Married, Mature, Married Mom, I Could Really Use Your Thoughts

[Dillharris]

Full transparency and for clarity, my love and muse and the love of my my life is my wife. And though we may be vastly different in our sexual experiences and desires, she is the center of my thoughts, desires and fantasies.
Where is gets a bit tricky is that I'm extremely sexual, love to think, talk and write about all things sensual, my wife is very reserved, unable/unwilling to talk about anything of a sexual nature. Where I used to love to articulate my fantasies and erotic thoughts, for whatever reason (probably religious scripting), she claims to not have any fantasies or masturbate at all.
After 22 years, I believe her.
We do have a great sex life that involves semi-regular sessions, toys and multiple orgasms for both, very cool!
My challenge is that I love to write and struggle for feedback. She knows that I have been a long time member of Lit, that I love the stories and have even submitted a couple of stories.
I have sent her rough drafts of stories, provided links to the published goods and asked her for feedback.
It's just not her jam and I certainly don't blame her for us not being aligned and her total lack of interest in participating.
I'm at a spot now that I want to keep writing stories and I'd love to hear about thoughts and desires for inspiration.
I offered up to her a laundry list of examples of fantasies and past real life experiences for her to choose from and asked her to pick something for me to write about.
Unfortunately, this wasn't met without any kind of response, positive or negative, and I'm at a lose on how to proceed.
I guess what I'm hoping for is that someone, with a very similar background and gallery of experiences would be willing to lend me her thoughts on what would be the right path for story exploration. Someone who could say "I'd love to hear about the Plumber Cuck Experience, or the Poker Night Stroke Session, or the San Fran Same Room Sex Experience". I've got all that shit laid out, I just have no idea what would really be exciting from a woman's, my wife's, perspective.
Fuck.
Not sure that this makes any sense at all. If you get this, any part of it, and could lend a brutha a hand, I'd really appreciate the insight and feedback.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I'm right there with you. It is totally natural for you to want to share something you enjoy with the woman who inspires you.

My wife is the same. She's happy I've found a creative outlet I enjoy but has zero interest in reading my work.

I've offered to write a story based on her fantasies but she turned me down flat. "They are mine." She said.

Part of it I'm sure is she doesn't want to compare herself to the women in my stories or our sex life to the fantasies I describe. It's better not to know some things. I have not pushed her on the issue.

There are a couple of threads on this forum for you to post new work and ask for feedback. You will get a few responses.

 

[CuttingEdge]

I am not sure if this helps or not, but just reading an erotic story might not be enough for a lady. Sometimes they like to be romanced a bit...

In the past I have drawn some bath water, sliced up some strawberries and put them in a bowl next to the tub, and had a little wine for her to drink. While she's soaking in the tub, I'll have a towel in the dryer for her so that when she gets out, she has something warm and soft to dry off with. It is the perfect setting for her to read your story then; just long enough to read a modest sized short story before she begins to prune!

Another thing I have done is cook dinner for her naked. As I went about the kitchen making a really nice meal, she had a story of mine to read.

 

[Dillharris]

I have a feeling that there are a great many of us, male and female, who are looking for feedback or insight or inspiration or encouragement. Just have to be creative in finding that inner motivation!

 

[Dillharris]

Nudge...

 

[gunhilltrain]

Nudge...

I haven't been married since 1997 (the year of the separation) but I would never have shown her, assuming that Lit existed then, anything I've written here. I still know her, and she knows I publish stuff online, but she doesn't know what it is. She doesn't seem that interested.

[By the way, it's very hard to read solid blocks of text. Please put an extra line space between paragraphs.]

So if I get this right, you do want her to give you feedback - with herself as a character? That might be a lot to ask from her. I have had a couple of characters who were loosely based on my ex, but everything that happens in the stories is fiction, or heavily fictionalized.

Are you really asking how we get story ideas? I guess I could tell you if you are really that interested.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Looking at your post again, you seem to be asking, "How do I write?" I don't know, you've got to make it up! I probably don't have the same "gallery of experiences" and background that you have. So I could tell you what I've thought, but I don't know if that is what you want to hear.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm not QUITE sure what your question is. Are you looking for inspiration for stories you want to write? Or are you looking for advice on how to get your wife involved and interested in your erotic story process? These are two different things.

As far as the wife is concerned, it sounds like she's not interested. I wouldn't beat your head against the wall. You're not going "entice" her to share your interest in erotic fantasies and stories. Look elsewhere for feedback, like this forum, or the Feedback forum.

No one can tell you what you should write, because it depends on what you are interested in. Only you know that.

I have never sought or obtained feedback or inspiration about my erotic story writing habit from anyone in the real world. I get my inspiration from my own imagination, and from what I read here at this Site.

