Make GF orgasm

[mac5725]

A new 48yo ladyfriend told me before we had sex that she is easily arroused but has NEVER had an orgasm. I thought she was kidding but so far no orgasm in the few times we've had sex. She was married 20 some years and has had one six month relationship and a couple of "romps" in the six years she's been divorced. The sex we've had has been on her terms, ie: testing, protection, her place, her request, her lead. She tenses up and tells me to stop when she's just about to come whether its manual or oral. She doesn't want much foreplay, moving to intercourse quickly. I've tried to be loving and haven't voiced anything negative. Any advise?

 

[zhukov1943]

Yeah - "run".

Sounds like she's got "issues". Is she interested in working though them, or not?

 

[freethinkingman]

A new 48yo ladyfriend told me before we had sex that she is easily arroused but has NEVER had an orgasm. I thought she was kidding but so far no orgasm in the few times we've had sex. She was married 20 some years and has had one six month relationship and a couple of "romps" in the six years she's been divorced. The sex we've had has been on her terms, ie: testing, protection, her place, her request, her lead. She tenses up and tells me to stop when she's just about to come whether its manual or oral. She doesn't want much foreplay, moving to intercourse quickly. I've tried to be loving and haven't voiced anything negative. Any advise?

Does seem like issues deep-seated enough for help to be needed, perhaps relationship counselling, you are obviously already sensitive to her and maybe your support is just what she needs?

 

[drummer34]

Next time stick to the oral and lick her to an orgasm just refuse to be pushed away. She obviously is afraid of "letting herself go" due to some previous experiences so your task (if you choose to accept it) is to push her gently over that barrier. Try to set up the evening a bit more, perhaps even getting her, not drunk, but a wee bit tipsy, it usually loosens up tensions. Share a bottle of good wine, that might just do the trick.

If you really like her then go for it, you will get a deeper relationship once you have left her shivering after an orgasm but it can be a tough task. Good luck.

 

[mac5725]

I'm thinking that I need to take it slow and easy, not making a big deal of it right now. Am I wrong? Should it be addressed sooner rather than later?

 

[Ljbonobo]

The timing of how you deal with this issue depends on how you're looking at the relationship you have with her. If this is only a fling, then whenever, however if you're looking for something long term, then its up to you to decide what you want or don't want sexually in the relationship. Look for the thread about making my bf munch my kitty for how rough a sexual mismatch can be on a relationship, or check out the blank manual.

 

[mac5725]

I'm this point in my life I would'nt have sex with someone unless there was a possibility of a LTR. We all agree she has "issues", probably due to a bad experience(s). I just don't want to be another bad experience.

 

[Travelintheways]

I'm nervously going to venture in here and say that I'm the same way. I get aroused easily, but I've never had an orgasm. Never never. I know it's frustrating to others, but since I've never experienced it, I don't know what I am missing and am quite content with the sex I have had. The technique was never the problem, but I think it is some deep-seated fear of breaking through a barrier, of letting myself completely lose control. I want to orgasm and lose myself, but I can't. I truly think it is a psychological issue for me, and I'm not sure how to overcome it... but I'm not in a hurry right now.

 

[mac5725]

I'm nervously going to venture in here and say that I'm the same way. I get aroused easily, but I've never had an orgasm. Never never. I know it's frustrating to others, but since I've never experienced it, I don't know what I am missing and am quite content with the sex I have had. The technique was never the problem, but I think it is some deep-seated fear of breaking through a barrier, of letting myself completely lose control. I want to orgasm and lose myself, but I can't. I truly think it is a psychological issue for me, and I'm not sure how to overcome it... but I'm not in a hurry right now.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[hewolf]

A new 48yo ladyfriend told me before we had sex that she is easily arroused but has NEVER had an orgasm. I thought she was kidding but so far no orgasm in the few times we've had sex. She was married 20 some years and has had one six month relationship and a couple of "romps" in the six years she's been divorced. The sex we've had has been on her terms, ie: testing, protection, her place, her request, her lead. She tenses up and tells me to stop when she's just about to come whether its manual or oral. She doesn't want much foreplay, moving to intercourse quickly. I've tried to be loving and haven't voiced anything negative. Any advise?

"She never had an orgasm" - meaning she never had an orgasm while having sex with a man? Or she never had an orgasm even when touching herself?

