Making our own rules

[NewDaddyDom]

A few weeks ago a finally expressed my desires to begin a bdsm lifestyle with my wife of 7 years. We both did research on the lifestyle, and after much discussion we decided there were many aspects to the bdsm lifestyle that we just didn't agree with. And so we decided to really make our own rules. Neither of us are into the pain, punishment, humiliation, etc.. So i guess you could say we settled in to the Dom/sub lifestyle. My wife submits and obeys like a good girl. I do not force many rules cause I don't want it to affect our marriage. I also agreed not to deal out punishments. I want her to obey her Dom because she desires to, not because she's afraid. Our marriage and relationship has never been better. I don't believe in punishments, only rewards. And I reward so well, she wouldn't think of disobeying me. Was wondering if there are other couples like this? Or if I'm being too easy on her? Plz let me know. Am open to suggestions.

 

[Kashmeer]

Yes I think it's possible to have a D/s relationship without the punishment and humiliation aspect, as long as your submissive is obedient and fulfills your needs through her own desire to please you. If she has expressed to you her fear then I think it's fair you at least hear her out.

 

[may_I_please]

Are you talking sexually or 24/7 ?

It's possible to have, and make work, any dynamic you wish to. There is no one size fits all.

If she takes pleasure in things that give you pleasure then you are on a winning formula. Just keep talking, and keep checking with each other

 

[NewDaddyDom]

Yes it is more of 24/7. The more she obeys and submits to me, the better I reward her. I try and reward her so well, that she desires to plz me.

 

[gorgeous_grl]

My husband/Dom and I have just joined this lifestyle recently too. We do a lot heavier pay in the bedroom but we do implement play into everyday. I wear a rope chain 16" necklace in public to represent my being collared by him. He sends me orders by txt and I have to send proof that I've completed said task. There are ways to make it work for every pair. I myself enjoy receiving punishment, so rather than give physical punishments to punish me he takes away something I enjoy. Like masturbation, orgasm, our a type of play I enjoy like tit tort etc.

 

[NewDaddyDom]

I just honestly don't believe in punishing her. She's been such a good girl. I reward her with everything she desires. I used to be a hard ass husband, but I've loosened up and embraced the Dominate role. If a expect her to submit to me, I must be ready to reward her. And this new lifestyle has done so much to our sex lives. Since valentines day, we've had more sex than we've had in the last 7 years. It's been amazing. And she's allowed me to act out my darkest fantasies on her.

 

[MeekMe]

We all have unique relationship dynamics. Many of us don't use "punishments" systems. If you look at any recent posts on punishment you'll see the opinions of many here. The thread in my signature shows a good deal of different relationship dynamics.

 

[desertslave]

We have been together for 16 years, married for 10. There have been a few well-deserved punishments, but overall we really don't do things that way. I do love, and crave, pain, but it's not in a punishment context, it's simply part of our lovemaking. I seek to please and to be pleasing to him, and he's a fabulous sexual sadist.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[NewDaddyDom]

My babygirl knows that if she wants anything she needs to ask me. And when asking or thanking me, she needs to refer to me as Daddy, sir, or My sir. There are things I ask her to do in the bedroom that she willingly submits to. Whenever she submits, does something correct, or makes me happy I tell her either good girl or that's my girl. Now for rewards for when she's good: I will surprise her by taking out her out to a nice dinner unexpectedly. I will allow her to go shopping when or if she wishes, I will agree to a purchase she desires. And then there's the bedroom rewards that she loves. The more she obeys and submits to me, the more I reward her.

 

[SpunThings]

There are no BDSM police, so you should make up your own rules about what works in your relationship. You're individuals, and every relationship (kinky or vanilla) needs to be what works for the two people in it.

We don't do punishment or rules either. If I agree to do what he says, I'm going to do what he says. If I have a problem doing what he says, I'll tell him respectfully why I feel unable, and we address it as a couple. The D/s aspect for us is only a sex and intimacy thing, but he takes the lead in that arena and I follow willingly and with eagerness. For me over the years I've learned that the more I am able to fully submit, the more confident and sure of himself he is in his dominant moments. My reward is that it fulfills my desires and needs so I can let go and really enjoy our intimate times together.

Then outside of those intimate times I take charge of the budget, and bills, and major household/child-rearing decisions because it's where we both feel comfortable. He's much happier following my lead with all that, but is there as my emotional support (because apparently I'm "high needs" haha).

With all that said, I do like pain but for us it's not punishment. It's just us working out a dynamic that gets both of us really excited.

I only say this to show you another not-typical example, not to say you have to do it our way.

 

[MissShelly]

I think, as with any relationship, what works for one couple, does not work for another. If this is what works for you.. that's awesome!

My husband and I are also new to it, and it pretty much just stays in the bedroom. I am also not into humiliation.

If it's working for you and you are both happy, that's awesome!