major problem i need some help with!

[Gusser]

hey guys hope you can help me with this problem i have with my girl friend, quite a long one to read but has to be explained.

i absolutely love my girl friend, she is the most amazing person i have ever met.. but when i am on my own thinking about her one thing keeps troubling me

a while ago she told me about how her and a bunch of friends went on holiday to a place called cornwall (uk) which is where loads of teens go to get pissed etc, she was 15 at the time... she was there for one week and pulled(kissed) about 20 guys and gave about 10-15 blow jobs, now to me this seems like a massive amount!! and sometimes she would give 3 a night.. to different people!

each night i can't get to sleep as all i can think about is the same thing over and over in my head...

i can imagine her going to some bar at the start of the evening.. getting a few drinks.. finding some guy who looks nice etc and pulling him then going outside and giving him a blow job.. then swallowing his cum (she doesnt mind swallowing).. afterwards she goes and cleans up then goes back and finds another guy.. the whole thing repeats all night! so by the time she has finished she probably has about a glass of 3 different guys cum in her.... most of these guys she can't even remember their names as she was quite drunk/didn't really need to know...

it totally kills me thinking about this... i know its "in the past" and i shouldn't worry etc but i can't make myself forget... i guess the feeling is a big mix of things... mostly jealousy and just how much the whole thing disgusts me!

what should i do? just try and forget it? i need to find something that would make it "right".. is it normal for girls to do stuff like this? its almost like a prostitute that doesnt get paid... have any of the girls here done something as bad as this?

thanks in advance

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

did u mention to her how much it bugs u??? i guess its' normal if your a sex addict.....

 

[Chuckwrox]

I've never had any luck just forgetting something that bothered me, like this. Whether it's normal or not, the problem is that it is bothering YOU. If it were me, I'd recognize that this will ALWAYS bother me and move on.

... Or, I'd convince myself that this sort of behavior really turns me on and get comfortable with it.

 

[Gusser]

yeah i am going to try talk to her about it on the weekend.. but i know she hates talking about it

sometimes she says she seriously regrets it.. but others she says it was an amazing week

but i have never heard of girls that young giving so much head??... the only kinda excuse she has is that she was just too pissed to remember

oh and i forgot to mention that week is the only time she has a given a blow job(s!) apart form with me... and it sounds like she didnt get much in return

thanks

 

[Weird Harold]

i absolutely love my girl friend, she is the most amazing person i have ever met. ...

what should i do? just try and forget it? i need to find something that would make it "right".. is it normal for girls to do stuff like this? its almost like a prostitute that doesnt get paid... have any of the girls here done something as bad as this?

Do you love the girl she is now?

Has she changed in any way since she told you about this?

Do you expect her to engage in repeat performance whenever she's out of sight?

You really need to learn to take people for who they are now, and let the "sins of their past" remain in the past. Almost everyone has some "skeleton" in their closet and you're going to be a very lonely person if you expect perfection from your partner.

One final question: Are you the understanding and compassionate person she obviously thought you were when she revealed this, or are you a shallow moralist who won't associate with "unclean" people?

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Re: Re: major problem i need some help with!

You really need to learn to take people for who they are now, and let the "sins of their past" remain in the past. Almost everyone has some "skeleton" in their closet and you're going to be a very lonely person if you expect perfection from your partner.

One final question: Are you the understanding and compassionate person she obviously thought you were when she revealed this, or are you a shallow moralist who won't associate with "unclean" people?

Oh boy! W.H. has the right answer again!
>>Bows to his wisdom<<
Gusser, it sounds as if both of you are young. As you grow older, you'll find that what skeletons may be in another's past; are irrelevant as long as that person is commited to you. I have a full closet too, but MY-Sir knows of my past and it doesn't affect our relationship except to give HIM a greater understanding of me.


-kym- kicking the closest door shut

 

[Guest]

thanks guys

 

[Ms_Lilith]

my general opinion? Get over it. It's in the past. Are you willing to let this woman's past get in the way of your love for her? Or is your love conditional to certain patterns of behavior? Each of us has done something crazy in our lives at some point. Might not be sexual, but might stillb e considered nutty. How would you feel if she found something you sometimes regret and hung that over your head?

It's completely NOT worth you losing sleep over, as long as you can trust that she is faithful to you NOW. If you can't trust that, then you two must talk. Otherwise, I think you should just deal with your own jealousy and move on with life.

 

[His Whimsicality]

Listen to what W H has said. One other thing: If I were in your place, I would like to know if she has got any "presents" i.e. stds from that visit, so I probably would like her to have a blood test (but I would of course go along with it and take it too).

