Making Her Feel Special

[chylo]

Ok, so I have a question for the ladies out there, what does a guy do to make you feel special, and I'm not talking about sex here.

Not the last girlfriend, but the girlfriend before, told me I didn't make her feel special. That really shook my confidence which wasn't that strong to start with. (Something I've been working on and trying to hide so as to maybe become more confident). It's just that I'm kind of in a complicated situation right now and I'd like to make this girl feel special.

We've been chatting on line for about 6 months, and we've met once and had a date about 4 months ago. It was perhaps the best date of my life, only since I was driving thru her town and wasn't there, it was hard to make something more out of it. Now I'm finally moving to her town (not because of her, but because I wanted to and that's why I chatted with her in the first place) and I'm hoping that I'll get a chance to date her again. In the meantime, she had bf and he broke up with her about a month ago. I might have said the wrong thing and she might not want to date me, just be friends. But I still think there is a connection there and it's worth exploring.

I'm sure this seems crazy, but if you have any advice I'd appreicate it.

 

[Cakegirl]

Pay attention to what she says, and remember it!

 

[My Own Way]

Pay attention to what she says, and remember it!

Cakegirl is so right Chylo. Girls love it when you remember something they've just said in passing. It makes us feel like you've actually been listening to us and therefore makes us feel special.

Other than that, there are a million things you can do to make a girl feel special. Call her...just because. Tell her you wanted to hear her voice, or that you were just thinking about her. It never fails to make me melt when I guy tells me he's been thinking about me.

Tell her she's beautiful. Most girls won't believe you and you'll get some sort of response like "No I'm not" and she'll blush, but women store those things away and it makes them feel good inside.

Just go with the flow of things. Do what feels right and pay attention.

Hope this helps...

 

[chylo]

Thanks for the both pieces of advice.

I try really hard to listen and remember what people say and remember it. And for the most part I'm pretty good at it.

I assume that girls like it when they are observed too? Like when you see they collect something and the add to their collection with them telling you about their collection.

 

[My Own Way]

Yeah. Def. If you're going to buy her a present, it will make her feel so much more special to know that you have observed something that she likes or collects and have bought that for her. Too many people...not only guys...but girls as well just buy presents to get it over with without putting a lot of thought into them. Again...this falls into the train of thought about paying attention...

 

[chylo]

So, paying attention good. I think I got that

What are the things to avoid doing that makes her feel unspecial?

 

[Bobmi357]

If you want to make someone, of either gender feel like they are special, then give them your undivided attention. Don't eyeball the waitress, don't listen to her with one ear on the game playing over the bar. Listen to her, ask relevant questions. If she's the "one", she won't be boring to you. You'll be automatically interested in what she has to say about whats going on in her life.

Make her feel important. Show her you're willing to make some changes in your life to adjust to her needs. DO YOU REALLY NEED TO PLAY POKER WITH THE GUYS FRIDAY NITE, THEN THE BOWLING LEAGUE ON SAT NITE AND A SCRATCH FOOTBALL GAME ON SUNDAY? Drop an activity you can live without to spend more time with her. And try to get her involved in another activity you really enjoy. Pick out something she'd like to do and try it. I'm not saying drop all of your activities, people need private space, but you don't need all of them.

I'm old fashioned, I believe when you meet the right person, they do become the most important person in your universe. I'm not saying put her on a pedestal, but treat her as you want to be treated, with respect and affection. Remember always, she's a person with a complex set of feelings. AND THINK before you talk. Ask yourself if its really appropriate to comment on that waitress's cleavage.

 

[chylo]

If you want to make someone, of either gender feel like they are special, then give them your undivided attention. Don't eyeball the waitress, don't listen to her with one ear on the game playing over the bar. Listen to her, ask relevant questions. If she's the "one", she won't be boring to you. You'll be automatically interested in what she has to say about whats going on in her life.

Make her feel important. Show her you're willing to make some changes in your life to adjust to her needs. DO YOU REALLY NEED TO PLAY POKER WITH THE GUYS FRIDAY NITE, THEN THE BOWLING LEAGUE ON SAT NITE AND A SCRATCH FOOTBALL GAME ON SUNDAY? Drop an activity you can live without to spend more time with her. And try to get her involved in another activity you really enjoy. Pick out something she'd like to do and try it. I'm not saying drop all of your activities, people need private space, but you don't need all of them.

