Many Questions

[ShyNymph]

Hello to all the lovely ladies and gentlemen.

First off, a little bit of background about myself. As far as I can remember I've been interested in BDSM, though I didn't know it was called that at the time. Even at a young age I had fantasies about being tied up and being subordinate, the very thought of being a servant turned me on, though again, I wasn't aware of what this all meant at the time.

I am 20 years old now, and have been idly researching the world of BDSM for a few years now. Recently it's become almost an obsession, and a world I want to partake in, but at the same time am too afraid to.

Along with the research, I've read all the horror stories about inexperienced doms/subs and the injuries and mental scarring that can incur, not to mention the dangers of any kind of internet meet-up. But even with the dangers, I feel the internet is the only place I can turn to. Though many of my friends say I am a 'closet freak' and am only denying my true self, I can't bring myself to actually seek a partner and/or confidante in person.

So I just want to gather some advice now. What is the best way to introducing yourself to the BDSM world? This is not just a minor fancy for me, I know that eventually it will probably play a large role in my life, at the least in my marriage. Did any of you meet people on the internet or go to meet-ups or what? Would you recommend meet-ups? Is there a kind of question and answer thing I can attend?

Thanks in advance for any responses, I'm just trying to finally begin one of my fantasies.

~ShyNymph

 

[FungiUg]

Is there one best way?

Basically, jump in boots and all. Meet some people, attend some munches, get to know folks, read up... if it's important to you, then you will be happy to spend the time.

 

[NCShin]

My advice might be a bit different than many others will be.

I'd advise to go to a munch if you like, hang out get to know people who are in the lifestyle etc etc.

But I think that being as you know you want this, is to get into it slowly. For me, being pretty new to this as well if I was with a sub who had lots of experience I'd feel like I needed to rush things to get to where she was.

If i look from the submissive's side, I think she'd feel rushed as well. As though she had to live up to what the dom wanted and was ready for, while she might not be ready.

Of course everyone wants to progress in anything that they do. I guess that I just like to savor every tiny step that we take together. If I was with a sub who was used to, and wanted a caning, I might not be ready for that yet, and I want to enjoy everything between playful swats and that caning.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm a little biased admittedly , but I think meeting online can be a great way to get to know another, as long as you are alert, safety conscious, and don't downplay any contradictions, discrepancies, or bad differences you notice over time. It does allow you over time to get to know a person well, mainly because you don't have the physical aspect of face to face meeting getting in the way. Of course that also relies on the people involved...I came across enough Dominants who would not interact in a getting to know you way and were only interested in online sex games, or pushing for a meeting where they also expected to get sex..needless to say I didn't persevere with them. Online can also provide you with some wonderful education, guidance, and exploration if you meet the right people who are able and willing to provide you with that.

An experienced Dominant or submissive can give you invalueable guidance when you are first entering the lifestyle. It is also why many suggest attending munches as this is one environment where you might meet such people, but not the only one. I have never been to one myself, but am told most of them are good for meeting people and learning about a range of lifestyle choices. Francisco and I met online and despite the 16,000 kms between us we managed to get to know each other extremely well and have now been married 2 years, Master and slave a little longer. It is possible, but does need patience, safety precautions, perseverance, and a good basis for knowing what you seek, which you seem to have decided to some degree. Also is good to keep an open mind as you will likely meet many who are into areas you didn't know existed, or you think are 'no way' or'weird/sick'....lol, many of us have found some of those initial 'no way' areas have become just the things we crave the most now. Enjoy your journey and welcome to the board.

Catalina

 

[Betticus]

You are only 20 and you are already married?

 

[AvaAdore]

You are only 20 and you are already married?

I think she means when she gets married.

 

[ShyNymph]

My apologies for not making myself clear Betticus, yes I did mean when I get married. So needless to say I feel my partner would have to be into the same lifestyle I am.

Thanks to all for the responses and warnings. I do intend to proceed cautiously and slowly. I don't really want to be jumping into anything. I have heard of munches and contemplated going to one, but is that the kind of thing where it's better to go in a group or by yourself?

