Love your partner but not sexually aroused
- Thread starter subkrissy
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Hipshot1554
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There are a few things...
subkrissy
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I’ve changed he keeps doing the same things sexually. I’ve told him I need more but he just can’t do it. I’m a submissive and have beg him to treat me this way. He says he just can’t and won’t even try. He drinks a lot and stay drunk most of the time. I know I’m no angel but just need more.
newhere2learn
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I can empathise with you Kirssy. When my wife and I met, both had high sex drives, stayed in shape, and vaguely kinky.
So, we matched well.
Over the years due to various reasons (medical, kids, lifestyle) her looks and personality have changed and her libido is through the floor. I love her dearly and when she's dressed to impress she looks great.
However, on the rare occasions she wants sex I find us terribly mismatched. She gives zero foreplay, wants slow and deep sex, requires girth, and won't do any other position than missionary due to her.body confidence. Her pussy is overgrown, and she'll be in lounge pants or 5 year old PJs thatve seen better days.
Meanwhile, she bags at me to be dressed well, "make more effort" and so on.
In essence for me, it's her narcissist side and low esteem that are liking my buzz for her. It's hard to want to be passionate when you know that;
* You're the only one making the effort visually
* Foreplay will be entirely one sided
* Sex itself will last under 5 minutes. She will cum quickly.
* Once she's cum, you're banished to the bathroom to "finish yourself"
The whole package combines, to effectively give what you described.
So, I love her dearly and have no desire to leave. But sexually, we are chronically mismatched. Ideally she'd try and make some effort, but if she has no interest then I'd have a like-minded FWB whom I'd see a couple of times a week to get satisfaction.
Feel free to PM if you wish to discuss privately, got Kik messenger too.
So, we matched well.
Over the years due to various reasons (medical, kids, lifestyle) her looks and personality have changed and her libido is through the floor. I love her dearly and when she's dressed to impress she looks great.
However, on the rare occasions she wants sex I find us terribly mismatched. She gives zero foreplay, wants slow and deep sex, requires girth, and won't do any other position than missionary due to her.body confidence. Her pussy is overgrown, and she'll be in lounge pants or 5 year old PJs thatve seen better days.
Meanwhile, she bags at me to be dressed well, "make more effort" and so on.
In essence for me, it's her narcissist side and low esteem that are liking my buzz for her. It's hard to want to be passionate when you know that;
* You're the only one making the effort visually
* Foreplay will be entirely one sided
* Sex itself will last under 5 minutes. She will cum quickly.
* Once she's cum, you're banished to the bathroom to "finish yourself"
The whole package combines, to effectively give what you described.
So, I love her dearly and have no desire to leave. But sexually, we are chronically mismatched. Ideally she'd try and make some effort, but if she has no interest then I'd have a like-minded FWB whom I'd see a couple of times a week to get satisfaction.
Feel free to PM if you wish to discuss privately, got Kik messenger too.
Hipshot1554
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I doubt that there are many sexually satisfied folks that are regulars here.
bigdaddykingdavid
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Same boat
I agree with Hipshot, we are here because what we want and need isn't there. My situation is mirror image of yours. I'm getting more adventurous, less inhibited, and down right horny, kinky, and freaky with each passing day.
I don't want to look back once I am no longer capable of the physical sex I am today, (or sex at all) and regret not living it to the fullest.
She on the other hand wants missionary twice a week at best in silence and only long enough for her to cum. Anything more has become a chore and hassle for her.
I love her, don't want divorce, cheating, or to hurt her, but damn I need so much more. I feel like I'm sitting in a buffet everyone else is eating plates piled high with ribs, salads, steak, etc and I can only have a small cup of vanilla ice cream every four hours.
It's good ice cream but I'm hungry.
I think menopause may be partially responsible, and lets face it, the same thing every time for years gets a little boring even if it is the good stuff.
We talk and have been open and honest but no real solution has been found. Some things that have helped me cope and are with her knowledge and consent are writing kinky stories here and other venues in addition to reading other peoples. They are fiction but fun and a release of pent up need.
Also finding a friend or two online only that you can talk with, trust,and find creative ways to tease, flirt, and confide in if needed is huge. It's hard to find someone that you can share fantasies, desires, pics, and mutually masturbate with one day and talk about finances or politics the next, but they are here.