I'm old fashioned, I believe when you meet the right person, they do become the most important person in your universe. I'm not saying put her on a pedestal, but treat her as you want to be treated, with respect and affection. Remember always, she's a person with a complex set of feelings. AND THINK before you talk. Ask yourself if its really appropriate to comment on that waitress's cleavage.

Hey, that last part is a trick question right? It's always the right time to talk about the waitress's cleavage, is it not?

With the jokes aside, these are pretty common sense things that I already seem to be doing. Thanks for helping my confidence issue by showing me that I'm doing things right. Now if she'll just notice.

 

[My Own Way]

Now if she'll just notice.

Seeing as though she just broke up with her boyfriend...depending on their relationship...she might notice you...but she might not NOTICE you if you get what I mean. She might be glad you're around, like spending time with you...but if she's still thinking about the ex or whatever...she might not see you as someone to date right away. If you're patient and take your time...make her feel special like you want to...then she'll come around...

 

[chylo]

Seeing as though she just broke up with her boyfriend...depending on their relationship...she might notice you...but she might not NOTICE you if you get what I mean. She might be glad you're around, like spending time with you...but if she's still thinking about the ex or whatever...she might not see you as someone to date right away. If you're patient and take your time...make her feel special like you want to...then she'll come around...

I'm leary about waiting for her to come around mainly because I've tried to be very patient in the past. I'm afraid that she'll just see me as a friend. I guess that leads me to a new question and it's this...

is it that girls see their close guy friends only as friends because they are so close as friends, or is it because that they got so close they realize they can't be more then friends?

It seems to me I've heard of more guys who fall become attracted to their female friends then females who start to become attraccted to their male friends. Am I wrong about this?

 

[My Own Way]

I could be totally off base with this, but it just seems to me that women take the time to look at the consequences that could come from dating one of your best friends more than men do. Like I said, I could be totally wrong, but women put a lot of value on their friendships and they don't like to lose them under any circumstance so they're a lot more hesitant to start something with a friend that could lead to the end of that friendship. I'm not saying that men don't value their friendships, because I know that they do, but they often take the point of view that they'll be exchanging the friendship for something better, and they don't think about what will happen when it ends....

But that's just my perspective...

 

[chylo]

I guess I see your point, My Own Way, I just don't know. Sometimes I think that this is so difficult and the odds are so stacked against you that it's amazing how our species ever made it past the first generation! Or maybe it's just me. I think being 27 and I'm just starting to get to be the age were women actually appreciate a nice guy.

 

[My Own Way]

I guess I see your point, My Own Way, I just don't know. Sometimes I think that this is so difficult and the odds are so stacked against you that it's amazing how our species ever made it past the first generation! Or maybe it's just me. I think being 27 and I'm just starting to get to be the age were women actually appreciate a nice guy.

Oh women ALWAYS appreciate a nice guy...but I think you're getting to the age when a woman is actually starting to want that nice guy she's always appreciated...

 

[chylo]

Oh women ALWAYS appreciate a nice guy...but I think you're getting to the age when a woman is actually starting to want that nice guy she's always appreciated...

A person wanting what they appreciate? What will they think of next!

 

[My Own Way]

I dunno...but I hope it's good...

 

[chylo]

I dunno...but I hope it's good...

There's no general rule when showing too much attention is there? It's a case by case basis thing, right?

 

[My Own Way]

I would say yeah...it all depends on the girl. All women like attention, but there are some wome where a little bit is fine and then they need some space, while others need attention all the time. Overall though, women, like men, like to know that they're desired, that they're wanted, etc. Again...it's all about paying attention and reading your woman...

 

[My Own Way]

Oh...btw...GREAT pictures...

 

[chylo]

Sometimes I wish everyone came with an owner's manual and then you would know exactly what to do.

Thanks again for all the advice and glad you enjoyed my pics.

 

[blue112]

how the bout we expand the thread to making both people feel special, seems theres way too much emphasis on the guy making her feel special and a serious lack of reciporcal action.

