Men? Listen up!

[Guest]

If you truly want to sleep on the couch for the next six months, feel free to utter any one of these heart-warning phrases to your beloved.

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/men/package.jsp?name=men/pm/makeherfreak/makeherfreak

The Phrases That Make Her Freak

By Laura Snyder

As much as we complain that you boys are oh-so uncommunicative, not all talk is good. Here are just a few examples of what not to say.

"Have you gained weight?"

If she did, trust us, she knows and does not need your friendly suggestion that she hit the gym a little more often. And what if she brings it up? She just wants your reassurance - not a critical confirmation that, yes, that dress is a little snug - so give it to her.

"You're right, she is a bitch."

As much as she complains about her mom, boss, coworker or friend, it sure seems like she would want you to agree with her. But beware this trap. If you agree, she gets defensive (especially if it's someone she's really tied to, like dear old mom). If you stick up for the maligned, you're siding with the enemy. Best bet? Be vague. Echo back her sentiments ("she did x, y, and z to you?") and offer your support ("I'm sorry you're upset").

"Is it that time of the month?"

Should you dare to utter this question, at least make sure she's not holding something she could hit you with. If she's mad about you because you did something stupid (and yes, you are capable of making us mad for reasons wholly unrelated to our hormones), she'll be even more livid that you're trivializing her anger. And if she is a little testy due to PMS, you're just going to set her off even more (and it's not likely she'll admit it anyway).

"One time, with this other woman..."

We know you're awfully proud of that "Night of Five Times" or the time you did your dame in the upper deck at Fenway. But if it wasn't with us, we don't ever want to hear about it. Ditto for any comparisons between us and your ex, even if we come out more favorable. Before you pour out your private life, ask yourself if it's really in our best interest (like pertinent health information) or if you're just looking to brag.

 

[Guest]

Five Phrases That Make Her Swoon

Wanna Save Yourself? Try one of these.

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/love/content.jsp?file=love/fun/makeherswoon.jsp

Five Phrases That Make Her Swoon

By Laura Snyder

We don't often turn to Homer Simpson for relationship advice, but occasionally he's right on the mark. "When it comes to compliments," he's said, "women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters, always wanting more... more... more! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return."

Try one of these painless phrases next time you need to feed her inner beast.

How Was Your Day?

You hit all the major points here. You look interested in her daily routine (and every meaningless minor drama, which you will no doubt hear in great detail) and you come off as the understanding confidant allowing her to vent her problems... especially since you'll be taking care to avoid the classic male mistake of trying to solve them for her.

"You're Great in Bed"

In one smooth compliment you assure her of her sex appeal whether you've been together two weeks ("Whoo-hoo! He thinks I'm hot!") or two years ("Whoo-hoo! He still thinks I'm hot!"). You'll make her feel like a man-slaying sex goddess - and when she's feeling that good about herself she'll probably share those hot-tamale talents with you more often.

"Could You Help Me?"

Women are nurturers by nature, so she's genetically programmed to want to take care of you. And she's flattered when you respect her enough to ask her advice on how to ask for a raise or what color to paint the living room. Plus, women are suckers for guys who are man enough to admit when they need a hand.

"How Do You Feel About..."

Pick anything, it won't matter. Clichéd, yes, but most women do love to talk about their feelings. And you're going to be the compassionate, sensitive man who asks about them.

"Only You Could Make Me So Happy."

Surprised to see that "I love you" didn't crack the top five here? Here's why - it's just not enough. Sure, it's nice that you love her, but it's a little generic. What she really wants is to hear how indispensable she is to your life. She wants to feel unique... and that she is uniquely appreciated by you.

 

[carsonshepherd]

so... "your new haircut makes you look fat and butch" is probably not the way to a woman's heart? Hmmmm.... *ponders*

 

[Guest]

Men, please feel free to counter and add your own suggestions.

They have hundreds of these silly little "Things that make you go hmmm."

I wonder if every one is written by Laura Snyder?

 

[Guest]

so... "your new haircut makes you look fat and butch" is probably not the way to a woman's heart? Hmmmm.... *ponders*

BWAH!

I actually heard someone say this to their girlfriend once: "Your thighs aren't that fat."

Ouch.

 

[erise]

I got "Is it that time of the month?" yesterday. but I guess I had it coming, since I asked him to buy me a pack of pads.

 

[Guest]

I've found one quick way to end any argument with your woman is to simply stop in the middle of a statement and then say, "Honey, what have you been doing? Your ass looks really firm."

And there's 60% chance you're gonna get laid.

 

[BlackShanglan]

#1 least-used but very effective magic phrase for either sex:

"Wow, I really enjoyed/appreciated/loved that. That was great!"

Doesn't even matter what it's attached to - dinner, mowing the lawn, and of course hot sex is always good.

We've all heard the phrase over and over, and most of us have said it: "What I really want is to make you happy." Therefore we should:

(1) Consider that the other person probably feels the same way.
(2) Communicate said happiness in clear fashion whenever possible.

 

[impressive]

I've found one quick way to end any argument with your woman is to simply stop in the middle of a statement and then say, "Honey, what have you been doing? Your ass looks really firm."

And there's 60% chance you're gonna get laid.

Don't hold your breath with those odds. Improve your chances by adding: "I'd really like to make you come right now. My own satisfaction is irrelevant."

No only will you get laid, you might also get head.

 

[Guest]

Don't hold your breath with those odds. Improve your chances by adding: "I'd really like to make you come right now. My own satisfaction is irrelevant."

No only will you get laid, you might also get head.

I can see your point but that's pretty much my attitude all the time. Hey, I'm a guy, I KNOW I'm gonna get off. That's a given. What really gives me a thrill is seeing HER get off.

