Mental Illness

[FurryFury]

So it turns out that my girl going off her meds somewhat was NOT the cause of this. It turns out she had some kind of hallucinogen in her system. When she was talking out of her head she mentioned extasy, acid and alcohol.

She also mentioned not fitting in with a group of guys she was with.

But here's what's really interesting, she doesn't remember drinking, or taking anything. And generally she is very against illegal street drugs.

Usually she remembers everything, even what she was thinking and therefore why she did X while delusional from heat stroke. But this time she does not remember how she got messed up.

While in the E.R. I noticed she had a bottled drink. I was like, where did that come from. Turns out it came from a place on campus at which she met several people Friday. She didn't remember buying it and thinks one of them gave it to her.

She got better when (after a few hours I mean) I took it away. Later that night when she defecated in her bed and threw up all over the bathroom, after trying to run out of the house starkers about 8 times, she got some sleep and felt much better.

So now we think it was a drug in her system that had to work itself out. But we think it's very likely she didn't knowingly take it and her drink was spiked. What else happened when she was with people who spiked her drink is the next logical question and it's a very scary one.

She was texting me on her way to this place. Then a few hours later she was paranoid, illogical, and begging for "help".

Many times over the weekend she refused to talk putting her hands over her mouth and looking scared. She also used a lot of sign language some of which she made up.

She has never been suicidal before or tried to punch us or threatened us with an axe or tried to run out of the house starkers and I've never seen her unable to logically string two words together.

Another thing about this and it's kind of funny. At one point she was a little better. I'd taken the drink from her and we were waiting in E.R. hell. She mentioned going to "Fringe" and everyone taking acid. I was like, what is this Fringe? A gay nightclub? No mom, it's a T.V. show. WTF?!?

Other random bits. "I am the Dr." "You are the Dr?"

So much random.

 

[FurryFury]

She says she is 95% back but she can't watch TV for even a whole show because she gets "tired" and she deactivated her facebook account which was a major way I encouraged her and kept track of her because "It was annoying getting so many updates."

I'm planning on getting her to write up her memory of the Friday night this happened when I get in from running errands today. I want to be home in case it triggers something.

She wants to go back to her apartment tomorrow. Not sure she is ready.

 

[Loverskitten]

Hi, I haven't been following this thread at all but I think I hit depression rock bottom this morning. I've tried to hold it together for too long.
Is anyone on "happy pills" how do I go about getting them? I have no insurance and no GP. I just can't anymore

 

[ecstaticsub]

She says she is 95% back but she can't watch TV for even a whole show because she gets "tired" and she deactivated her facebook account which was a major way I encouraged her and kept track of her because "It was annoying getting so many updates."

I'm planning on getting her to write up her memory of the Friday night this happened when I get in from running errands today. I want to be home in case it triggers something.

She wants to go back to her apartment tomorrow. Not sure she is ready.

Wow... The spiked drink scenario does make so much sense. So scary, too. As a mom I would want her back 100% before letting her go back to her apartment. I hope she changes her mind and stays with you a while longer.

 

[BiBunny]

Hi, I haven't been following this thread at all but I think I hit depression rock bottom this morning. I've tried to hold it together for too long.
Is anyone on "happy pills" how do I go about getting them? I have no insurance and no GP. I just can't anymore

Most people don't advise it, but I get mine from my GP. I don't have insurance, either, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper than going to a psychiatrist. You don't have to wait 500 years to get an appointment, either.

Find someone who's not a total dickbag and go from there. If they don't understand "I can't go to a psychiatrist because I can't afford it," find someone else. If they act like an asshole about it, find someone else. If they want you to come in 50 times for no real reason just to get more money out of you, find someone else. You are paying the doctor. That means the doctor works for you, and you don't have to take any shit from them.

Explain your financial situation and insist on meds that are generic. Independent pharmacies are usually cheaper than chain store pharmacies, too. (I'm currently on 2 crazy meds, and I pay less than $60 a month for both. I could probably reduce the cost even more if I weren't on one of the more expensive generics out there, but I refuse to do without that particular med.)

Good luck!