It is an important distinction, you know..

 

[vargas111]

A new 48yo ladyfriend told me before we had sex that she is easily arroused but has NEVER had an orgasm. I thought she was kidding but so far no orgasm in the few times we've had sex. She was married 20 some years and has had one six month relationship and a couple of "romps" in the six years she's been divorced. The sex we've had has been on her terms, ie: testing, protection, her place, her request, her lead. She tenses up and tells me to stop when she's just about to come whether its manual or oral. She doesn't want much foreplay, moving to intercourse quickly. I've tried to be loving and haven't voiced anything negative. Any advise?

Sounds like my wife. She does not allow heerself to orgasm. The key is her not wanting foreplay. (I guess you have tried cunnilinguw but she rejects it,)

If sex is important to you better get out of the relationship.

 

[mac5725]

Update. She can make hersef orgasm but says its very intense and "painful"(?). Reading between the lines it sounds like she even squirts when she does. She acknowledges she was abused by a neighber when she was 13. She didn't elaborate and i didn't prod. She asked me to be patient with her which isn't a problem. Last night inleu of going out she just wanted to have sex. I should have added in my first post that she hadn't had sex in little over 2 years. She's even shaved-up after finding out it was my preference. She told me this morning the tests came back negative and shes looking forward to not using a condom.

 

[hewolf]

Update. She can make hersef orgasm but says its very intense and "painful"(?). Reading between the lines it sounds like she even squirts when she does. She acknowledges she was abused by a neighber when she was 13. She didn't elaborate and i didn't prod. She asked me to be patient with her which isn't a problem. Last night inleu of going out she just wanted to have sex. I should have added in my first post that she hadn't had sex in little over 2 years. She's even shaved-up after finding out it was my preference. She told me this morning the tests came back negative and shes looking forward to not using a condom.

Sounds like she is not sufficiently relaxed to make it happen when she is having sex with a man. If you get her to relax, it will happen.

What I would do is to maneuver her into touching herself in your presence,
observing her should key you in on what makes her cum. I would also help her along in small ways like kissing and caressing her body, while not making the big deal of whether she orgasms or not. When she will get used to bringing herself to orgasm in your presence and with some participation by you, her feeling of cumming will get anchored to you. Then you could move to take a more active role and eventually get around to bring her to orgasm in different ways.

 

[MR.GGG]

Just a suggestion ...

Have intercourse with her on her terms until she tells you to stop as it's obvious that if orgasming is "painful" for her she has a physical or possibly mental aversion to same. When you stop roll her over and immediately start the GSpot manipulation as described in the TRY THIS thread.

This may cause her to orgasm immediately. Providing everything appears normal keep going. Do NOT stop. Let her squirt. .. whatever. There is a very good chance that her "pain" comes from either interrupted or terminated orgasm and she is suffering the female equivalent of "blue balls". Women get this condition when there is massive fluid buildup and vaso congestion but no orgasm to release it. If you MAKE her lose control and she releases and you keep it up it may hit her like a religious experience.

On the other hand if she does have a condition that causes real pain during orgasm you don't want to be forcing orgasms on her. She should see a Doctor. Some women experience muscle spasms in the vagina during intercourse. I imagine it feels like a foot cramp. Can you imagine having sex with what feels like a foot cramp but in yo dick?

So .. just watch her carefully. If she appears to be physically OK and is orgasming rather than screaming in pain then continue. If she appears in distress stop. Your call. Don't let her dominate in bed though because she is fulfilling her own expectation of failure and making you do the same (""STOP!! I'm about to CUM"" - say WHAT???). If you can break that habit by doing this Technique you might catch her off guard and have her explode (in a good way) over and over and over again.

Good luck.

 

[hewolf]

Re: Just a suggestion ...

Have intercourse with her on her terms until she tells you to stop as it's obvious that if orgasming is "painful" for her she has a physical or possibly mental aversion to same. When you stop roll her over and immediately start the GSpot manipulation as described in the TRY THIS thread.

This may cause her to orgasm immediately. Providing everything appears normal keep going. Do NOT stop. Let her squirt. .. whatever. There is a very good chance that her "pain" comes from either interrupted or terminated orgasm and she is suffering the female equivalent of "blue balls". Women get this condition when there is massive fluid buildup and vaso congestion but no orgasm to release it. If you MAKE her lose control and she releases and you keep it up it may hit her like a religious experience.

