Male rules!

[plasticman33]

We always hear the 'Rules' from the femine side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note....thes are all numbered #1 on purpose!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect gift for you!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it!

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way!

1. Crying is blackmail!

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be very clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it, damnit!

1. We do not remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently!

1. Most guys own three pair of shoes! What makes you think we are capable of choosing which pair out of thirty looks good with your dress!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want a solution. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girl friends are for!

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor!

1. Check your oild, please!!

1. Anything said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of them makes you angry or sad, we meant the other one!

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials!

1. Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were dating. Get over it! And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. If it itches scratch it! We do!

1. We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothings wrong! We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle!

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear!

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take a quiz together. No, it doesn't matter what quiz!

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you!

Thank you for reading this, YES, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but you know we don't really mind, it's like camping!

 

[Up Too Late]

Oh Shoot I'm going print this out and frame it, so every female who steps through my door can read it and know where the ball is. You're awsome! God! I swear those rules hit the nail right on the head.....

The great irony is you know we can NEVER live by them.


No didn't but thanks for pointing that out....

 

[Latinababe]

*LoL*

 

[massiffe]

They may be good but did you have to quote the whole post ?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Each and every one of those rules is a public admission of inferiority.



Thank you for admitting the superiority of my gender!

 

[Tantanah]

Very funny.

Have fun "camping"

 

[alildevilish]

well

We women could make a list that would blow you men out of the water grrrrrrr

 

[Ladybird]

~ ouch ~

 

[MissTaken]

Okay! I get it now!

This is one of those testerone bonding, pat em on the ass, sort of chummy type guy threads!


You can fuck the rules, or masturbate!

 

[fanzee1]

Each and every one of those rules is a public admission of inferiority.



Thank you for admitting the superiority of my gender!

I think it's getting to her.

 

[fanzee1]

Re: well

We women could make a list that would blow you men out of the water grrrrrrr

actually, a female-friendly version of that list already exists somewhere on the Internet, just like the one you saw here. Go find it. I know this a playful sort of thing here but the fact remains that there are many women here at Lit who have swipes at men in their AVs or in their sig lines. I haven't seen any guys complaining about that.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I think it's getting to her.

Nah.. It's just that, since the 5th grade, I've believe that men, for the most part, should be put underground and brought up only for breeding and pleasure.

I had dropped that attitude for a long time (about 8 years), and then my current SO informed me of the Chromosomal theory. This theory being that all of the genes that make women perfect are found in that LITTLE bit of chromosome that you men are missing. All common sense, fashion sense, sense of direction, memory of important dates, all of that, is found in that bit of chromosome which women have, and men are lacking.

This is my SO's theory, not mine.. (however, I've adopted it as my own)

 

[fanzee1]

Nah.. It's just that, since the 5th grade, I've believe that men, for the most part, should be put underground and brought up only for breeding and pleasure.

I had dropped that attitude for a long time (about 8 years), and then my current SO informed me of the Chromosomal theory. This theory being that all of the genes that make women perfect are found in that LITTLE bit of chromosome that you men are missing. All common sense, fashion sense, sense of direction, memory of important dates, all of that, is found in that bit of chromosome which women have, and men are lacking.

This is my SO's theory, not mine.. (however, I've adopted it as my own)

well, i was only kidding about it getting to you but if you've actually come up with something like that...my goodness. And fyi, we're not missing anything.

I wonder what kind of response I would get if I posted, even in jest, you comment about keeping men underground but said women should be kept there. I'm sure you'll say, ah it's just a joke but it seems to me this sort of thing is designed to rub people the wrong way, and it does.

 

[Nomad4112000]

Oh Hell Yes I'm framing this on THANK YOU.

 

[Nomad4112000]

We women could make a list that would blow you men out of the water grrrrrrr

That is very true but there is a limit to how much space is availble and I don't think government has that much hard drive space let alone Lit.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I wonder what kind of response I would get if I posted, even in jest, you comment about keeping men underground but said women should be kept there. I'm sure you'll say, ah it's just a joke but it seems to me this sort of thing is designed to rub people the wrong way, and it does.

I came up with that theory when I did because I had a shitty ass life when I was young. Even at that age, boys were hitting me, pulling my hair, and I came home every day crying, bleeding, and bruised. Boys, I felt, were good for nothing. Since then, I've had experiences which make me feel like SOME males (I refuse to call them men, because it is a term too elevated for those about whom I'm talking) should be kept underground, dragging their knuckles on the floor. It's just a personal theory I revert to when I'm mad at guys in general. Yes, I generalise, but at the same time, I have my wonderful man, and I'd never see him go underground. Same with many of my guy friends. IT's just something I revert to to make me smile cynically when I'm pissed off.

Lighten up.

 

[fillmup]

I love it! I'm printing up copies for every guy in my office!!

 

[fanzee1]

I came up with that theory when I did because I had a shitty ass life when I was young. Even at that age, boys were hitting me, pulling my hair, and I came home every day crying, bleeding, and bruised. Boys, I felt, were good for nothing. Since then, I've had experiences which make me feel like SOME males (I refuse to call them men, because it is a term too elevated for those about whom I'm talking) should be kept underground, dragging their knuckles on the floor. It's just a personal theory I revert to when I'm mad at guys in general. Yes, I generalise, but at the same time, I have my wonderful man, and I'd never see him go underground. Same with many of my guy friends. IT's just something I revert to to make me smile cynically when I'm pissed off.

Lighten up.

Fine, of course. Both genders express frustration with the other all the time. I just wanted to make the observation that women seem more likely to do it publicly around here and that it does get old. And I do realize that it's not going to change just because I bring it up. It's just something we guys/boys/men/males will have to endure. There are far worse fates to be sure.


I don't feel that I need to lighten up. I was merely making a point.

 

[plasticman33]

Re: well

We women could make a list that would blow you men out of the water grrrrrrr

Go ahead alildevilish! We can take it!!

 

[Gamelover221]

That's a great list, hehe! Every man should carry a copy in their wallet and flash it every time a situation comes up Who said people are hard to understand, we just need to carry an instruction manuel

 

[plasticman33]

Glad everyone enjoyed the list!

(Of course paybacks from the ladies are expected)

 

[hornylady]

Very funny.................but so true I found myself thinking of my husband and nodding to quite a lot of them

Thank you for making me laugh plasticman


PS. Was it your granddaughter who had the surgery a while back? If it was, how is she / are you all doing?

 

[VanB]

Plasticman a lot of truisms in there - thanks.

I especially like the rule about asking what's wrong and being told nothing. boy does that piss me off.

Ladies a lot of tongue in cheek stuff here but if you want to know which one to pick up on - when asked what's wrong just tell us.

 

[plasticman33]

True, Van, very true!

I'm still waiting for the ladies list!

 

[Tantanah]

True, Van, very true!

I'm still waiting for the ladies list!

Stirrer.