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Excellent point!!!

Listen to what W H has said. One other thing: If I were in your place, I would like to know if she has got any "presents" i.e. stds from that visit, so I probably would like her to have a blood test (but I would of course go along with it and take it too).

You are so right to point this out His Whim. Such risky behavior does make the chances for STD's greater. Never hurts to be tested.


-kym- passing the test! [ and I didn't have to study for it ]

 

[Phil333]

I think it depends on the kind of person that you are. I'm someone who doesn't like to drink or party and while I am a proud lit member , I wouldn't engage in that kind of behavior. Sure, maybe a fling with a guy or two is ok, but over and over like that. For many people, they would be able to just get over it. I'm not one of those people.

I do believe we should take people for who they are now, but it all depends on how much you care about her and if you think they are really just secretly hidden in her again and waiting to come out. If it bothers you that much, maybe you should just move on.

I know my advice goes against what most are saying, I really need to know what your views are on heavy drinking, easy girls, how serious relationship is, how great she is otherwise. If she is just an alright/good gf but not AMAZING and this is botherign you so much, maybe then move on ..

I need more info to be honest.

 

[Guest]

yeah you guys are right, i will try to just move on... i think also writing about it on lit has helped me, althought she has changed a lot since that happened i still want to know what made her do such a thing... which hopefully i can find out by talking to her

thanks again

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

yeah you guys are right, i will try to just move on... i think also writing about it on lit has helped me, althought she has changed a lot since that happened i still want to know what made her do such a thing... which hopefully i can find out by talking to her

thanks again

Honest communication is what is needed to be able to understand why she did acted in such a way. Not only from her, but from you as well. When you are able to sit down to discuss this issue, try and make her as relaxed as possible. Keep your words gentle so she doesn't become defensive and closed to discussing it further. Only way I can advise to get around this issue that seems to be quenching your desire to be with her.
Best wishes for your success Gusser!


-kym- hoping for the best

 

[Guest]

 

[Different Guy]

Maybe she's said this trying to sound sexy or something and of course, made a right arse of it. Thinking it was good when it totally isn't. So maybe you can think it's not true...?

My partner talks like she's bedded the country etc and she's slept with one guy about 3 times. (We're still young, Im only 18). I'm a virgin still so she kinda tries to make out that she's so experianced in sex etc, probably to get rid of any unease I might have.

We love each other a LOT and we have open hearted talks in bed about things like this. Often it can be difficult to take in what she says and not shout at her because it sounds so slutty, but I know it's not what it sounds like.

If it is true dude, I dunno... I mean, I've always liked the idea of a good old gangbang and slut kinda 1 night session but I wouldn't wanna get into a relationship with a girl who takes random men's cum. I posted a thread on that earlier, how women can swallow random men's cum from 1 night stand blowjobs. The thread should be here if you wanna check it out.

Personally I would be totally wanting to get rid of her, because it is slutty. Yes I would like to take part in it but I really don't think it's as much of a downgrade for a man than it is like a woman. To swallow random men's cum is very wrong... However, you love oneanother very much so try to put it in the past if you love her enough...

 

[Guest]

yeah i was really hoping she was over exaggerating when she said it.. and she still might be i guess although i know she must have given quite a few as she knew quite a bit about the taste and how long most of them took (a lot shorter than me which kinda pissed me off too)

i would never get rid of her for it.. she was very young and also (forgot to mention before) very desparate for boys, she went to an all girls boarding school so she only saw boys in the holidays...
still can any of you girls imagine doing that at age 15???

she was quite drunk.. but can't have been totally off her face as she wouldnt be able to give a proper blow job otherwise

 

[pinklipstick]

Just keep in mind that booze or the love of sex aren't the only reasons a girl, young or old, might pull a week like that. She could have been dealing with an abusive parent and acting out. She could have felt extremely unloved and was looking for the physical contact. She could have been extremely insecure and was validating the feeling. If she has a hard time talking about the week, it might be the reasons behind the act and not the act itself. Not that I'm saying this is the case, but you might want to tread lightly in case it is.

Also, I am a firm believer that every event in life, negative and positive, adds a layer to our being. It defines and shapes the person we've become. There are a lot of things in my life that I'm not particularly estatic about, but they have built me into who I am now. Take one event away, I'd be a different person. If you like who she is now, that week (whether it be good or bad) helped define that.

Personally, I think regrets are a big waste of time. They eat up time and energy and there is NOTHING you can do to change the past. If you are dwelling on something that happened years ago, then you are not living in the here and now.

