married and paying for it

[sottonEddie]

Hi guys and girls,

I've been married for about 3 1/2 years now. I love my wife, we have a good marriage, nice house etc. But it often feels like she doesn't make much effort in the bedroom. It tends to feel like I'm doing all the work. I have tried not initiating and she will sometimes initiate if I don't but as soon as I respond she lets me take over. She never says what she wants, and although she appears to want to have sex she doesn't seem that interested in foreplay and generally wants to cum and finish as soon as possible. And she is generally reluctant to try anything new. I frequently perform oral on her and she seems to enjoy it but I can't remember the last time she reciprocated. To be honest she's not great and sucking cock but would appreciate the effort at least. A while ago I got so frustrated I went and got a happy ending massage. No sex, just playing, but I felt really guilty afterwards. However I also want to do it again. I figure if it's purely a sex thing and I'm paying for it as a business transaction then that's got to be better than having an affair and developing a relationship with another person. I don't want a relationship with another person, just to have my sexual needs satisfied. Unfortunately my libido seems to run circles round hers.

There must be others with experiences like this. Any views, opinions, suggestions.

 

[DonQuixoteindfw]

First of all, I am certaintly not the one to be giving anyone advice, but Dude, you have to talk to her, communicate your desires, fantasy's & needs to your wife, lack of communication will doom your marriage to failure, I know first hand.

Second of all, and I hate to break it to you (and Bill Clinton) if you came at the hands of someone else you committed a sexual act (had sex). So you have already cheated on your wife... Oh and good luck justifing the "happy ending" massage to your employer as a business expense.

 

[englishgent73]

Hi guys and girls,

I've been married for about 3 1/2 years now. I love my wife, we have a good marriage, nice house etc. But it often feels like she doesn't make much effort in the bedroom. It tends to feel like I'm doing all the work. I have tried not initiating and she will sometimes initiate if I don't but as soon as I respond she lets me take over. She never says what she wants, and although she appears to want to have sex she doesn't seem that interested in foreplay and generally wants to cum and finish as soon as possible. And she is generally reluctant to try anything new. I frequently perform oral on her and she seems to enjoy it but I can't remember the last time she reciprocated. To be honest she's not great and sucking cock but would appreciate the effort at least. A while ago I got so frustrated I went and got a happy ending massage. No sex, just playing, but I felt really guilty afterwards. However I also want to do it again. I figure if it's purely a sex thing and I'm paying for it as a business transaction then that's got to be better than having an affair and developing a relationship with another person. I don't want a relationship with another person, just to have my sexual needs satisfied. Unfortunately my libido seems to run circles round hers.

There must be others with experiences like this. Any views, opinions, suggestions.

I do so regularly - my wife has a libido reduced by her anti-depressants. It is hard to fully justify morally, but we all have needs. Given the nature of this forum, no one is really in a position to cast judgement on it

 

[sweettalk]

.....

 

[L8tnIt]

You are not alone... we need to help each other!

I do so regularly - my wife has a libido reduced by her anti-depressants. It is hard to fully justify morally, but we all have needs. Given the nature of this forum, no one is really in a position to cast judgement on it

I am in a very similar position: I have a libido of "YES", but my wife only is aroused when her stress aligns with the stars (or so it seems). I turned to the personals here to "interact" with other women during points when I am awake & nobody else is [clarify: I work 3rd shift]
Even when I am playing online (and that is as far as I will go), I imafine the other woman is my wife.
She recently found out, and was devastated that I would want to be sexual with someone that isn't her.

I would like you to PM me. To see that we men with similar issues can work together to keep our marriages without resorting to people outside of them.

 

[Jake_Knight]

Well, having orgasms is a need, (if you have chrome, it's gonna translate the link, the article is in spanish) not just a simple case of horniness that can be dismissed because "you don't understand her", I've been through a similar experience in this relationship. It's not solved yet, it takes a long time. But women can't read minds.

She must know that you need it, you both must find a middle ground to get through this, if not, either you'll end up being miserable or full-out cheating. I'm sure you wouldn't like t that, from what I'm reading, if you didn't have any qualms about cheating you'd already have your needs satisfied and her none the wiser.

If you talk, she'll probably be hurt because she didn't notice you need more; you have to make her see this: you want her, otherwise, you wouldn't be trying. Feeling inadequate will only make things worse, all you need is for her to try without giving up and things will start picking up.

 

[L8tnIt]

talking is a start... so start talking

Jake_knight is right.
The best thing for you both to do is start hashing things out. And one thing that we (as men) need to consider is that what turns women on is not what can turn us on. More importantly, what turns them OFF is also a factor.
Bills, stress at work, family obligations... These can kill a woman's libido faster than a 300lb stripper-gram!
I have been talking even more with my own wife. Get this: my constant talking about sex with her makes her feel that I only look at her as a sex object! Damn, did learning about that humble me something fierce!

Remember: you two are married. That makes you a team. Teams work together. If one person on a team is suffering, then the whole team is suffering. Work together to improve yourselves.
This is the best I offer

 

[Quantified]

I have no experience with anti-depressants.

Here's what I know: Women who feel attractive are more likely to be aroused. So use her language and/or thought processes to tell her the things you really like about her -- with an eye on physical stuff. And make comments about those things with increasing regularity. You have to think along with her. There isn't a one-size-fits-all process for getting through to your girl. That's your job. Nobody knows her better than you, so you're just the guy to MAKE IT HAPPEN.

When she reacts -- and she will eventually -- play along with it. Don't act surprised. Don't make a big deal out of it. Push as far as she's willing to go, which might just be some hand-holding, and keep doing what works. She'll come around.

If she's wearing something that creates an awesome curve on her neck or her hips or her shoulder, tell her. Explain why it's hot to you.

 

[Not His Toy]

The above is good advice generally speaking but on a broader sense you simply have to build attraction with your wife..

I laughed at the thread title because i've heard guys say: ....you pay for it when you're married.... you definately pay for it when you divorce....hell in one sense or another you pay for it when you date!

probably cheaper to rent.

 

[Miss_Ali]

This is in no way a blame but rather a suggestion. Try making her feel more beautiful and sexy by using your words. If you want more oral sex, why not say, "You look so gorgeous when you give me head. It drives me crazy how beautiful you look." Wear cologne, personal hygiene counts and don't forget how hot it is not to have sex. Build up the tension between you. Remember how awesome it was to make out when you were a teenager? I like sex, but just because you go down on someone doesn't mean that's putting in effort. And perhaps you are doing all of these things and still no results? You have to talk to your wife. Not should, but have. I have slept with married men and let me tell you, once you break that boundary, it gets easier and easier to cross it. Good luck!

 

[Quantified]

This is in no way a blame but rather a suggestion. Try making her feel more beautiful and sexy by using your words. If you want more oral sex, why not say, "You look so gorgeous when you give me head. It drives me crazy how beautiful you look." Wear cologne, personal hygiene counts and don't forget how hot it is not to have sex. Build up the tension between you. Remember how awesome it was to make out when you were a teenager? I like sex, but just because you go down on someone doesn't mean that's putting in effort. And perhaps you are doing all of these things and still no results? You have to talk to your wife. Not should, but have. I have slept with married men and let me tell you, once you break that boundary, it gets easier and easier to cross it. Good luck!

I think I can use this advice to my gain ... and my gal is 100% into me!

 

[Miss_Ali]

I think I can use this advice to my gain ... and my gal is 100% into me!

Awesome