male emotions - can a man cry?

[jeninflorida]

okay for my last new thread of the day, is it okay for a fictional man to cry, be upset, and worry when he heads into the big D-town?

(divorce)

I have a fictional couple breaking up and put a lot of thought into the husband. the things that he is feeling, his struggles, his worries, his drinking, this and that. My writing goal was to show a man's emotion and how he knows he messed up and destroyed his marriage and now its a journey or fight, the fight of that man to regain parts of his life back. that this man has to fight to be part of his kids life. that this man has to fight, to put the bottle down.

this is a longer story of mine in the works, its currently just above 60k words.

So, can a man cry with out readers being upset that he's less of a man?
If a man shows emotions in the woods with no one around, does he really have emotions and feelings?

 

[scorallover]

I believe every emotion is available when writing. I know people who don't allow their characters to feel or express jealousy. They think it creates flaws in their characters they don't want to explore. I think it adds depth to the character.

If a character is going through a difficult personal problem, like divorce, then you have to explore their emotions, and crying can be a part of it. If there is distress caused by the divorce then I don't see how you can't explore it. To not explore it is not developing the character to the fullest.

 

[Anomandaris]

TBH I didn't cry when I split with my wife. The emotion that I felt when she said she was leaving was relief.

Then again, I bawled like a baby when my mother asked me permission to die...

 

[MaxSebastian]

Men can certainly cry, but most frequently in my experience we tend to repress it, hold it up inside, particularly if we're in public.

Then we look for some other avenue to express our sorrow, like for example the consumption of copious quantities of alcohol.

I'd suggest to be more authentic, downplay the expressive part of strong emotion, and internalise it within the character. Maybe a solitary tear runs down the cheek, but he's otherwise silent, stony-faced. He forces is down somewhere deep and dark, where it might brew and one day erupt in an unexpected outburst of anger that perhaps affects the plot in some unanticipated and unwanted way.

 

[sr71plt]

They can and they do.

 

[jeninflorida]

I believe every emotion is available when writing. I know people who don't allow their characters to feel or express jealousy. They think it creates flaws in their characters they don't want to explore. I think it adds depth to the character.

If a character is going through a difficult personal problem, like divorce, then you have to explore their emotions, and crying can be a part of it. If there is distress caused by the divorce then I don't see how you can't explore it. To not explore it is not developing the character to the fullest.

Thanks, I wasn't sure if mixing emotion and erotica in one novella was a good idea or not. thinking its okay to do so if the writing is good

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Bears do.

 

[Handley_Page]

The short answer is Yes.
We can and, occasionally, do.

 

[3113]

So, can a man cry with out readers being upset that he's less of a man?
If a man shows emotions in the woods with no one around, does he really have emotions and feelings?

Apparently, you never saw the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." I suggest you rent and watch it. Not only does our man cry several times, but the first time he does it, the movie also makes sure that we don't think there's anything unmanly about it--he's dick wagging naked while he cries. So we certainly know he's a man

 

[Stella_Omega]

I just re-watched "The Gangs Of New York" and there's a good example of manly crying in that. He's nearly silent, with the face twisted up to look more like rage than sorrow, and hidden away so no one can see. And not for very long.

Anger is more manly than grief, and, I think, many men train themselves to express grief as anger.

 

[bashfullyshameless]

Things that have made me cry:

*First major break-up. We'd been together for four years, cohabitating for the last two, and I had just started looking for a ring (first decent job out of college). She told me she wanted to get her own place, was kind of cold about it (said she had to be), and I knew it wasn't gonna stop there. I didn't cry there in front of her because I was still just too shocked. But when I packed up and left a few weeks later, and I hugged the cat goodbye, I cried like someone died.

I stayed with my mother for a short time while I tried to figure out where I'd go from there. I didn't want to burden my friends and she had the extra room. And yes, I cried in front of her, too. I was pushing thirty, a veteran and a college grad, and I cried in front of my mom because of a break-up, and I'm not the least bit afraid to admit it because at the time that woman meant the world to me.

*Second major break-up. Six years of cohabitating. In the end it was just too obvious that we wanted different life paths and that would never change amicably, and I had to end it. She cried a lot, and so did I, though almost never in front of her--but yeah, I cried a lot, because I felt awful about doing that to her.

*The death of one of my cats. His name was Crom, he looked just like a snow tiger in housecat size, and all he ever wanted out of life was hugs. He had an accident in our home before he was more than I think two years old. I cried, a lot, and screamed in my car at the rain after I found out, and cried some more.

*That scene in "Glory" where the 54th Massachusetts marches off to battle in front of white soldiers who'd given them nothing but shit, and finally one of them yells out, "Give 'em hell, 54!" and all the other whites start cheering. Gets me every time.

*That scene in "Return of the King" where Aragorn says, "My friends, you bow to no one." Hell, I got misty typing that just now.


Honestly, I know there are guys who could handle a divorce & such without crying, and I don't want to sound too judgmental... but as a reader of fiction, I would be more taken aback by a guy divorcing his wife & mother of his child (presuming, of course, that he truly loved them) than I would if he didn't.

 

[jeninflorida]

The short answer is Yes.
We can and, occasionally, do.

lol, yes I know that men are able to cry physically....but in fiction or more specificity erotica fiction do readers care for it?

 

[TE999]

Men have emotions, they usually don't wear them on their sleeves, though. I can imagine a man crying over a divorce, especially if he didn't initiate the proceedings.

