Married Posters

[Scottie62]

Hi Guys n Gals

I've been working my way through the thread. There are lots of us in similar circumstances. I am married, 2 kids, mortgage etc. I am looking for some of the fun we used to have to be put back in... the BJ's... the fuck on the stairs... the bathroom floor.. back of the car ... outside somewhere.

These days it's as I've said elsewhere.. bedroom.. lights off.. missionary followed by a little bit from behind and that's it.

I did have a FB for about 9 months or so and it was brill.. but the guilt got to her although we had stated from the outset it was satisfying both our needs with no expectations etc

I hadn't strayed in 21 years up until then and haven't since but.. I reckon given the right circumstances I just might.

I think my wife did benefit because I wouldn't be on her case looking for some as I'd been satisfied elsewhere.

It would be go to have a FB directory we could post our whereabouts, fancies and just get on with it. What do you reckon should we start that as a thread. Discretion of course would have to be foremost

Excellent thread though .. Well done Pebbles.. love the AV

 

[Laoghaire]

My hubby knows I surf the net and knows that I go pretty much everywhere. He knows I come here and doesn't make a fuss about it. My hubby has no interest whatsoever in forums/chats and stuff. Since my husband only speaks French (his English being very limited), he doesn't bother finding French boards. I'd love to include him on Lit but he wouldn't be able to follow.

 

[eroticone_44]

better off my wife doesn't know I'm here

a few years ago, due to lack of sexual contact between my wife and myself, I found this site. when she learned that I was surfing, reading, learning, and chatting with other women, she became enraged. It wasn't much longer after that when I moved out into my own apartment. As I am in my later 40's, it has become evident that my sexual drive is normal, or maybe slightly above average, while my wifes became non-existant. After a while I discovered what love really is, and that its a rung or 2 up the ladder above sex. so we got back together. But our sex life has not resumed, and eventually again I find myself here and a few other sites to bring my sexual frustration levels back to normal for a short time, like letting off steam. I really do wish that my wife shared a bit more of my sexual appetite, but I know that won't happen. What I wouldn't give to have a naked woman sitting next to me, we playing with each other, while surfing these boards and looking at amateur pics together.

 

[love2kiss]

I am one week away from the biggest move of my life. I am leaving my husband. It was a very difficult decision, I have tried everything to not make this move but after 19 years I must do it. I have tried to get our sex life back on track for the past seven years. That is not the only issue of course but that was the topper. I would like to correspond with anyone who wishes to voice their own feelings. Thanks.

Sounds like you tried to save the marriage. It can be a loosing battle when only one side puts effort.
I think Dear Abby says to ask.
"will I be better off with him or without him"
I'm sure you've done your check list of options and outcomes.
Please seek family and friends support during this tough transitional stage. You'll need their support.
Best of wishes.

 

[HairTrigger]

Originally posted by Scottie62 It would be go to have a FB directory we could post our whereabouts, fancies and just get on with it. What do you reckon should we start that as a thread. Discretion of course would have to be foremost

Sounds like a fine idea to me...

 

[_pebbles]

Things have taken an unexpected turn here at home. In moving what I like to call my "box of tricks", hubby noticed a new toy in there. This has prompted many detailed fantasy discussions. The past few days he's teasingly flirted with me ... asking if a certain landscaper/plumber/trashman would suit my liking. Anyway, we're on an upswing ... yet obviously I'm still curious about having another man.

 

[ram1_2]

Things have taken an unexpected turn here at home. In moving what I like to call my "box of tricks", hubby noticed a new toy in there. This has prompted many detailed fantasy discussions. The past few days he's teasingly flirted with me ... asking if a certain landscaper/plumber/trashman would suit my liking. Anyway, we're on an upswing ... yet obviously I'm still curious about having another man.

Congratulations!

May you find the joy you seek...........and that you deserve.

 

[mickyp123]

Re: Leaving

I appreciate all of the replies to my post. It has been such a difficult decision to leave my 19 year marriage. Have a great weekend everyone.

