make things more exciting

[knowltonjohn]

I'm newly married to my high school sweetheart. We waited to have sex until we got married, so we've only been doing the deed for a few months now. I've always been someone who was pretty adventurous, but she is defintely more reserved.

Her mom and sister bought her a bullet vibe and a small vibrator when she got engaged. (yes, I thought It was a little weird too!) But I really think that I've used them more by myself when she is out then she has used them. We've never really talked about masturbation, although I'm sure she knows I do it, and I'm sure she does it.

I really want to add some sex toys into our love making. Anyone have any advice to introduce them. Ideas for what to buy? It's one of those things where she would never admidt to wanting one, but I 'think' if she had a good one she'd use it with me. We have used the bullet before, but its' not easy to bring it up.

Wanting more!
John

 

[AevaLynn]

Hi John,

I loved you post ! Very sweet and honest ! I've been married for twenty years now, since I was 17 (egads) and I have to say your in for a rough road. At the same time, you have an amazing opportunity to grow together. The biggest hurdle is her image and ideas of sex, and her own body image. Try to make her feel beautiful always, compliment compliment compliment , and then do it some more ! Positive self image is everything to a girl in regards to sex. For the holidays, make one of your gifts something like a spa day, or lingerie. Both even !

It takes time to build a comfortable sexual relationship. Try to get her involved in some toy shopping in the comfort of your home online, nothing too crazy to start ! You can look at things together see what she finds interesting , preview movies if she's up for it.

Here's a few of my fav items and some from my own wishlist;

http://we-vibe.com/

http://www.ohmibod.com/

(this one is so cool, your music playlist drives the vibe, can we say "I wanna fuck you like an animal ")

http://www.liberator.com/eng/companyInfo/affiliateProgram.cfm

(love love love this furniture)

http://www.kamasutra.com/romance/honey-dust-body-powder.html

(any of these products, i love the honey dust !)

 

[Loverskitten]

So you've only been married/having sex a few months and already need toys? There's so much you can do without toys that it bothers me how you're bored already? Is she as bored?
Nothing against you but I'm confused.

 

[RAddams]

I think you should just sit her down and tell her how you feel. Tell her you don't want to grow old with the woman you love and wish you had been more adventurous when you were young and able. After that the ball is in her court and if your lucky your balls may be vibrating.

 

[knowltonjohn]

Oh, its not that I 'need' toys to make things more interesting. I'm really just asking of different things and different ways we could make things more interesting.

Don't get me wrong, everything we are doing now is great! I just want to be more adventurous!

Hope that clarifies some things.

btw - had sex tonight...it was great! She had the idea to take the toys out tonight!!

 

[SweetErika]

Have you been through this thread already? There are tons of ideas in there, and it'd be really great if you could browse them together. Maybe talk about trying just one new thing each time you're physically intimate, or once a week, or whatever works for both of you. If shyness is a factor, you could try something like writing/emailing/texting ideas to each other, but at the same time, definitely work on your in-person communication skills.

 

[amofiga]

I may be too cynical or jaded, but I'm finding it a bit odd that two people who claim to be looking for excitement so soon after being married yet never discussed this or experimented with it while dating. But then again, everybody's different and if you are really opening up with each other about this, it's a good thing.

If there is a erotic shop in your home town, it would be good for both of you to pay a visit. I think that such shops may be illegal in some states that have very puritanical laws about erotic toys and movies, but I know that there are several around my area and my wife and I have visited them over the years. I'm not talking about relatively sleazy peep show places. I'm talking about shops that are clean, well lit, and offer many variations of vibrators, lingerie, videos, light bondage toys, etc. There's no need to be embarrassed about going in and you'd quite likely see other couples there. It can be a fun time and a real hoot to see and handle some of the "equipment". If you're not too shy about talking to the sales person, he (usually a she) can offer some suggestions.

If there are no such shops in your area, there are catalogs that can be found on the internet. HOWEVER, as a warning, many of the cataloge houses do not seem to honor the "do not mail" option and you'll end up getting future cataloges and literature sent to your home. Unfortunately, they sometimes don't bother to put it in plain brown wrappers. It could be obvious to the mail carrier as to what you're getting. Personally, I wouldn't like the world knowing my personal business. If you order online, you could be blasted with future spam, but at least that's for your eyes only.

Good luck. Check the phone book for "erotic shops", "erotic toys", "love shops", "lingerie shops", etc. If not in your state, maybe an hour or two drive away. It could be a fun Saturday outing.

 

[SweetErika]

I've ordered all of our sex-related stuff online, and have NEVER received any spam or snail mail.

 

[knowltonjohn]

Hey Everyone,

Again thanks for the comments and suggestions! I'm excited for our next night/day/morning of sex!

I'm definitely excited to open the lines of communication and hopefully we'll continue to introduce new positions, etc. Maybe even buy a few new toys.

I still think it's weird that her mom and sister bought those toys for her?? Anyone else?

Thanks,
John

 

[SweetErika]

I still think it's weird that her mom and sister bought those toys for her?? Anyone else?

