Malich
Avuncular Curmudgeon
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2005
- Posts
- 3,132
I hate writing these things, never sure how much or how little to say. Don't want to come across as too experienced but also not as a total novice. Also don't want to appear too arrogant, but also not too timid. So...
I am currently un-partnered from a BDSM perspective and am looking for potential play partners or, should they turn up, that one perfect person to call my own. Recently I have suffered a few setbacks that have left me reviewing the mistakes I have made and from that I have resolved to not let those same situations come to pass again.
Because of this, this post might read a little bit demanding. I have a fairly definite set of traits or aspects that I am looking for in a new partner and some of them I am not willing to compromise on. Likewise I understand that I might not be everyone's ideal partner and would not expect them to compromise for me unnecessarily either.
First I should get the personal stuff out of the way, I have been told before that it is best to let people find out about my personal life in their own time and that I would interest more people if I did not lay this out straight away... but I am honest about who I am so people understand what they are getting from day one. I am married to a woman who I love dearly and plan to spend the rest of my life with. We are in an open / poly relationship and have been for the last 11 (or 15 if you ask her) years. It was she who introduced me to the vocabulary I needed to express what I had been feeling for a number of years before. We both have aspects of our sexuality that the other cannot meet and are free to have partners to meet them. I am honest with her about who I see and anyone who plays with me, or more, will have to fit within that dynamic.
Currently I am looking for a woman to share my darker side with. I'm not looking for anyone further than about an hour from Sheffield city centre. I want someone close enough to see on an evening without losing most of the time to travel. I'm looking for someone 30 or under ideally, someone I am physically and mentally attracted to and someone who can accept I have an existing dynamic to work within.
In a play partner, I am not looking for anything too committed. Yes, I want to feel I can be friends with them and I want to have some connection to them otherwise I'll not going to be willing to really let go in their presence. But if it's just for fun then I want to keep it that way and have it be enjoyable for both parties without either feeling it's getting too close.
For someone who is moving towards something more serious however, that's a different story. I want someone I can share a part of my life with, someone to become a lover, not just a friend with benefits. I want someone I can see regularly. Weekly ideally, fortnightly as a minimum. Someone I can spend time with being a couple not just meeting up solely for play.
I am going to have to be blunt here however and say that while I do not mind if they have a same sex, sexual partner once we are a settled into our relationship, I am not willing to share with another man or to share with anyone else who is dominant. This may sound harsh, and it may sound unfair, but I have tried to share with another Dom before and it just didn't work for me. It cut into the time I was able to spend with the woman I loved and that is what ultimately a part of what drove us apart.
In return however, I shall not be asking them to accept me seeing other people. Yes, I have my wife, but whomever I end up with will be my only D/s play partner and I will give them as much of myself as it is practical to give. I offer someone who is willing to try new things within limits (I have low self esteem however, so if public play is your idea of fun I might need some support in that direction). Someone who (I have been told) is supportive beyond most people’s expectations. Someone who understands the problems associated with earlier traumas and the difficulties of working around an existing relationship and someone who is willing to give as much as he gets.
I should point out, in either case, that I do not do one night stands as it takes me a few meets (or a lot of chat) to feel comfortable performing BDSM acts with a new partner and a couple of sessions to feel I can build up to some of the more intense acts. There's no point going straight in full pelt and hurting someone, I prefer to learn a partners reactions and responses rather than have to apologise afterwards for missing something. If you're looking for a quick beating then I am not the man for you.
I am occasionally to be found at several of the Sheffield kink events and hope to be expanding my attendance to other cities in the near future. If you see me I am at an event happy to talk so feel free to say hello.
Hopefully this has given you a brief insight into who I am.
Malich
I am currently un-partnered from a BDSM perspective and am looking for potential play partners or, should they turn up, that one perfect person to call my own. Recently I have suffered a few setbacks that have left me reviewing the mistakes I have made and from that I have resolved to not let those same situations come to pass again.
Because of this, this post might read a little bit demanding. I have a fairly definite set of traits or aspects that I am looking for in a new partner and some of them I am not willing to compromise on. Likewise I understand that I might not be everyone's ideal partner and would not expect them to compromise for me unnecessarily either.
First I should get the personal stuff out of the way, I have been told before that it is best to let people find out about my personal life in their own time and that I would interest more people if I did not lay this out straight away... but I am honest about who I am so people understand what they are getting from day one. I am married to a woman who I love dearly and plan to spend the rest of my life with. We are in an open / poly relationship and have been for the last 11 (or 15 if you ask her) years. It was she who introduced me to the vocabulary I needed to express what I had been feeling for a number of years before. We both have aspects of our sexuality that the other cannot meet and are free to have partners to meet them. I am honest with her about who I see and anyone who plays with me, or more, will have to fit within that dynamic.
Currently I am looking for a woman to share my darker side with. I'm not looking for anyone further than about an hour from Sheffield city centre. I want someone close enough to see on an evening without losing most of the time to travel. I'm looking for someone 30 or under ideally, someone I am physically and mentally attracted to and someone who can accept I have an existing dynamic to work within.
In a play partner, I am not looking for anything too committed. Yes, I want to feel I can be friends with them and I want to have some connection to them otherwise I'll not going to be willing to really let go in their presence. But if it's just for fun then I want to keep it that way and have it be enjoyable for both parties without either feeling it's getting too close.
For someone who is moving towards something more serious however, that's a different story. I want someone I can share a part of my life with, someone to become a lover, not just a friend with benefits. I want someone I can see regularly. Weekly ideally, fortnightly as a minimum. Someone I can spend time with being a couple not just meeting up solely for play.
I am going to have to be blunt here however and say that while I do not mind if they have a same sex, sexual partner once we are a settled into our relationship, I am not willing to share with another man or to share with anyone else who is dominant. This may sound harsh, and it may sound unfair, but I have tried to share with another Dom before and it just didn't work for me. It cut into the time I was able to spend with the woman I loved and that is what ultimately a part of what drove us apart.
In return however, I shall not be asking them to accept me seeing other people. Yes, I have my wife, but whomever I end up with will be my only D/s play partner and I will give them as much of myself as it is practical to give. I offer someone who is willing to try new things within limits (I have low self esteem however, so if public play is your idea of fun I might need some support in that direction). Someone who (I have been told) is supportive beyond most people’s expectations. Someone who understands the problems associated with earlier traumas and the difficulties of working around an existing relationship and someone who is willing to give as much as he gets.
I should point out, in either case, that I do not do one night stands as it takes me a few meets (or a lot of chat) to feel comfortable performing BDSM acts with a new partner and a couple of sessions to feel I can build up to some of the more intense acts. There's no point going straight in full pelt and hurting someone, I prefer to learn a partners reactions and responses rather than have to apologise afterwards for missing something. If you're looking for a quick beating then I am not the man for you.
I am occasionally to be found at several of the Sheffield kink events and hope to be expanding my attendance to other cities in the near future. If you see me I am at an event happy to talk so feel free to say hello.
Hopefully this has given you a brief insight into who I am.
Malich
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