Making him more comfortable with going down on me?

[sheath]

Howdy, all.

My man and I have a little problem. In the past, I have not enjoyed receiving oral sex much at all. For many reasons, it has been a hang-up of mine. That has all changed, thank goodness, and now I CRAVE letting my man dine between my thighs.

My man knows of my old hang-up, because when we first began having sex, I didn't want him to go down on me. I told him the truth: that I didn't enjoy it in the past, and that I would rather have other kinds of sex. That was over a year ago, and with my deepening trust in him, my views have changed. Now I want it with a passion that borders on obsession. I want his tongue everywhere!

Problem: He is very, very nervous about it. To the point where he isn't sure he wants to do it. *grrr* I know he would do anything at all to please me, but he's so afraid of NOT pleasing me with oral, it makes him hesitant. I tell him that I want it, but he holds back. He says that he doesn't want to make me uncomfortable, and I certainly believe that. He's all about trust and comfort.

So...How can I reassure him that after all this time, my feelings on receiving oral have changed?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

S.

 

[Etoile]

It sounds like you've got a great relationship! As for making him more comfortable...hrm. Is he willing to try it at all, just once? Maybe you can make enough "I'm enjoying this" noise to reassure him? Sorry, I know that's not very helpful!

 

[!rebeccakohl!]

He maybe feels under pressure - unsure whether he'll be able to "make" you come by doing this. The best thing is probably to discuss exactly how you're feeling and find out exactly how he's feeling. That'll probably help relax the situation a lot.

Maybe tell him that the first time that you're not wanting to come. You just want to feel him down there, showing his love for you with his lips & tongue, in the same way as when you're kissing. Then you can take things from there. Don't know if that's any help, sorry.

 

[sheath]

It sounds like you've got a great relationship! As for making him more comfortable...hrm. Is he willing to try it at all, just once? Maybe you can make enough "I'm enjoying this" noise to reassure him? Sorry, I know that's not very helpful!

Thanks, Etoile. We do have a great relationship. He's the greatest guy...

He did try it this past weekend...and I damn near went through the ceiling at the first touch of his tongue. (I'm amazed, myself, that I can go from absolutely NOT wanting it to wanting it so badly!) Problem was, he only tried it tentatively...still so uncertain, that he pulled away and used his hand instead. I got off that way, but I really wanted his mouth.

I've told him over and over...and he's still nervous. Maybe he will be nervous until I make it VERY CLEAR that I enjoy it? But how can I make it MORE clear than "I love the way your tongue feels...lick me more...do it again, baby, please?"

I guess I could tie him to the bed and sit on his face, lol.

S.

 

[sheath]

He maybe feels under pressure - unsure whether he'll be able to "make" you come by doing this. The best thing is probably to discuss exactly how you're feeling and find out exactly how he's feeling. That'll probably help relax the situation a lot.

Maybe tell him that the first time that you're not wanting to come. You just want to feel him down there, showing his love for you with his lips & tongue, in the same way as when you're kissing. Then you can take things from there. Don't know if that's any help, sorry.


__________________

I think that's part of it, his fear of not being able to make me orgasm. He knows that no man has ever made me orgasm that way...ever. Not with just his mouth. (Even though it has happened with the light touch of a mouth while the guy was using his hand.) Still...my man really wants to be THAT guy who manages to do it. Over and over again.

He's not usually into the 'she has to orgasm for it to be good' thing. In fact, he's never been like that. But this time, with giving me oral...he's VERY much that way. I wonder why? I have asked him, but he can't really tell me, because he doesn't even understand it.

I don't expect to come the first time...but damned if I almost did when he tried it last weekend! I might surprise us both...

S.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[sheath]

Hi Sheath,

Let him watch you masturbate, use it to tease him, get him all worked up and don't let him touch you, and while you are doing it talk about how you'd like to feel his tongue where your fingers are. Eventually, let him lick your fingers, and don't let him touch you until he's begging to lick your pussy. Reassure the hell out of him during and after.

Good luck!

Howdy again, you anal whore, you.

I think I'm going to try this over the weekend. He loves to watch me do it, and he loves to listen to me masturbate over the phone when we are apart. So...maybe tell him that he won't get anything else, all weekend, until his tongue imitates my fingers?

After all, I have a man who loves a good challenge.

