....make him listen?

[SweetErika]

He says he's fine with it and we can work on it and do differant things. But it's like he just forgets we talked a week later. It's hard for me to talk to him about these things in the first place. Basically i just want him to be more aggressive....so it's not like im asking for off the wall stuff.

If he forgets within a week, have you tried reminding him you want to be taken roughly (or whatever) right before and during sex? What about directing him to do what you want, all the way through, like:
- Tie my wrists together
- Pinch and suck my nipples.
- Harder, please. Don't be afraid to be rough; I'll tell you if I want you to back off.
- Pull my hair while you're fucking my mouth.
- Tease the hell out of my pussy, but don't let me come.
- Flip me over and fuck me hard. Slap my ass, grab handfuls of my tits or hair, call me names, or do whatever feels rough and animalistic to you.

Some people simply need to be led through the sex/scene/fantasy with specifics so they know exactly what their partners want, are less likely to violate boundaries and can get in the right frame of mind. Maybe your guy is one of them.

How about making up some activity/idea cards and switching off who chooses them before sex? You two could each make your own stack with elements of your best fantasies. Something like this would help take the pressure off of you, give you both ideas on what your partner wants and perhaps make it easier to carry those things out.

Also, have you talked about limits, safewords, and what, if anything, might make him uncomfortable about being more aggressive with you in bed? If not, you should definitely do so, since a lot of people (but especially men) hold back because they're afraid of harming their partners physically or emotionally. It's impossible to play a game without knowing the rules.

 

[littlebabyclit]

- Tie my wrists together
- Pinch and suck my nipples.
- Harder, please. Don't be afraid to be rough; I'll tell you if I want you to back off.
- Pull my hair while you're fucking my mouth.
- Tease the hell out of my pussy, but don't let me come.
- Flip me over and fuck me hard. Slap my ass, grab handfuls of my tits or hair, call me names, or do whatever feels rough and animalistic to you.

Wow. Erotic. How come you didn't call yourself NaughtyErika? LOL

 

[littlebabyclit]

With respect to the rest of your question, do I understand correctly that your situation is a bit different in that you have to initiate sex all of the time?

It's just a phase we're going through. But let's not divert the OP's thread to me. Should I wish to discuss further, I'll start another thread. Thanks for your concern.

 

[silverwhisper]

jessica quoth:
when i say i control the rest of the relationship. i mean that whatever i want he does. if i wanna go on vacation somewhere or what ever i want to do when we go out. he basically tries to do/give me everything i want and make me happy.

this is interesting: are there ever points in the relationship when he voices a preference that differs from yours? if so, how is that usually resolved?

jessica quoth:
we used to have very good sex and experiment aot before we had a kid (6 years ago), so i know im not asking for something hes too uncomfortable with. there is just no effort on his part anymore.....we did speak about fantasies and the things he wants too, and i do what he wants all the time.

would it be fair to say that this change occurred post-childbirth? i seem to recall a host of women saying that their husbands/boyfriends had trouble reconciling the idea of their wives/girlfriends as both mothers as well as sexual creatures, and i'm wondering if his tendencies towards being less assertive are working in conjunction with that same issue.

some other thoughts:
if i'm doing my math correctly, you've been together for 8 years, over the last 6 of which you've also been parents. this means you were involved for 2 years, were having mutually-fulfilling sex at the beginning, right? is there anything other than childbirth with which you can associate this change? different job, more work responsibilities?

when you say you're both submissives, are you using that word in the BDSM sense?

ed