Mel Gibson to Govern Iraq?

[Don K Dyck]

Good evening. Here is the news.

Mel Gibson, star of numerous gun-ho movies, has been proposed as the Military Governor for Iraq following the illegal war of conquest for control of Middle East Oil Reserves.

Leading Aussie opinion maker, Phillip Adams, makes the proposal in The Australian today.

Messiah Mel and his holy father

April 05, 2003


While we’ve waited for clear evidence – any evidence – that Baghdad is in league with al-Qa’ida, I will, today, in this column, prove a connection between Mel Gibson and bin Laden. There he stands, heroic and alone, outgunned and outnumbered by his enemies, yet unflinching in his courage. Whether jumping off an exploding skyscraper with Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon, organising a mutiny on HMS Bounty, or portraying a New York taxi driver convinced by the truth of the entire smorgasbord of conspiracy theories, Mel Gibson’s characters have, at best, a tenuous grip on their sanity. His Fletcher Christian, his Hamlet, his loose cannon in the LAPD, all display the Gibson signature - little eruptions of lunacy.

Other superstars keep their cool. Take Harrison Ford. Under pressure as Indiana Jones, he never loses his insouciance. If he’s playing a US president whose Air Force One is hijacked by terrorists, he gets grumpy about it but remains self-disciplined.
When overwhelming forces hammer away at a Schwarzenegger or a Stallone, they become increasingly marmoreal.

And when Bruce Willis is fighting a group of East German thugs trying to reduce New York to rubble, or a rogue asteroid threatening to wreck the entire planet, he remains a super cool dude, coming up with the sort of one-liners he used in Moonlighting with Cybill Shepherd. But our Mel? He blows his fuse. He erupts. Goes off.

No, it isn’t madness that links Gibson to bin Laden. Is it, then, the messianic aspect of the Gibson persona? There was certainly a touch of the Second Coming in a character like Mad Max. There he is, Jesus in leathers, doling out last judgments on his enemies, utterly convinced of the righteousness of his cause. And sometimes the God-given nature of the enterprise is completely explicit – as in his recent effort, Signs, where Gibson plays an ex-minister who, having lost his beloved wife in a hideous accident, also loses his faith only to find himself confronting an interplanetary invasion.

The first intimations of which are crop circles in fields of corn that, briefly, double as Gethsemane. But in the end, Messiah Mel comes good. As does God. (Mel’s latest film project is about Christ’s last hours, spoken in Latin and Aramaic – with no subtitles.)

No, the connection between Gibson and bin Laden lies elsewhere. In the forces that made Mel into the extraordinarily interesting actor that he can be. The forces that give his characters that dangerous, combustible mix of moral certainty and, yes, derangement.

Over the years, you might have noticed that Mel identifies with right-wing causes, such as backing ultra-conservatives in Australian elections. And he’s now personally underwriting a highly conservative Catholic Church in the US with theological cohorts described by The New York Times as a "splinter group of conspiracy-minded Catholics, mystics, monarchists and disaffected conservatives".

But first and foremost, there’s Mel Gibson’s dad. Hutton Gibson, clearly a dominant influence on his son, is the author of books with strange titles like Is the Pope Catholic? As well, he has his own little newspaper wherein Vatican II is "a Masonic conspiracy backed by the Jews" and the Pope is "Garrulous Karolus the Koran kisser".

In recent years I’ve become fascinated by Gibson Snr, thanks to poorly recorded but electrifying tapes sent to me by readers. And I have to tell you that they’re characterised by the brand of zealotry we get in bin Laden videotapes. For Gibson speaks to his followers in a voice as chilling and as dogmatic as any you’ve ever heard. You might be hearing the voice of an Ayatollah calling for a fatwa on Rushdie or, yes, bin Laden calling for renewed attacks on the evil West. But Gibson’s target is the Vatican - which he sees as an abomination, an obscenity, a betrayal of everything that Jesus Christ set out in the rule book.

Gibson’s voice brooks no argument. It is icy. It is unremitting. It is 200 per cent certain. As are the claims in his newspaper that the al-Qa’ida hijackers weren’t involved in September 11 - that the planes were guided to their targets by remote control. And the allegations that the Holocaust is another Big Lie, that World War II ended with more Jews, not less.