It takes time to find someone with common ground, who is also willing to invest the time and energy required to cultivate trust and true friendship which allows both to get some of these needs met without the bullshit .
I wish you the best and my message box is currently empty.
I agree with Hipshot, we are here because what we want and need isn't there. My situation is mirror image of yours. I'm getting more adventurous, less inhibited, and down right horny, kinky, and freaky with each passing day.
I don't want to look back once I am no longer capable of the physical sex I am today, (or sex at all) and regret not living it to the fullest.
She on the other hand wants missionary twice a week at best in silence and only long enough for her to cum. Anything more has become a chore and hassle for her.
I love her, don't want divorce, cheating, or to hurt her, but damn I need so much more. I feel like I'm sitting in a buffet everyone else is eating plates piled high with ribs, salads, steak, etc and I can only have a small cup of vanilla ice cream every four hours.
It's good ice cream but I'm hungry.
I think menopause may be partially responsible, and lets face it, the same thing every time for years gets a little boring even if it is the good stuff.
We talk and have been open and honest but no real solution has been found. Some things that have helped me cope and are with her knowledge and consent are writing kinky stories here and other venues in addition to reading other peoples. They are fiction but fun and a release of pent up need.
Also finding a friend or two online only that you can talk with, trust,and find creative ways to tease, flirt, and confide in if needed is huge. It's hard to find someone that you can share fantasies, desires, pics, and mutually masturbate with one day and talk about finances or politics the next, but they are here.
It takes time to find someone with common ground, who is also willing to invest the time and energy required to cultivate trust and true friendship which allows both to get some of these needs met without the bullshit .
I wish you the best and my message box is currently empty.
HarleyFarmer
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Big Daddy, I once was in a similar boat as you but after chatting with another guy I met on here and ideas from him things have picked up. I’m like you and see the clock ticking and don’t want regret not trying something while we still can. Although we’re not where I would like us to be, I think I have my wife moving in the right direction. I love your analogy of everyone else eating at the buffet and all you get is ice cream. I feel for the OP because I think in most cases it’s the wife or gf that loses interest and not the male. I’m sure are plenty of us here that wish our significant other would be more like her.
I am not married but in some ways my experience is somewhat similar. I have been with my partner for three years. We have a 25 year age difference but that isn't the problem. I have been extremely hot for him the whole time. The sexual a attraction hasn't faded a touch.
I haven't had a lot of sexual experiences in the past but pretty much all of them were negative and led to a lot of emotional scars. Anyway, with my current partner, all of my shame and inhibitions went away. For the first time in my life, I was "alive". It felt amazing! However, due to his painful upbringing and past, he wasn't ready for what I had to offer. I was literally a wild and spontaneous nympho for him. I was always coming up with sexy ideas etc...I mean, I tried it all! Well, time passed and we have been seeing an amazing counselor. She has helped tremendously and we just incorporated a sex therapist. She is wonderful too.
So, where's the issue? After a lack of sex life and his pushing me away, my partner is more than ready for that wild side of me to come back out and play. He's worked through his baggage overall and truly realzes what I had offered him was healthy and wonderful. The problem is due to my past hurts and his unintentional rejection of me, I locked that part of me away. It breaks my heart because I felt so amazing when I was that person. More importantly, I felt amazing to share it with him. He's the love of my life. All of the crazy stuff I attempted or planned to do for/with him, I now feel self conscious about. I didn't before. I just lived in the moment. Now, it's extremely difficult to go back there. I am really hoping that with our dual counseling I can revive that part of me. I just don't want to force it. I get so depressed thinking about it...the irony of life!
I haven't had a lot of sexual experiences in the past but pretty much all of them were negative and led to a lot of emotional scars. Anyway, with my current partner, all of my shame and inhibitions went away. For the first time in my life, I was "alive". It felt amazing! However, due to his painful upbringing and past, he wasn't ready for what I had to offer. I was literally a wild and spontaneous nympho for him. I was always coming up with sexy ideas etc...I mean, I tried it all! Well, time passed and we have been seeing an amazing counselor. She has helped tremendously and we just incorporated a sex therapist. She is wonderful too.