It depends on their relationship and views on sex. Like maybe they're really close and/or they view a vibe as an essential tool for a variety of reasons. Perhaps it was a bit of a gag gift; after all, it's a bullet, not a really nice vibe. Or maybe your wife bought it for herself but was too embarrassed to admit it.

Would it be weird for my mom to get me a sex toy? Yep, because she's not very open about sex. It wouldn't be weird for me to offer it as a possibility to my age-appropriate child, though, because I'm open about sexuality and a big believer in masturbation and toys. And I'd much rather have my kid(s) use their own safe toys than household objects that could be harmful or MY toys! Different people, different relationships.

I'd say how and why exactly your wife acquired the vibe is inconsequential as long as it's enhancing her sexuality (and, by extension, your sex life together).

 

[AevaLynn]

Hey Everyone,

Again thanks for the comments and suggestions! I'm excited for our next night/day/morning of sex!

I'm definitely excited to open the lines of communication and hopefully we'll continue to introduce new positions, etc. Maybe even buy a few new toys.

I still think it's weird that her mom and sister bought those toys for her?? Anyone else?

Thanks,
John

Glad things are going well for you John. I just wanted to add that I have ordered toys online for years and never once had a problem. Also, my sister and I are extremely close and talk openly about sex. It would not be weird at all for her to buy or recommend a sex toy for me.I think it's a good thing your wife has them to confide in or ask advice. Being open about sex makes a person more comfortable with it. There should be nothing weird or embarrassing about being a sexual creature and knowing how to pleasure yourself.


Aeva

 

[seamus221]

I'm newly married to my high school sweetheart. We waited to have sex until we got married, so we've only been doing the deed for a few months now. I've always been someone who was pretty adventurous, but she is defintely more reserved.

Her mom and sister bought her a bullet vibe and a small vibrator when she got engaged. (yes, I thought It was a little weird too!) But I really think that I've used them more by myself when she is out then she has used them. We've never really talked about masturbation, although I'm sure she knows I do it, and I'm sure she does it.

I really want to add some sex toys into our love making. Anyone have any advice to introduce them. Ideas for what to buy? It's one of those things where she would never admidt to wanting one, but I 'think' if she had a good one she'd use it with me. We have used the bullet before, but its' not easy to bring it up.

Wanting more!
John

Yes you need to talk to her , but you need to do it in a way that it doesn't make her feel bad or defensive.
If she feels attacked or gets scared the talk is over and the fight is on brother, you'll never see it coming..
Ladies explain how he can set the stage and get her to open up and not feel under attack or like she's a failure....
Once you got the place and mood set,ask here what she likes sex wise,hell next time your in bed have her give you directions and see if she can clue you in.
You take turns sharing your likes and dislikes then you have can great sex or know how bad the problem you have is.
As men were kind of less likey to share details and more like who or where you banged some hot piece of ass.
Women tend to share in the details and enjoy the feedback.
I try to learn from my failures and improve, I Hope this helps

 

[amofiga]

I've ordered all of our sex-related stuff online, and have NEVER received any spam or snail mail.

You are very lucky. I ordered stuff from Adam and Eve once, and for years, the catalogs never stopped coming in the mail. Right on the cover would be in big letters "Latest from Adam and Eve" or something like that. Yep, I think you probably bought from the right place, or maybe I checked the wrong "Send me more catalogs" box or something.

 

[firenzi]

What you want is a sex shop that bills itself as "female positive" or "sex positive" or something similar, whether for online ordering or shopping in person. There's usually good information and links on their websites, and they'll make sure everything is discreet.

I don't know many American places, Good Vibrations comes to mind and they ship everywhere. A lot of Canadian shops ship to the US as well.

I don't know how close you are to a good sex shop but if you ever get the chance it may be worth it to visit in person with your wife. There will be samples of everything so she can see and feel for herself the different styles, materials, motor strength, etc. A lot of them have good quality books and dvd's too.

 

[SweetErika]

You are very lucky. I ordered stuff from Adam and Eve once, and for years, the catalogs never stopped coming in the mail. Right on the cover would be in big letters "Latest from Adam and Eve" or something like that. Yep, I think you probably bought from the right place, or maybe I checked the wrong "Send me more catalogs" box or something.

I've just been careful.

These days, you really have to make sure that you have a look at any site's terms/privacy policy and pay close attention to which boxes are (un)checked.

Adam & Eve is notorious for sending stuff out if a person doesn't opt-out by (un)checking the right box(es) or contacting them at any time. However, A&E's prices are reasonable, it offers a lot of special deals, and it's the ONLY retailer that offers a 100% satisfaction guarantee to the best of my knowledge. If a customer isn't satisfied with their purchase for ANY reason within the first 90 days, they can simply call to get a full refund, credit or exchange of the item. Plus, apparently AdamEve.com gives back at least 25% of its profits to great charities and has donated 40% of its profits over the last decade (I just saw that on the site when I was refreshing my memory on the return policy terms).