But the purpose of this column isn’t to dispute Mr Gibson’s theologies or political views. It’s to make the point that extremists everywhere, of all colours and persuasions, are linked by the same dangerous mixture of instability and intensity. And that there’s good reason to fear the voice of anyone who is 200 per cent certain.

The longer I live, the less confidant I am about most things; the more complicated and contradictory issues become.
I’ve observed that every -ism and -ology that has propounded a Great Certainty has not only failed but also caused an awful lot of trouble.

While such convictions may produce a spellbinding, Oscar-worthy performance in an actor or an ideologue or even a US president, they’re also symptomatic of something as fissionable as plutonium.

Verily I say unto you, put your faith in scepticism, not dogma. Put your trust in doubt. And when you hear someone say that they’re on a mission from God, run as fast as you can.

The world is increasingly dominated by the likes of Gibson Snr. You heard them in the White House, 200 per cent confident that the War in Iraq would be over in 24 hours and that everything would go like clockwork. Exit the dictator, enter democracy!
You’ll find them in Economics, insisting the marketplace will fix anything. You’ll find them in Australia’s Anglican churches, proclaiming from the pulpit that Christianity is the One True Faith and that all others are, effectively, tools of Satan. There are too many people like this in charge of cathedrals, temples, mosques, synagogues and, yes, terrorist groups.

Wherever they come from, the 200 per cent certain, including presidents from Texas, are bin Laden’s brethren.

 

[Spinaroonie]

The same day he's sworn in does Baghdad become the capitol of sexy.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Meanwhile the island Republic of Nauru has been told to shape up to the AmeriKKKan image of world banking ,or prepare to be economically devastated.

Secretarty of State, Rotten Rumsfeld, is quoted as saying that it was quite unfair of Nauru to muscle in on the lucrative money laundering business from which Amerikkkan banks derive so much profits. There just isn't enough "dirty money" going around the world destroying national economies for the AmeriKKKan banks to share this profitable little earner with anyone, especially some tin-pot South Pacific pile of bird manure.

Other nationsin the region wre a little apprehensive at this bullying action, fearing that the money-laundering business will require CIA endorsement to protect the sale of arms to both sides of the expected conflicts with Iran, Saudi Arabia and the Central Asian Republics.

From The Australian{/I]

Nauru coercion surprises Canberra
By Cameron Stewart, John Kerin, Martin Chulov
April 08, 2003

CANBERRA was unaware of the extent of the US campaign to get Nauru to scrap its dodgy banking and passport schemes, including threats to close down the island's economy if it did not co-operate.

Government sources expressed surprise yesterday at the hardline tactics employed by the US in its behind-the-scenes campaign, revealed in The Australian. That campaign included threats – delivered by non-government intermediaries – that Nauru effectively faced bankruptcy if it did not agree to reform its banking and passport systems, which were a potential haven for terrorists.

The US also informed Nauru it feared its passports were being used by people linked with al-Qa'ida.

Australia has previously expressed concern to Nauru about its offshore banking and its passport schemes.

However, Opposition foreign affairs spokesman Kevin Rudd yesterday accused the Government of "going soft" on Nauru because of its role in the Pacific solution.

"These reports fundamentally assault the Howard Government's credibility on counter-terrorism," Mr Rudd said.

"We need to know when Australia knew about this passport-for-sale scheme, including the suggestion passports have been sold to terrorists, including al-Qa'ida, and what prompted the US to act.

"In the absence of any reasonable explanation from government . . . the public can only conclude that it's because the tiny island nation bailed the Howard Government out of its refugee crisis."

But a spokesman for Foreign Minister Alexander Downer rejected the allega tions, saying Australia had been involved in providing technical advice to Nauru on anti-money-laundering legislation and that it had been enacted into law.

"The Government absolutely rejects any Opposition suggestion that it is not doing enough to discourage money-laundering and terrorism," the spokesman said.

"Australia is doing an enormous amount of work in the region on money-laundering and encouraging Nauru in its efforts to reform its financial system."

The spokesman said Australia "was aware the US was conducting bilateral negotiations with Nauru and shared US concerns over the sale of passports".

