Male Homosexuality and Effeminism

[seedsipper]

I feel a bit uneasy even bringing up this topic, because it may be as controversial as ever. Obviously there are gay men out there who, let's just say "act gay" to use a woefully inadequate term on purpose. It overlaps with traits like effeminacy, etc. I hope I am not saying anything too unjust or offensive. There's nothing wrong with being a gay man with some of these characteristics.

What I do despise is how the media places homosexuals in roles that make them appear ridiculous. For example, there's always a gay guy at a red carpet event critiquing everyone's fashion sense. In my opinion, it paints a picture of gays as superficial and rather shallow. More often than not, when a gay character acts on a sitcom, his flamboyancy is exaggerated to ridiculous proportions.

Our stereotypes of homosexuals also obscure other possibilities. For example, I believe there is such a phenomenon as a hyper-masculine homosexuality. One finds this in a very pure state in Ancient Greece, for instance. Not to mention, all the gays that aren't readily distinguishable from straights in their demeanor.

I think this is a critical issue that needs attention. I believe a lot of the violence and hatred that is still directed toward gays is rooted in a perception that these individuals are weak. A trait we share with many other primates is aggression directed towards the weak and the irregular.

This is personal for me as well. I have enough attraction to men, and the desire to be bisexual. Even though it is absurd I still can't completely rid myself of the notion that I will "feminize" myself by performing certain acts.

 

[glamorilla]

sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you don't.

 

[Shywong]

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CampGay

They call camp gay. And when a character plays the role of one its usually for humor. Personally, I like it, it can range from being hilarious, cute or just plain sexy.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StraightGay

Straight gay in my opinion is just plain boring. The character doesn't really stand out in a colorful cast of characters unless he has some other trait to be known for.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HardGay

Like camp gay, hard gay is mostly a humor thing. There's more of this out there than the flamboyant stuff for some reason. Probably because it's less offensive.


They're like three different flavors of gay. Fruity, Vanilla and Beefy. I've always had a taste for the tooty fruity stuff, I the faggot people.

 

[Etoile]

You're right that this is about the media, not the gay people. People grumble about gay pride parades because they fear it's a bad image for mainstream society to see, and maybe it is - after all, pride is usually the height of nuttiness when it comes to appearances. But it's about how the media is portraying gay people. If the pride parade is the only thing they show, then yes, people DO get the wrong idea. But if the TV cameras would come on down to the gayborhood, they'd find something very different...normal people. Sure, some might flop a wrist here and there, but nothing too overt.

As for presentations, I agree with you that it's inappropriate. Will & Grace was an example of both sides of this: Jack was the hyper-effeminate one, Will was the normal one. (I only ever saw a few episodes, mind you, but that's the impression I got.) If we could have more Wills on TV and fewer Jacks, we'd be in a better situation. Another positive example is David Tutera, of the show "My Fair Wedding" - he's a wedding planner, and 3 weeks before the big day he changes everything, I forget what channel it's on. Anyway, he is fairly normal, not TOO over the top, just a little gushy sometimes. Yes, he's gay, but he's not lisping and cooing all the time. He IS a wedding planner, so he's obviously gay, but it's not done to excess. How about Billy Crystal's character on Soap? He wasn't too bad, was he? I've only ever seen a little bit of that show.

 

[glamorilla]

what's important is you being the person you want to be free and clear of worrying what other people, real life and media think.

i understand it's difficult coming to grips with the things that turn you on where being gay (or bi or lesbian or transgendered) are concerned. the reason why gay men are feminized is because its really the only way we know how to describe the duality that exists in all of us.

as you begin to accept who you are you're going to find yourself changing over the years. things you swore you'd never be into will suddenly become things you need to experience and intensely at that. as a 15 year old i told myself i was bi sexual thinking in some way that if i also liked girls it wouldn't bee too bad.

as a 17 year old i discovered the only way i'd know some kind of peace was to admit to myself what i was and what i liked...i also thought of myself as strictly bottom...but as i moved through life i found myself liking what i was doing...but i wasn't satisfied untill i turned the tables and assumed the role of a top. it wasn't even pre meditated on my part. i just sort of did it.

so don't count out any any potential experiences just based on what heterosexual society considered to be male and female conduct.

you'll be missing out on a lot.

and as far as how the media portrays homosexuals well...we have come a ways. there is more than enough material out there. you don't even have to look hard to find it.

if you don't like how the gay community is portrayed in pop culture its up to you to change that by living your life openly and honestly.