Thanks again,
~ShyNymph

 

[Betticus]

Take your time. Maybe even adopt yourself a Dom or two on here and see if you can work out what you like and don't like. You are young, you have time. Something you want is worth doing right the first time so don't rush into it. Find yourself or have someone help you to find yourself. Then ....

Who knows. Maybe you will find a partner in SoCo on here, maybe not. Maybe you will find a sponsor who will introduce you to the lifestyle and help get you started. A confidante and friend.

 

[LunarKitten]

Hello to all the lovely ladies and gentlemen.

First off, a little bit of background about myself. As far as I can remember I've been interested in BDSM, though I didn't know it was called that at the time. Even at a young age I had fantasies about being tied up and being subordinate, the very thought of being a servant turned me on, though again, I wasn't aware of what this all meant at the time.

I am 20 years old now, and have been idly researching the world of BDSM for a few years now. Recently it's become almost an obsession, and a world I want to partake in, but at the same time am too afraid to.

Along with the research, I've read all the horror stories about inexperienced doms/subs and the injuries and mental scarring that can incur, not to mention the dangers of any kind of internet meet-up. But even with the dangers, I feel the internet is the only place I can turn to. Though many of my friends say I am a 'closet freak' and am only denying my true self, I can't bring myself to actually seek a partner and/or confidante in person.

So I just want to gather some advice now. What is the best way to introducing yourself to the BDSM world? This is not just a minor fancy for me, I know that eventually it will probably play a large role in my life, at the least in my marriage. Did any of you meet people on the internet or go to meet-ups or what? Would you recommend meet-ups? Is there a kind of question and answer thing I can attend?

Thanks in advance for any responses, I'm just trying to finally begin one of my fantasies.

~ShyNymph

My suggestion would be to find one of your local groups which focus on education rather than "hook up" parties *nothing wrong with parties, but when you're new the education is more important*. Find a submissive mentor within the group who knows a lot about what you want to learn - ie, kneeling protocols, serving, boot blacking, etc.

Local groups don't keep you from making mistakes, but they do give you the network of people to support you when you do make them. They also give you the information to play safely with others.

<--learns all she can, including flogging and single tail workshops - cause you need to know if someone isn't playing safely with your body

 

[LunarKitten]

My apologies for not making myself clear Betticus, yes I did mean when I get married. So needless to say I feel my partner would have to be into the same lifestyle I am.

Thanks to all for the responses and warnings. I do intend to proceed cautiously and slowly. I don't really want to be jumping into anything. I have heard of munches and contemplated going to one, but is that the kind of thing where it's better to go in a group or by yourself?

Thanks again,
~ShyNymph

I'm a member of several groups here in North Carolina. There are the educational groups and then there are munchies - some of the local groups do munches as well. For several years I attended by myself, now I go with Sir. That said, I know how hard it is to take that first step and attend your first function alone. My advice is to see if they have a chat group - ie, yahoo group - and get to know people there from their posts. Usually you will find several very friendly people who are well known by the group, and they are always more than happy to meet you out in the parking lot and walk in with you and introduce you around.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Hey, I married when I was 19. I'm also a rednecked country girl who owns a gun and prefers to go barefoot.

I have one piece of advice: don't let someone rush you, no matter how perfect they sound. If you tell them you want to take it slowly and they keep pushing, drop them. They most likely want to get you under their thumb, in a compromising position, and they don't have good intentions - why else would they want to rush you into a situation like that?

Good luck.

 

[Vixandra]

I first tender the standard, please please be careful. There's lotsa weirdo's in So Cal (I'd know, I'm from betwix LA and San Diego). Don't meet anyone from the 'net alone or in a secluded place.

That done- find an online group/forum for a group in your area. If you're area's having a renfair, ask the leather crafters if they know any of the local groups- chances are they do. Yes, we ren fair folks are a kinky group, in my experiance.

I do belive that there are a couple of So Cal based people who run around the forums along with others of us who are there at random intervals.

Safety must come first, safe words known and understood. I'm big on that- it would crush me to harm my partner in a scene because I missed a detail that hurt them.
So speak up, let them know.
And welcome to our world *courtly bow* and to this side of the forums as well.