Me and my first story

[myrabella]

Hey all, I'm a relative newcomer to chyoo, making my first topic here about my story over on chyoo called "Pleasing Your Man"

http://www.chyoo.com/index.php/main.story.cover/6712

With my first erotic story, ever, I'm attempting a narrative between a nameless couple right after they get married, from the woman's perspective, as they slowly explore sexuality between them.

I started the project a while ago, but it is really just now starting to flesh out as a full fledged story, so I am looking for feedback. I have a basic timeline made also for the rest of the story, with three more sexual encounters between the couple all about half written.

I know I have made a few grammatical errors, and I am correcting them as I find them. This is my first attempt at writing since high school, so please bear with me.

Anyone with comments, feedback, ideas, or submissions would be most welcome, thanks!


-Myra-

 

[MJ10]

Interesting story, Myrabella. The Mrs. and Mr. sound like a frisky couple.

You do a good job of "setting the scene", giving a description of these two individuals and what their lives are like. I get a sense that these are two people in the throes of young love (or is it lust)? I could actually visualize a lot of what was tasking place.

How far are you taking this story? Will we see them in their thirties? Middle age? It'd be interesting to see them juggle work/school/kids and try to stay passionate together. It would also be interesting to see some conflict in the story--maybe not between them per se, but something that would give them something to work through.

The one pet peeve I do have is use of past tense verbs (was v. is, etc) but that's my personal preference. Other than that you're an excellent writer, and I look forward to seeing more of your work.

PM me if you need any help.

MJ10

 

[myrabella]

Thanks for the feedback. For the verb tenses, it is something I haven't been keeping a close track of as I write so I'm not sure if I am using the right ones all the time. I know when I first posted the story I switched the viewpoint back and for a couple times (from you's to I's) so I may be making some similar mistakes there.

As for my plans for the story, write now anyway, I am working on a few threads for an encounter in the mid-thirties or so, but tbh I don't have many plans for after that. I also haven't planned for any conflict yet but this is very exploring story for me, so I may work on that at some point.

Unfortunately I am a very slow writer. I often find myself no longer typing and just sitting and fantasizing. As fun as that is, it doesn't have any results for me to post

 

[MJ10]

Myrabella,

Sounds like you got a pretty good idea of how this story will play itself out. What I do when keeping track of what I'm writing is actually map stuff out on paper chapter by chapter, section by section down to the littlest detail. That way I'm not confused--but the trick is to allow for a little flexibility. It may seem contradictory but it works.

Now the big difference between a narrative story (or even a visual novel) and CHYOO is CHYOO is more of a choose your own adventure type story. That means a lot of little points of diversion where the story changes. Different endings, different points of views. That's one thing to keep in mind when you're working on your story.

A lot of things can happen between 23 and 35--I can think of three or four PODs off the top of my head. A good idea is to get a mix of "good" and "bad" endings. Just use your imagination.

Look forward to seeing the rest of your tale!