Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

[Mr Blonde]

http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/regsys/maslow.gif

1) Physiological: hunger, thirst, bodily comforts, etc.

2) Safety/security: out of danger

3) Belonginess and Love: affiliate with others, be accepted

4) Esteem: to achieve, be competent, gain approval and recognition

5) Cognitive: to know, to understand, and explore

6) Aesthetic: symmetry, order, and beauty

7) Self-actualization: to find self-fulfillment and realize one's potential

8) Self-transcendence: to connect to something beyond the ego or to help others find self-fulfillment and realize their potential

According to Maslow, an individual is ready to address the growth needs (items 5-8) only when the deficiency needs (items 1-4) have been met.

This is just a very brief outline and it would take hours to explain the full concept. The graph and the descriptions are taken from this website. Please give it a look if you would like more information. Some people use the 5-step hierarchy, but let's assume the validity of this 8-step hierarchy as a starting point for the discussions in this thread.

Question: On what level do you place your BDSM-related needs? Please explain.

 

[niteshade]

I am not postive I am understanding correctly, as I slept through most of my psychology class last semester, but for me, I would place it on level 5. I feel that my BDSM relationship is a journey into myself... one that I am making in an effort to understand ME better, to understand why I do things, why I feel things. And also to understand the same about the one I am with. There are many emotions involved, of course, but in the main, this is a mental exercise for me.

 

[Netzach]

Ranks a 3.

I could socialize fine without it, but I'd never truly feel "accepted" without being able to be open about it and connect with others like me on some level. It's pretty primal, pretty basic, and not a negotiable for me to be sane.

 

[emer]

http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/regsys/maslow.gif

1) Physiological: hunger, thirst, bodily comforts, etc.

2) Safety/security: out of danger

3) Belonginess and Love: affiliate with others, be accepted

4) Esteem: to achieve, be competent, gain approval and recognition

5) Cognitive: to know, to understand, and explore

6) Aesthetic: symmetry, order, and beauty

7) Self-actualization: to find self-fulfillment and realize one's potential

8) Self-transcendence: to connect to something beyond the ego or to help others find self-fulfillment and realize their potential

Question: On what level do you place your BDSM-related needs? Please explain.

Great question! I think I'm truly "just" a bottom when/if the opportunity presents itself. Answering because I'm into the psych stuff.

1 - 3 are taken care. Blessed with good health, awesome kids, and a loving (if insane) family.

4 and 5 ... Work fills this need. Raising children does too.

6 ... work here too. The symmetry, order, and beauty of caring for the sick. Finding beauty in simple steps towards health or accepting death. See this when I walk the dog or photograph tombstones and monuments. A few breathless moments when I saw myself, bound intricately by a wonderful man.

7 ... to fully embrace the "subservient" nature of child-rearing and Nursing. Shrugging off the hardline feminist bullshit I believed for so long. Making sense of the urge to Kick Ass ... be Strong, but also to occassionally avert my eyes (lol) and just let someone else be strong for me.

8 ... I'm still working on this one.

emer

 

[Etoile]

I'm with Netzach in placing my BDSM needs at about 3. I'm not sure, though, that "esteem" is part of deficiency needs...it's not growth exactly either, but I'm not positive everyone requires recognition for their achievements.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yeah, I'm in the 3.8-4.00001 region too.

 

[Croctden]

I'll go high

I'd say 6. I can understand saying 3, but I don't feel I need it to get along with others. BDSM is joy in life. It's a level above being able to tie my shoes.

I never express this well, but for me BDSM is part of something bigger, not an end to itself. It is part of a relationship, how I like the world to be - what appeals to me. It's not simply sexual, but spiritual. Life seems somehow "off" with it. It's the golden apple.

 

[navarre]

I'd say somewhere between 3.5-4.0.

 

[Desdemona]

I'm a solid 3. I've lived without it and was unhappy, unfulfilled and felt like a freak.

 

[Psia]

HAHAHAHA! I teach psychology at a local university. I have that exact picture of Maslow's hierarchy in my powerpoints I use for the class. I'll never look at it the same again.
Psia

 

[Psia]

Oh, and I'd say level 5 for me.
Psia

 

[Quint]

It reaches everywhere from 2-8 on some level. I don't feel I need it to be safe from the world, but on a person-to-person level, I need the security that I have with my dominant. This ties into 3 as well. And it pervades everything above that. 'Course, I'm guessing at the 8 because I'm so totally not there yet.

Interesting way of approaching the question!