 

[Dillharris]

Thanks to all who commented and asked for clarification, clearly this why I don't write for a living!
What I'm looking for is a surrogate, a woman I can share my story ideas with. Someone who will give me insight as to which ideas would be exciting for her and interested in seeing the concept fleshed out into a full story.
I've got a ton of kooky fantasies that turn me on but would like to know what turns HER on. Someone to say, "hey, this one sounds like fun" or "fuck I got hot just thinking about this" or "damn, give me the details on this one and I'd be strummin' my button like the guitar in Dueling Banjos".
Just some feedback. A hint or two. Nothing serious or onerous.

 

[SeraphNocturne]

I’m… still not quite certain I understand what it is you’re asking here… are you hoping to write something your wife might find interesting by asking other women who are similar to her?

I think your best bet would be to just try to make a writing friend organically, if you’re hoping to discuss writing stories and want feedback on what other authors find interesting. I don’t much see how gender would play a part in that because there are some rather talented male authors who write female perspective quite well here…

But if you’re trying to find a way to connect with your wife and want her interested or receptive to your work, I’m no therapist, but I believe your best bet there would be to get her involved with you directly. Since none of us know your wife we really can’t give you insight on what she would find interesting or arousing…

 

[ElectricBlue]

The way I read the OP's post is that his wife has no interest in erotica, while he does, and wants to write. The solution to me is obvious: write, but don't seek her endorsement, and don't try to persuade her to read any of it. If she's not interested, that's where it ends, I'd have thought.

It's no different to me saying, I don't like opera, so don't ever try to persuade me to listen (and get your own headphones, and make sure they're the isolating type).

Obviously, the OP needs to decide whether or not to tell her, but since most of us here, I think, write without partners knowing, that's not a crime, nor a problem.

 

[Cagivagurl]

I wouldn't worry about getting female perspective...
The audience at lit is about 95% men...
Write what you want, enjoy it, play with it...
If you're looking for a hook up, you're going the wrong way about it...
Write... And to hell with it...
I have written stories from both female, and male perspectives..... Who cares if you get it wrong. So long as you had fun..
Enjoy life, and worry less about what readers are going to think...
Cagivagurl

 

[Djmac1031]

What I'm looking for is a surrogate, a woman I can share my story ideas with.

Not sure why you feel it needs to be a WOMAN.

Most women here are going to be... cautious... about getting involved in something like this.

I'm not saying you have alterior motives; just understand there are those who do, those who troll this site and forum looking for women to sext with and coming up with various pretenses to do so.

If you're serious about story ideas and writing help, get actively involved with the forum here.

Talk to the men as well as the women; there are multiple perspectives on what makes a good story from all genders and sexual preferences.

And finally, just write what YOU think is fun and erotic.

Your audience will find you.

 

[CasyWoods]

Full transparency and for clarity, my love and muse and the love of my my life is my wife. And though we may be vastly different in our sexual experiences and desires, she is the center of my thoughts, desires and fantasies.
Where is gets a bit tricky is that I'm extremely sexual, love to think, talk and write about all things sensual, my wife is very reserved, unable/unwilling to talk about anything of a sexual nature. Where I used to love to articulate my fantasies and erotic thoughts, for whatever reason (probably religious scripting), she claims to not have any fantasies or masturbate at all.
After 22 years, I believe her.
We do have a great sex life that involves semi-regular sessions, toys and multiple orgasms for both, very cool!
My challenge is that I love to write and struggle for feedback. She knows that I have been a long time member of Lit, that I love the stories and have even submitted a couple of stories.
I have sent her rough drafts of stories, provided links to the published goods and asked her for feedback.
It's just not her jam and I certainly don't blame her for us not being aligned and her total lack of interest in participating.
I'm at a spot now that I want to keep writing stories and I'd love to hear about thoughts and desires for inspiration.
I offered up to her a laundry list of examples of fantasies and past real life experiences for her to choose from and asked her to pick something for me to write about.
Unfortunately, this wasn't met without any kind of response, positive or negative, and I'm at a lose on how to proceed.
I guess what I'm hoping for is that someone, with a very similar background and gallery of experiences would be willing to lend me her thoughts on what would be the right path for story exploration. Someone who could say "I'd love to hear about the Plumber Cuck Experience, or the Poker Night Stroke Session, or the San Fran Same Room Sex Experience". I've got all that shit laid out, I just have no idea what would really be exciting from a woman's, my wife's, perspective.
Fuck.
Not sure that this makes any sense at all. If you get this, any part of it, and could lend a brutha a hand, I'd really appreciate the insight and feedback.

Perhaps trying without seeming to, to see what she craves. Wish I could figure it out with my own, but usually it's sole adoration of them as our loyal mate, or all they will admit to.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I don't think the women writers on lit share much in common with your wife.

 

[MillieDynamite]

However, I do suggest you ask her what kind of story you can write for her. Don't make it a request for an erotic component, but a story idea. You can put the erotic in it if you want, or leave it out if you want. But ask her for a story idea.

 

[SimonDoom]

My advice is to abandon the effort to interest your wife. Reconcile yourself to the fact she's just not interested, and don't push it on her.

I know from personal experience what this feels like. I was in a long relationship with a person whose interests in this area were completely different from mine. Different, as in lacking.

Look elsewhere for feedback and inspiration, like here at this forum.