 

[ecstaticsub]

Hi, I haven't been following this thread at all but I think I hit depression rock bottom this morning. I've tried to hold it together for too long.
Is anyone on "happy pills" how do I go about getting them? I have no insurance and no GP. I just can't anymore

Mental health is just as important as physical health. If you were physically sick where would you go for care?

"Happy pills" may not be the answer. Both my son and I are in therapy instead of medication. I did go on Zoloft years ago for postpartum depression and they did help.

I'm sorry, I don't know the options when someone doesn't have insurance. I hope someone else here has some ideas for you.

 

[FurryFury]

Today she says there is no way it was a spiked drink. She says she was just stressed and tired. Okay. If that's true I have someone with a serious psychotic disorder of some kind on my hands.

I told her I'd discussed with with her dad, and brother and we all agree she is not ready yet to go back to her apartment.

Well she went nuts, threatening to call someone to rescue her her or "go for a walk" (which means try to walk the 7-8 miles to her apartment, arguing that we were keeping her prisoner and not being empathic, oh and we were mean and were too noisy and so on.

Eventually she got to a more reasonable state but it really irks me that I'm working my ass off helping this adult child and this is the lack of respect and trust I get.

Believe me I'd rather just take her to her apartment and not deal with her. Except for the back blow that would eventually, inevitably, happen from doing what I know she is not ready for yet.

She didn't want to write up what happened btw but after a lot of arguing and being disrespectful she did. Six hours are missing from her account and much of it does not make sense.

For instance she claims she went at 10 a.m. to meet someone at 1:00 p.m. waiting three hours to be sure she'd be on time. Yet, she was texting me in the afternoon that she was walking to that place right then. And at that time she was making sense, didn't seem paranoid or anything like that. Just one of many examples.

My opinion about the E.R. is that they should have run a much fuller tox screen and done a rape kit on her. They literally didn't do anything helpful. It was just eight hours of hell and see ya.

Wow... The spiked drink scenario does make so much sense. So scary, too. As a mom I would want her back 100% before letting her go back to her apartment. I hope she changes her mind and stays with you a while longer.

 

[FurryFury]

Don't self medicate that way lies disaster.

Do get the help you need.

*HUGS*

FF

Hi, I haven't been following this thread at all but I think I hit depression rock bottom this morning. I've tried to hold it together for too long.
Is anyone on "happy pills" how do I go about getting them? I have no insurance and no GP. I just can't anymore

 

[gluttonne]

Another thing about this and it's kind of funny. At one point she was a little better. I'd taken the drink from her and we were waiting in E.R. hell. She mentioned going to "Fringe" and everyone taking acid. I was like, what is this Fringe? A gay nightclub? No mom, it's a T.V. show. WTF?!?

People with asperger's/schizotypal/paranoid schizophrenia/other similarly strong disorders may be pretty sane until certain NMDA, serotonin, dopamine, etc receptors are stimulated, then they can escalate into another condition entirely, with delusions, actions, blackouts/etc that are not normal. Ask me how I know.

also, megadoses of certain hallucinogens, especially in conjunction with sleep deprivation, can make one who seems neurotypical temporarily insane/psychopathic/etc. best thing to do is be a calming influence, monitor vital signs, etc.

Fringe is a pretty cool sci-fi show, and on it, Dr. Walter bishop does all kinds of crazy experiments with perception, including drugs, sensory deprivation, ECT/electroshock, etc. Very creative writers and subject matter is very adult/complex. Just thought you should know.

 

[gluttonne]

Today she says there is no way it was a spiked drink. She says she was just stressed and tired. Okay. If that's true I have someone with a serious psychotic disorder of some kind on my hands.

I told her I'd discussed with with her dad, and brother and we all agree she is not ready yet to go back to her apartment.

Well she went nuts, threatening to call someone to rescue her her or "go for a walk" (which means try to walk the 7-8 miles to her apartment, arguing that we were keeping her prisoner and not being empathic, oh and we were mean and were too noisy and so on.

Eventually she got to a more reasonable state but it really irks me that I'm working my ass off helping this adult child and this is the lack of respect and trust I get.