 

[psiberzerker]

I see S-M as a means to Emotive needs, not a need unto it'self. Ds, on the other hand, is self actualisative to me. It helps me, and those I practice it with to grow as individuals, and couples. I don't believe you can truly get into Ds without satifying, or getting past lower needs like love, belonging, and trust, though you can beat on each other anywhere in there.
Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ds, on the other hand, is self actualisative to me.
Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

I think I have to agree with you here. If you are wrong, we are wrong together.

 

[redelicious]

3) Belonginess and Love: affiliate with others, be accepted

4) Esteem: to achieve, be competent, gain approval and recognition

5) Cognitive: to know, to understand, and explore

6) Aesthetic: symmetry, order, and beauty

7) Self-actualization: to find self-fulfillment and realize one's potential

I think bits and pieces of these apply for me. I can also see how #8 (self-transcendance) could be very important to Dom/mes, especially those who see themselves as trainers.

 

[Missconduct]

7) Self-actualization: to find self-fulfillment and realize one's potential

8) Self-transcendence: to connect to something beyond the ego or to help others find self-fulfillment and realize their potential

Question: On what level do you place your BDSM-related needs? Please explain.

I'd place them somewhere between 7) and 8). I really am finding a certain self-fulfillment I've never had before with my self-discoveries in BDSM. I am very eager to realize my potential as a submissive, as in, how much pain can I learn to enjoy? How much can I endure for the pleasure of another? How long can I be tied up? How much stimulous will my body handle? What new and interesting emotions will I discover that I didn't know I had? What else will my brain learn to eroticize?

I continually have these AHA moments where I ask, "Who knew I liked that?"

I'm also really enjoying overcoming my ignorant pre-conceived notions about "people who do that." And if I can help others to find self-fulfillment and realize their potential, even better! As well as if I can help others to figure out whether this sort of thing is even for them.

Also, if I can help enlighten ignorant parents to refrain from punishing children who demonstrate alternative sexual interests, maybe that will help to reduce the amount of sexual crime which runs rampant in our culture today. I think a repressed kink might be more likely to backlash criminally than one who learns to understand kink and their relationship with it. Stigmatizing the kink during key developmental stages can be very harmful to the budding young psyche.

Plus, I'm really getting tired of these forensics shows which develop criminal characters with kinky proclivities: as though they're trying to send the message that kinks are criminals and vice versa. For example, I saw one show where the criminal had a foot fetish and killed his victims to cut off a foot and keep it and the shoe locked in a closet. I couldn't help but be concerned that the average television viewer was going to develop the opinion that foot fetishists cut off feet.

xx,

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I fulfill the first level needs on my own, however, in my life a large share of the second through the seventh level needs are fulfilled through D/s.

1) Physiological: hunger, thirst, bodily comforts, etc.

2) Safety/security: out of danger

3) Belonginess and Love: affiliate with others, be accepted

4) Esteem: to achieve, be competent, gain approval and recognition

5) Cognitive: to know, to understand, and explore

6) Aesthetic: symmetry, order, and beauty

7) Self-actualization: to find self-fulfillment and realize one's potential

~anelize

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Make mine a high five, low six.

 

[quietwillow]

I would have to say mine is a level 7. I would be totally lost without my D/s relationship. It gives me way more peace and joy than anything I had in the vanilla world.

qw

 

[Solitude]

Fascinating topic.

1-2: These are taken care of just fine.

3-6: All of these are fulfilled outside of the realm of BDSM. However, incorporating BDSM into my life tends to enhance each of these levels for me. This is particularly true of 5 and 6. My desire to learn and grow, my appreciation for the beauty of the world around me... all reach a much higher level with BDSM in the mix.

7: Here's where things get interesting. Personally, the feeling of self-actualization is never as complete for me without BDSM. It's only been in these sorts of relationships that I've felt I'm reaching my full potential, and when forced to go without it always feels as if something's missing.

8: On rare and special occassions, this too very much comes into play and is a feeling like no other.

 

[MissTaken]

I have been giving this a lot of thought.

For me, having a partner would fall into #3. However, having a Dominant would fall under #6. In order to achieve order and balance in my life, the Dominant partner would provide the balance my submissive nature requires. (Reminder, I am submissive in my interpersonal relationships with men. )


I do believe that the right partner, BDSM or vanilla and dominant could meet my need for love and affection and provide a sense of "family" that is missing for me as a single parent.

