Making sense of things....

[psyche]

This woman is truly amazing

Don't know if a male perspective helps (and I'm perfectly willing to be taken advantage of as well!), but my interpretation is that your intrinsic 'adult' needs are conflicting with the social stigma of 'sleeping around'...and that your friends may be sending the message that you're acting like the town slut...

Although I may not always have the courage of my convictions, I do believe that the way that other people portray you is only valid if you let it get to you. If you're unapologetic, then please don't let self-doubt eat at your self-confidence and your enjoyment. You're not breaking any laws, and you deserve your own enjoyment as long as you're not hurting others (without their consent, at least!).

I also agree that this concept that a woman can be 'taken advantage of' is mostly a cultural construct--you seem like a woman who knows what you want and goes after it, so by definition you're not being taken advantage of...as to whether the guys 'deserve' the pleasure of your company, it's your call to decide who is deserving and who is not--your sex life isn't a democracy, and your decisions about your sexuality shouldn't be dictated by a popular vote.

Hope that this helps--here's one guy who's rooting for you.

Roman

Roman, you are so sweet!

One issue that I did not think about before is that low self-esteem has also been associated with promiscuity. The idea is that a person who doesn't feel good about themselves will want to be accepted and will resort to sexual relationships for that acceptance. I have also been told, since I have a high sex drive, that sex really isn't the issue, but is used as a cover up for other problems.

Keep in mind that these arguments are potentially made by people with low sex drives to explain why they don't think sex is so important.

I just want a guy who wants to fuck me every day...........

 

[RomanHans]

Roman, you are so sweet!

One issue that I did not think about before is that low self-esteem has also been associated with promiscuity. The idea is that a person who doesn't feel good about themselves will want to be accepted and will resort to sexual relationships for that acceptance. I have also been told, since I have a high sex drive, that sex really isn't the issue, but is used as a cover up for other problems.

Keep in mind that these arguments are potentially made by people with low sex drives to explain why they don't think sex is so important.

I just want a guy who wants to fuck me every day...........

Anytime, dear--you deserve the compliments. Plus, I'd volunteer to be that guy, but I know that I'd have to join the back of the line...!

I don't doubt that some folks seek sex to deal with other emotional or personal issues--but can't some people just like to have sex?

Roman

 

[lady*laura]

That's what I meant also, watergirl. The more I think about this topic the more it brings out. I have been with men who are just as sexually repressed as the friends you are taking about. The are ashamed of their sexuality, feel bad about having sex, and instead of enjoying it they feel guilty. That's one of the reasons I love lit so much. There are so many people here who are very open about their sexuality and expressing it in any number of ways. My lover, who I met here on lit, was a revelation to me because he so comfortably enjoys sex. Sex with him is incredible and we have so much fun.

I have been reading this thread with much interest. Psyche...you described my ex to a T! He was very repressed and I am soooo very open to sex. I understand the dilema of living in a small town and being single with NEEDS! I have toys and phone buddies but it just isn't like the real thing. At times I let guilt get in the way...afterall...12 years of Catholic education leaves one feeling slightly upset. I am letting go of that. Sex is totally natural. What is unatural is is supressing sex. I'd would like to find someone that I can go past the one or two night stand with because sex does imporve with multiple encounters....well except for my ex spousal unit but he is a thread unto himself!

 

[psyche]

Anytime, dear--you deserve the compliments. Plus, I'd volunteer to be that guy, but I know that I'd have to join the back of the line...!

I don't doubt that some folks seek sex to deal with other emotional or personal issues--but can't some people just like to have sex?

Roman

Baby, you would never be in the back of the line with me............I would think that for some people sex is important and not a sign of some underlying problem. Those people with low sex drives might think of us as having a problem since they don't share our interests........

 

[psyche]

I have been reading this thread with much interest. Psyche...you described my ex to a T! He was very repressed and I am soooo very open to sex. I understand the dilema of living in a small town and being single with NEEDS! I have toys and phone buddies but it just isn't like the real thing. At times I let guilt get in the way...afterall...12 years of Catholic education leaves one feeling slightly upset. I am letting go of that. Sex is totally natural. What is unatural is is supressing sex. I'd would like to find someone that I can go past the one or two night stand with because sex does imporve with multiple encounters....well except for my ex spousal unit but he is a thread unto himself!

Unfortunately I speak from experience. My husband has lost interest in sex and even though I have told him it is important to me nothing has changed. This has been going on for over a year now. I have taken a lover and it is frankly the only thing keeping me from leaving him. I don't know how I could be expected to live without the touch of a man. On top of all of this, my lover is so good that I don't know if I can go back to mediocre love making. Men take care of your wives, women take care of your men, otherwise they may find someone who is so much better that they don't want to stay home any more.........how do you compare a man who takes an entire day to make love to you over and over, making you cum hundreds of times, making you ejaculate with the intensity of your orgasms. He knows what a g-spot is, he knows what all your fantasies are, his touch is perfect for you, and when he gets done with you, you are completely drained, all you can think about day in and day out is being with him, being in his arms, touching him, kissing him, being with him. I compare this to someone who fucks me to get it over with, and takes less than five minutes, and that is stretching it. My fucking lot in life.

 

[lady*laura]

Oh Psyche....you have hit it on the head. Shortly after my divorce I had a lover and he spent hours exploring my body...he told me it gave him immense pleasure to give me pleasure...he would study my reactions and listen to me. I swear he took notes when we would discuss desires and fantasies. My ex didn't allow me to talk during sex...and that is all it was....just sex....he didn't want to be distracted. I have learned so much. I will never settle for less!

 

[psyche]

Oh Psyche....you have hit it on the head. Shortly after my divorce I had a lover and he spent hours exploring my body...he told me it gave him immense pleasure to give me pleasure...he would study my reactions and listen to me. I swear he took notes when we would discuss desires and fantasies. My ex didn't allow me to talk during sex...and that is all it was....just sex....he didn't want to be distracted. I have learned so much. I will never settle for less!

I am in the dilemma of wondering whether I am asking for too much. I need a man's touch, like I need air, and I am not getting it at home, he buys me things, he begs me not to leave and yet he won't touch me. I look around and wonder why I am here. And somewhere, someone is going to bed alone, wishing I was next to them...............

 

[RomanHans]

I am in the dilemma of wondering whether I am asking for too much. I need a man's touch, like I need air, and I am not getting it at home, he buys me things, he begs me not to leave and yet he won't touch me. I look around and wonder why I am here. And somewhere, someone is going to bed alone, wishing I was next to them...............

Which just proves that the greatest gift to give is yourself, and your attention, not 'things.' And to get back to what kicked off this thread...your own attention, sexual or otherwise, is yours to give as you please...and how you do so is not appropriate fodder for the gossip or judgment of third parties!

Roman

 

[cycleman]

I keep meeting women who wont even hold hands or a kiss good night. Im so glad to hear real women want real sex...long slow.....sweaty sex.......holding and resting before begining again. exploring each other and where passion can go.........wow got me going there.......thanks girls!!

 

[Bandit58]

I had my own dilemma to work through recently.....how to live apart from the one you love, and yet cope with a body that needs to be touched and loved.

He woke up all my senses after a marriage that I went into young and inexperienced. We can't be together yet, maybe not for another year, and so we have said that our relationship is non-exclusive, giving us each the freedom to be with others if we choose. I had the chance to do that recently and I ended up turning it down......because even though I told my lover about it and he gave me his blessing, it felt like a betrayal.

Psyche I do understand the need for a man's touch.....and maybe if I meet someone and get to know them well enough I might do it, but for now I'm making do with a toy and his voice on the phone. I guess I can't separate sex from love......