May December Romance

[CorsetLvr]

Hello All,

I have posted a new chapter to my ongoing story, May December Romance. Its a lesbian/BDSM romance story. I would appreciate your feedback.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=130025

Thanks,
Tina

 

[dr_mabeuse]

It’s very well written, I thought. I haven’t read part one, so that kind of puts me at a disadvantge. I thought it might be a little talky at the start though. I know you have a lot of information to take care of, but a lot of the speech was pretty artificial. E.g.:

She went on, "Obviously, I'm more than anxious to continue exploring these new facets to my sexuality."

People just don’t talk like this, at least not where I live, and it’s the unnatural manner of speech that makes that section drag.

I also noticed that, in the sex scene, they start out in a chair, but then she arches off the bed. Maybe they moved from the chair to the bed and I missed it?

Other than that, I thought it was very good.

---dr.M.

 

[CorsetLvr]

Thank You Dr. M.

I agree that my dialog needs improvement. Its definitely an area I am least comfortable with in my writing. I do appreciate your kind words and constructive criticism.

BTW, I am a great fan of your writing.

Thanks,
Tina