 

[ownedsubgal]

1-8....without my Master i'd be homeless and would likely starve to death on the streets. He keeps me safe, he loves me, accepts me as i am, takes pride in me and finds me special (makes me feel good about myself), helps me to learn and grow and mature, is absolutely physically beautiful (and for some odd reason, finds me beautiful), allowed me to discover my place and purpose on this planet, allows me to be a nurturer, by fulfilling his needs and desires. so yes, D/s covers it all for me. without the lifestyle, none of the needs mentioned would be met.

 

[Pure]

I like the approach of Anelize and Solitude and perhaps ownedsubgal (if she's not pulling our leg), which is to take the list of needs as primary.

I don't believe one can assign a level to 'bsdm related needs.'

Consider : where would one place "lesbian-activity-and-lifestyle-related needs."

Either there's no such things or they are a mixed bag, very heterogeneous. E.g., if you mean a need to have your clit sucked, well that's maybe a 1. If you mean to be loved as one and only true love by your lesbian lover, that's at the love needs level, 3. If you mean the need to be held in the highest esteem by your lesbian lover, to be thought a worthwhile person, that's more a 4.

In fact note that 'sexual needs' are not on the lists; perhaps they are too mixed to be placed anywhere. Then even more strongly does that apply to alleged 'bdsm related needs.'

J.

 

[Mr Blonde]

First, I apologize for starting this thread over a week ago and only responding now. If there are no objections, I might do some sort of analysis once there are more replies.

My answer: My current desire for BDSM is from the 7th and 8th level of needs. My original forays into BDSM , however, were driven by the 5th level of needs. It was a chance to see if there was any basis for my fantasies. There was!

I tried to keep my original question concise to keep the barrier from entering the discussion to be low. Feel free to skip the rest of my post if you only care about BDSM! But if there is a question about how all sexual needs fit into the scheme, here is my personal answer.

1) Physiological: hunger, thirst, bodily comforts, etc.
2) Safety/security: out of danger

There is nothing sexual about these levels for me.

3) Belonginess and Love: affiliate with others, be accepted
4) Esteem: to achieve, be competent, gain approval and recognition

I guess there would be these incremental steps: ability to masturbate, ability to get dates or draw interest, ability to enter a relationship, ability to sustain a relationship and ability to have a successful long term relationship

5) Cognitive: to know, to understand, and explore

Sexually this level addressed my curiosities and fantasies. Not really incremental, but just trying different things that appealed to me: ability to have a threesome, ability to explore fetishes, ability to explore BDSM and so forth

6) Aesthetic: symmetry, order, and beauty

This is my pursuit of refinement and excellence. Being the complete boyfriend, having an idealized relationship....basically just making things the best they can be

7) Self-actualization: to find self-fulfillment and realize one's potential
8 ) Self-transcendence: to connect to something beyond the ego or to help others find self-fulfillment and realize their potential

Right now BDSM is the only sexual item on these levels. Self-actualization would be for my dominance and feelings of self-transcendence would be for my submissive partner.


As an extra note, my hierarchies are somewhat disordered right now. I am currently single (meaning I need to work on 3 and 4) yet most of my fantasies (level 5) have been fulfilled already. Also, if I were to start a family I think the introduction of children would impact my hierarchy of needs substantially. Conversely, my hierarchy at age 17 (when BDSM was still an unfilled fantasy) would have looked very different. Things evolve as I go.

 

[Pure]

Hi Mr. B,

You've obviously done some thinking and express yourself clearly.


you said,
1) Physiological: hunger, thirst, bodily comforts, etc.
2) Safety/security: out of danger

There is nothing sexual about these levels for me.

Very odd not to see sex as physiological, or phsiologically based.
why do you think raising testosterone level affects behavior?



3) Belonginess and Love: affiliate with others, be accepted
4) Esteem: to achieve, be competent, gain approval and recognition

I guess there would be these incremental steps: ability to masturbate, ability to get dates or draw interest, ability to enter a relationship, ability to sustain a relationship and ability to have a successful long term relationship

I don't follow. why is masturbation related to 3) and 4) and not, say, to 1).


As for the rest, obvously we'd all like the wonderful Maslow label of 'self actualized.' I don't see that 'coming out' or practicing a deviation makes one self actualized, though that might be a tiny element of it. We'd have to look at the range of your abilities and their expression. What else are you up to 'sides whipping or being whipped?

J.

PS. I agree with those who've said 1-8. A pattern of sexual preferences or interpersonal 'sexual' activity is not going to be placeable at one particular level.