Masturbation frustration

[UnseenChagrin]

It's been a long time since I've had some really good sex, and even that was a one night fling after several months of nothing. So, having my trusty vibrator in hand, I've been going to town almost every night...

However, I don't know if it's something for me to worry about or just be annoyed by.... but it seems I can only get off after at least a 10 minute session with my vibrator on med-high pushing very hard onto my clit. Fingering myself or touching myself does very little. It feels alright, but that's as far as it goes.

It sounds silly, but I've always hated that it is so difficult for me to orgasm. I've slept with quite a few men and only a couple have managed to get me off. *I* can't even get myself off without a vibrator! GRRRRR

Any suggestions on things I could try?

 

[UnseenChagrin]

While I'm on the subject of frustration...

There's a guy I work with who I've been blatantly obvious with but have gotten NOWHERE with.

1: On his birthday I gave him a note that said: "so who's the birthday fuck? or are you going to pick one up at the bar?" He replied with asking if I was offering and I just handed him my number. He called me later that evening but it was 4am and he was drunk.

2: The other night he told me to come talk to him and I did. As I did I stared at him and he said "you know stares can tell a lot. for example, that was your I wanna fuck you now stare." However, conversation went no further.

3: Several times we have both jokingly talked about having sex but when I give the slightest hint of want to, he just laughs.


Everytime I go to work I keep telling myself I am not going to flirt but damned if I keep doing it! I don't want to ruin the working relationship, and I'd definately enjoy dating him, but at the very least how can I get some sex out of this boy?! Any thoughts?

 

[Wiggles]

.

 

[re_Mark_s]

Make sure you tell him about your inablity to orgasm

 

[Mr_Zac]

Resist the vibrators for as long as possible. prolonged use could cause loss of sensitivity

 

[welshman]

It's been a long time since I've had some really good sex, and even that was a one night fling after several months of nothing. So, having my trusty vibrator in hand, I've been going to town almost every night...

However, I don't know if it's something for me to worry about or just be annoyed by.... but it seems I can only get off after at least a 10 minute session with my vibrator on med-high pushing very hard onto my clit. Fingering myself or touching myself does very little. It feels alright, but that's as far as it goes.

It sounds silly, but I've always hated that it is so difficult for me to orgasm. I've slept with quite a few men and only a couple have managed to get me off. *I* can't even get myself off without a vibrator! GRRRRR

Any suggestions on things I could try?

What about your mind? Maybe you should arouse yourself mentaly first~a Lit story~ video~ whatever you find sexy, relax in a bath even. Then when you're wet before any physical contact, play with your breasts/nipples for a while before you get to your pussy. Keep a fantasy going in your imagination as you finger yourself.... let us know how you get on

 

[bharman4102]

from a guy's perspective....gf was away this summer, so I had a lot of free time..anyway, when we would meet, sex with her was different...not bad, just not the same feelings as when I masturbated, and I had trouble cumming...at first she was convinced I might have been seeing someone else, but I 'fessed up and explained it all to her. Anyway, lay off the masturbation...you'll be amazed how quick you will respond if you just don't do it for like a week...at least it worked for me!

 

[UnseenChagrin]

Thanks for the advice guys

Orgasming has never been a strong suit of mine... after not being able to do it myself for so long I finally bought a vibe, though I hardly used it for a while. I've been reading some good lit stories though and I have been getting very wet and turned on playing with myself, I just can never seem to get over that point without more stimulation.

I will also try to reduce the masturbating... though I'm getting a cam this week (hopefully tomorrow actually) so it might be a little difficult. *hums innocently*

 

[welshman]

Thanks for the advice guys

Orgasming has never been a strong suit of mine... after not being able to do it myself for so long I finally bought a vibe, though I hardly used it for a while. I've been reading some good lit stories though and I have been getting very wet and turned on playing with myself, I just can never seem to get over that point without more stimulation.

