Btw worth what you paid for this.

 

[SpunThings]

I am looking for some advice for my interactions with my BP friend. As you may have guessed by my last post about her - and no disrespect intended here, this is just the easiest way to say it - she is slightly crazy as well. She gets so caught up in the overwhelming emotions that accompany each phase that she cannot imagine what the other is like, or that it will ever happen again.

So here is my question. As I see her spiraling down and heading for the next depressive episode, she does not herself believe it will happen. She thinks she is well now, all is well, and it will stay that way. As I said, she doesn't take her meds, but also she gets rid of things that helped her in the last depressive episode, such as calendar/bill organizers (Well I won't need that anymore, because I pay all my bills immediately now!) and I want to stop her, but I hesitate to say... you are going to need that, and soon.

Any opinions on this? Should I help her prepare for her next down slide, or just let her go? Will forcing her to come to grips with the fact that it will happen again usher it in sooner? I'm never sure what would best help support her.

Gosh I don't know, but I so relate to that experience of hers. I have this hard time remembering what it was like to feel the way I did in another time. How I'm feeling, the life I'm experiencing now feels like that's the way it's always been, and how it's always going to be.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I understand and hear how difficult it must be to watch, but helping would be enabling her. Unfortunately she has to come to the realization of what her diagnosis/life is and what she needs to do to improve it herself. Without that there's no motivation to change. Making things easier will only delay the time it will take her to come to that realization. Again I suggest loving detachment. Love her. Applaud her when she does what's needed to help herself, but do not take over what she needs to learn for herself.

Never nice watching while someone is on their way to hitting bottom, but it's necessary for her to reach bottom. Only she can decide when that is.

Be strong for her and yourself.

Btw worth what you paid for this.

Oh no, worth way more than that at least twice
And thank you! You are correct, it's hard, but I hear you.

Gosh I don't know, but I so relate to that experience of hers. I have this hard time remembering what it was like to feel the way I did in another time. How I'm feeling, the life I'm experiencing now feels like that's the way it's always been, and how it's always going to be.

Yes, this exactly. She also projects, though, too. If everything is fine for her, you can be crying right in front of her and she thinks you are fine. If she's not fine, you can be giggling and wearing a party hat and she thinks things have gone south for you.

 

[Endless_Night]

I am looking for some advice for my interactions with my BP friend. As you may have guessed by my last post about her - and no disrespect intended here, this is just the easiest way to say it - she is slightly crazy as well. She gets so caught up in the overwhelming emotions that accompany each phase that she cannot imagine what the other is like, or that it will ever happen again.

So here is my question. As I see her spiraling down and heading for the next depressive episode, she does not herself believe it will happen. She thinks she is well now, all is well, and it will stay that way. As I said, she doesn't take her meds, but also she gets rid of things that helped her in the last depressive episode, such as calendar/bill organizers (Well I won't need that anymore, because I pay all my bills immediately now!) and I want to stop her, but I hesitate to say... you are going to need that, and soon.

Any opinions on this? Should I help her prepare for her next down slide, or just let her go? Will forcing her to come to grips with the fact that it will happen again usher it in sooner? I'm never sure what would best help support her.

My sibling exhibits similar behavior. Each time I see her sliding down the same path and try to remind her of previous consequences, she counters with, "Oh! But that's all in the past." Of course it never is, but any effort to point that out is seen as "not being supportive".

Honestly, there isn't really much you can do to fix the situation. I say that as one whose tried approaching from every conceivable angle with little success. Plus, any attempts at trying to force the situation will likely end up alienating your friend. It's her responsibility, and she has to choose to take it, otherwise she'll just keep repeating the same cycle over and over again.

Sympathies. It's tough to watch and tough to live with. There never seem to be any good choices.

 

[DaddyFrank]

Desertslave, as a Dom who has heart problems myself, maybe I can help. I have suffered from five heart attacks and eight heart surgeries over the past 16 years. I know that my last hospital stay was particularly hard for me.

Remember that even though Doms don't like to show weakness or appear vulnerable, we are human beings just like everyone else. Control is important to us, but when it comes to doctors and hospitals that control is not really possible. Plus the fact that in a situation like that anyone would start to think about their own mortality. It's depressing and scary.

I'm willing to bet that your Dom is pushing, not because of a desire for you to actually go away, but because they want you to be happy. Your Dom feels that in this situation he can't protect you, can't provide what you need. He feels weak and unsure. Keep supporting and offering all you can.

I know that following my last surgery I felt completely helpless and weak. I acted dreadfully to those who care for me. Looking back, I am ashamed of my actions. You know better than anyone else what YOUR Dom needs. So just keep doing what you know to be the right thing.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Desertslave, as a Dom who has heart problems myself, maybe I can help. I have suffered from five heart attacks and eight heart surgeries over the past 16 years. I know that my last hospital stay was particularly hard for me.

Remember that even though Doms don't like to show weakness or appear vulnerable, we are human beings just like everyone else. Control is important to us, but when it comes to doctors and hospitals that control is not really possible. Plus the fact that in a situation like that anyone would start to think about their own mortality. It's depressing and scary.