I haven't bought anything from A&E yet, but I absolutely will buy toys that are more expensive there in the future because I've felt the sting of being dissatisfied with a couple of purchases in the past. Even with like a $10 or $15 vibe, it really sucks to get excited about the toy's arrival only to find it doesn't hit the right spots, is way too wimpy or craps out after a couple of months! And of course I want to support organizations that provide a good value, great customer service and truly give back to their communities and beyond. To each their own, but I feel it's a small price to pay for opting out.

What you want is a sex shop that bills itself as "female positive" or "sex positive" or something similar, whether for online ordering or shopping in person. There's usually good information and links on their websites, and they'll make sure everything is discreet.

I don't know many American places, Good Vibrations comes to mind and they ship everywhere. A lot of Canadian shops ship to the US as well.

I don't know how close you are to a good sex shop but if you ever get the chance it may be worth it to visit in person with your wife. There will be samples of everything so she can see and feel for herself the different styles, materials, motor strength, etc. A lot of them have good quality books and dvd's too.

I totally agree! The method that works best for me is to go to a female-friendly store to check out the goods and prices, then see what I can find online in terms of pricing, info and reviews on the same/similar products. For instance, Seattle is lucky enough to have a Babeland, but the prices of the vast majority of items are far higher than those I can find online, including shipping, by comparison shopping. I can't afford to pay the premium prices at places like Babeland, Libida, Good Vibrations or Blowfish, but I'll recommend those stores and sites to people who can afford to pay more all day long.

It sounds like it might be a different situation where you are, but most of toy stores in the U.S. that I've visited have not had a bunch of products out of the packaging for customers to review. Not that I've been to a ton of stores or anything, but I do know that Babeland and similar stores have absolutely differentiated themselves by being VERY female-friendly and displaying samples of most of their goods. Therefore, I'd suggest calling to ask what the situation is/store is like prior to making a special trip.

 

[firenzi]

It sounds like it might be a different situation where you are, but most of toy stores in the U.S. that I've visited have not had a bunch of products out of the packaging for customers to review. Not that I've been to a ton of stores or anything, but I do know that Babeland and similar stores have absolutely differentiated themselves by being VERY female-friendly and displaying samples of most of their goods. Therefore, I'd suggest calling to ask what the situation is/store is like prior to making a special trip.

Oh, good point. I just assumed but it is a good idea to call ahead.

I'm in Canada, and the shop I worked at had samples out of just about everything. So have other shops I've been to here, and they are the places that are couples- and female-friendly. They're small boutique type stores, not chains.

 

[knowltonjohn]

Good news, we talked about a few things and turns out she is VERY interested in getting a new toy. She was just too embarrased to ask. We dont' have stores in the area, so we are going to be looking online. Seems like maybe we should avoid Adam and Eve?

We don't want anything too crazy, but she had talked about getting something that would hit the G spot. Something we could use together.

Thanks!

 

[AevaLynn]

Good news, we talked about a few things and turns out she is VERY interested in getting a new toy. She was just too embarrased to ask. We dont' have stores in the area, so we are going to be looking online. Seems like maybe we should avoid Adam and Eve?

We don't want anything too crazy, but she had talked about getting something that would hit the G spot. Something we could use together.

Thanks!

That's great hon ! Keep those lines of communication open and things will just keep getting better. I have a g-spot toy like this one that I abuse constantly. I really like the couple sex toy kit they had on the site too there. It's a starter kit with several types of toys.

http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-g-spot/orchid-g-smart-girls-guide-to-the-g-spot-combo

 

[TBKahuna123]

Good news, we talked about a few things and turns out she is VERY interested in getting a new toy. She was just too embarrased to ask. We dont' have stores in the area, so we are going to be looking online. Seems like maybe we should avoid Adam and Eve?

We don't want anything too crazy, but she had talked about getting something that would hit the G spot. Something we could use together.

Thanks!

That's perfect! You've just learned the number 1 key to a happy marriage...TALK ABOUT IT! Something I've learned over the years of trying to get a wife who is not very adventurous to explore new things is to make sure she understands WHY you want to try something new. My wife has always been happy with our sex life, which has always been very good and satisfying to both of us. I'll admit though, once I started browsing Lit, I got a few new ideas I wanted to try out. This at first through her off, making her think that there was something she wasn't doing right, that she wasn't good enough, blah blah blah. Now my wife has always had some self confidence issues, so that's where that came from, but it never occurred to me that she'd think I was dissatisfied. Once we talked it out, it was cool, and she's very open to trying new things, to the point her boundaries(which are thankfully few and far between).

But, if I'd recognized her concerns that she was doing something wrong early on, we could have avoided a few weeks of misunderstandings. This was especially true with the idea of toys. My wife has never needed a toy to orgasm, she's lucky in that she can cum very easily, so she figured she wasn't giving me enough pleasure without some mechnical stimulation. When we finally talked about it she understood that there was only one reason I thought we should explore some toys...toys are fun! Sex is fun! Sex Toys are REALLY fun!

Keep talking and keep playing. Good luck.