 

[none2_none2]

what's important is you being the person you want to be free and clear of worrying what other people, real life and media think.

i understand it's difficult coming to grips with the things that turn you on where being gay (or bi or lesbian or transgendered) are concerned. the reason why gay men are feminized is because its really the only way we know how to describe the duality that exists in all of us.

as you begin to accept who you are you're going to find yourself changing over the years. things you swore you'd never be into will suddenly become things you need to experience and intensely at that. as a 15 year old i told myself i was bi sexual thinking in some way that if i also liked girls it wouldn't bee too bad.

as a 17 year old i discovered the only way i'd know some kind of peace was to admit to myself what i was and what i liked...i also thought of myself as strictly bottom...but as i moved through life i found myself liking what i was doing...but i wasn't satisfied untill i turned the tables and assumed the role of a top. it wasn't even pre meditated on my part. i just sort of did it.

so don't count out any any potential experiences just based on what heterosexual society considered to be male and female conduct.

you'll be missing out on a lot.

and as far as how the media portrays homosexuals well...we have come a ways. there is more than enough material out there. you don't even have to look hard to find it.

if you don't like how the gay community is portrayed in pop culture its up to you to change that by living your life openly and honestly.

I think there should be a limit to living your life the way you want. You have to consider your neighbor. This isn't limited to sexuality, but way too many people are feel offended if they can't do what they want, when they want, where they want. For instance we have smokers who feel oppressed that they cannot smoke just anywhere.

Also I know people like my Dad. He tended to feel free to express his emotion whenever and whereever he pleased -- never mind that his temper tantrums hurt people.

Bottom line with what I'm saying on that one should be considerate of others. If the real me loves meat, I'm still not going to eat it at a vegan party. If the real me is in a bad mood, I should try to keep it to myself.

As for changing over the years, my body has aged, by my desires never have changed. I've always craved sex with a particular kind of guy. I've always felt the need for a man's love. I've always wanted to sire kids. I even look back on my past and realize that even before I knew what gay sex involved, I knew what parts of the male anatomy I was most interested in. I still remember the awkward high school age when I tried to research about sex. I had this warped idea that heterosexual sex was about the vagina was some kind of perfect, vibrating, pleasure hole that basically milked the cum out of a guy. I had NO idea that fucking involved the penis going in and out. I saw animals, but though they were an exception due to less evolved equipment. So even thought I thought I might like anal years before I actually engaged in it, I thought it would be very painful for the bottom as well as less than satisfactory for the top. This warped idea came from some description of female orgasm as "tremors". I equated that to some kind of milking action on a penis. Anyway, my point is that years before I gave up my virginity, I was started down the path of the activities that I thought I would crave. When I was younger I actually was MORE open than I am now. Mainly because I now know for sure what I used to suspect of myself -- that is what I desire in life is no mystery to me. Call it self-understanding. My desires were really always the same. Simply during my early years I had a lot of mis-information.

My biggest regret in my life is that I never sired kids. I have nothing against adoption nor do I possess designer genes. However, I still wanted to sire kids. (It would take too long to explain why.) Being gay never meant I didn't want to reproduce. Unfortunately, I'm infertile, so there isn't much I can do about it. If anything were possible, I wish to guys could create life. I think in some ways, my guy as well as other men in the past think that when I fantasize about getting them pregnant that it is some kind of effeminizing fantasy. In actuality, it is simply a desire to mix my genes with the best of theirs to produce something that will outlast our own time together.