Men

[MorgaineLaFay]

lol... I wish I knew.

It's something I plan to stop. Lifes too short. It's suppose to be work I know ... but not a constant struggle.

 

[penguindance]

 

[miles]

Yeah

Wanna make something of it, tough guy?


Make me yell, baby.

 

[BigDawg69]

Life aint easy. and marriage flat out sucks. Or at least my marriage does. And just ending it is not the easy way out. You're so right that leaving can be just as hard as staying. Ultimatley leaving pays-off through, staying just perpetuates the bad. Of course that's a ton easier said than done.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

I know how you feel. I left once, but that was more work than staying with him, so I came back.

As did I.

It's terribly unhealthy. I know this. I feel it. What makes such strong women weak?

 

[penguindance]

 

[penguindance]

 

[just pet]

I know. But at this point it is impossible to "talk" to him. I'm not an arguing person. I really sit back and think before I speak. I ALWAYS think of how the other person might be feeling, no matter what the situation is.

For once last night. I didn't talk. I chose to not react to him. I knew it was a lost battle.

I have tried to share my feelings ... they always go unheard. It is almost like talking to a child. He can't hear me. He only hears himself.

You're right
It is like talking to a child
But with children, they want to please and make you happy
I was in an abusive marriage and it took me 10 years to leave (6 to plan the best escape route)
Not reacting is the first step
Their bluster dissipates when you refuse to feed their wind
You are doing great
Build your support systems
And be brave

Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them .... and they flew.

-- Apollinaire

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

I'm off too work darlin. Thank so much for listening to me

 

[tonyp]

he yells

he yells because someone yelled at him...change the context..change the person...change his view...yelling is good at a football match or as an expression ....I yell and then I feel lonely .... but sometimes I think yelling is good so long as at does not contain anger ..but releases it...

 

[penguindance]

 

[Rambrat]

Why do they yell at you for things, you haven't done? But could have done?

I don't know...but I'd have trouble yelling at that girl in the profile...
(sorry, had to say that)


I always ask myself...does it have to be that much work?

It should be give and take...a balance of strengths and weaknesses... freedom of individuality...and always apologize when one is being an ass.

pretty_lil_stranger

How is it more work than staying with him?

 

[VanB]

Everybody yells sometimes it is just a problem when it becomes a habit and is more often than not baseless.

Cheer up, Morgy - the answer's in your own hands

 

[JerseyBoy]

Why do they yell at you for things, you haven't done? But could have done?

Because he is a dick and will never change...

...easier said than done I know, but it's time to move on without him...do you really want to put up with this for the next 30some years? Nothing worse that being 'on edge' and making concessions before the fact...having to deal with confrontation when you know there should be none...giving up something to avoid his misplaced aggression..

The last thing you ever want to ask yourself is 'Why did I waste 10 years of my life putting up with this?'

I'm sure there are a million other factors and although love is the biggie, happiness is way up there too...

good luck...
-ws

 

[Jimi]

I hate being yelled at, also...

The upside is, people yell - or argue, or fight - when they care. When they're indifferent the things that might lead to arguments just roll off.

Why this topic? Sure, could be he worries that he'd do something wrong given an opportunity, or it could be that somebody else he knows is dealing with an infidelity issue, so he's sensitized. Regardless, I think it's fair to point out that there's a significant disconnect between what he expects of you and what he expects of himself, and it does bear resolving fairly.

...but what Sir KnighT says is true, in my house - the alternative is a cold, ignoring silence that is EVER so much worse.

If you are able, perhaps a good "sit-down" chat re: mutual expectations is due? It worked for us a fewweeks ago - and I am trying harder to meet HER expectations.

Good Luck, Morgy - and Thank you for sharing this glimpse of your life.

 

[markb325]

There was a study done some years ago about why men yell at their SO. In the study two of the reason still stands in my mind

1. Possesive- 30% of me that yell at their SO does because they want to possess all of thier time. They do not allow their SO to have friends or go out with out them.
2. Insecurity- I believe the ration on this was like 25 or 26% but I would have to see if I can find the article again. Any ways these men feel that they are in some way insuffiecent to the needs of their SO's whether it be in bed or something different.

The other reason are the usual ones we hear about and some in the study actually didn't know why. Either way it is a total crock.

I feel that yelling at your SO is just as abusive as hitting them and that is something that no one should tolerate.

Morgy and Pretty Lil Stranger I hope things work out for the better for the both of you.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Something along these lines Morgy ...

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twentyfour hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them", the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

 

[estevie]

Re: What I haven't done...

I think its all just a huge fucking excuse to be mad at me.

Of course it is, sweetness.

My sis in law is in the same boat. She helped me highlight my hair yesterday. She called her man and said she would be late. After she returned home she got bitched at cause she could have had sex with one of my hubbies punk workers!!!! *shaking head* Some people need the chaos and drama that fighting brings. Not for me tho, I'd kill him before I'd get bitched out for something that could have happened! Ridiculous!

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Wow ... Thank you all so much for the kind words and advice.

And to sum things up, no I do not wish to spend another, ten years like this. Yet one more year. It's just not as easy to get out as it seems. Things take time.

I'm in no harm. Only pissed off. Mad. Lonely and very tired.

I know where I want to be, I just need to find my way there.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Baby, you know where help lies only 3 hours north. This is a serious offer...use it when you need to.

Besides, by then maybe I will finally be ready as well.

Thank You Honey. It really means a lot to know I have some where to escape to.


Now if the Summer would just progress for business to pick up maybe I'll make enough gas money

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

No! I was just trying to make light of my shitty little day

But thank you...

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Duct tape. Its a womans universal tool I tell ya.