Master / Slave

[fotowriter]

My girlfriend and I were talking recently about how it might be fun to try out a master slave thing. She actually brought it up, and I took it as a fantasy as she said she had never done that before as I have not either.

Apparantly I have the right to invoke this when I choose it is the right time and I get the privlige of being the master at first. I am pretty sure that neither of us are into the whips, chains, and pain thing so we have to assume that we are not going there.

So anyway looking for some advice on how to get this started and what exactly this entails. I have a feeling she may have mentioned it in an effort to bring out my fantasy's but I think it's best to bring them out slowly.

Please advise.

Thanks

 

[Dirtco]

Talking

For me the first thing to do would be alot of talking......ie.....what the two of you are wanting out of this experance. The more you know about there want and diesres the better you can try to meet them. A must is a safe word or words to let the other know that thing are going too far. From there just explore and have fun.

 

[mylaceratedheart]

Have a look over on the BDSM Talk forum where there's loads of info on this. There's also a sticky thread called the BDSM Library with links to lots of great threads. BDSM = Bondage, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism.

Good luck.

 

[MisterSir]

Start here. It's got some good advice for people in your situation.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree with the above. In your situation, I started with a ton of research (because even things like lighter bondage have the potential to do damage when they're done improperly or one isn't prepared for an emergency) here and elsewhere. Before play with anyone (yep, even my husband), we go over a good BDSM checklist, agree on a safe word and signal ("safeword" and dropping something like keys work fine), consider health conditions, physical and emotional limitations and I make sure I'm competent enough to do whatever it is I want to do by researching more and talking to experienced folks.

For some, that seems like a lot of work and planning that will take the fun/fantasy out of it, but I figure I'm dealing in reality and nothing kills the fun like a trip to the ER, emotionally damage or a funeral.

So, yeah, don't just assume. Communicate, plan and make sure you know what you're doing first. Then have a blast within the bounds of consensual, risk-aware kink.

 

[working_girl]

For me the first thing to do would be alot of talking......ie.....what the two of you are wanting out of this experance. The more you know about there want and diesres the better you can try to meet them. A must is a safe word or words to let the other know that thing are going too far. From there just explore and have fun.

Just to clarify for the uninitiated, a 'safeword' is a word that is completely unrelated to sex like 'red' that calls a halt to everything. Some people like an in-between word like 'amber' (as in traffic light colours) to indicate that something needs adjusting or re-negotiating; a quick time out. It means the submissive can say 'no' and mean 'yes' and the dominant can be clear on what is actually being consented to. People who enjoy painplay also enjoy squealing like bitches but it doesn't necessarily mean they're not having a great time or that they want/need you to stop. Safewords keep the lines clearly drawn and unambiguous.

Also be aware that when a mouth is gagged or... otherwise in service... it is impossible for a person to safeword. Some people also incorporate a safe signal just in case but it means you have to ensure a sub can manage one or the other. Never gag or occlude the mouth when a person is securely bound.

 

[Feral_Intelligence]

You need to spend a lot of time talking about what being a Master and slave means to both of you. The both of you may have very different ideas of what it means. Reading stories on Lit is a great way to get ideas. Just remember that they are usually highly romantisized idea of what BDSM and M/s are and are pretty much the realm of fiction. The website FetLife is also a great resource.