 

[CharleyH]

How was your day is the worst question in the world ... worse even yet, if you are in a bad job, or are taking care of babies who shit all day long ... particularly when you want to eat

The best things to say are with action ... if you want to get laid and not use the sofa:

1. Hi baby (massage shoulders and elsewhere)

2. God, you take my breath away. Breathing deep and getting up to kiss her.

3. You don't have to make dinner tonight - I will. Patting her BEAUTIFUL ass.

4. Oh, let me do the dishes, honey - really. (gets you everywhere)

5. As the blindfold raises, and the handcuffs come out ... God, I want to fuck you slut! Well, for the kinkier

Wanna Save Yourself? Try one of these.

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/love/content.jsp?file=love/fun/makeherswoon.jsp

Five Phrases That Make Her Swoon

By Laura Snyder

We don't often turn to Homer Simpson for relationship advice, but occasionally he's right on the mark. "When it comes to compliments," he's said, "women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters, always wanting more... more... more! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return."

Try one of these painless phrases next time you need to feed her inner beast.

How Was Your Day?

You hit all the major points here. You look interested in her daily routine (and every meaningless minor drama, which you will no doubt hear in great detail) and you come off as the understanding confidant allowing her to vent her problems... especially since you'll be taking care to avoid the classic male mistake of trying to solve them for her.

"You're Great in Bed"

In one smooth compliment you assure her of her sex appeal whether you've been together two weeks ("Whoo-hoo! He thinks I'm hot!") or two years ("Whoo-hoo! He still thinks I'm hot!"). You'll make her feel like a man-slaying sex goddess - and when she's feeling that good about herself she'll probably share those hot-tamale talents with you more often.

"Could You Help Me?"

Women are nurturers by nature, so she's genetically programmed to want to take care of you. And she's flattered



when you respect her enough to ask her advice on how to ask for a raise or what color to paint the living room. Plus, women are suckers for guys who are man enough to admit when they need a hand.

"How Do You Feel About..."

Pick anything, it won't matter. Clichéd, yes, but most women do love to talk about their feelings. And you're going to be the compassionate, sensitive man who asks about them.

"Only You Could Make Me So Happy."

Surprised to see that "I love you" didn't crack the top five here? Here's why - it's just not enough. Sure, it's nice that you love her, but it's a little generic. What she really wants is to hear how indispensable she is to your life. She wants to feel unique... and that she is uniquely appreciated by you.

 

[Guest]

How was your day is the worst question in the world ... worse even yet, if you are in a bad job, or are taking care of babies who shit all day long ... particularly when you want to eat

The best things to say are with action ... if you want to get laid and not use the sofa:

1. Hi baby (massage shoulders and elsewhere)

2. God, you take my breath away. Breathing deep and getting up to kiss her.

3. You don't have to make dinner tonight - I will. Patting her BEAUTIFUL ass.

4. Oh, let me do the dishes, honey - really. (gets you everywhere)

5. As the blindfold raises, and the handcuffs come out ... God, I want to fuck you slut! Well, for the kinkier

That all works for me!

 

[sophia jane]

That all works for me!

Me too! I was getting excited just reading those.

SJ

 

[CharleyH]

you two kinky bitches! Bet the last one caught you both! lol

 

[carsonshepherd]

#1 least-used but very effective magic phrase for either sex:

"Wow, I really enjoyed/appreciated/loved that. That was great!"

Doesn't even matter what it's attached to - dinner, mowing the lawn, and of course hot sex is always good.

We've all heard the phrase over and over, and most of us have said it: "What I really want is to make you happy." Therefore we should:

(1) Consider that the other person probably feels the same way.
(2) Communicate said happiness in clear fashion whenever possible.

I think I might pass out.

 

[sophia jane]

you two kinky bitches! Bet the last one caught you both! lol

Damn right.

SJ

 

[BlackShanglan]

I think I might pass out.

MMm I loved that comment. Feels wonderful.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

MMm I loved that comment. Feels wonderful.

Shanglan

Ask me if I'd like you to do the dishes tonight, and I may turn up on your doorstep

 

[Dar~]

Honey you don't need to clean the house. I can take care of it.

Honey why don't you gi buy yourself something. Money is no object.

Sweety can I be really rough tonight *swoon*

Hey, dar~ its charley wanna fuck?

The one I hate is one I am not sure others get. I always get asked if I took my Paxil. my husband does it everytime I get a little pissy. Like I am not allowed to have the regular range of human emotions.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Or if the couch is far to comfortable and you would really prefer to sleep in the garage, or maybe even your friends garage:

"Who lit the fuse in your tampon?"

 

[NoJo]

so... "your new haircut makes you look fat and butch" is probably not the way to a woman's heart? Hmmmm.... *ponders*

I'd like to hear someone say that to me for once.

 

[Dar~]

I'd like to hear someone say that to me for once.

wow, Joe, when you shave your pubes you look fat and butch!

 

[Liar]

Or if the couch is far to comfortable and you would really prefer to sleep in the garage, or maybe even your friends garage:

"Who lit the fuse in your tampon?"

Huh, so that's what I must have said.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Ask me if I'd like you to do the dishes tonight, and I may turn up on your doorstep

I thought I'd just do them quietly for a surprise while you were off writing and drinking the beer I brought you.

Shanglan

 

[minsue]

I thought I'd just do them quietly for a surprise while you were off writing and drinking the beer I brought you.

Shanglan

Oh, you're goooood. http://addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/diverse/fleh.gifhttp://addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/diverse/fleh.gifhttp://addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/diverse/fleh.gif