Male rules!

[weed]

Edited because I blew it

I'll post ahead.

 

[plasticman33]

Stirrer.

Who me?

 

[weed]

We always hear the 'Rules' from the femine side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note....thes are all numbered #1 on purpose!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect gift for you!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it!

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way!

1. Crying is blackmail!

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be very clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it, damnit!

1. We do not remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently!

1. Most guys own three pair of shoes! What makes you think we are capable of choosing which pair out of thirty looks good with your dress!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want a solution. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girl friends are for!

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor!

1. Check your oild, please!!

1. Anything said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of them makes you angry or sad, we meant the other one!

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials!

1. Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were dating. Get over it! And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. If it itches scratch it! We do!

1. We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothings wrong! We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle!

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear!

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take a quiz together. No, it doesn't matter what quiz!

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you!

Thank you for reading this, YES, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but you know we don't really mind, it's like camping!

Against the spirit of generalization, just a few comments:

I would rather put the seat down than sit down on his dribble (DONT tell me you never dribble)

I don't want a perfect gift just one that shows he thinks of me sometimes.

Sunday = masturbation while he looks at balls
(Never know what you might be missing)

I don't like to shop

I usually hide when I cry

He needs to be listening when I tell him what I want, even on Sunday

If I have to ask him what shoes he likes I'm asking him what turns him on and hopefully he appreciates that

I want him to have a better vocabulary than yes and no

If I can't go to him for sympathy as well potential solutions I probably won't go to him at all

Sex makes my headaches go away not doctors....otherwise it means I just don't want to

My oil is fine.....do you like lavender or rose oil?

My relationship should be better than ever after two months, happily going over and over all the things we say because things said do last....if they're the wrong things they need to be brought up and the air cleared.

I'm not waiting for a commercial, thanks.

Relieving my itch should be his pleasure and mine

If he asks what's wrong and I say nothing it means I don't want to talk about it

If I ask a question it means I'm willing to hear his answer

MY handbag is boring and so is his beer.....and if we go out I know what to wear better than he does.

 

[plasticman33]

Great answers, Weed! You should start your own thread!!

 

[weed]

Thanks....my only thread is the Dicktionary....it comes up once in a while....but I like responding to others...you could say I'm the responsive type

 

[plasticman33]

Thanks....my only thread is the Dicktionary....it comes up once in a while....but I like responding to others...you could say I'm the responsive type

Mmmm, I love responsive women!

 

[weed]

That's good, we like to be appriciated

 

[plasticman33]

I thought Raw Humors thread sounded familiar!

 

[RawHumor]

LOL

Yeah yeah yeah... but mine was funnier!




(Don't ask me why, it just HAD to be, cuz it was mine)

 

[Needssome]

Nah.. It's just that, since the 5th grade, I've believe that men, for the most part, should be put underground and brought up only for breeding and pleasure.

Vixen, I must agree.....I actually saw that theory on Boy Meets World, jokingly said it and defended the right of gays to not be beat up and next thing I knew the entire school thought I was a FemiNazi Lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with being a lesbian....It's just hard to find a man when he thinks you only like women....C'mon now....I wanted to breed with them

 

[Mountain Man]

One thing.....

If you ladies ask you man which shoes to wear...and he suggests one....DON'T wear the other one....it just proves that you didn't really want our answer in the first place