Believe me I'd rather just take her to her apartment and not deal with her. Except for the back blow that would eventually, inevitably, happen from doing what I know she is not ready for yet.

She didn't want to write up what happened btw but after a lot of arguing and being disrespectful she did. Six hours are missing from her account and much of it does not make sense.

For instance she claims she went at 10 a.m. to meet someone at 1:00 p.m. waiting three hours to be sure she'd be on time. Yet, she was texting me in the afternoon that she was walking to that place right then. And at that time she was making sense, didn't seem paranoid or anything like that. Just one of many examples.

My opinion about the E.R. is that they should have run a much fuller tox screen and done a rape kit on her. They literally didn't do anything helpful. It was just eight hours of hell and see ya.

E.R. docs are really good at taking the word of cops over the evidence-based methods they are educated to be authoritative in. Cops are really good at.. having an opinion and telling it to a more educated ER doc and seeming convincing enough that they often throw out patients' rights.

In 2011, I had a nervous breakdown while driving a rental truck and moving my things about 600 miles. officer wouldn't take words for an answer, had to taze me at about arm's length to show me who was boss. Well, a taser doesn't work at that distance, as it doesn't spread out enough to function. instead, he pumped 2000 watts of energy into a localized spot, basically instantly cooking part of my skin and underlying muscles, rather than incapacitating me.

Bad idea.

I pulled those burning electrodes out of my torso (by this point believing the guy wanted to kill me), and replied: "I will end you."

Turns out rookie deputies don't like to hear that kind of talk, even when they have just mis-tased you. Two more joined in, and the rest is PTSD history, and a still pending felony charge, because defending yourself from three redneck thugs who are tazing you to death (liver shock, kidney failure, rhabdomyosis, seizures (never had one of those before) is apparently felonious assault as one of the officers injured himself trying to subdue me. Their excuse when they took me to the ER? Bath Salts. Never even seen the stuff. Apparently it's a big issue in SC which I was trying to NOT be driving through but being lost and paranoid and emotionally racked in the middle of the night is not fun.

 

[CutieMouse]

Hi, I haven't been following this thread at all but I think I hit depression rock bottom this morning. I've tried to hold it together for too long.
Is anyone on "happy pills" how do I go about getting them? I have no insurance and no GP. I just can't anymore

Meds/ "happy pills" won't fix things, but they might take the edge off enough to help you make the decisions you need to make to fix things. (If that makes sense.)

When I needed the extra help [from meds], I did a walk in appointment at my local family practice office, explained what was going on (life events), how it was making me feel (anxiety, more than depression), and how tight my budget was. They had me check in once a month for the first few months to make sure there weren't any reactions, but after that I only had to do an office visit if I needed to (anxiety came back), or twice a year.

I did have insurance initially, but it was right after a bunch of ACA stuff had been passed, so the doctor's office was offering two options -

1) they go through insurance and an office visit is $140 (my plan didn't have a co-pay, just a deductible)
2) they don't file insurance (but I can on my own), and the office visit is $60

I paid cash, out of pocket.

My Rx for the [generic] meds was $20/month on insurance, but after I lost my insurance, the cost only went up to $25/month.

Curious_in_Cali is a great resource for non-Rx options. It takes a little more work and organization, but going the nutrition/supplement/ vitamin route might be an option, too.

When The Boy's therapist recommended he add meds to the mix, and I wasn't in a position to add more doctors visits to the budget, he found a local anti-depressant study to join. Not my ideal choice, but he got the monthly doctors visits for free, and his Rx was less than $10/month.

 

[ecstaticsub]

E.R. docs are really good at taking the word of cops over the evidence-based methods they are educated to be authoritative in. Cops are really good at.. having an opinion and telling it to a more educated ER doc and seeming convincing enough that they often throw out patients' rights.

In 2011, I had a nervous breakdown while driving a rental truck and moving my things about 600 miles. officer wouldn't take words for an answer, had to taze me at about arm's length to show me who was boss. Well, a taser doesn't work at that distance, as it doesn't spread out enough to function. instead, he pumped 2000 watts of energy into a localized spot, basically instantly cooking part of my skin and underlying muscles, rather than incapacitating me.