S.

 

[!rebeccakohl!]

Maybe he'd be happier if he knew a few tricks of the trade - give him a "head" start on all the other guys out there.

I don't know if this is the same with every girl but all my friends agree that this is how to do it great: slow sensual kisses & licks around the vulva, (hands caressing breasts, belly, hips, knees etc), his tongue exploring tentatively, running up around the hood of the clit, teasing but not quite touching yet (it's too sensitive in the early stages of arousal - maybe this was the problem you had with other guys in the past).

As you get more aroused he circles his tongue around your clit, getting it all wet and engorged, only very occasionally making direct contact (as if by accident) until you give him the signal by grabbing his hair or squashing his nose into your mound or digging your heels into his shoulders ( ) that you're ready for the full-on treatment (you'll probably be so wet by now he'll be able to tell, anyway). That's when he should start to lick you with big dog-like laps, right up from your perineum (the bit between your ass and your pussy) and your clit. He'll know things are going well if you don't shove him away when he does this.

But to actually push me over the edge I now need direct, unfaltering, rhythmical flicks of the tongue hard against my clit. Don't let him stop doing this (even if he's going blue in the face) until your climax is in the bag, babe.

(I'm saying "he" here but of course it could well be "she".)

This is what works for me, anyway.

 

[RomanHans]

Hiya, babe!

From a guy's perspective--if you push it too hard, maybe he'll have 'performance anxiety' ('wow, she really likes when she gets oral--but what if she's disappointed with ME'). Yeah, it happens--especially to guys who are more sensative than others. I think the idea of letting him watch you masturbate is a good one, and you can show him where his tongue feels the best...

You've got my best wishes too,

Roman

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Lustfully_yours]

just tell him how hot it gets you when you think about his tongue touching you on your pussy. Say things like, "I want to feel your lips press firmly against me so I can pull you deeper into my filling my desire. I want you to have all of me and that thought alone is enough to make me tingle from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. And everywhere in between".


That gets me hard just thinking about it!

lustfully yours...

 

[dflan6969]

going down on me

I think pink orchid is right on target for this to happen for you my dear.

 

[Native Alien]

I want to be like Sheath, and rebeccakohl!and Pink Orchid when I grow up. At almost 45, I am "not growed up" enough yet. Sorry just quoting the nephew who is all of 6 now.

 

[Noor]

Maybe if you could get him to use his fingers, joining yours while he is watching and then tell him it would feel really good if his tongue was right there (showing him where) doing this (and show him with his fingers).

 

[SexyGiggles]

I don't think you've mentioned this yet, so I'll ask...has he done this with other women before? With what success?

Perhaps he's nervous about oral sex with you, knowing your lack of liking it earlier...but perhaps he's nervous about it because he hasn't had a good experience in the past...

Just a thought...

 

[Mr.G]

Sorry if I'm repeating somebody else's suggestion. I haven't had time to read every single response....

Oral sex is, for some, an acquired taste. You can be clean - fresh from a shower or a bath and he just may find this new approach just a bit overwhelming.

# 1 - TELL him how much it turns you on. Tell him what the problems were before and how just the thought of him sucking your clit and swabbing your lips with his tongue is just making you crazieeee.

# 2 and this is from personal experience some 30 (DAMN!!) years ago now. The first person I tried this on was very open to anything. I wanted to do this for her but there were reservations. She was very "musky" when turned on and no matter how hard I tried I simply hadn't developed that taste yet. Sooo ...I swabbed her clit hood, lips and pubes with chocolate sauce. I LOVE chocolate. After a couple of times doing it with the sauce I loved it so much that I kept going long after the last traces of chocolate syrup had disappeared down my throat.

I stll enjoy the chocolate sauce every once in a while even now but mostly I love the natural fresh taste and smell of a woman. I love the texture of the lips, the outer folds and how they come together at the top of the thighs, the wetness and the response from my lover who KNOWS how much I enjoy loving her that way.

Try the sauce. He'll probably be hooked for life.

 

[lovinanalandy]

has he done this with other women before? With what success? ... perhaps he's nervous about it because he hasn't had a good experience in the past...