 

[BrenVarouse]

I know your hell friend.

A similar thing happened to me many years ago with my gf (well, my ex now). We were eachothers first and I had never even kissed a girl before. While she had been a partier. She'd made out with five or six guys (one of whom was a marine {I hate the marine corps}), and done a lot of drinking. I had never had a drink in my life. Before we were together she would talk about all of the guys she had made out with and how it was so good, and one camping trip in paticular (4 fifteen year old girls and six 21 year old guys) where she had been so drunk she couldn't really remember what she had done, and one of the guys she described as the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Now I know this pales in comparison to your situation, but I am the jealous type. It drove me INSANE. I couldn't get over the thought of some other guys lips on her mouth or their hands on her chest (she had the most amazing chest). Of course, she didn't help things any by bringing up these situations to get me jealous, or saying things like "your not the first guy to touch my boobs you know" while we were fooling around. And I have a vivid imagination, so I always blew things way out of proportion to what really happened. It made me feel terribly insecure. I was always imagining her with these Adonis like figures taking her to the heights of passion, while I, an average height chunky guy, could only poke around hoping to do something right.

We'd been together for six months when something finally occured to me. She was with me. Regardless of how great those other guys had seemed at the time or how much drunken fun she had hanging out with some gorgeous 21 year olds, she had chosen to be with me. People have a tendency to romanticize their past. Some times it can be really hard to hear someone describe something that hurts you so much as the greatest thing thats ever happened to them. After that I kind of just forgot about it. It became inconsequential. We were together and we were happy. Sure, it still came up every once in a while. I'd get insecure or she'd tell an embellished story to some friends. But it was my bed she was sleeping in every night. My life she was sharing.

We were together for four years. She broke up with me about two months ago. She fell out of love with me and wanted to see what else is out there for her. It's funny that I should find this thread now, because all of the shit that bothered my at the beginning of our relationship seems to have come back up. I keep imagining her, pissed out of her tree, at some stupid party fucking some asshole she just met who is taller/better looking/better lover/she loves more/more important/bigger dick and I worry that I too will become just one more lost memory. There goes the imagination again. I think it's a combination of jealousy and the fact that I'm still in love with her. And I miss her. When you love someone, you want to understand them better than you understand yourself. It's very hard to reconcile within you something that seems so ... alien.

Any way, that's enough ramblings from me. Read what I said and take what you will.

 

[Gusser]

hey guys

i talked her about it this weekend, and good news hehe, she was exaggerating a lot, the real number was 3-4. she says she said 10-15 cos it sounded right at the time lol... but i feel alot better now

thanks again

 

[Tallfella]

yeah you guys are right, i will try to just move on... i think also writing about it on lit has helped me, althought she has changed a lot since that happened i still want to know what made her do such a thing... which hopefully i can find out by talking to her

thanks again

Maybe just being on the loose for a week and wanting to thorw off repressive shackles or maybe she was saying goose and gander or maybe she made it up to wind you up

 

[dreamer]

my 2cents

I don't think this is really an issue of what type of person YOU are or SHE is...I think there was a big conflict in your mind with the type of person you believed her to be (and had come to love) and the type of behaviour she was talking about.

I think the real question is what happened to change THAT person into the one you know now and love, or what happened to the person you know and love to behave in that manner on that occasion.

Assuming you want to continue a relationship, and I feel you do, I think this could be a good opportunity to talk about these things with each other...

>Your image of who she is...(it's probably a bit more glorified than the reality of the situation...we're all human even those we love.)

>Her self image...(it's quite possible this isn't truly on the mark as well...but discussing it will give you a gppd perspercive.)

>and her views of who you are--> I think this one could be signifigent because she DID feel comfortable enough to share this with you and not feel threatened...

My opinion of what one person should expect or desire out of someone...and expecially their past really doesn't matter. What is important is the communication in your relationship and how two people that care about each other go forward.

Best of luck to you both. I think it's a really good sign that you are talking about these things.

 

[Quimmy]

Ah 3-4 sounds much better. That's not a skeleton in the closet; more like just a dead hamster you forgot to bury. Definitely keep her! I'd be in the same boat as you if it were my girlfriend though. It would bug me.

On the bright side, it is good she told you, since she obviously cares about being honest with you.

 

[ApplesMcgee]

Truthfully..

Truthfully, this is silly.

People do things for dumb reasons, and sometimes no reason at all, as they grow up. Sometimes people do things in the past that were dumb or that they regret.

I say, if she isn't sleeping around on you now and if the two of you love each other it's really nothing to worry about. Make love to her and forget about it

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