Married women, would you tell your hubby if

[much2much]

you had fantasies about friends of yours either mutual or at work? How many of you are worried about what he might think to the point that you wouldn't share them?

 

[Nora]

No, I wouldn't tell him, but not for the reason you assume. I wouldn't tell him because it's simply disrespectful, hurtful and unnecessary.

There's a BIG difference in saying, "hey, Joe-Bob in accounting's a cutie!" than saying, "Boy, I sure think about Joe-Bob 24/7, especially while we're in bed together!"

 

[La Huesera]

lol..I agree Nora.

 

[Nathon_88]

*chuckles* Have, will, and will continue to do so.

Sometimes she agress about them being cute......and we fantasize about them....especially people at Lit. *winks*

 

[much2much]

Dont you think it isn't disrespectful if it is just a fantasy? I find women are much better at seperating fantasy from things they think they would want in real life.

 

[Tranquility]

Yup would and have but then we are swingers and live the poly lifestyle so we are differnt if it was a vanilla relationship then no not at all

 

[curious2c]

Interesting question..***** sometimes takes one to places they would least expect. If my wife ever mentioned a workmate in that way again...well it would have been 23 years for nothing. Not pleasant, even when they know they have screwed up and all the shit that comes with it. I still remember it like it was yesterday, and it happened over twenty years ago.
(I haven't ever mentioned it to her since then either...she knew she fucked up big time, at the time.)

 

[much2much]

Come on, everybody fantasizes. Why ignore it. I'm not talking about indescretions, just fantasy. When your husband admits he fantasized about the babysitter, isn't the fact he shared it absolution from it being sort of threatening?

It's just fantasy.

 

[Maxwe11]

Love and trust

If you love someone enough to marry them, would that mean that there is a trust and bond there that could never be broken. Either I have high standards of love and trust, or maybe love isn't what its cracked up to be. If I was married, it wouldn't matter what my wife said or who she thought was cute. As long as she is honest with me I know it's going to be me shes going to bed with.

 

[curious2c]

Come on, everybody fantasizes. Why ignore it. I'm not talking about indescretions, just fantasy. When your husband admits he fantasized about the babysitter, isn't the fact he shared it absolution from it being sort of threatening?

It's just fantasy.

Some fantasies are best left unspoken and unacted on. This much I know.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

No, I wouldn't tell him, but not for the reason you assume. I wouldn't tell him because it's simply disrespectful, hurtful and unnecessary.

There's a BIG difference in saying, "hey, Joe-Bob in accounting's a cutie!" than saying, "Boy, I sure think about Joe-Bob 24/7, especially while we're in bed together!"

Dammit, Nora, you tol' me you was gonna stop seeing Joe-Bob.

 

[much2much]

I agree. To me talking about these things in itself is fun and honest. I find it a turn on when my wife and I can comment on someone honestly without it being threatening.

 

[Nathon_88]

Some fantasies are best left unspoken and unacted on. This much I know.

Why? Why not let him/her into your bed, into your life? If it's for just sex, then they still love you. If it's for more than sex, then can you do what your wife/husband wants to do for their heart?

 

[JerseyBoy]

Dammit, Nora, you tol' me you was gonna stop seeing Joe-Bob.

Joe-Bob is a siamese twin right?

Hey we all have weird fantasies i know..

 

[much2much]

If you act on fantasies, that isn't fantasyland any more. That is why sharing fantasies to be fun and unthreatening, because they are fantasies. Not every relationship is capable of adding new partners without emotional difficulties.

 

[Maxwe11]

I tihink it depends on the individuals relationship. If they love eachother truly, they will know what their spouse would appreciate, and what they would be hurt by.

 

[Cerberus666]

i guess it really depends on the relationship. some are just not as open or as comfortable knowing that their spouse is attracted to other people. I have no illusions that my wife is attracted to other men, friends and co-workers. That doesn't mean i necessarily care to know the details. I know she loves me and wouldn't act on those feelings while still in our marriage and thats enough for me.

 

[katelync]

you had fantasies about friends of yours either mutual or at work? How many of you are worried about what he might think to the point that you wouldn't share them?

I would tell my hubby....we are very open and honest with each other. He knows I love him and him only. And I share them in bed and when we are just talking. Sometimes those fantasies are not always men..sometimes women or both. We all have fantasies about other people...you would be lying if you said you didn't.

 

[curious2c]

Why? Why not let him/her into your bed, into your life? If it's for just sex, then they still love you. If it's for more than sex, then can you do what your wife/husband wants to do for their heart?

If I were to be 'free' enough to follow that lifestyle, it would be one thing. The situation between my wife and I is one that is monogamous. Her choice, her ideals. At the time of the...'incident'...we had been married for two years and she was working where there were many men. This one kept coming up in conversation...she would mention him sort of off hand...then change the subject. Later...well...she came very close to being alone. I mentioned several options that she blew up over saying that, and I quote from acid etched memory..."I am not some slut that would fuck two or more guys at once." Yet, she was almost ready to, shall I say fuck another man that she was not married to because of his sugar coated words and his attentions. She was the one that made the big deal over marriage vows, and monogamy, then she started to look around. Her attitude was one that still causes me some pain from time to time.

I'd rather not go any farther into this subject...lets just say that the ideals of a married couple, or any couple for that matter should be shared, and, if vows are what is driving the relationship, then by those vows other people are out. If I sound a bit old fashioned or like a stick in the mud...remember that I would have gone there if she had wanted to, it seems that she wanted to have some cake and then come home to me, but not share the experience. I will not be compared to another by the most important woman in my life in that manner. Teasing is one thing, and little mentions can cause some excitement, but a full fledged fantasy is dangerous in that it can lock the S.O. out.

Personal experience gone bad is how to chalk me up I guess.

 

[SpiceCake]

Nope, fantasies come and go like the wind. No need to bring it out.

Now, if the fantasies continued I might say something.

 

[Nora]

Dammit, Nora, you tol' me you was gonna stop seeing Joe-Bob.

Sorry, hon. It was just a passing fancy... really.


What works for me works for MY marriage. If your spouse isn't upset by those things, go for it. Mine would be, so it's respectful of me not to mention it.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Sorry, hon. It was just a passing fancy... really.

Ahem. Notice that I did not mention WHICH Joe-Bob.

 

[Gusty Wind]

Some fantasies are best left unspoken and unacted on. This much I know.

hmm either way still sucked Fucked.

And It's better NOT have a thought occur at all.

and It will do Shit to even a GREAT relationship

nor matter what, That's how i feels about it.

 

[DevilBoy79]

Come on, everybody fantasizes. Why ignore it. I'm not talking about indescretions, just fantasy. When your husband admits he fantasized about the babysitter, isn't the fact he shared it absolution from it being sort of threatening?

It's just fantasy.

i'll just put it this way, if you and your partner are happy with each other, no matter what little fights etc and still love them unconditionally, why think about another person, its highly disrepectful towards your mate, only person i think of is my fiancee she is all the woman i need - edited to correct spelling errors i hope, not totally awake right now

 

[Cleopatra]

Some fantasies are best left unspoken and unacted on. This much I know.

Well said, curious. Just because you *can* share, doesn't mean you *should*. Sharing a fantasy like that can lead down a slippery road if you and/or your husband are not feeling especially self-confident at that moment.