I do not envy you, it must be a gut wrenching time, 19 years is a big part of your life, i wish you well

 

[puno]

Things have taken an unexpected turn here at home. In moving what I like to call my "box of tricks", hubby noticed a new toy in there. This has prompted many detailed fantasy discussions. The past few days he's teasingly flirted with me ... asking if a certain landscaper/plumber/trashman would suit my liking. Anyway, we're on an upswing ... yet obviously I'm still curious about having another man.

sounds like things are coming along for you, but from personal experience move slowly. It will happen but don't press or rush it will be more enjoyable for both of you.

 

[Pornofan420]

Things have taken an unexpected turn here at home. In moving what I like to call my "box of tricks", hubby noticed a new toy in there. This has prompted many detailed fantasy discussions. The past few days he's teasingly flirted with me ... asking if a certain landscaper/plumber/trashman would suit my liking. Anyway, we're on an upswing ... yet obviously I'm still curious about having another man.

Hey, _pebbles> Great news. glad to hear it. If you're really interested in possibly opening up you relationship to a little "responible non-monogamy", two books I've found really enlightening have been The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinate Sexual Possibilities and Recreational Sex: An Insider's Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle. Another fascinating read is The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers.

The first two are sort of "How-to" books where as the third is more of a historical/anthropological look.

Mrs. 420 and I haven't had partners outside the marriage yet, but we have discussed it. And say what you will about swinging, it does offers a framework where people in a committed relationship can have sexwith people other than thier spouse and still maintain a committed realtionship.

Sometimes, it really seems to be the next cultural evolutionary step, when we as a society start acting like grown-ups about sex and commitment at the same time. What a concept.

 

[wicked woman]

I think alot of the married people on Lit are here without their spouse knowing....if their spouse would be welcome to the knowledge...the married person wouldn't need to be on Lit...Lit is used to meet their unmet needs....


What I don't understand though is why if one spouse...say the wife...isn't interested in sex, or has a lower sex drive than her husband or is more conservative about sex than her husband...why she begrudges that he's human and wants those needs met? I'm not talking cheating and having an affair...but just acknowledging that he's a sexual being....may want to masturbate, or look at porn or read stories, or talk to people about sex...or what ever. Or frankly if she absolutely refuses to have sex with him....why they can't discuss his having a friend with benefits.

Maybe it's because I can't understand someone not being interested in sex at all with their spouse....but really I just don't understand this seemingly common reaction. Any ideas why?

 

[babydoll2u]

I think alot of the married people on Lit are here without their spouse knowing....if their spouse would be welcome to the knowledge...the married person wouldn't need to be on Lit...Lit is used to meet their unmet needs....


What I don't understand though is why if one spouse...say the wife...isn't interested in sex, or has a lower sex drive than her husband or is more conservative about sex than her husband...why she begrudges that he's human and wants those needs met? I'm not talking cheating and having an affair...but just acknowledging that he's a sexual being....may want to masturbate, or look at porn or read stories, or talk to people about sex...or what ever. Or frankly if she absolutely refuses to have sex with him....why they can't discuss his having a friend with benefits.

Maybe it's because I can't understand someone not being interested in sex at all with their spouse....but really I just don't understand this seemingly common reaction. Any ideas why?

No idea why hun. My hubby is totally NOT interested in sex, partially to do with medical issues. But there's the complete lack of affection of any kind...no kissing, touching, holding.... no NOTHING. He is of the mindset that affection and sex (between hubby and wife) go hand in hand... i.e. if he kisses me he either has to kill me or screw me, lol. sorry....but that's the attitude I get from him.
There are several complicated, in-depth reasons why I stay with him, and I won't go into that here. But I can tell you.... I never had any tolerance for anyone who would have an affair. And I still dont, if he/she is cheating just for the sake of cheating. But when there are certain issues.... yeah, I can understand it.

As far as talking with him about a "friend with benefits"? Ain't NO way. He'd die if he ever found out I was even posting at Lit. Being open to letting me have an affair? He'd kill me first.

