Loving The Gay Play

[bottomshooter]

Like many men, the original psychology why I came here was probably do to my need for intimacy do to distance with my wife. Let's face it, with men it is easier. We use sex to feel intimacy rather than use intimacy to get to sex (granted, these are generalizations and differ depending on mood and individual but it is basically the bell curve for men and women).

Over all these years, what I have found is I really sexually enjoy men to the point that if I found myself single, I would date men first exclusively to see if perhaps this is where I need to stay. I started this adventure as a 99% bottom but now I am a 90% top. I like fucking the cum out of my bottom but once in a while I want him to fuck me. I also have a sweet spot for men with huge cocks and a certain personality that I can't quite put my finger on. A balance of intimacy and assertive that just makes me want to be his slut. It is rare but it has happened.

I have learned how important a man's ass and prostate is so important to male to male sex. Those orgasms are the most powerful for everyone involved.

Over the last 9 years, I guesstimate, I have cum over 3,000 times at least fatnasizing about gay sex, cybersex with men, voice with men, and vid with men. I've gone from being repulsed by men kissing to craving it. I've gone from not being turned on my hard cocks to being turned on EVERY time I see one. I've gone from not caring to see a men come to masturbating to visuals of it especially if a men is cumming while another fucks him.

Thanks to the many, many of you I have played with and shot my white hot cum as we did. In many cases, multiple times.

Thanks to the handful of men I've had what I would consider an on-line homosexual tryst that when for weeks and, in a couple of cases, months.

And special thanks to the man I've had what I would consider a full on-line homosexual affair with for over 8 years. Our conversations, personal and sexual, our explosive sex, our path of self discovery that we have been sharing over the years. I love you.

 

[none2_none2]

I don't know if you wanted any comments, but it seemed like such a self-revealing post that takes courage to state that it would be such a shame not to say something.

For plenty, self-discovery is probably a lifetime of figuring one's self out. While I'm about 7 years older than you, I wouldn't be totally honest if I said I have everything about myself figured out. I know quite a bit about myself, but I'm sure there is more to discover.

From a sexual interest standpoint, my thing has always been about hairy masculine muscular men -- especially their behinds. I was never sexually abused growing up, so I don't know why, but that part of the male anatomy has always been my focus even before I knew the possibilities of anal sex. As to cock, I figure it cums with the territory of m2m sex, but it was nothing I ever craved then or even now. In that area I was more interested in balls as that is where testosterone is produced, and that is where life creating sperm is created. The penis is just a mechanism to urinate or transfer sperm containing semen through orgasm. Sure if you get a guy to shoot, there is a sense of accomplishment that he showed "proof" that your encounter was good for him too.

However, for me as much as I always craved being inside a guy, it is the emotional need to have a man's love that is my Achille's Heel. Growing up, men in my family were either absent for the most part and cruel (like my dad), or very wonderful but died through no fault of their own. So I always wanted a man in my household who loved me, and would not die before his time...

For two years into my m2m encounters, I was naively tricked into believing that only big cocked men could be tops. I was just average, so I found m2m sex so wrong and unfulfilling physically speaking. I figured if there was a "sin" to m2m sex it was the torture of the juxtaposition of craving for a man's love entwined with the unfulfilling miserable nature of a m2m sex.

Then low and behold one day (about two years into my m2m sex life) a man let me TOP. For the first time I realized just how WONDERFUL, MAGNIFICENT m2m sex really could be. Words do not describe how wonderful it is to be inside a man. To feel your cum being pulled out of you and into his body. I didn't know if I was dying, being born, etc. It was kind of like every pleasurable sensation firing off in every physical nerve cell in my body. Furthermore, to smell and feel your cum down still down there in his behind with the afterglow of total sexual satisfaction. To feel both your heartbeats and breathing so relaxed after orgasm.

My only regret with m2m sex is that two men cannot create life together, and that there isn't some way to stay inside a man's ass all night long. To have two men fall asleep as one connected entity. I always hated that I would eventually shrivel up and then my cock would simply slip out.

