Maybe I am the CRAZY one....

[TheDivineMsM]

Ok some of your more experienced BDSM practioners can answer this...
Have you ever had a submissive who was into extream forms of play who states that should they safe word on your in play, they expect that there will be lets say "6 more lashes" after they have safeworded.
Doesnt this defeat the purpose of setting up safewords.
The subs response was it keeps the edge...
Your thought?
I think he doth not understandth what the purpose of a safeword is...
Maybe a yellow for instance could indicate 6 or 10 more strikes, but red and all play stops and care begins!

 

[CutieMouse]

I could understand X number more hits after yellow, but X number more hits after red? WTH?

 

[TheDivineMsM]

I could understand X number more hits after yellow, but X number more hits after red? WTH?

Yeah my thoughts *exactly* red or whatever safe word you hold paramount as stopping or the end of play means...just that...stop...

 

[coastal-boy]

Doesnt this defeat the purpose of setting up safewords.

Yes. No gray here.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Perhaps it might be wise to have a talk to them about responsibility and game playing. If they safeword when they feel they still have a ways to go, it is not being very responsible and sounds much more like playing drama games for the thrill and fantasy of it all. If you can't trust them to safeword at the appropriate time, how can you consider continuing any sort of play with the reassurance everything will be alright, but even more so, that you are the one in control? Sounds pretty much to me like this is their way of maitaining some form of control through creating instability and uncertainty and playing silly games.

Catalina

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Perhaps it might be wise to have a talk to them about responsibility and game playing. If they safeword when they feel they still have a ways to go, it is not being very responsible and sounds much more like playing drama games for the thrill and fantasy of it all. If you can't trust them to safeword at the appropriate time, how can you consider continuing any sort of play with the reassurance everything will be alright, but even more so, that you are the one in control? Sounds pretty much to me like this is their way of maitaining some form of control through creating instability and uncertainty and playing silly games.

Catalina

I cant say i disagree Cat...and thus the reason i kicked him about that far into the conversation....
AMAZING to me what some ppl think BDSM or D/s is all about ya know?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I cant say i disagree Cat...and thus the reason i kicked him about that far into the conversation....
AMAZING to me what some ppl think BDSM or D/s is all about ya know?

Ah well, you could always go 12-18 extra strokes and then when he complains, explain with wide innocent eyes you thought he was just warming you up to the idea he was getting closer and had another 12 or so in him so you were just trying to keep him happy.

Catalina

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Ah well, you could always go 12-18 extra strokes and then when he complains, explain with wide innocent eyes you thought he was just warming you up to the idea he was getting closer and had another 12 or so in him so you were just trying to keep him happy.

Catalina

LOL your wicked love!

 

[WriterDom]

I think I would have said ok, but not stopped at 6 until he safeworded again and continue while we discuss safewords for a bit.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

I think I would have said ok, but not stopped at 6 until he safeworded again and continue while we discuss safewords for a bit.

LOL
Now that one i really like!

 

[EmpressFi]

I think I would have said ok, but not stopped at 6 until he safeworded again and continue while we discuss safewords for a bit.

You remind me of Master. Sounds like something he would do

 

[graceanne]

What if he's really scared or whatever? What if he's having a heart attack and he safewords, and you keep going cause after all you're 'supposed to' (which brings to mind bottom topping).

I think someone needs to review the story of the boy who cried wolf.

 

[HottieMama]

When did RED become ambiguous?

i was always told that when you say RED all play stops immediately. Seems like a pretty universal concept.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

What if he's really scared or whatever? What if he's having a heart attack and he safewords, and you keep going cause after all you're 'supposed to' (which brings to mind bottom topping).

I think someone needs to review the story of the boy who cried wolf.

I agree which is why i discontinued conversation shortly after that...wasnt my type anyways...but i am glad to know all of your opinions!

 

[TheDivineMsM]

When did RED become ambiguous?

i was always told that when you say RED all play stops immediately. Seems like a pretty universal concept.

Agreed!

 

[graceanne]

I agree which is why i discontinued conversation shortly after that...wasnt my type anyways...but i am glad to know all of your opinions!

See, I would never use my safeword unless I was really serious out of fear that he wouldn't listen when it was an emergency.

 

[TheDivineMsM]

See, I would never use my safeword unless I was really serious out of fear that he wouldn't listen when it was an emergency.

When i was in training...I had to learn...(LOL) seriously not to be a whimp and safeword, when it became just uncomfortable...
Cause i am a big ole puss when it comes to me subbing...
My hats are off to all you SUBBIES....

 

[neonflux]

Ok some of your more experienced BDSM practioners can answer this...
Have you ever had a submissive who was into extream forms of play who states that should they safe word on your in play, they expect that there will be lets say "6 more lashes" after they have safeworded.
Doesnt this defeat the purpose of setting up safewords.
The subs response was it keeps the edge...
Your thought?
I think he doth not understandth what the purpose of a safeword is...
Maybe a yellow for instance could indicate 6 or 10 more strikes, but red and all play stops and care begins!

Don't know if I am terribly "experienced" but this sounds very much to me like topping from the bottom. There are other ways to test one's own limits as a bottom/sub. I wouldn't stand for it. I would train him that to me "red means red" and all play stops, "yellow" means that whatever specific play you're involved in stops. Of course, you have the right to establish your own expectations regarding safe words and if you feel comfortable with what he is asking for, who is anyone to tell you differently...

Neon

 

[Etoile]

I could see it as a tool to push through fear. It sounds like he doesn't know about yellow vs. red safewords. If he safewords with yellow, he can expect six more, and then the top checks in with him to how he feels and whether he can keep going. Sort of gives him a way to push beyond his limits. But I agree that red means red.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm happy to be pushed but it's always an agreed thing. If I said red and then Master realised that I hadn't actually reached the edge of my tolerance he'd find it deceitful, not to mention disrespectful. If a sub wants to push their limits then they can yell "No! Stop! Please no more I beg you!" That's the whole point of having a safeword that can't be confused with anything else. I find the fact that he wants to say red rather than anything else under the sun (that being the point of the separate safeword) strange.

There are definitely issues going on with him. I can't see how you can trust someone like that to communicate their tolerance honestly in order to keep play safe.

Did like WriterDom's approach though, bet he wouldn't need that lesson twice

 

[Evil_Geoff]

It boils down to this:

There appears to be a major communication issue going on with this submissive. It looks like he does not know how to be open and honest with you because he's not being open and honest with himself.

Safewords are a communication TOOL. Nothing more, nothing less. And what he's doing is misuse of this very specific tool.

So take away his safeword.

MAKE him communicate clearly. Check in with him during play, ask if he's okay. Tell him that no response = play stops immediately. Make him stay in the here and now through the entire scene. Ramp him up slowly... if/when he reaches the point where he says "Mistress I can't take much more..." THEN give him 5 or 6 more. Saying:
Good <WHACK> boy! <WHACK> These <WHACK> are <WHACK> for <WHACK> ME! <WHACK>

Then start the aftercare.

Teach him to be open, honest in his communication. It's called transparency and T3WD is doing a workshop on that kind of communication for M/s and D/s couples this weekend... *grin*

 

[amsubone]

Most informative, thank you!