 

[ram1_2]

No idea why hun. My hubby is totally NOT interested in sex, partially to do with medical issues. But there's the complete lack of affection of any kind...no kissing, touching, holding.... no NOTHING. He is of the mindset that affection and sex (between hubby and wife) go hand in hand... i.e. if he kisses me he either has to kill me or screw me, lol. sorry....but that's the attitude I get from him.
There are several complicated, in-depth reasons why I stay with him, and I won't go into that here. But I can tell you.... I never had any tolerance for anyone who would have an affair. And I still dont, if he/she is cheating just for the sake of cheating. But when there are certain issues.... yeah, I can understand it.

As far as talking with him about a "friend with benefits"? Ain't NO way. He'd die if he ever found out I was even posting at Lit. Being open to letting me have an affair? He'd kill me first.

Same here.........there are issues which transcend marital bonds. NO physical contact is a 'breech of contract', basically, and each person affected in this manner should be able to reach a solution which keeps them happy.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by babydoll2u
No idea why hun. My hubby is totally NOT interested in sex, partially to do with medical issues. But there's the complete lack of affection of any kind...no kissing, touching, holding.... no NOTHING. He is of the mindset that affection and sex (between hubby and wife) go hand in hand... i.e. if he kisses me he either has to kill me or screw me, lol. sorry....but that's the attitude I get from him.
There are several complicated, in-depth reasons why I stay with him, and I won't go into that here. But I can tell you.... I never had any tolerance for anyone who would have an affair. And I still dont, if he/she is cheating just for the sake of cheating. But when there are certain issues.... yeah, I can understand it.

As far as talking with him about a "friend with benefits"? Ain't NO way. He'd die if he ever found out I was even posting at Lit. Being open to letting me have an affair? He'd kill me first.

Peggy I'm not saying I don't understand why some people choose to stay in a marriage with no sex or affection...I'm not sure what I'd do if in that situation...and it's certainly not my place to judge those who do.

It was more a case of trying to understand why if one spouse isn't interested in sex (and/or affection as in your case) why they would think the other person automatically had to feel the same way. I can understand why they may not want their spouse to have sex with someone else...but Christ not even read erotic stories, or look at pics, or masturbate or what ever else helps? Not passing judgement...just trying to understand that's all.

But thanks for trying....As for the affection...I know it's not the same, but I a huge fan of hugging...I'll hug my friends, my family, people I like that aren't quite friends yet...oh all sorts of people.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by ram1_2
Same here.........there are issues which transcend marital bonds. NO physical contact is a 'breech of contract', basically, and each person affected in this manner should be able to reach a solution which keeps them happy.

If I understand you correctly ram, I'm not sure I agree. While I agree that no physical contact is a breach of the intention of most marriages, I do believe most marriage vows are 'for better or worse,....in sickness and in health...' so I don't think technically it's a breach of contract...but I'm nit picking over words, I know.

While the lack of sex/physical contact is definitely a problem, I'm more concerned that the spouse who is withholding same doesn't seem to care about their spouse...to even try to find some solution. But I also don't think that one of the couple has the right to do 'anything' to make themselves happy, without regard for the other...which if I understood you correctly, is what you said.

 

[ram1_2]

If I understand you correctly ram, I'm not sure I agree. While I agree that no physical contact is a breach of the intention of most marriages, I do believe most marriage vows are 'for better or worse,....in sickness and in health...' so I don't think technically it's a breach of contract...but I'm nit picking over words, I know.

While the lack of sex/physical contact is definitely a problem, I'm more concerned that the spouse who is withholding same doesn't seem to care about their spouse...to even try to find some solution. But I also don't think that one of the couple has the right to do 'anything' to make themselves happy, without regard for the other...which if I understood you correctly, is what you said.