I will also try to reduce the masturbating... though I'm getting a cam this week (hopefully tomorrow actually) so it might be a little difficult. *hums innocently*

be sure to give us a progress report

 

[TyTucson]

An experienced mouth will do the trick

I have heard alot of women say that a man(or woman if you like that kinda thing) who knows how to use their mouth well can always get you off

 

[UnseenChagrin]

Update

I haven't masturbated in days (which sucks and it's leaving me hornier than I have been in a while)....

BUT....

I did get my webcam and I have some pics up! Peektures

 

[welshman]

HomeWork: A questionnaire for you,

What arouses you the most while: fantasizing while masturbating/ in a story/emotionally (i.e with a real person e.g. kissing?) ~ yes answer all three!

Describe your best orgasm, the circumstances I mean.

Do you know where your g-spot is and have you played with it with any success?

If you were masturbating say using fingers and you couldn't achieve orgasm what would have given up first, your mind or your body?

Yoiur answers will me assessed and suitable treatment offered

 

[likaway]

my friend

my friend, the unseen chagrin............What a sad story..I've already told you how beautiful I think you are and that you have a classic clit hood. You should have all the confidence in the world. My serious thought as to what to do..tell him about your frustrations and ask him to take you home for a drink and then find a way to masturbate for him...I"ve got a feeling he's join in once he saw you genital beauty. You are pretty all over..he just has to see that. Let me know, hun. Love Lisa

 

[Pixie Mischief]

LAdy.. VERY VERY easy. EVERYONE knows well I thought everyone did that vibrators are to be used OCCASIONALY.. because they will majorly densentize you to the point where you will NEED it to cum.. the only way to fix this is to not masterbate for a week. And then do it manualy.

I even get desentized on manual so I'm not aloud to masterbate unless playtime with BF.. its gone to wear it takes 2 horus for me to cum if I masterbate often.

So word of advice. take time off. and then do it manualy. and use the vib less often.

 

[SexyChele]

It takes me a long time to orgasm as well - always has. I've experienced what you are going through, and I know the frustration. It started off with just needing to get off, grabbing the vib, whamo, then off to sleep. Still does the trick, but not as much, so this is what I've learned does it for me. Make it an evening (or hour or so) of pampering yourself, paying attention to what you like. Start off with a glass of wine, take a nice bath, read stories - but feel! Let your mind go, create images, let your skin feel. Then, take your time. Leisurely touch yourself. Find new ways to touch different areas of your body in ways you hadn't before. Listen to music that relaxes you. Make it a bit of an event, even if only for an hour. Engage your brain!

And yes, I would also avoid the vibrator. I don't think it desensitizes as much as people claim it does. I think it's just easier. I know when I am someplace and don't have my vib, I can usually get off more quickly with my fingers alone. (So exactly why do I use that vib??) I never could understand the whole deny yourself thing. I've told men before I have difficulty having orgasms, and it is always the same thing: "then I don't want you to orgasm for <insert number> of days before you see me." Okay, and? Then to meet up and if I don't orgasm after 3 mins of fingering or 2 mins of oral, I'm accused of not taking his advice. *sigh*

Okay, got off track there, sorry! I am a firm believer that you can have orgasms every day, and that will not affect your ability. Some women just don't orgasm at the drop of a hat, it's that simple. Accept it, love it, and move on.

As to this gentleman at work, have you thought that maybe you are trying too hard? Yes, men do like to know when a woman is interested, but let's not forget that men usually like to be the ones doing the chasing. He knows your interested (and if not, do you really want to be stuck with Clueless?), stop comming onto him. Make yourself available. Be friendly. But let him do the pursuing. If he doesn't? Then it's simple. He's not interested and move onto some one else.

Good luck!

 

[Pixie Mischief]

<- feels better now knowin shes not the only one who has trouble with orgasms. I'm fine on my own if I dont play often. But when it comes to with someone else. either phone or person. thats a different story. BF says I need to learn to chill and let go.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[UnseenChagrin]

A lot of my problem is that I always had a really hard time orgasming, no matter how relaxed I got or anything. I finally broke down and bought a vibe to see if that would help. At first it didn't even help... but the more I used it the more it started helping. I try not to use it all the time when I masturbate, and for the most part I barely masturbated because I never got off. Lately though I've just been so horny I've not been able to contain myself.

