Manipulative to survive

[YmaOHyd]

But what about a character that has learned to manipulate to survive? That is their sole ulterior motive.

Another place you might want to look is captive stories. I've been re-reading Shogun, and that novel is almost entirely about people manipulating others for both gain and survival. Blackthorne is the most survival-oriented, but Clavell spends a good bit of time in the heads of Mariko, Omi and Yabu as they try to manipulate those around them for their own survival and benefit. Phedre spends two-thirds of Kushiel's Dart trying to find ways to manipulate Gunther and Waldemar Selig for her own survival, and the Twins and Drustan for altruistic reasons.

What those characters have in common is that they observe keenly. They understand what those around them value and find ways to give it to them in trade for something. It's both intimate and cold.

 

[Lifestyle66]

So I'm trying to look up how to write a manipulative character, and all I'm getting is guides for villains and anti-heroes with very negative reasons to manipulate.

But what about a character that has learned to manipulate to survive? That is their sole ulterior motive.

How do I write that without all the "They do not care about others" thing that these guides all seem obsessed with.

Just write the character as a selfish person.

The anti-hero doesn't need to be bad. They just are who they are and not caring about being a hero. And they don't need negative reasons for them to manipulate. It's just who they are.

I wrote the story "The Maneater" about the wife who is selfish and manipulative. Everything she does is all about how she intends to manipulate the men around her. It's her personality that she just likes the control she has over men. She's not ambitious or trying to take things or destroy others. She just wants to be recognized for her work. But... get in her way, and she'll tear you apart!

One anonymous comments said:
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Hmmm ...,

Pro: Well written

Con: Jan's a bitch.
Jan's a slut.
Jan's a manipulater.
Jan's a self centered narcissist.
Jan's a ...
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[pink_silk_glove]

Manipulation is a choice one makes, not something they are backed into due to circumstances.

That's not really true. Yes often it is just a calculated cowardly act, as you say a conscious choice, but it can also be a mechanism, simply a tactic learned. In these cases it is psychopathic behavior, manipulating as in using someone else for own gain with no care for for what might befall the victim (lack of conscience of sense of consequence). If the manipulator is genuinely psychopathic, then this is how the manipulator operates 24/7 due to complete lack of conscience. If the manipulator is sociopathic, it is more of a defense trigger mechanism, to block one's conscience when it is felt necessary to do so.

 

[OddLove]

I thought of another one anyone could use in infinitely different ways.

"Toxic Positivity"

It doesn't always equal a 'bad guy' trait. It can easily develop as a survival mechanism for people who came up in difficult environments. For example, maybe a parent who leans a bit towards narcissism, so the the person who had to be around it developed a toxic level of positivity to protect themselves from the harsh reality that they weren't 'good enough'. So the mask slowly engrained into their essence/personality, and it causes a skewed vision where they don't recognize red flags in others, or even themself. Idk, it's a messy idea, but I feel like there's something real in there somewhere.

 

[Husky_Embrace]

This is literally the definition of sociopathy - psychopathic behaviors which are learned through hard knocks rather than born hard wired.

I was going to skip replying to this thread in spite of my desire to mansplain, as people like @Britva415 already gave great answers. Whether manipulation is good or bad depends on the reasons why manipulation is done, as well as the outcome. This sociopath part really triggers me though. I would like to offer a different view on manipulation.

Manipulation is something we do every day. Even though it has a negative connotation, we all do it.

A girl dressing up sexy before going out is manipulating the men (and some women). The guy coming up to offer a drink manipulates her to consider him. We ask for someone to turn off the light, to get the kids from school as you did it yesterday already, or for people to study by making the homework part of the final grade. Manipulation is absolutely everywhere, as we all want people to do things our way. Whether it is obvious or not.

Let's have an extreme example. Say I propose to my partner. It is an incredible piece of manipulation. I offer a ring and promise all kinds of things, for many promises back. Did I do it for exclusivity? A narcissistic expression that I'm the best for them? The promise of getting kids and securing my legacy? Buying silence for the abuse? (Just to be clear, it is a fictional example.) A proposal can easily be a hugely negative thing. A complex manipulation that has many obvious and hidden motivations and outcomes.

I might also be proposing to manipulate my partner into happiness. A desire to fulfil their wishes, like exclusively, kids, and in general being together through thick and thin. A promise that you'll always have their back.

These do not need to be exclusive. Many things we want in a manipulation are shared, like in our example the kids. I'm sure that many times a woman manipulates a man into sex, the man wants the same thing.

A sociopath is really much more about the perspectives from which they operate. They can very much manipulate people into doing things they want to do. The difference is that there are borders they will cross to get certain things done that we find reprehensible, and their lack of empathy in the outcomes of others.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

A sociopath is really much more about the perspectives from which they operate. They can very much manipulate people into doing things they want to do. The difference is that there are borders they will cross to get certain things done that we find reprehensible, and their lack of empathy in the outcomes of others.

Absolutely agree.

Most people do all of the things that you say but of course they have what you call 'borders' - certain things that they will not do to manipulate. These borders are formed by a conscience.

The psychopath has no conscience, hence no borders, and sees people only as things to manipulate for his own gain.

The sociopath has has learned an ability to ignore his conscience to get what he needs/wants due to trauma and survival instincts. In certain situations, this is triggered, the conscience gets blocked and the behavior becomes psychopathic.

As the OP asked ...

But what about a character that has learned to manipulate to survive?

That example is essentially the sociopath. The everyday situations like manipulating students into doing homework (great points they may be) are not survival situations.

 

[stickygirl]

I promise I've not resorted to the dictionary definition ( yet ) and in any case dictionaries necessarily trail the received understanding of words. To 'manipulate' suggests a power dynamic where there is a victim, but your suggestion, as others point out, is to turn the tables on the power: a 'victim manipulator'. One can't avoid the judgement attached to the word 'manipulate' and we don't regard it as being a positive action with beneficial outcomes... but as your plot asks, beneficial to whom?
I think you might be hung up on the word, and you should crack on with writing. I'm not convinced it's the correct word to describe their actions. Maybe you intend other characters to make the observation? If readers decide there is manipulation, is that a problem?

 

[VerbalAbuse]

what about Alien? Alien just wants to survive, to fill its belly.

 

[Statius]

Think Britva hit it pretty good. Having been with someone who was manipulative for survival reasons, there are no positive outcomes from being that way, or a victim of it. If your character is manipulating what makes them not a villain is how that character reacts when they realize what they are doing, that's reality. If the manipulation is always intentional, then it's a problem; if it's out of necessity and habit, they may not be aware they're even doing it. Awareness and situation matter.