Bad idea.

I pulled those burning electrodes out of my torso (by this point believing the guy wanted to kill me), and replied: "I will end you."

Turns out rookie deputies don't like to hear that kind of talk, even when they have just mis-tased you. Two more joined in, and the rest is PTSD history, and a still pending felony charge, because defending yourself from three redneck thugs who are tazing you to death (liver shock, kidney failure, rhabdomyosis, seizures (never had one of those before) is apparently felonious assault as one of the officers injured himself trying to subdue me. Their excuse when they took me to the ER? Bath Salts. Never even seen the stuff. Apparently it's a big issue in SC which I was trying to NOT be driving through but being lost and paranoid and emotionally racked in the middle of the night is not fun.

Wow... sorry you were put through all that.

 

[FurryFury]

Good to know. This might be relevant. At one point she was "sure" she had aspergers but she doesn't. She does that kind of thing.

As to Fringe I watched it with her so I knew about it but I don't dwell in fantasy as much as she does. I thought I did that a lot but not compared to her.

Yesterday she said she preferred fantasy to real life. Well, no, duh, who doesn't? But the amount of fantasy talk and how she mixed it incorrectly with reality was scary. And also scary is how much her reality doesn't match any of the rest of us in the family.

People with asperger's/schizotypal/paranoid schizophrenia/other similarly strong disorders may be pretty sane until certain NMDA, serotonin, dopamine, etc receptors are stimulated, then they can escalate into another condition entirely, with delusions, actions, blackouts/etc that are not normal. Ask me how I know.

also, megadoses of certain hallucinogens, especially in conjunction with sleep deprivation, can make one who seems neurotypical temporarily insane/psychopathic/etc. best thing to do is be a calming influence, monitor vital signs, etc.

Fringe is a pretty cool sci-fi show, and on it, Dr. Walter bishop does all kinds of crazy experiments with perception, including drugs, sensory deprivation, ECT/electroshock, etc. Very creative writers and subject matter is very adult/complex. Just thought you should know.

 

[FurryFury]

How horrible. *HUGS* I'm so sorry this happened.

E.R. docs are really good at taking the word of cops over the evidence-based methods they are educated to be authoritative in. Cops are really good at.. having an opinion and telling it to a more educated ER doc and seeming convincing enough that they often throw out patients' rights.

In 2011, I had a nervous breakdown while driving a rental truck and moving my things about 600 miles. officer wouldn't take words for an answer, had to taze me at about arm's length to show me who was boss. Well, a taser doesn't work at that distance, as it doesn't spread out enough to function. instead, he pumped 2000 watts of energy into a localized spot, basically instantly cooking part of my skin and underlying muscles, rather than incapacitating me.

Bad idea.

I pulled those burning electrodes out of my torso (by this point believing the guy wanted to kill me), and replied: "I will end you."

Turns out rookie deputies don't like to hear that kind of talk, even when they have just mis-tased you. Two more joined in, and the rest is PTSD history, and a still pending felony charge, because defending yourself from three redneck thugs who are tazing you to death (liver shock, kidney failure, rhabdomyosis, seizures (never had one of those before) is apparently felonious assault as one of the officers injured himself trying to subdue me. Their excuse when they took me to the ER? Bath Salts. Never even seen the stuff. Apparently it's a big issue in SC which I was trying to NOT be driving through but being lost and paranoid and emotionally racked in the middle of the night is not fun.

 

[StrayKat]

being lost and paranoid and emotionally racked in the middle of the night is not fun

I am not usually the one giving much emotional support around here, but this hits home for me for some reason. I feel for you.