I have cried at deaths of loved ones, beloved pets, poignant scenes in movies and passages in books, even songs. Suppressed emotions eat at you like acid and fuck majorly with your head. Cry, punch the bag at the gym or go running. You'll be much the better off for it.

Forget the readers, write what you feel.

 

[bashfullyshameless]

lol, yes I know that men are able to cry physically....but in fiction or more specificity erotica fiction do readers care for it?

So far, nobody has raised objection or complaint to any of the scenes I've written in which a guy cries. I think it has only happened once or twice in my stuff, but again, it's not inherently deathly to a story. Again, the situation you describe seems like it would apply.

 

[Handley_Page]

lol, yes I know that men are able to cry physically....but in fiction or more specificity erotica fiction do readers care for it?

As long as it does not interfere with the thrust of the story, AND
it does not take up loads of pages, I think so, yes.

 

[jeninflorida]

I just re-watched "The Gangs Of New York" and there's a good example of manly crying in that. He's nearly silent, with the face twisted up to look more like rage than sorrow, and hidden away so no one can see. And not for very long.

Anger is more manly than grief, and, I think, many men train themselves to express grief as anger.

oh, great example! and thanks for the tip. Anger is a great emotion as people tend to make mental mistakes

Thanks Stella!

 

[lance gt]

Realistically, yes, men will cry. It has to be of great emotional impact that goes beyond what he can normally handle. Most men will fight as hard as they can to not show a tear, but a moment will come when he will break from the strain of keeping it bottled up, or it's too overwhelming to make sense of and the emotional core responds the only way it knows how. Drinking will break him down faster, I know, as a former bartender, I watched it happen in front of me.

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

okay for my last new thread of the day, is it okay for a fictional man to cry, be upset, and worry when he heads into the big D-town?

(divorce)

I have a fictional couple breaking up and put a lot of thought into the husband. the things that he is feeling, his struggles, his worries, his drinking, this and that. My writing goal was to show a man's emotion and how he knows he messed up and destroyed his marriage and now its a journey or fight, the fight of that man to regain parts of his life back. that this man has to fight to be part of his kids life. that this man has to fight, to put the bottle down.

this is a longer story of mine in the works, its currently just above 60k words.

So, can a man cry with out readers being upset that he's less of a man?
If a man shows emotions in the woods with no one around, does he really have emotions and feelings?

Yes, a man can cry. If he has really effed up his life, the weight of everything that he has destroyed hits him like a ton of bricks, and that reality finally comes clear, he can cry like a baby.

Or if he is still in the downward spiral possibly in a drunken stupor and he feels that he is being "wronged" and "life is out to get him" he can go through a series of emotional outbreaks including crying.

Lastly, (this is one I personally have experience with) if he is there experiencing great joy, like the birth of his first child where it was a natural childbirth and he was there assisting the mother of his child through every push. When the child comes out and cries its first cry, a man can bawl right there too.

 

[mcguinness]

First of all, Literotica readers will be upset by anything. So yes, you'll probably freak out some reader who's threatened by the idea of males showing emotion. It's almost inevitable.

And yeah, men cry. I don't think it even needs to be over anything earth-shattering.

 

[Dragonlipz]

Good question

The answer is that a man CAN and WILL cry if his dog dies, his beer is warm, his woman is cold, and his bait's no good.....

 

[jomar]

lol, yes I know that men are able to cry physically....but in fiction or more specificity erotica fiction do readers care for it?

First off, it's great to see you getting your writer on.

Secondly, I think you already answered your question...it depends on the type of story and how well it is written.

Thirdly, I like your idea for a story. Guys cry, it's a fact. But mostly they cry in private. Go for something interesting.

Have you read any of Robert Parker's Jesse Stone? He's a tough guy, and an alcoholic who sees a therapist.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I just re-watched "The Gangs Of New York" and there's a good example of manly crying in that. He's nearly silent, with the face twisted up to look more like rage than sorrow, and hidden away so no one can see. And not for very long.

Anger is more manly than grief, and, I think, many men train themselves to express grief as anger.

Females condition males to keep a stiff upper lip. Crying is the kiss of death with every female I know of. John Wayne really is the model of a man for most females.

Anger? Anger is a great motivator to action, and is easily manipulated. The wise man uses it like nuclear energy NOT as an atomic bomb.

 

[topace]

I only cry when I'm etremely sad, I tend to hold back my sadness otherwise. I know it probably isn't healthy for me, but that's what I learned was best - to control my feelings with logic (like Spock and the Vulcans from Star Trek) and not let them control me. Occasionally, they still control me, but I'm getting better at the control via logic as I get older.

It really depends on how your character was raised. Was he raised to be a man's man who doesn't show his feelings easy, or a more sensitive guy who's not afraid to show his feelings?

 

[lance gt]

It all boils down to this, Jen.All men will cry at some point. To have your readers, male and female appreciate it, and not find it offensive, make sure the man crying has reached his limits and cries more out of frustration, than feeling some wimpy sadness about feeling bad about himself. Men don't like their emotions made public and have to maintain an image of being strong and manly. If you make him cry without enough stress, he'll come across as weak and effeminate, which would suit a GM story better.

 

[Carreira]

I consider myself a guy that hardly cries.... when I do cry, its because Im frustrated like said above. My predecessor was right - take this info into account