I'm willing to bet that your Dom is pushing, not because of a desire for you to actually go away, but because they want you to be happy. Your Dom feels that in this situation he can't protect you, can't provide what you need. He feels weak and unsure. Keep supporting and offering all you can.

I know that following my last surgery I felt completely helpless and weak. I acted dreadfully to those who care for me. Looking back, I am ashamed of my actions. You know better than anyone else what YOUR Dom needs. So just keep doing what you know to be the right thing.

ds - I missed your post given my need to get things out here. I'm so sorry, and for your troubles as well. Strength to you, and fortitude. You need to carry your master a bit here, it sounds like.

And I'm quoting this guy's post because I love it. There is more strength in knowing your own weaknesses than in almost anything else, but sometimes that only comes with hindsight. Giving your master the benefit of the doubt, I'm sure he will get there. Until then, this is excellent advice.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

More on my own problem.

She wants to get a cat! No no no... I have watched this happen before. She has gotten TWO cats in the past, adopted them from shelters. Promised to love and care for them forever. Neither one lasted more than a month. She put both of them out on the street. OUT ON THE STREET! Anyone who knows me should know my enormous soft spot for kitties. I can watch her shred herself and not step in, but god dammit I will not watch her kill one more cat. I just can't!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

What does she say when reminded of past two cats? Suggest(not too easy) house plant for a year ? TELL her the previous incidents really upset you, see what she says. ( for me would be untenable too Dear Heart )

( in worst situation can you at least get her to give you the cat?)

When I reminded her of the past two, she had a whole different scenario in her head for each. The first one she gave back to the agency, and the second one somebody else let out of the house. No, it did not happen that way, but somehow she has rationalized or something and blocked out reality. And I'm afraid I am already one cat above my pet quota, there is no way I can take on another. Very distressing!

 

[Endless_Night]

When I reminded her of the past two, she had a whole different scenario in her head for each. The first one she gave back to the agency, and the second one somebody else let out of the house. No, it did not happen that way, but somehow she has rationalized or something and blocked out reality. And I'm afraid I am already one cat above my pet quota, there is no way I can take on another. Very distressing!

Unfortunately, I think scenario changing is a rather common behavior. Rather like the bad things that happen are due to other people's behavior, instead of your own.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Thank you. I guess patience and quiet insistence that she not get a pet are all I can do for now. Although I have offerred to take one of my kitties over with me when I visit. I hope that is enough for her.

 

[mrdiscreetshh]

Thank you. I guess patience and quiet insistence that she not get a pet are all I can do for now. Although I have offerred to take one of my kitties over with me when I visit. I hope that is enough for her.

This person clearly NEEDS to take their meds on regular basis.
If they're not willing to help themselves then let them be.
Don't waste your life and energy for someone else.
Use your resources to better your life.
Do what you can for your friend of course, but know when to move on when it starts to effect your life more than it should.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

It seems that suffering the fret is maybe more about learning how to surrender the concept that you have any control over the outcome of their possible or actual decisions. It's easy to want to assume a sort of parental relationship but it is not really appropriate to do that if you consider yourself a "friend" and not a legal guardian of some sort.

You can choose to participate in their dialogue, but no amount of worry or logical debate will likely alter the outcome of their choices. That person has the right to all the freedoms to make all of the same mistakes as any other legal adult, until they don't. What gifts does this person bring to the world? What does this person bring to your life? How can these things be a primary focus for them? We all long for a purpose we can feel investment and pride for I think. We all look for the things that light is up like sunrise to engage and conquer another day.

It's hard to watch the ones you love make choices that are painful, but even the healthiest clear thinking of people make wildly damaging and irresponsible choices all the time. Compassion is sometimes about holding space for people to explore and reach their own potential, which is often a very messy and jolting experience. You can't truly know what will happen, until it actually does and it's then that you, the person in their periphery, gets to choose how to participate, or not. You get to choose to be friends with someone who has abandoned animals in the past, that is your right. You don't really get to will them to be someone who wouldn't do that, but you can hold them accountable to do that again as a condition to your friendship based in the idea that you are not someone that can tolerate it. But that really is where your control over any of it ends no matter how painful it is to consider the potential harm they are capable of.

Maybe it will seem silly to mention here, but I was feeling nostalgic and watched Benny and Joon again recently. It was an apt reminder for me about how love should also work to protect someone's dignity, and how built into that practice is the work to take ownership of our own fears being our own, and hold respect and space to support them to find and work toward their own potential. Coddling someone for their weaknesses actually seems to limit them from truly finding their strengths and purpose.

I don't know if it helps, but I know for me that it was when I gave up the idea that special rules applied to someone I know who is mentally unwell, and just held him accountable like I would anyone else that I was finally able to let go and truly just be his friend again.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Yes, thank you Elle for your earlier post. I am one who is very, very unwilling to walk away from a friendship regardless of the difficulties it poses. I also refuse to stand by and see animals (or people) mistreated. And I don't want to be an enabler. So, I dance a very intricate dance along a fine line in clunky shoes

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]