"Mask of Zaloh Ch. 1" Feedback

[LitShark]

Hey, I'm a first time writer who entered the Halloween contest. I really would like some feedback, positive or negative, and votes. I'm not holding to much hope of placing this year, but I'd like to know what I need to work on for future stories. My story can be found at: http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=280116

Thanks! Pleasant reading!

 

[AsylumSeeker]

I believe in a reach-around. You are the recipient. I have briefly looked at the story. First off, you need an editor to chop those blocks of text into digestible chunks and fix many errors.

Once that is done, the existing story may be honed to a finer point.

Seeing that you are a new writer I will work with you if you would like. Read my 70+ posts to make sure our directions are compatible. Then PM me.

 

[LitShark]

thanks for the feedback homie. Not exactly sure wat you meant by all that reacharound stuff, but your work speaks for itself.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

I was trying to be funny. Maybe someone will enlighten you. I got the PM and have already started to edit.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Story Edited

LitShark's story is actually good. Detailed sex scenes and an interesting concept. And easier on the eyes now. Give the edited version a day or two (contest stories are very quickly accepted) and give it a fair, unbiased look. It deserves that much.

 

[LitShark]

The edited piece is up now, thanks so much for the help AS. I've already broken ground, writing the second one.