I think I also have this mental block that I didn't mention before, and it just came to mind... A lot of times when I'm with a guy he'll be fingering me and it'll start to feel REALLY good, and this is generally when I get closest to orgasming or I actually have a little one. However I always run into the problem that in order to get to this point he almost always ends up making me bleed. It's quite embarassing and I'm thinking that maybe subconsciously it's preventing me from totally relaxing and having a good orgasm.

And as far as answering your questions Welshman...

What arouses you the most while: fantasizing while masturbating/ in a story/emotionally (i.e with a real person e.g. kissing?) ~ yes answer all three!
While fantasizing, what turns me on is when the guy is very much in control or just plain forcing me to do something. I have incredibly low self esteem and I need to hear/feel/know that I am wanted.

In a story... non-consent stories definately turn me on... but not the very violent ones. I believe this reflects on my attitudes about my body and my hidden nymphomania <g> I also like incest stories, more between siblings or mother and son, though I really have no idea why.

Emotionally... I like to be everythinged. Kissing, massaging, nibbling, hugging... it all turns me on. More specifically, kissing the back of my neck and small of my back, or just a guy wrapping his arms around my from the back are very sensual to me. Someone who can hold a conversation is also a turn on.

There was a time in HS that I visited a college and ended up doing a strip tease for 5 guys (4 I had just met). By the end they were all grabbing and touching me and I ended up giving them all head, and having sex with the 5th (who happened to be an ex of mine anyway). That was really hot.... though I was so drunk I can't remember the major details of it. *grins*

Describe your best orgasm, the circumstances I mean.
My exboyfriend and I were fooling around at his house, with his parents downstairs (hey we were 16.. this was pretty much the norm) and he just hit a spot with his finger that really got me going. He kept at it and when he was done I could barely move, breath, or speak. My head was light and fuzzy and nothing made sense. However, the mood was ruined when we realized there was blood all over his hand.

Do you know where your g-spot is and have you played with it with any success?
I have a gspot?!?! I don't think I do most of the time. I've explored myself many times on my own (and with some help) and can rarely ever get to that spot that does it for me. If I had to pinpoint it, I'd say I'm a cervical kinda girl. I get much more pleasure from a guy who's larger and can get further in and knows nothing what he's doing than I can with a guy who's skilled with his tongue and fingers.

If you were masturbating say using fingers and you couldn't achieve orgasm what would have given up first, your mind or your body?
My mind most definately. I get bored with masturbating after a while.. hell, I get bored with sex after a while. It's not that I don't enjoy it, I just don't feel like doing it anymore and want it to get over with.

 

[UnseenChagrin]

thanks

I also just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the support and advice. This is an awkward issue for me and it's nice to have people I can discuss it with, without feeling silly.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Not to be a perv... but do you get off on havng your nipples bitten or pinched??? and the likes?? do you enjoy that?

 

[UnseenChagrin]

Update on the boy..

Oh... and while I'm in the thread... *giggles*

I'm not putting anymore effort into Guy A at work. If he wants me he knows how to reach me.

Also, an interesting thing happened the other day... another guy who works once a week in the office next to us asked for my number. He just called actually. He said he had been trying to figure out a way to ask for it without sounding like an idiot. Apparently he was instantly attracted to me the first time we met. *blushes* We're gonna go out Sat I think.. I'll let you know how that goes!

 

[UnseenChagrin]

Not to be a perv... but do you get off on havng your nipples bitten or pinched??? and the likes?? do you enjoy that?

Not really... my nipples aren't very sensitive at all. :\

 

[DriveSouth]

just keep in mind -

sexy thoughts - fantasies - sure seem to help my masturbation

 

[Pixie Mischief]

fact that you where rubbed to the point of blood led me to think that you had a thing for pain. No shame in it if you did. some people just need it to get off.

 

[UnseenChagrin]

fact that you where rubbed to the point of blood led me to think that you had a thing for pain. No shame in it if you did. some people just need it to get off.

The strange thing is it was never painful. It felt very good actually.. but nothing painful. Who knows... *babbles*