On the other hand if she does have a condition that causes real pain during orgasm you don't want to be forcing orgasms on her. She should see a Doctor. Some women experience muscle spasms in the vagina during intercourse. I imagine it feels like a foot cramp. Can you imagine having sex with what feels like a foot cramp but in yo dick?

So .. just watch her carefully. If she appears to be physically OK and is orgasming rather than screaming in pain then continue. If she appears in distress stop. Your call. Don't let her dominate in bed though because she is fulfilling her own expectation of failure and making you do the same (""STOP!! I'm about to CUM"" - say WHAT???). If you can break that habit by doing this Technique you might catch her off guard and have her explode (in a good way) over and over and over again.

Good luck.

That seems like a very good tactic too.

 

[Alyx]

There's something here I think many missed in your posts. She says she was abused at the age of 13. Using alcohol to get her to relax, not stopping when she asks, or rolling her over and going for the G-spot without her permission is a HUGE breach of her trust. You don't want to be another bad experience? Then don't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. If she tells you stop, then stop! Not in a few minutes, not once you've "made" her cum, but right then. If you don't, then in her mind, that may make you no better, and possibly worse, than her childhood abuser.

Ask her if she sees this as a problem. If she does, then discuss ways of helping her through it. If she does not see this as a problem, then you need to evaluate your relationship with her to see if you can live with this issue. It doesn't sound like she has a problem with sex, just with having an orgasm. Maybe she simply enjoys the intimacy, or the feel of you inside her.

This is something you need to talk to her about in an open and honest manner. If you're hoping for any sort of LTR with this woman, then you need to learn to communicate with her, find out where her boundaries are and, since she's dealing with issues of abuse, do NOT cross those boundaries unless she says it's okay.

Good luck.

 

[Honeysucklevine]

To Cum or Not To Cum

Next time stick to the oral and lick her to an orgasm just refuse to be pushed away. She obviously is afraid of "letting herself go" due to some previous experiences so your task (if you choose to accept it) is to push her gently over that barrier. Try to set up the evening a bit more, perhaps even getting her, not drunk, but a wee bit tipsy, it usually loosens up tensions. Share a bottle of good wine, that might just do the trick.

If you really like her then go for it, you will get a deeper relationship once you have left her shivering after an orgasm but it can be a tough task. Good luck.

Good job drummer34! You win the prize for "most intelligent man to get a girl off when it's been a while and she's just afraid to let go" award!

If you let her know that you are wanting to pleasure her and you are going to do it for the sheer fun of it all, she will most likely feel LESS pressure to "cum" for you. You know, there is no way I am going to climax if I know the partner is aiming only for that. I want to be taken to the edge and back again. I have a man that I am seeing who is so focused on getting me to cum, it's just become tedious!

Does she know that you want to taste, eat, and savor every bit of her? Say this to her. Keep doing it, leave for a minute and kiss her back. Then, go back for another 5 minutes and so on.

You can also let her know that you want her to "NOT" orgasm so you two can explore "ALL" the moves that turn you on. Just trying not to cum can drive anyone wild!

One last thing and I must speak candidly, once her clit is swollen, try licking to the side and under. Also, you can lick the perimeter of it and send her flying! She may be pulling away because a lot of women find direct clitoral stimulation too intense. Better yet, stick your fingers in her and curl them in a " C " shape to stimulate her G spot while licking her with rhythym. And again, as drummer34 said, hold her down! That is so sexy.

Now, go take on this task you stud!

 

[Honeysucklevine]

Wait, don't hold her hips down! I must have been writing that when you were writing about the bad experience she had at 13.
We all have had something to get over. Talk it through and she may feel relieved to have told you. She may think you don't want to know about her history. Most men don't because they feel like they have to have an answer to fix it. Just listen. That's all. Hey, that is sexy too!
Also, try all of your "moves" on her while she is sitting or anywhere other than on her back in the bed. How about fingering her in a theater? Ya just gotta find her spot.
We all want to know when, where and how it finally happened because it will! Hang in there and read my PM to you.

 

[drummer34]

Good job drummer34! You win the prize for "most intelligent man to get a girl off when it's been a while and she's just afraid to let go" award!