Good point. Even though you and your man sound incredibly adventurous sexually, I'm always amazed at the number of guys who don't have much oral experience or are turned off by it for whatever reason. Sounds crazy to me, but I've heard lots of guys say they rarely do it and/or wouldn't if they didn't feel obligated.

The 69 and tying him up scenarios seemed solid to me initially, but now I'm not sure. In my experience, not every woman can climax orally in every position. Some prefer being on their backs, others want to face-sit, some like it standing up with their men on their knees (maybe so they can grab our hair and face-fuck us like we tend to do while getting blowjobs), etc. (As an added hurdle with the ol' 69, it can be difficult to focus on the task at hand when you're getting great head yourself.) You wouldn't want to tie him up, mount him and then discover it's just not for you. That would only make both of you more uncomfortable. Or what if while he's tied up you're on his face and loving it but he can't quite finish you off because your sexy, squirmy ass is jumping all over the place and he can't wrap his hands around your thighs to keep you steady? That would be frustrating. You say you just about came last weekend. I say get your first orgasm in whatever position that was, then, once his confidence is high, start experimenting.

Of course, none of this answers how to get him to do it in the first place. You've impressed upon him how close you were when he did it last time, right? I would think that would do it. Then there's always reverse psychology: "Well, it was important to me, but if you really don't want to do it I guess I understand. I wouldn't ever want to make you uncomfortable and you already make me sooo happy..." You know, that sort of stuff. If he likes a challenge, that might inspire him.

Let us know what happens!

 

[Amfig]

What formerly put you off about it? Most guys are pretty eager, but many women have problems related to negative feelings about appearance, etc. Maybe if he understood what put you off about it before and how those are no longer issues for you, he might be more comfortable.

 

[sheath]

What a great response! Thanks to all of you!

Yes, he's done it before. In fact, he told me right away it was his favorite part of sex, going down on a woman. So when I said I didn't like it, he was incredibly disappointed.

What put me off about it before...I spent several years with a husband who refused to do it. He would look at me with a disgusted look and say, "Why the hell would I WANT to do that?" But of course, he didn't enjoy sex that much anyway, and let me give HIM oral...maybe...twice? Three times? His puritanical slant colored everything about our sex life.

With the others, it was lack of trust. I think that allowing someone to perform oral is the most intimate thing that I can possibly allow. It's when I am at my most vulnerable. And if there is a shred of me that does not trust him, then I don't want him there, period. The times I allowed it before, it was after they asked me time and time again, and although the sensation was nice, my mind could not come into parallel with my body...and so, I never enjoyed it.

I trust my man, more than I ever dreamed I would. I have absolutely no reservations. I feel completely free with him. It took a while to get to that point, and we went through a lot along the way. But now our trust is rock-solid, and I'm READY, lol.

Again, thanks for all the responses. I think I'm just going to touch myself and invite him to help me, like P.O. suggested. That seems to invoke a nice little challenge for him, and he loves that.

Funny, how I can give advice but when it comes to ME, I feel so clueless, lol.

Thanks, all.

S.

 

[BTK51]

Sheath, I would think that the way you presented it here, especially your experience last weekend, would get him over the apprehension. I think Giggles had a great question. If his past experience had some problems It may have been that your adversion worked out perfect for him too. Now that you've changed your desires, he may need some time to adjust.

As Mr G. says, it is an acquired taste. It is also an acquired skill that men need their partner's help in perfecting. Most men have some degree of performance anxiety. If his experience prior to your relationship was bad or tentative, it may be rearing it's ugly "head" again.

I was very tenative when I was younger because of the taste, smell and not knowing what she liked. As a result, I didn't get the enjoyment out of giving it and I probably "sucked" at pleasuring a woman orally. I looked at more as a step along the way to get to the main event. (The ignorance of ineptitude). Now, I absolutely love everything about it - the smell, the taste, but most importantly, my partner's groans, squirming and orgasms.

The question is how do you get from there to here and I can't even tell you. The suggestions by Pink, Etoile & Becky are all great ones in my opinion. All would drive me to the point that I'd do anything that you asked.

I would try and make a game out of it and distract him from what he is really doing. A suggestion would be to blindfold him, bind his hands and sit him on a couch or chair. Tell him that if he guesses the food he gets a treat (you figure the treat). Put something tasty on your breast first and make him lick, or suck it off. Tell him he has to take his time and be absolutely sure. Eventually, put it between your legs and straddle his face. Let him lick or suck it there. Give him directions on what to do. If he guesses it, tell him you want him to be absolutely sure and do it again. While your saying it let him know how good you are feeling. You can take it from there!