So, where's the issue? After a lack of sex life and his pushing me away, my partner is more than ready for that wild side of me to come back out and play. He's worked through his baggage overall and truly realzes what I had offered him was healthy and wonderful. The problem is due to my past hurts and his unintentional rejection of me, I locked that part of me away. It breaks my heart because I felt so amazing when I was that person. More importantly, I felt amazing to share it with him. He's the love of my life. All of the crazy stuff I attempted or planned to do for/with him, I now feel self conscious about. I didn't before. I just lived in the moment. Now, it's extremely difficult to go back there. I am really hoping that with our dual counseling I can revive that part of me. I just don't want to force it. I get so depressed thinking about it...the irony of life!
Hipshot1554
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in most cases it’s the wife or gf that loses interest and not the male
not always
Or, maybe just sets unacceptable limits?
newhere2learn
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This is pretty much what I was driving at. Barring the frequency. I'm getting the half melted vanilla ice cream once every few weeks, and the rest of the time on a strict "nil by mouth" diet.
PattiJolene
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Or maybe you just get to comfortable with each other and the excitement fades away.
newhere2learn
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Unsure about unacceptable limits. But I've certainly seen over the last 5 years that to get my wife in the mood, now requires a perfect storm. She needs to be relaxed, mentally in the right place and the logistics side of things needs to be ideal. No visitors planned, certain time of day, kids elsewhere, pets elsewhere, etc.
Whereas for the first 5 years, none of that mattered. If she wanted to fuck, she could fit it in while toast was in the toaster.
Jada59
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The drinking won't help but... If you're a sub and he's not into that, it isn't going to work for you.
I have sub tendencies myself but I don't have to have that. If you do, then that's your problem right there. You married someone you aren't compatible with.
Bustybeauty999
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If he’s not a dominant character then I can understand how he’s not comfortable acting that way. It seems his drinking is the bigger issue here.
Bustybeauty999
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Exactly!
twister947
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In the words of the song, "There's nothing cold as ashes, after the fire is gone." I'm not sure there's anything for it, without sparks.
jackbird
Bi guy
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no sex
Been with my wife for 39 years. The last 6 years no sex. She went though menopause her sex drive dropped off the charts. We use to have kinky sex all the time plus she use to suck me a couple times a week. And now I gave up and could care less.
Been with my wife for 39 years. The last 6 years no sex. She went though menopause her sex drive dropped off the charts. We use to have kinky sex all the time plus she use to suck me a couple times a week. And now I gave up and could care less.
Hipshot1554
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Then both are at fault.
I think fault and blame get us nowhere
We all change. When we are young, it’s all new, shiny and polished
With a few miles on the clock, we can all develop a script, get bored, lack attention, become distracted
It’s not unusual for this story to play out, this site has every possible combination of ‘wanting more’ - guys fancying a bit of guy, girls fancying a bit of girl, either fancying a bit of kink. I bet stale sex lives are the trigger in many cases
If couples can find something they both like, then that’s amazing
If not, if they can allow each other to get their sexual needs elsewhere but come home for love and companionship, then that’s not bad either
If they ‘bottle it up’ or keep it a secret, that’s when it can be hard on everyone
Only my $0.02
We all change. When we are young, it’s all new, shiny and polished
With a few miles on the clock, we can all develop a script, get bored, lack attention, become distracted
It’s not unusual for this story to play out, this site has every possible combination of ‘wanting more’ - guys fancying a bit of guy, girls fancying a bit of girl, either fancying a bit of kink. I bet stale sex lives are the trigger in many cases
If couples can find something they both like, then that’s amazing
If not, if they can allow each other to get their sexual needs elsewhere but come home for love and companionship, then that’s not bad either
If they ‘bottle it up’ or keep it a secret, that’s when it can be hard on everyone
Only my $0.02
chimpers767
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Krissy- I am empathetic. Can we chat?
JohnnyChaser
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There's more to a marriage.
I've been married ten years, and while I love my wife, I was never sexually attracted to her. I recognized she would be a good partner in life, and I cared about her, and still do, but I'm not sexually interested in her.
I've been married ten years, and while I love my wife, I was never sexually attracted to her. I recognized she would be a good partner in life, and I cared about her, and still do, but I'm not sexually interested in her.
Smoothshavendad
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It certainly does...
That's kind of what led to me fathering twins with my Mom. They still loved each other, but after a lot of swinging Dad couldn't keep her satisfied but he sill like fucking guys. They brought me into their bed and I fucked Mom while Dad fucked me. Everybody was satisfied, but Mom one night Mom let me do her bareback and got pregnant. Dad accepted them as his and everyone was still happy.