 

[SimonDoom]

Also, I endorse the comment of others here that you shouldn't focus on finding a woman for feedback. If the interest is in writing, you don't need feedback from a woman, specifically. If the interest is something else, then you've got an issue in your marriage that should be addressed in some way.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I know from painful, personal experience you can't make your SO like what you like. Jo and I have several things we're not aligned on, and I go along to get along on her loves, motorcycles, being near or in the fucking ocean, going on curses on the fucking ocean, doing things for fun that no sane person does. But that's not recommended to be forced on someone. I don't tell her that I'm always scared shitless in high places, on or in the ocean. I bottle that up. But I only do it to make her happy. Fucking hang gliding isn't fun for me, but I do it for her. But if I ever told her how much these things scare me, she'd stop doing them because we don't do things without the other person.

My advice is to abandon the effort to interest your wife. Reconcile yourself to the fact she's just not interested, and don't push it on her.

I know from personal experience what this feels like. I was in a long relationship with a person whose interests in this area were completely different from mine. Different, as in lacking.

Look elsewhere for feedback and inspiration, like here at this forum.

 

[SimonDoom]

I know from painful, personal experience you can't make your SO like what you like. Jo and I have several things we're not aligned on, and I go along to get along on her loves, motorcycles, being near or in the fucking ocean, going on curses on the fucking ocean, doing things for fun that no sane person does. But that's not recommended to be forced on someone. I don't tell her that I'm always scared shitless in high places, on or in the ocean. I bottle that up. But I only do it to make her happy. Fucking hang gliding isn't fun for me, but I do it for her. But if I ever told her how much these things scare me, she'd stop doing them because we don't do things without the other person.

These are tough choices. I think in a healthy relationship one does many things with one's partner, but not everything. It should be OK to get away with friends once in a while, play golf with buddies, have drinks with a college friend, go to the gym by oneself or with a friend, whatever. But everybody balances these things in a different way. It depends on the sort of person one is, too. For some people, having lots of good quality time with one's partner is a key; for others, it's not as important. I spent years not having the quality time I needed with a partner and the relationship ultimately ended. I've never regretted it ending.

But one shouldn't force things. In the OP's case it sounds like that's where things are, and pushing it would mean trying to force the partner to do something the partner doesn't want to do and probably wouldn't contribute to in a meaningful way even if forced.

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

These are tough choices. I think in a healthy relationship one does many things with one's partner, but not everything. It should be OK to get away with friends once in a while, play golf with buddies, have drinks with a college friend, go to the gym by oneself or with a friend, whatever. But everybody balances these things in a different way. It depends on the sort of person one is, too. For some people, having lots of good quality time with one's partner is a key; for others, it's not as important. I spent years not having the quality time I needed with a partner and the relationship ultimately ended. I've never regretted it ending.

But one shouldn't force things. In the OP's case it sounds like that's where things are, and pushing it would mean trying to force the partner to do something the partner doesn't want to do and probably wouldn't contribute to in a meaningful way even if forced.

Oh, I don't think Millie would disagree on that. I believe she means activities, as in when they're on vacation. But they do seem tied at the hip a lot of the time when they visit.

 

[AchtungNight]

I’m going to echo what everyone else has said. Then advise you to do a story based on what she likes to do in the bedroom. You must know that since you’ve been married for a while. There’s your answer. Maybe. But don’t expect or force her to read it.

You can also try asking her for a Love Dare. It’s worked for me a few times. Haven’t always been able to follow through on what’s demanded of me, but the task always tells me a lot about the person demanding it.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Is the OP even here? This is a bit of a resurrection thread. The guy asked the question back in July, but even then, only made a few appearances. He wrote two stories back in 2019, nothing since.

Why the thread got woken up is a mystery - it must be way back in the archives.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Is the OP even here? This is a bit of a resurrection thread. The guy asked the question back in July, but even then, only made a few appearances. He wrote two stories back in 2019, nothing since.

Why the thread got woken up is a mystery - it must be way back in the archives.

When that happens, it's worth taking a look at who resurrected the thread. I don't know whether it's the case here, I'm giving CasyWoods the benefit of the doubt for now, but we get spammers who'll reply to an old post with something generic, wait a few days, and then go back to edit a spammy link into their post. There was one yesterday that I reported on the "workplace sexual harassment" thread, looks as if that comment got taken down. I expect if it'd stayed up it'd have turned into an ad for somebody's legal firm, something like that.

 

[SimonDoom]

Is the OP even here? This is a bit of a resurrection thread. The guy asked the question back in July, but even then, only made a few appearances. He wrote two stories back in 2019, nothing since.

Why the thread got woken up is a mystery - it must be way back in the archives.

In any thread, the OP is like the proverbial butterfly flapping its wings in some far-away place, and nobody knows what its effect will be here. Could be a calm breeze, could be a tornado. Threads take on a life of their own, and sometimes it's more interesting than the original post.

I'll note that in this case the OP has "liked" several comments that were made today, so he's still paying attention.