 

[Loverskitten]

Thanks for the advice. I think it was just the perfect storm of...
Awful job where people treat and tslk to you like shit
Teenage son who is an ingrate and talks to me like shit
Alzheimer's mom
Best friend being taken by another local friend
My house needs many repairs, just found termites, I just can't
I'm on the verge of crying all day. I just left breakfast with myself, because I started crying writing this.
I just realize, people suck, life blows. That's it

 

[Loverskitten]

I mean, I think I'm a good person, I pay my bills (just got my credit score, 811) I work hard. I try to help others be a good friend, daughter, mother, everything, and guess what... nothing.... Bubkiss

 

[StrayKat]

Thanks for the advice. I think it was just the perfect storm of...
Awful job where people treat and tslk to you like shit
Teenage son who is an ingrate and talks to me like shit
Alzheimer's mom
Best friend being taken by another local friend
My house needs many repairs, just found termites, I just can't
I'm on the verge of crying all day. I just left breakfast with myself, because I started crying writing this.
I just realize, people suck, life blows. That's it

Life gets overwhelming sometimes, no wonder you feel incapable to deal with so much. And teenagers are not a walk in a park.
Can you realistically do anything to ease up a bit? Take a vacation or sick leave from work for a few days? Leave your son with somebody else for a week? What about his father? Is there another family member who could take care of your mother for a while?

You dont have to be always there and always strong for everyone. Ask for some help, friends, family, whoever.

 

[Loverskitten]

Life gets overwhelming sometimes, no wonder you feel incapable to deal with so much. And teenagers are not a walk in a park.
Can you realistically do anything to ease up a bit? Take a vacation or sick leave from work for a few days? Leave your son with somebody else for a week? What about his father? Is there another family member who could take care of your mother for a while?

You dont have to be always there and always strong for everyone. Ask for some help, friends, family, whoever.

Yeah thanks. My mom does have care luckily she bought long term care insurance after my dad wiped them out when he was ill for over a decade.
But it's almost like THIS is what I have to look forward to????? No thanks. My mom does seem happy, but lonely. Not sure she knows who I am even. But she seems cheerful and healthy.
But, what's it all for. I just can't deal with that question. I'm so tired of being taken for granted. It's all useless

 

[Loverskitten]

Meds/ "happy pills" won't fix things, but they might take the edge off enough to help you make the decisions you need to make to fix things. (If that makes sense.)

When I needed the extra help [from meds], I did a walk in appointment at my local family practice office, explained what was going on (life events), how it was making me feel (anxiety, more than depression), and how tight my budget was. They had me check in once a month for the first few months to make sure there weren't any reactions, but after that I only had to do an office visit if I needed to (anxiety came back), or twice a year.

I did have insurance initially, but it was right after a bunch of ACA stuff had been passed, so the doctor's office was offering two options -

1) they go through insurance and an office visit is $140 (my plan didn't have a co-pay, just a deductible)
2) they don't file insurance (but I can on my own), and the office visit is $60

I paid cash, out of pocket.

My Rx for the [generic] meds was $20/month on insurance, but after I lost my insurance, the cost only went up to $25/month.

Curious_in_Cali is a great resource for non-Rx options. It takes a little more work and organization, but going the nutrition/supplement/ vitamin route might be an option, too.

When The Boy's therapist recommended he add meds to the mix, and I wasn't in a position to add more doctors visits to the budget, he found a local anti-depressant study to join. Not my ideal choice, but he got the monthly doctors visits for free, and his Rx was less than $10/month.

Thanks. I've always been against medication for depression. I feel like friends/family, volunteer work, counting your blessings should be enough. But not anymore.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Yeah thanks. My mom does have care luckily she bought long term care insurance after my dad wiped them out when he was ill for over a decade.
But it's almost like THIS is what I have to look forward to????? No thanks. My mom does seem happy, but lonely. Not sure she knows who I am even. But she seems cheerful and healthy.
But, what's it all for. I just can't deal with that question. I'm so tired of being taken for granted. It's all useless

I don't know if this will help, but you don't have to deal with what this is all for and what you have to look forward to. You just have to get through right now.
Easier said than done I know, but still.

 

[CutieMouse]

Thanks. I've always been against medication for depression. I feel like friends/family, volunteer work, counting your blessings should be enough. But not anymore.

At some point, your brain chemistry changes, and all the friends/family, volunteer work, counting your blessings in the world won't be enough - because your brain chemistry CAN'T figure out it's enough. One hormone or adrenal level gets messed up, and the whole thing goes boom.

Having said that - meds are not a cure; they are a band-aid. I think of meds as the tourniquet that staunches the bleeding long enough for me to deal with the ginormous [emotionally] bloody gash that is endangering my life.

