Gord
a long way up
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 5,755
not new , but still laugh at some of them - to all those who have attended bullshit meetings and lived
1. Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper - "Can you feel
it?" from the corner of your mouth.
> 2. Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and
> discreetly show it to
> the person next to you for their approval.
3. When refreshments are presented, immediately
distribute one biscuit to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your fist in front of them
4. Chew tobacco
> >
> >
> > 5. Wear a hands free phone headset throughout. Once in a while drift off
> > into an unrelated conversation such as, "I don't care if there are no
> > dwarfs, just get the show done!".
> >
> >
> > 6. Write the words - "He fancies you" on your pad and show it to the
> > person next to you while indicating with your pen.
> >
> >
> > 7. Respond to a serious question with - "I don't know what to say,
> > obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast".
> >
> >
> > 8. Use Nam style jargon, such as "what's the ETA?", "who's on recon?"
and
> > "Charlie don't surf".
> >
> >
> > 9. Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when
> > anyone moves, re-arrange the figures accordingly.
> >
> >
> > 10. Shave one of your forearms
> >
> >
> > 11. Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs, then avoid sitting on
it
> > when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover
> > your mouth and gasp.
> >
> >
> > 12. Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing
> > the window with
> > your
> > legs stretched out. Announce that you "love this dirty ole town".
> >
> >
> > 13. Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for
> > one minute.
> >
> >
> > 14. Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.
> >
> >
> > 15. Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face.
> >
> >
> > 16. Gargle with water.
> >
> >
> > 17. Repeat every idea expressed in a baby voice while moving your hand
> > like a chattering mouth.
> >
> >
> > 18. Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair.
> >
> >
> > 19. Hum throughout.
> >
> >
> > 20. Bend momentarily under the table and then emerge wearing contact
> > lenses that white out your eyes.
> >
> >
> > 21. Drop meaningless and confusing management speak into conversations,
> > such as - "what's the margin Marvin?", "When this turkey going to get
> > basted?", "If we don't get this brook babbling, we're all going to end
up
> > looking like doe-eyed Labradors".
> >
> >
> > 22. Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest
> > throwing it to
> > one
> > another as a means of idea-exchange.
> >
> >
> >
> > 23. Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids.
> >
> >
> > 24. Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda.
> > Then hand out pieces of paper that read: "My Secret Agenda.
> > 1.Trample the weak.
> > 2. Triumph alone.
> > 3. Invade Poland. Re-collect them sheepishly and
> > ask everyone to
> > pretend
> > they haven't seen them.
> >
> >
> >
> > 25. Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch.
> >
> >
> > 26. When referring to someone in the room, always call them your "homey"
> > or "dog".
> >
> >
> > 27. Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is
> > prompted to interject, shout "I AM NOT FINISHED".
> >
> >
> > 28. Project the rudimentary computer game Tennis from your laptop.
> >
> >
> > 29. Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively.
> >
> >
1. Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper - "Can you feel
it?" from the corner of your mouth.
> 2. Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and
> discreetly show it to
> the person next to you for their approval.
3. When refreshments are presented, immediately
distribute one biscuit to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your fist in front of them
4. Chew tobacco
> >
> >
> > 5. Wear a hands free phone headset throughout. Once in a while drift off
> > into an unrelated conversation such as, "I don't care if there are no
> > dwarfs, just get the show done!".
> >
> >
> > 6. Write the words - "He fancies you" on your pad and show it to the
> > person next to you while indicating with your pen.
> >
> >
> > 7. Respond to a serious question with - "I don't know what to say,
> > obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast".
> >
> >
> > 8. Use Nam style jargon, such as "what's the ETA?", "who's on recon?"
and
> > "Charlie don't surf".
> >
> >
> > 9. Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when
> > anyone moves, re-arrange the figures accordingly.
> >
> >
> > 10. Shave one of your forearms
> >
> >
> > 11. Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs, then avoid sitting on
it
> > when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover
> > your mouth and gasp.
> >
> >
> > 12. Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing
> > the window with
> > your
> > legs stretched out. Announce that you "love this dirty ole town".
> >
> >
> > 13. Walk directly up to a colleague and stand nose to nose with him for
> > one minute.
> >
> >
> > 14. Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.
> >
> >
> > 15. Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face.
> >
> >
> > 16. Gargle with water.
> >
> >
> > 17. Repeat every idea expressed in a baby voice while moving your hand
> > like a chattering mouth.
> >
> >
> > 18. Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair.
> >
> >
> > 19. Hum throughout.
> >
> >
> > 20. Bend momentarily under the table and then emerge wearing contact
> > lenses that white out your eyes.
> >
> >
> > 21. Drop meaningless and confusing management speak into conversations,
> > such as - "what's the margin Marvin?", "When this turkey going to get
> > basted?", "If we don't get this brook babbling, we're all going to end
up
> > looking like doe-eyed Labradors".
> >
> >
> > 22. Produce a hamster from your pocket and suggest
> > throwing it to
> > one
> > another as a means of idea-exchange.
> >
> >
> >
> > 23. Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids.
> >
> >
> > 24. Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda.
> > Then hand out pieces of paper that read: "My Secret Agenda.
> > 1.Trample the weak.
> > 2. Triumph alone.
> > 3. Invade Poland. Re-collect them sheepishly and
> > ask everyone to
> > pretend
> > they haven't seen them.
> >
> >
> >
> > 25. Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch.
> >
> >
> > 26. When referring to someone in the room, always call them your "homey"
> > or "dog".
> >
> >
> > 27. Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is
> > prompted to interject, shout "I AM NOT FINISHED".
> >
> >
> > 28. Project the rudimentary computer game Tennis from your laptop.
> >
> >
> > 29. Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively.
> >
> >