Nauru last month scrapped its offshore banking and its passports-for-sale schemes after the US threatened to apply sweeping economic sanctions against the already impoverished island nation.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Meanwhile, Susan Maushart brings reality back to the erotic sites by identifying that women prefer hot, hard sensual encouters when they indulge in extra-marital play.

FromThe Australian

My life doesn't understand me

April 05, 2003

JUST when I needed a lube job of the spirit, Dr Shirley Glass, "the godmother of infidelity research", came to me.

Her latest finding – that straying wives are now more likely to pursue affairs for the high-octane sex, while husbands are increasingly booking in for illicit emotional servicing – got me revved in no time. And I’m not the only one. Since its recent release, Glass’ controversial new book, NOT "Just Friends", has been blowing gaskets on three continents.

So, whaddaya say? Ready to lift the bonnet on the research and really get our hands dirty?

Yeah, so am I. But the thing of it is . . . I . . . I just . . . can’t. What? Oh, this is so awful. You see, I want to so much. Really. But there’s the family to think of.

There’s my children. They’re wonderful, of course – but the truth is, they don’t understand me.

If they had any idea how much I’d rather get into the infidelity research than pack for our annual family incarceration, er, holiday at Rottnest Island … well, it would destroy them. They’d go berserk (again). They’d put me on a short lead and tie me to the washing line (again).

Oh, it’s so hard to live a lie! And yet … maybe it’s true what they say. Maybe one woman’s infidelity really is another woman’s multi-tasking. I can’t be the only person who’s ever packed for a family vacation and thought obsessively about having an affair at the same time. I’ll give it a go!

Rottnest Island is a holiday oasis and former prison – coincidence? I think not – off the coast of Western Australia. Rottnest is renowned for its rugged limestone landscapes and substandard accommodation. Indeed, it is sometimes difficult to tell which is which. Rottnest is also home to a number of unique native species, including the quokka and the feral school leaver. The thing that all sand-gropers love about Rottnest is pretty much the same thing we hate about George Bush’s cerebral cortex: ie, there ain’t nothin’ there.

This is wonderful if you are a child, a seagull or a man. For those of us who are none of these things – and much less besides – it is less so. Being in charge of troop deployment to Rottnest for a family of three school-aged children is to holiday fun what a Pap smear is to a dirty weekend. You don’t "pack" for Rottnest; you migrate there. (Maybe that’s why I feel like throwing the family overboard for days afterwards.) For those of us who need our creature comforts – and I’m talking a toaster and light globes – this can be a special challenge.

Does packing for Rottnest get better with practice? In my experience, it’s a bit like sex within marriage. It doesn’t exactly get better, but at least it goes faster.

And speaking of bad sex and marriage (not that I’m not completely riveted by the task at hand – there’s nothing I love better than spearfishing for socks and underwear under my kids’ beds), do you think this explains why we’re facing what Dr Glass calls "the new crisis of infidelity", in which men’s platonic friendships and workmate relationships are turning into emotional affairs?

No, me neither. But I had to make the transition somehow.
Glass’s theory is that the greater economic clout and general assertiveness enjoyed by women today have led to significant changes in the politics of marital intimacy – and as someone who has lost the by-election repeatedly, who am I to argue?
These days, a woman would have to be a mad cow indeed to lie back and think of England. Wives are instead much more forthright about procuring "amazing sex" (not to be confused with the Protestant hymn of the same name), whether in marriage or – as is increasingly common – outside of it.

Husbands, by contrast, are meant to be sick of all that. What floats their boat today is the exchange of emotional fluids. This, Glass shows, creates its own sticky mess, making guys vulnerable to "emotional affairs" – particularly when work-centred lifestyles mean there is not enough time for real intimacy in the marriage (and even good ol’ fake intimacy fails to satisfy).

Well, fair enough, I suppose. And yet I can’t help thinking that we are all getting just a tiny bit extravagant in our expectations (she says, dismantling the eight-year-old’s laptop and packing it carefully beside the inflatable DVD burner). I mean, really.

Looking to a long-term relationship for both amazing sex and stupendous friendship is a bit like, I don’t know, going on a family holiday for a rest. In relationships, as at Rottnest, there is virtue in roughing it – and the sooner we all accept that, the better.
Now, where the hell did I put the IV trolley and the cocktail shaker?


That ends the news. Good evening.