If you let her know that you are wanting to pleasure her and you are going to do it for the sheer fun of it all, she will most likely feel LESS pressure to "cum" for you. You know, there is no way I am going to climax if I know the partner is aiming only for that. I want to be taken to the edge and back again. I have a man that I am seeing who is so focused on getting me to cum, it's just become tedious!

Sorry you got me there. I suppose youre being sarcastic but i really don't know. The point is that i HAVE been with a girl that was afraid to cum. The only two times i had her cumming was when she was drunk and let herself go. I AM NOT ADVOCATING GETTING GIRLS DRUNK AND THEN RAPING THEM by all means but sexual tensions like theese can be caused by nervousness/previous experiences. Alcohol is by no means a solution but i think the whole "setup" is: Good food - wine - candlelight etc.
You write that you will not cum if you know that your partner is aiiming only for that, WHY? I usually try to make my wife cum before me and i enjoy it very much when she cums so why the hesitation?

and YES my GF back then had also been abused as young.

But to the rest of you YES you should be hesitant to continue when she asks you to stop it COULD bring back some bad memories OTOH there is a huge difference between being playfull stubborn and forcing your way.

 

[rakastuja]

It does sound like she has problems on her own.

Its limited how much you can do. You just cant "push your self in" and solve her problems. Problem isnt prolly just her not getting orgasm. Its deeper inside. She obviously has problems to relate to whole sex thing.

Dont think her orgasm as a some kind of prize you need to get. I think you should try either talk with her or (preferably) get her to talk with someone professional. Your posts make me think that she more like endures whole sex just because of you and because sex is usually included in normal relationship.

Dont try to force or trick her to orgasm - I dont think there's credible possibilities that anything good would come from that. I mean if she has severe mental barriers against getting orgasm she might experience getting orgasm as more like a rape.

 

[sxylegs]

Update. She can make hersef orgasm but says its very intense and "painful"(?). Reading between the lines it sounds like she even squirts when she does. She acknowledges she was abused by a neighber when she was 13. She didn't elaborate and i didn't prod. She asked me to be patient with her which isn't a problem. Last night inleu of going out she just wanted to have sex. I should have added in my first post that she hadn't had sex in little over 2 years. She's even shaved-up after finding out it was my preference. She told me this morning the tests came back negative and shes looking forward to not using a condom.

If she drinks.....get her well relaxed......give her a back massage or even better a foot massage.......try sucking on her big toe......if you stay away from her clit at the beginning, she will get even more aroused than she ever has.........I didnt orgasm from clit stimulation till I was 40 and now I cant get enough......there were issues there and i just wouldnt let myself.......
A wonderful person got me a little drunk and massaged me all over.......and then it happened.....
Also check out Mr GGG's thread about the G spot.......it really works.....

 

[mac5725]

There's something here I think many missed in your posts. She says she was abused at the age of 13. Using alcohol to get her to relax, not stopping when she asks, or rolling her over and going for the G-spot without her permission is a HUGE breach of her trust. You don't want to be another bad experience? Then don't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. If she tells you stop, then stop! Not in a few minutes, not once you've "made" her cum, but right then. If you don't, then in her mind, that may make you no better, and possibly worse, than her childhood abuser.

Ask her if she sees this as a problem. If she does, then discuss ways of helping her through it. If she does not see this as a problem, then you need to evaluate your relationship with her to see if you can live with this issue. It doesn't sound like she has a problem with sex, just with having an orgasm. Maybe she simply enjoys the intimacy, or the feel of you inside her.

This is something you need to talk to her about in an open and honest manner. If you're hoping for any sort of LTR with this woman, then you need to learn to communicate with her, find out where her boundaries are and, since she's dealing with issues of abuse, do NOT cross those boundaries unless she says it's okay.

Good luck.

I'm in total agreement.

 

[Bridget69]

Considering her childhood trauma, that might explain her reluctance. I think you should just be patient with her and gain her trust sufficiently. Just don't pressure her into anything.

 

[sxylegs]

I'm in total agreement.

The way you wrote to begin with .....you had her trust......she wants you to make her cum......she wants you to be patient with her if she doesnt........so then you just keep her trust....
you stop if she says stop and you make her very relaxed........
she wants you to do it......just go slow.......

 

[mac5725]

Considering her childhood trauma, that might explain her reluctance. I think you should just be patient with her and gain her trust sufficiently. Just don't pressure her into anything.

I agree.