Still as I stated my Achille's Heel is the emotional part. Sure I was able to have casual sex with a guy, but if it turned out to be more than a one time thing and I liked the guy, it was harder and harder to keep it just about sex. I would start to feel something for him. I will never be understand how some guys can say they could never love a man just love his cock (or some other body part). Sex is way too powerful to consider it something on the level of finding just a tennis partner. For me, I think once I gave a man multiple loads of myself in his ass, that it was almost like I was giving him not just cum, but part of my heart.

Luckily, I've had a partner now for almost 17 years. Sadly, I cannot put my cock in his ass as I have a bad case of ED that keeps me from staying hard -- it takes me forever just to jack off my wet noodle. (The blue pill caused me to develop tinnitus in my ear.) Still I love this man with all my heart. When I almost died 2 years ago from West Nile, he was by my side almost continually for those 5 weeks of hospitalization, and he helped me during my recovery at our home for another 3 months. When I first came out of sedation, and he tried to explain what had been going on. He broke down and cried. I had never had a grown man cry over me since my grandpa did when I was a little boy. I already loved my partner before my illness, but somehow that moment it seemed like something more if there is such a thing. I just hope I never put him through that again as it was SO hard on him. I don't consider myself femme in anyway, but my guy is one of the most masculine guys I know -- gay/bi/str8.

Because I love him, and he loves me, I don't worry about my Achille's Heel of needing a man's love. I got it and that is all I need emotionally. I do regret that I do not have kids (He does as he used to be married many years ago). I didn't go that route after I found out I was infertile in my mid-20's. I would have had no problem marring a woman, I would have loved her and desired her. While perhaps the intensity would not have been there either physically or emotionally, I would have stayed by her side. However, once I found out that I could never sire kids, it seemed such a waste.

I'm glad my mate has children (adults now). He once told me loving children is like being willing to tear your heart out and give it to them if that is what it took to save their lives. Perhaps that is why his heart is so big. I will always desire fucking a man, but as much as I love the male ass, nothing begins to compare a nice ass, or a big cock or whatever one physically desires in another male with a man with a big heart. It is that which keeps me happy and loving life despite the fact that my cock is useless for the most part. That is hard to admit given how high my sex drive has and will always be, but it is the truth.

Good luck on your continual discovery about your nature.

 

[Cbear56]

Great life stories

Thank you both for sharing your stories. They were beautiful.

 

[LoftyCraig]

Like many men, the original psychology why I came here was probably do to my need for intimacy do to distance with my wife. Let's face it, with men it is easier. We use sex to feel intimacy rather than use intimacy to get to sex (granted, these are generalizations and differ depending on mood and individual but it is basically the bell curve for men and women).

Over all these years, what I have found is I really sexually enjoy men to the point that if I found myself single, I would date men first exclusively to see if perhaps this is where I need to stay. I started this adventure as a 99% bottom but now I am a 90% top. I like fucking the cum out of my bottom but once in a while I want him to fuck me. I also have a sweet spot for men with huge cocks and a certain personality that I can't quite put my finger on. A balance of intimacy and assertive that just makes me want to be his slut. It is rare but it has happened.

I have learned how important a man's ass and prostate is so important to male to male sex. Those orgasms are the most powerful for everyone involved.

Over the last 9 years, I guesstimate, I have cum over 3,000 times at least fatnasizing about gay sex, cybersex with men, voice with men, and vid with men. I've gone from being repulsed by men kissing to craving it. I've gone from not being turned on my hard cocks to being turned on EVERY time I see one. I've gone from not caring to see a men come to masturbating to visuals of it especially if a men is cumming while another fucks him.

Thanks to the many, many of you I have played with and shot my white hot cum as we did. In many cases, multiple times.

Thanks to the handful of men I've had what I would consider an on-line homosexual tryst that when for weeks and, in a couple of cases, months.

And special thanks to the man I've had what I would consider a full on-line homosexual affair with for over 8 years. Our conversations, personal and sexual, our explosive sex, our path of self discovery that we have been sharing over the years. I love you.

i long for what u have