Not quite what I had in mind, dear WW. I didn't advocate the right to do 'anything'....I believe I said 'should be able to reach a solution'.....the idea was that the person who feels the need for an emotional/physical release should achieve that (if possible) in negotiation with the other party. A 'friend with benefits' situation COULD happen - in some cases. If this is NOT available, then we are left with the solution that most of us have to resort to.....touring Lit.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by ram1_2
Not quite what I had in mind, dear WW. I didn't advocate the right to do 'anything'....I believe I said 'should be able to reach a solution'.....the idea was that the person who feels the need for an emotional/physical release should achieve that (if possible) in negotiation with the other party. A 'friend with benefits' situation COULD happen - in some cases. If this is NOT available, then we are left with the solution that most of us have to resort to.....touring Lit.

Fair enough...sorry I misunderstood.

 

[hippchik]

My husband doesn't know but then again I just joined these boards 2 nights ago.

Being here and reading the stories and seeing the pics get me revved up so I am sure he doesn't mind for the most part.

 

[babydoll2u]

Peggy I'm not saying I don't understand why some people choose to stay in a marriage with no sex or affection...I'm not sure what I'd do if in that situation...and it's certainly not my place to judge those who do.

It was more a case of trying to understand why if one spouse isn't interested in sex (and/or affection as in your case) why they would think the other person automatically had to feel the same way. I can understand why they may not want their spouse to have sex with someone else...but Christ not even read erotic stories, or look at pics, or masturbate or what ever else helps? Not passing judgement...just trying to understand that's all.

But thanks for trying....As for the affection...I know it's not the same, but I a huge fan of hugging...I'll hug my friends, my family, people I like that aren't quite friends yet...oh all sorts of people.

I'm with you on that hun... I wasnt arguing, or trying to make a case... I can see where you're coming from

 

[Dstorage]

I think the general mistake here regarding partners lack of sexual interest and feeling threatened is that they are happy and comfortable with their choice of non-sexuality.

My experience has been that many of these people are not in a secure place with themselves, and rather than a lack of interest in sex they find it frightening at some level and try to suppress and bury it deeply. They may not be aware of this a lot of the time too.

 

[babydoll2u]

I think the general mistake here regarding partners lack of sexual interest and feeling threatened is that they are happy and comfortable with their choice of non-sexuality.

My experience has been that many of these people are not in a secure place with themselves, and rather than a lack of interest in sex they find it frightening at some level and try to suppress and bury it deeply. They may not be aware of this a lot of the time too.

you could be right.

 

[carrie-on]

I think alot of the married people on Lit are here without their spouse knowing....if their spouse would be welcome to the knowledge...the married person wouldn't need to be on Lit...Lit is used to meet their unmet needs....

I have to disagree with some of your statement here. I know several couples here at Lit who are perfectly happy. Including myself. My Hubby doesn't come to Lit often as he is devoted to another site but he knows I do and has no problem with it. I do agree that there are some unmet needs being met through Lit though. I have had fantasies of being with another man and "meeting" someone here is almost the same. Hubby knows I post and knows I chat with men here the same as I know he posts on the other site and chats with women there.

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by carrie-on
I have to disagree with some of your statement here. I know several couples here at Lit who are perfectly happy. Including myself. My Hubby doesn't come to Lit often as he is devoted to another site but he knows I do and has no problem with it. I do agree that there are some unmet needs being met through Lit though. I have had fantasies of being with another man and "meeting" someone here is almost the same. Hubby knows I post and knows I chat with men here the same as I know he posts on the other site and chats with women there.

Certainly didn't mean to imply that ALL married Litsters are like that....I know they aren't ....just seems to be a large percentage of them are...or at least of those I know...


Glad you and your hubby seem to be beating the odds.

 

[mrsree]

curious

I am curious about the opinion of people on living in a sexless marriage. I just moved today after 19 years of marriage, the last several years have been sexless. That of course is not the only reason I left. It certainly wasn't an easy decision. I tried to give my hubby a little nudge towards literotica, but he didn't take the hint too well.

 

[olddevildog]

I am married and my wife does not know that I frequent Literotica. She would not want to herself. I'm here to enjoy the stories/posts and hopefully to experience some harmless flirtation and fantasizing, thereby relieving a little built-up sexual tension and frustration. I don't think it will hurt my marriage.