 

[BTK51]

Funny, how I can give advice but when it comes to ME, I feel so clueless, lol.

Thanks, all.

S.

We all got opinions and our best ones are with regards to other people. When your not up to your ass in alligators, it's very easy to figure out how to drain that swamp.

It would have worked out well eventually. I'm surethis was just a little sanity check to see if there wqs something you didn't consider. a health exercise that we all should do more often.

Good luck & let us know how it works out.

 

[BlueSugar]

I agree with Pink with the sit on him thing, if masturbation and all that turns you both on... and it was his favorite part of sex...then why not now.

Maybe since he is "out of practice" he doesn't feel he is good enough for you? encouragement and moans and wiggles (even though they probably wont have to be exagerated :winks: )

Maybe to shower together and then lather him up and all and whisper sweet beggings in his ear "i've been thinking about you all day... i've missed you... and the way your face feels against my thighs, how you look between my legs, I think it looks sexy," bite your lip, nip his ears, grab him, lick his lips... maybe if you communicate your "need to have him" your want ... it'll make it easier on him.

You went from none to all.. so he might be a little... "why?" Add in your why, say you've read, and there is just something about him.. that you've tried alot with him and that you want more and it isnt just because he loves it and you're trying to please him, but that you want it and that you want to love it like he does, and that you love him and that you've wanted it with no one else but him to this day (which is true from what I gather) ...tell him to help you love it, help you experience it that you don't want to cum at first that you just want to have his warmest wettest spot on yours and to share that and then to kiss him afterwards... i guess... almost as a bonding experience.


just a few suggestions that i could think of, I think everyone has been most informative and suggestive I hate finding threads late.

 

[Amfig]

What put me off about it before...I spent several years with a husband who refused to do it. He would look at me with a disgusted look and say, "Why the hell would I WANT to do that?" But of course, he didn't enjoy sex that much anyway, and let me give HIM oral...maybe...twice? Three times? His puritanical slant colored everything about our sex life.

With the others, it was lack of trust. I think that allowing someone to perform oral is the most intimate thing that I can possibly allow. It's when I am at my most vulnerable. And if there is a shred of me that does not trust him, then I don't want him there, period. The times I allowed it before, it was after they asked me time and time again, and although the sensation was nice, my mind could not come into parallel with my body...and so, I never enjoyed it.

I trust my man, more than I ever dreamed I would. I have absolutely no reservations. I feel completely free with him. It took a while to get to that point, and we went through a lot along the way. But now our trust is rock-solid, and I'm READY, lol. S.

This I can work with a little. About a year ago I went to an evening seminar. Fellow I know, who is a personal coach, did an evening long seminar on oral sex-approaches and conversations with his lesbian friend. (She was anonymously on speaker phone. She's a semi-closeted cop. Firearms instructor, actually.)

Seems that these are typical of many reasons that a woman is reluctant or reserved about letting a man/woman go down on her.

First, send your lover a link to this thread, or print it out for him. Your post is a love letter. It should give a lot of reassurance and should ease performance anxiety.

Second, tell him how you feel about your own body. Apparently a lot of women dislike their bodies. But the whole beauty industry feeds on that, mais pas? If he has not been reluctant in the past, no reason he should be with you.

 

[sheath]

...

First, send your lover a link to this thread, or print it out for him. Your post is a love letter. It should give a lot of reassurance and should ease performance anxiety.

Second, tell him how you feel about your own body. Apparently a lot of women dislike their bodies. But the whole beauty industry feeds on that, mais pas? If he has not been reluctant in the past, no reason he should be with you.

Thank you for that advice, Amfig.

I'm not all that confident about my body sometimes, when I take in all the flaws...but when he's with me, he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet. Maybe that's part of why I am so eager for him to go down on me. I have never felt as lovely and seductive as I do when he looks at me with that passion in his eyes.

Glad you suggested it...he WOULD like a copy of this thread, wouldn't he?

S.

 

[BlueSugar]

I agree with printing out the thread or printing out most of them anyway, I think they're all wonderful Luck Sheath!