(how's that for descriptive? lol)

So yes, talk to a GP or family practice doctor about what's going on and if meds are an option, but also talk to them about resources. Does the county mental health department (MHMR) have support groups or low cost therapy? Do they know of any support groups for family members of Alzheimers patients? Do you qualify for any help (on the house stuff) from an organization like Habitat for Humanity? Is there any point in having a "come to jesus" with your son, or any options for work? [HR, job hunting, etc]

If you are able to get on meds, they may take 2-4 weeks to "kick in". The other option would be to go the nutrition/supplement route. I did that a few months ago, and was amazed at the difference I felt. It's a bit of a pain in the ass, because I need to take supplements roughly every 3-4 hours, but when I'm able to stay on top of it, I feel calm, sleep well, and deal with stressful situations without worrying about falling apart.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Having said that - meds are not a cure; they are a band-aid. I think of meds as the tourniquet that staunches the bleeding long enough for me to deal with the ginormous [emotionally] bloody gash that is endangering my life.

This is a description with which I agree. I have gone on meds at various times when I needed to stabilize. It's hard to start walking forward when you're tumbling in the surf. Once you get set, you can taper off if you want. It isn't a failing. If you had high blood pressure, would it be a sign of weakness to take your meds?

That aside, I am most sorry to hear you are having such a shit time, lk.

I had a friend who used to say, "People are like bridges, they can only hold so much before they break."

I have mixed feelings about this, because I also think we can hold more than we think. I guess the point is, though, that there is a point at which you collapse, and it is better to admit it and do whatever you need to take care of yourself, and thrive.

 

[Felix_Jones]

At some point, your brain chemistry changes, and all the friends/family, volunteer work, counting your blessings in the world won't be enough - because your brain chemistry CAN'T figure out it's enough. One hormone or adrenal level gets messed up, and the whole thing goes boom.

Having said that - meds are not a cure; they are a band-aid. I think of meds as the tourniquet that staunches the bleeding long enough for me to deal with the ginormous [emotionally] bloody gash that is endangering my life.

(how's that for descriptive? lol)

So yes, talk to a GP or family practice doctor about what's going on and if meds are an option, but also talk to them about resources. Does the county mental health department (MHMR) have support groups or low cost therapy? Do they know of any support groups for family members of Alzheimers patients? Do you qualify for any help (on the house stuff) from an organization like Habitat for Humanity? Is there any point in having a "come to jesus" with your son, or any options for work? [HR, job hunting, etc]

If you are able to get on meds, they may take 2-4 weeks to "kick in". The other option would be to go the nutrition/supplement route. I did that a few months ago, and was amazed at the difference I felt. It's a bit of a pain in the ass, because I need to take supplements roughly every 3-4 hours, but when I'm able to stay on top of it, I feel calm, sleep well, and deal with stressful situations without worrying about falling apart.

Medical advice from forums on the internet should be treated like psychic hotlines, for entertainment purposes only.

 

[Scrivener_]

Felix, I'm not sure who you think you're going to sway, because all of CutieMouse's points were pretty on target. Weird jarring reply on a thread that's been nothing but supportive and caring thus far. Not really sure why you're here.

As for me, I've been diagnosed with PTSD and treated with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). It's a draining process, as your brain has to reprocess the event that caused the PTSD, but I found it effective. For me, it's kind of a maintenance thing - I have to have the treatment every six months or so if I want my brain to remain "fixed" - otherwise it slips back to its old habits.

I've recently had a few really depressed days, where my brain feels heavy, soggy and slumped - it's like trying to walk around with very heavy galoshes on. I can still do everything that needs to be done, but man, is it hard. Luckily these days seem to be far between, at least for now, but if they start to multiply and get more frequent, medication might have to be looked at as a possible solution. And I know it's all chemical - it's so odd, because I can almost feel the chemicals moving around up there in my brain pan, and when I'm like that, it's like, there's me, and then there's the depression, and it's a totally separate part of me that has nothing to do with my actual self. And I just have to hunker down and be extra kind to myself and wait for the sogginess to kind of slurp itself away.