Master/slave Impasses

[porphry]

Does anyone have anything to say about Masters/slaves who come to an impasse in their BDSM relationship? I have been with someone for 3 yrs and it feels as though we can progress no further.

[and thanks to Caligula, I am no longer a Lit virgin...]

 

[caligula]

[and thanks to Caligula, I am no longer a Lit virgin...]

[/B][/QUOTE]
Have fun!

 

[fallon2]

It happens

Impasses DO happen for a variety of reasons. People changing jobs and moving, one person's interest or desire is no longer sated by the other or worse yet one feels unappreciated. In other real relationships couples do reach an impasse and divorce or separate.
I have always TRIED to end any and every relationship on a good note if at all possible. Do what you have to do and good luck!

 

[porphry]

thank you.

 

[Merelan]

As fallon stated, it happens i all relationships. The best thing to do is sit down and talk about it. Don't pretend it isn't there. Don't break up and run away. It can be a phase.
Boredom, same old perv ting every night. Try new things, explore together.

If it is the end, it will be for reasons more then just reaching a plateau. I hope it isn't the end, three years is an investment.

 

[porphry]

thank you.

you're right: i don't feel as though it is merely a plateau. how do BDSM relationships last, though? people change and if you don't grow together, then you'll likely grow apart.

does anyone have any success stories? couples that have been together and tolerated each other for longer than (a mere) 3 years?

 

[MissTaken]

thank you.

you're right: i don't feel as though it is merely a plateau. how do BDSM relationships last, though? people change and if you don't grow together, then you'll likely grow apart.

does anyone have any success stories? couples that have been together and tolerated each other for longer than (a mere) 3 years?

Your observations with regard to BDSM relationships are also true for non BDSM relationshps. I would start by looking at the relationship and growth outside of the scene, do some of the work there.

Then, explore inside the scene.

As far as long term success stories, I aspire to find what Wizard and Skitten share. Oh Wizzy? Your sage and advice are sought on this thread, my sweet friend!

 

[porphry]

Someone suggested a pic for my thread.

Just to let you know, communications/negotiations are ongoing. Thanks for your support.

 

[Quint]

people change and if you don't grow together, then you'll likely grow apart.

This has been a concern of mine as well. I've been with hunny for two years and some months, and though our relationship has been primarily non-BDSM, it's a very strong influence in our mental roles during sex; I always prefer to be in the submissive position, even during nilla lovemaking.

I know that I am a natural sub and he is not a natural Dom. This has made me question how long our relationship can last before I start craving more, someone who is a more natural Master. If BDSM were any more important to me than it is now, I don't think I would be with hunny forever.

Am I deliberately stifling my sub side because I don't want to lose him? Perhaps; it's one of those very rare occasions where not only do I not question if I'm lying to myself, but I just don't care. It is a trade. If I ever find someone who has all the many, many qualities I love in him, plus a more inherent dominance, I would reconsider. As it is, he is "practically perfect in every way," and that's definitely good enough for me.

 

[monster666]

Every time I think I have something to add, I read on and someone says something like this quote and then all I can say is -that's right!

Well, I might add that building a relationship that extends well beyond the bedroom helps. I think that a purely physical relationship is a lot more likely to fizz than a more evolved one, BDSM or otherwise. Pay close attention to those other facets of the relationship, and boredom is far less likely in the bedroom.

As fallon stated, it happens i all relationships. The best thing to do is sit down and talk about it. Don't pretend it isn't there. Don't break up and run away. It can be a phase.
Boredom, same old perv ting every night. Try new things, explore together.

If it is the end, it will be for reasons more then just reaching a plateau. I hope it isn't the end, three years is an investment.

 

[catalina_francisco]

interesting bump perhaps as it didn't seem to go very far in exploring the concepts of dealing with the slump in a D/s relationship and experiences....maybe now some time has passed there are some posters who can add to the conversation.

Catalina http://www.smilies4you.de/content/wspezial/weihtiere034.gif