 

[Ansi]

Sometimes I think that this is so difficult and the odds are so stacked against you that it's amazing how our species ever made it past the first generation!

Amen to that, brother.

As pessimistic as it might seem, I have something of a personal saying..."Confidence is for those who don't know better."

In a nutshell...your average, everyday person is confident, right? I believe this confidence results from a genuine lack of understanding...that most people simply don't realize just how badly the odds are stacked against them (not just in love, but in life in general). I mean, have you ever seriously sat down, thought about something even mildly important to you, then thought of just how many possibilities for Bad Things to happen there are?

I believe that, if people really knew how improbable many of their life goals were to attain, then society as a whole would be cowering in the fetal position.

Just like I do. On a daily basis.

Crap.




You know, one of these days I might have to try this "self-confidence" business...that is, if I can ever manage to disregard every logic-fueled doubt in my geek-brain long enough to throw out the years of personal experience that consistently indicate that I don't measure up to the other 99.9% of *normal* human males out there.

Yessir...any day now...

.....

 

[chylo]

That's kind of funny... my saying is like "Confidence is forgetting to doubt."

As for opening it up to what makes guys feel special, well sure, if you want to expand, go right ahead. I've always thought guys were easy, maybe becaue I am one.

For me just holding my arm makes me feel like the most special person in the world. but I'm sure that's just me.

 

[SweetErika]

You've been give really great advice! There are a few things that make me feel special in addition to being listened to and remembered...
-Specific, genuine compliments, especially off-handed or unique ones. I was driving with a friend one day, and he looked at me and said, "you have a really graceful and beautiful neck...you should wear your hair up like that more often." It was kind of a strange compliment out of the blue, but it let me know he was appreciating specific things, paying attention, and it came off as nothing but genuine.

-Comments that show true emotion and honesty...ones that make you vulnerable and tell me exactly what you're feeling and thinking. People rarely open themselves up to any kind of rejection, so if you're doing that for me, I must be special.

-Things that take time and effort like a hand-written note, poem, something handmade, little messages with special thoughts hidden in unexpected places, etc. Flowers, cards, and dinners aren't a huge sacrifice for most people, but time and thought are pretty precious these days.

-Things that are said and done with no ulterior motive (like sex). For example, going out of your way and risking your health to take care of me when I have a cold or the flu. It's a stupid thing to do, but it definitely makes me feel special.

 

[Ansi]

For example, going out of your way and risking your health to take care of me when I have a cold or the flu. It's a stupid thing to do, but it definitely makes me feel special.

That's not stupid...it's called "being nice". One doesn't abandon one's friend when they're under the weather; on the contrary, that's when you should MOST be there to help them feel better.

IMHO, anyone who *wouldn't* do this sort of thing for his (or her) special someone is a real ass.

what makes guys feel special

Cuddling. Lots of cuddling.



Remember that female friend of mine? We were watching TV late Sunday night...it started getting a little cold, so we wrapped up in a big comforter.

The next thing I know, it's morning...we fell asleep watching the 'tube. I'm on the verge of getting up when I realize that she's still asleep...on me. Somehow, she ended up falling asleep with her head on my shoulder, cuddled up against me under the comforter.

For the next hour, I did nothing but sit in that exact spot (so as not to wake her), basking in the warm glow of pure joy.


Even though it made me late for my part-time job.


And even though I had to go to the bathroom *real* bad.








It was worth it.

 

[chylo]

-Comments that show true emotion and honesty...ones that make you vulnerable and tell me exactly what you're feeling and thinking. People rarely open themselves up to any kind of rejection, so if you're doing that for me, I must be special.

Thanks for the advice Erica and Ansi.

Erica... could you explain that part I quoted, like give an example?

Ansi... I know what you mean, that sounds like a great situation. I'm not even sure if an air raid sireon would move me, unless it was to save both of our lives... boy wouldn't that show her she was special.

And I just wanted to tell everyone that I'm getting positive feedback from the one person that really matters, the girl I'm trying to make feel special. She told me last night I was really sweet to her. Which in turn made me feel special. So I guess that's another thing a girl could do for a guy to make him feel special, notice that he notices.